


Lo-li-ta

by erindeadwood



Category: The Walking Dead (TV), The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Zombie Apocalypse, Angst and Feels, Bethyl Endgame, Club President Merle, Drugs, Extramarital Affairs, F/M, Mental Health Issues, Multiple Pov, Older Man/Younger Woman, Opposites Attract, Past Domestic Violence, Racist Merle Dixon, Secret Relationship, Sex, Slow Burn, The Savage Sons Motorcycle Club, unconventional romance, very slow slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:55:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 109,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24741904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erindeadwood/pseuds/erindeadwood
Summary: Since her parent’s death in 1997, Beth Greene lives a quiet, uneventful life in Senoia with her foster family. S With her blonde, long hair, big blue eyes, and childlike face, the seventeen-year-old Beth looks like the definition of a ‘lolita’, and foster mother Lori Grimes watches over every step she takes.Not too far away from the idyllic suburbs of Senoia lies Barksdale; a depraved town with a poor reputation, where thirty-three-year-old Daryl Dixon lives in a modest apartment with flayed paint on the walls. When he’s not up in the mountains or out on the road, Daryl spends his time working for his brother’s unorthodox MC Club, ’The Savage Sons’, and his uncle’s carpenter firm while trying to be a somewhat good boyfriend to his girlfriend Scout, who happens to be Zach's neighbor.In the middle of a disastrous sleep-over at her boyfriend's place, Beth gets uneasy and flees into the woods. In the morning, a desperate Zach asks for help to find her, and Daryl somewhat reluctantly agrees to help.This is not your ordinary Bethyl-AU novel
Relationships: Beth Greene/Zach (Walking Dead), Daryl Dixon & Carol Peletier, Daryl Dixon/Anna "Scout" Turner, Daryl Dixon/Beth Greene, Lori Grimes/Rick Grimes/Shane Walsh
Comments: 96
Kudos: 145





	1. Blue Jeans, Black Leather (Prologue)

**Author's Note:**

> ⚠ **Lo-li-ta is a fanfic novel intended for adults only, and it's NOT suitable for sensitive, or easily triggered readers.** Please, read the tags and pay attention to the archive warnings.
> 
> ❀ As usual with fanfiction; I do NOT own anything at all and all the TWD-characters belong to Kirkman, AMC & Activision. I just borrow them for entertainment purposes only. Obviously, I don't make any money from this story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❀This short story is intended as a prologue as I thought it would be interesting with a peek back into the ’90s for the purpose of exploring Daryl's past a little bit and his relationship with Anna "Scout" Turner, the tritagonist from the video game Walking Dead: Survival Instinct. She only appeared in the video game and never in the TV-series, but she is the one who gave Daryl the red bandana you see him carrying in his pocket throughout the TV-series. I figured she must have meant quite a bit to him and that makes her perfect for a soon-to-be ex-girlfriend. (I don't like original characters/OC's with important roles in fanfiction, so I tend to avoid using them for anything but very minor roles I can't fill with characters from the canon).
> 
> ❀The main story is focused on #bethyl, Daryl/Beth, with the addition of the Rick/Lori/Shane-triangle and it takes place in the early ’00s. It's mainly a romance/family/psychological drama that explores themes like forbidden feelings, expectations, and pressure from society/family. It's fairly light-hearted at the start, but parts of it will get gritty and dark, hence the archive warnings and Mature-rating.

**September 1997, Fontana, Pemberton County**

Anna ‘Scout’ Turner had been working part-time at a sleepy diner in Fontana to pay for the college fees when she saw him for the first time. Blue jeans, black leather, and a weather-worn Savage Sons-cut. Bad attitude. There was something feral about him she couldn't put her finger on, but it intrigued her nonetheless.

_It wasn't love at first sight._

Scout didn't have a thing for either bikers or hillbillies, and Daryl Dixon looked like a mixture of both. But there was just something tremendously attractive about him that she found hard to resist. Maybe it was his storm-blue eyes, the way he spoke, the suntan, the tattoos, or those muscular arms… Whatever it was, it made her feel like electricity ravaged through her entire body, just by looking at him, and in an instant, Scout knew she had to get to know Daryl. Her co-worker at the diner, a middle-aged woman named Irene, had just shaken her head when she figured out Scout's intentions.

"You should know better than that, Anna," she said, giving the younger woman a tired look as she wiped off the counter with a dishcloth.

Irene was a robust, seasoned woman in her early fifties. She had worked at the diner for ten years and before that, almost twenty-years at a truck-stop in southern Georgia and unlike most of the young, part-time waitresses in their early twenties, Irene knew trouble when she saw it. “The Savage Son’s ain’t told to be notorious for no reason, god knows that rascal Merle Dixon has caused this town enough trouble,” she sighed at her younger colleague.

But Scout didn't care much about old Irene said; she was twenty-three with a taste for adventure and in addition to that she had never been the worrying kind and as the only child to a single father, Scout was used to getting what she wanted. Her daddy had taught Scout how to protect herself and how to handle firearms so it would take more than Merle Dixon’s reputation to scare her off.

Confident as she was, Scout decided to approach him in the dinner the causal way. Daryl wasn’t a regular visitor, but once in a while, he showed up with Jesus and others in the crew. She struck him up with casual conversation whenever she could; asking what the sons were doing in the weekend, trying to get herself invited to one of their allegedly wild clubhouse-parties, but Daryl didn’t seem to catch the drift. Instead, he just looked at Anna like she had pulled him over for an alcohol breathing test.

"What'cha asking all those questions for?" he glared at her, seemingly annoyed with the attention.

The honest answer to that would have been 'I want you to ask me out' but it was a little too straightforward, even for her. At least without alcohol in her system, and since drinking on the job was out of the question, Scout had no choice but to bide her time and wait for a better opportunity to arise.

* * *

A couple of weeks after their initial meeting, she had gone out with her friends from college to celebrate a successful exam. They went from bar to bar until they ended up at a dive bar in Cleburne, out of all places. Scout didn't recall exactly how they got there, but nobody complained as long as the beer was cheap. The mood was good, and they did shots and played pool like there was no tomorrow.

Scout felt quite a few notches more confident after a few drinks and to her delight, a group of men clad in the Savage Sons cuts arrived just when she had finished her second round of tequila. She didn't spot Daryl among the newcomers in the increasingly crowded bar, but the night was still young, and Scout had a feeling that the luck was once again on her side.

Unfortunately, the evening took an unexpected turn in the wrong direction when her friend Noah Cruz accidentally spilled beer on a leather-clad asshole with a crew cut. Without hesitation, the biker immediately grabbed the clumsy college-student by the collar while yelling racial slurs that made Scout’s blood boil.

“Whatcha think ya doin’, ya little wetback?”

“Get off him!” Scout yelled over the crowd. No mean-looking racist was going to harass her friends on her watch.

"Merle! What the fuck are ya doing?!” a deep, familiar voice suddenly hollered. “Are ya gonna get us thrown' out before I even had myself one damn drink?".

It was Daryl, of course.

He appeared out of the crowd, in the nick of time, to stop Merle from punching Noah. He seized his brother by the shoulders and threw him off the younger man. While Daryl fought to keep Merle away, Scout rushed forward through the tumult to help her friend.

When Merle released his grip on Noah, he had caused the shocked student to stumble backward and hit his head in the counter. The cut wasn’t deep, but it bled. Scout was furious and rather tipsy, but somehow, she managed to get herself together enough to realize that Noah needed medical attention. He could have a concussion or subdural hematoma if they were unlucky. Since Daryl was the only one who wasn't drunk, and he somehow felt responsible for Merle's actions, he took Scout and Noah to the local medicinal clinic.

While the doctor at the clinic examined Noah, Scout found herself alone with Daryl in the lobby and she seized the moment to make conversation.

“Your brother is an asshole,” she blurted out. It wasn’t an ideal way to start a conversation, but Scout just felt like she had to get it off her chest.

“Ain’t anything new,” Daryl muttered as he fished up a crumpled up cigarette packet from his vest pocket.

* * *

By the time Noah got back, Daryl had gotten annoyed with her attempts at small talk again and left to take a smoke on the outside.

“You’re all right?” she asked, giving a nod to the bandage on Noah’s forehead.

“Yeah,” Noah sighed as he pulled a hand through his black hair. “They said I’ll be fine. I called my dad, he’s gonna come and pick me up”.

“Good,” Scout replied, patting Noah on the back. “Guess we had enough adventure for tonight”.

Noah nodded, “Yeah, that’s for sure”. They sat down at one of the tables in the closed cafeteria, sharing a can of sports-drink from the vending machine while waiting for Noah’s dad. The Cruz family lived on the outskirts of Fontana, and it didn’t take long until Mr. Cruz’s red sedan drove up outside the hospital entrance.

"You kids did sure have an eventful night," Mr. Cruz said as he stepped through the entrance to the lobby, giving the two students a tired smile. It wasn't the first time Noah and Scout got into trouble, but fortunately, Mr. Cruz had the patience of an angel, just like Scout's own dad.

"Sorry dad, I didn't mean to make you worry," Noah quickly apologized and Scout just nodded in a silent agreement. Next time, they wouldn't celebrate in a dive bar with a bad reputation.

"No need to apologize" Noah's dad replied. "I'm glad both of you are alright... Let's head home now".

"I... I think I'm gonna stay for a little longer," Scout said, and Mr. Cruz rose an eyebrow as he gave his son a surprised look.

“You’re not coming?” Noah asked, surprised that Scout wanted to stay in Cleburne. “Dad won’t mind giving you a ride home, you know,“ he added and Mr. Cruz gave her an assuring smile. "It won't be no problem at all, Anna".

Scout nodded. “I’m fine”. She hadn’t told Noah about her plans to secure a date with Daryl and considering what had occurred at the bar, she decided to save that confession for another day. Noah looked a little uncertain, but eventually, he just nodded. "All right, if you are certain... take care, Scout. I'll talk to you tomorrow," he said as he followed his dad out to the car.

As soon as Noah and his dad had left, Scout hurried outside to look for Daryl. She found him leaning against the concrete barrier that separated the street from the parking lot, still smoking. When Daryl caught sight of her, he just glared at her with suspicious eyes.

“Your friend just left,” he remarked in a plain voice.

“I know, I felt like spending some more time with you,” Scout replied. Daryl just looked at her like he didn’t believe a single word.

"What are ya, some undercover narc, huh?".

Daryl spoke like he already knew that she was the Sheriff's daughter. She wasn’t surprised that he knew; Fontana was a small town and rumors spread like wildfires in small communities where everybody knew each other in one way or another.

“I’m not a cop, I study IT at college,” Scout corrected him. “I’m going to be web developer”. IT was the future, they said; the branch was growing rapidly and it was pretty easy to get a steady job. Perhaps she could even work for GeoCities, Yahoo, or Netscape if she was lucky...

“Well, good for ya,” Daryl said as he put out his cigarette. “Pays better than bein’ a cop”.

It probably did, but she didn’t intend to waste time on discussing salary levels. The liquid courage in her system had started to subside and Scout had to hurry before she lost her nerve.

“So… you want to go back to the bar?” Scout asked, in lack of better things to say.

Daryl gave her a perplexed gaze, and an askew, thin smile appeared on his lips. “Ya can’t seriously wanna go to back to that dive?” he said.

“No,” Scout quickly replied. It was close to midnight and the rest of her friends had probably already moved on from the bar in Cleburne anyways.

Daryl raised an eyebrow. "What'cha want then?".

“Why don’t you take me home instead?” Scout suggested. It was such a cliqué thing to ask, and she almost felt like the heroine of an old, sappy paperback romance novel.

“Seriously?” he grimaced, clearly surprised, at her. “Ya could have gone with your friend, are ya tryin’ to hit on me or somethin’?”

Scout couldn’t help but grimace slightly; did it sound that ridiculous? It probably did. She was normally… slightly more sophisticated than this, but on the other hand, Daryl was worthless at taking hints and he didn’t seem like a man who cared too much about sophistication, anyway. His blue jeans were washed out, ripped at the knees, and it looked someone had cut off the sleeves of his plaid shirt with a blunt scissor.

“Yes,” Scout admitted, deciding that she had beaten around the bush long enough. “Is it working?”

“Maybe. Where do ya live?”.

Scout grinned. “Just outside Fontana. I'll make it worth your while”.

Said and done; Daryl drove her back to Fontana and Scout somehow persuaded him to have a drink with her. There was only one bar open in the area where Scout lived and it wasn't much better than the dive in Cleburne, she thought as the bar was old-fashioned with a shabby, dark interior and when Scout and Daryl arrived it was almost half-empty.

"We're closing in less than two hours," the barkeep said as Scout sat down on one of the scrawny barstools.

"It'll do," Scout replied with a shrug. Less than two hours wasn't optimal to persuade the surly redneck to follow her home, but Scout decided she would work with what she had. "Two beers, please," she said with a smile.

Like herself, Daryl seemed to calm down somewhat after they had finished their first round of beer. "So, ya wanna tell me what this is all about if ya ain't doin' a favor for daddy or his pals at the DEA?" Daryl asked as he took a sip of his second beer. "Cause I can tell you, I ain't peddlin' that shit".

Scout just scoffed at his question, christ, just how paranoid was this man?

“Look, I wanted to go out with you, like on a proper date,” she admitted, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’ve been trying to tell you, but you’re just hopeless at picking up hints”.

“Hints?” Daryl scowled. “Ya fuckin' stalk me for weeks, and whenever ya show up, ya keep interrogating me where I’ve been, what I'm doin' and shit like that… That ain’t throwing a hint at someone. Nah, it seems like you're just tryin' to mess with me”.

“I’m not trying to mess with you, I wanted to go out with you,” she repeated before emptying her glass. “… But in all honesty, I just wanna fuck you,” Scout blurted out, deciding it was useless trying to keep on with her subtle approach now when she had enough alcohol in her system for that sort of brutal confessions.

Daryl looked at her like she was a complete whack job, and Scout almost immediately regretted being so blunt. She wanted to sleep with him, yes, but a proper date first would be nice. Still… if this was her only chance, she would be fine without it. Scout hadn’t had sex since she broke up with her last boyfriend a half-year ago, and her patience was running thin. Scout normally considered herself as an attractive woman, with her glittering green eyes, fair skin, and long legs, and truth to tell, she had never had to fight for a man's attention like this before.

“Ya sound just like Merle,” Daryl suddenly laughed. “Never thought I’d hear that from a woman” he grinned.  
Scout shook her head in disbelief. What kind of guy _laughed_ when you said you wanted to sleep with him?

“You’re such an asshole, has anyone ever told you that?” she said dryly. Jesus, she was getting tired of his attitude. Was he always like this, or did he just mess with her because he knew her daddy was a cop?

“Thought ya said ya wanted a proper date?” he smirked. "This ain't lookin' like one".

“On second thought, I think I can live without it,” Scout muttered as she rose from the chair. If it _had been_ a date, it would have been the worst date in Scout's life, period.

"My place, or yours?" she demanded in a tone that left no room for negotiation. Daryl looked at her like he wanted to tell her she was a bitch, but eventually, he pushed himself off the barstool and grabbed his jacket. "My way, or the highway, huh?" he said, still looking smug as hell.

"Something like that, yeah," Scout replied as she took his hand and lead him out of the bar.

They ended up having sex on the mat in Scout’s cramped living room. It was graceless and far from sensual, but at least they didn’t forget to use a condom and Scout was pretty certain it had been just as good as she hoped for when she woke up in the morning, feeling satisfied although she felt sore like never before. They had breakfast together consisting of cigarettes and Gatorade, and she got Daryl’s number before he left.

* * *

Almost a year later, Daryl and Scout were still seeing each other on a somewhat regular basis. Daryl wasn't like her previous boyfriend or the one before that. In other words, their relationship wasn't quite the kind of relationship she was used to, but the redneck had grown on her, so Scout decided that even if he wasn't an ideal boyfriend, she would stick with him. Daryl was honest, could be kinda charming when he wanted to, and his hot temper was a blessing in bed.

_But their relationship was never going to be conventional, or easy._

Scout quickly discovered that Daryl’s bond with his asshole to brother, Merle, ran deeper than she initially thought, which was an unpleasant surprise because the older Dixon brother was truly nothing but a racist, loud-mouthed asshole.

Fair deal. Scout could live with that, as long as she didn’t have to be around Merle.  
The second thing was that Daryl didn’t have a working schedule like a normal person and sometimes he disappeared for weeks, doing either work for the club, or for his uncle who had a carpenter business.

Scout could live with that, too. She was a modern, independent woman, and she didn’t need to have a man around all the time.

The third was that Daryl enjoyed hanging out with Scout’s friends as much as she enjoyed spending time with Merle Dixon. He would join now and then if they went out drinking in town. But couple dinners, social get-togethers, and everything even remotely in that direction were just… out of the question. Daryl just looked at her like she was crazy and said something like ‘ain’t happening’.

It wasn’t ideal, but Daryl never asked her to come down to the club and socialize either.

“As long as you’re happy with him, it doesn’t matter that others think,” Irene said once she had settled with the thought of Daryl being Scout's boyfriend. "You're still young, enjoy it while it lasts" and Scout supposed the older woman's advice made sense. Her dad would say the same - if he knew about her new boyfriend, that was.

* * *

**July 1998, Sedalia**

Daryl Dixon stood at the porch of the small house his girlfriend currently rented on the outskirts of Sedalia. Sedalia laid close to the Cabot Ridge, where Daryl's uncle, Jess Collins had his hunting cabin, so he was familiar with the area, even before Scout moved there.

The neighborhood Scout lived in was run-down; there was flagged paint on the houses, broken fences with makeshift repairs, cheap inflatable pools in neon shades from Walmart, and old sofas outside in the garden. A typical low-income neighborhood, like a trailer park without trailers, some people would say. But it wasn’t all bad; the neighborhood was calm and everybody usually minded their own business. Kinda like the place where Daryl himself grew up in during the 70s, just less remotely located.

He rested his elbows on the porch railing, picked up a cigarette, and lit it up. The day had been a struggle so far, and he needed to calm down. It was the fourth of July, Independence Day, and Scout wanted Daryl to meet her old man, the Sheriff of Pembleton, which Daryl had no intention of doing.

He took a deep drag of the cigarette as he gazed out over the neighborhood.

It was a beautiful day, perfect for festivities, some people would say. A day of victory, glory, and freedom, perfect for celebrating the birth of the “greatest nation on earth”. Scout’s neighbors had prepared for the celebrations, too. On every porch there was an American flag, fluttering in the warm summer breeze, and people in party hats stood on their patios, getting their barbecue ready before the guests would arrive.

Scout had turned on the TV on the inside. MTV was tuned in and the last single from The Offspring's recently released album, Americana, was playing with the volume turned up to the max. Her choice of music, not his. Still, it was better than hearing ‘Saving Grace’ or ‘The Stars and Stripes Forever’ for 77th time, because that was all the local radio played today.

Venturing back inside, Daryl reached after the remote and switched the channel to NBC. The Offspring's performance disappeared and was replaced with Bill Clinton's familiar face on the flimsy TV-screen.

"Come on, hillbilly, why did you have to change the channel?" Scout snapped from the hallway. “I like that song!”

Daryl just shrugged as he walked past her into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. The coffee percolator had been on for over an hour and the taste was hopelessly bitter, but it was better than nothing and Daryl had never been even remotely picky with anything in his life.

"Ain't a station that hasn’t been playin' that song for months,” he said curtly. “Are ya done anytime soon? We need to get going".

Scout mumbled something inaudible and Daryl ran his hands through his messy hair. He wanted to tell her to stop acting like a bitch and get ready, but Carol's voice echoed in his head, reminding him to be nice.

_Carol._

Fuck, how he missed her.

_I'll come back, Daryl… but for now, I'll need time for myself._

It's been months since he last heard from her. She had left Georgia for Kentucky and despite that Daryl had her number; he hadn't called her. If Carol needed space, that was a decision he would respect. When she was ready, she would get back in touch.

"Daddy said we could meet at the town square in Pemberton, twenty-minutes before the parade starts and I thought it would nice if we could watch it together… and a couple of dad's friends from the department will be there, too". Scout said the last part in a softer, careful tone, well aware that she was stepping on thin ice.

The day had been a mess ever since they woke up in the morning and found out that their plans for the holiday celebrations didn't mix.

"I already told ya, that ain't gonna happen. Not today" Daryl reminded her curtly. Merle was out on parole and Daryl had promised his brother to celebrate the day together with him and the rest of the Savage Sons, down at the club in Barksdale.

Scout, on the other hand, had decided that Daryl ought to come with her and celebrate together with her dad and their friends.

"Come on, don't be like that, it's gonna be fun," Scout coaxed.

In hindsight, Daryl realized that he should probably have asked his girlfriend before he made plans with Merle. But it was just that he was so used to Merle calling the shoots that Daryl accepted the invitation without a thought of Scout and her eventual wants and needs. He groaned within, just thinking of it.

_The boyfriend stuff, the relationship stuff, it wasn’t really Daryl’s strongest side._

Not that Scout was much; it was like she had already decided that he was going with her to meet her dad today. Come hell or high water, regardless of what Daryl said.

_That's what she thought, at least._

He didn't know if that kind of thing had worked with her previous boyfriends, but it wasn't sure as hell working on Daryl; he wasn't some kind of pet that Scout could boss around as she pleased.

"Don'tcha hear what I'm saying?" Daryl lashed out at Scout. "I ain't goin' to some party with your daddy and his cop-buddies. Forget that!"

"I hear you, you don't have to yell, hillbilly!" Scout snapped back at Daryl. She told him not to yell, yet she was yelling so loud herself that it was just a question of time before the neighbors would complain.

Despite they hadn't been together for _that_ long, Daryl had already lost count on how many times he and Scout had let an argument over something pointless to escalate to into a full-blown fight. Last time it happened, they had been so loud the neighbor lady decided it was best to call the police. The patrol just told them to take it easy, stop throwing things around, and they left after Scout had convinced them that everything was all right.

_With a promise to not tell her dad, of course. God forbid, John Ed ever knew about his daughter's less flattering sides._

To Daryl, it was a mystery why the neighbor even had been bothered to call the police.  
He never thought their fights got that bad. It wasn't like they were physically hurting each other, and they usually calmed down pretty quickly.

At least by Daryl's standards.

Closing his eyes with a deep sigh, Daryl leaned back against the wall, trying to calm down while Scout kept cursing as she turned her gaze back to the hallway mirror and her unfinished make-up.

"You know this is important to me,” Scout said in a stern, unyielding tone, still with her back turned against him. "We always go out and celebrate with our friends and family. It's our family tradition on the 4th. Didn't you do that kind of stuff with your family?".

Daryl didn't reply.

The Dixon's never made a great number out of celebrating the Independence Day; his old man used to sit and drink in front of the TV in honor of the day. Watching some old movie, while Daryl just tried to keep himself out of the way. Maybe they had celebrated more properly when his mother was alive, but Daryl honestly didn't remember.

_The good memories seemed to have drowned in the bad ones over the years._

Scout didn't care to press him for an answer. Instead, she walked up to her closet and started digging through the piles of garments in search for something suitable to wear. Normally, she wasn't very picky with what she wore, but today was a special day… and Scout would rather die than let her dad see her at anything but her best. The pile of discarded clothes on the broadloom just grew bigger and bigger while Daryl's patience descended. Impatiently, he drummed his fingers against the wall.

"It's not some kind of 'cop-party', by the way,” Scout said and her voice was steady and calm again. She turned around to look at him with a beaten gaze in her green eyes. "It's a public celebration, it will be some fireworks, shows, and food. It'll be great" she added in a softer voice and you had to be blind to miss the pleading gaze in her eyes. Despite that, Daryl held his ground.

"I ain't goin', Scout".

Scout let out a frustrated sigh at him, shaking her head, as she pulled out a black, long-sleeved crop top from the closet and eyed it with narrowed eyes. "You think I can wear this with a pair of jeans? Bet everyone else will be wearing sundresses…" she mused, ignoring his unwanted answer.

"Ya can wear whatever the fuck ya want," Daryl replied in a weary voice, as he dug in his pocket for his cigarette packet. His patience was subsiding again. "I gotta go back to the club. Merle's out again".

Scout gritted her teeth at his harsh reply. "You can't possibly be serious that you're doing to ditch me in favor of getting drunk with your brother!" she spat out angrily as she slammed the closet door shut with a bang. "We have been together for a whole year now and you haven't even met my dad yet!"

She was fuming again, yelling, and Daryl felt a tiny, tiny spark of guilt for a brief moment.  
He had intentionally made himself occupied whenever Scout suggested that they'd do something that involved the even slightest possibility of meeting her beloved father.

He hadn't reflected over why he was so unwilling to meet Scout's dad. Maybe it was because John Ed Turner seemed to be everything that Daryl knew he wasn't.

_All the things he never could become._

Scout adored her old man the way a child looked up to a comic-strip hero, or perhaps, if Daryl was to be honest, like the way he used to look-up to Merle when he was a kid. Not that Merle and John Ed were similar. No, Scout's dad was probably as far from the older Dixon as you could get.

_John Ed Turner was something like the epitome of a true American hero._

When Scout spoke about her daddy, which she often did, she made it sound like he was like the hero in one of those old, patriotic war movies that aired on the cable channels during the holidays. An honest, modest yet brave man who always fought for justice and peace, even when the odds seemed forlorn.

John Ed had served in the Vietnam war, and when the war was over, he had continued to serve his country as a police officer. As if that wasn't enough; John had run for Sheriff in Pemberton 1993, won with a landslide victory, and he had been sheriff ever since then.

Yeah, Scout sure loved her daddy while Daryl on the other always had felt that he probably was better off without his own old man. Not that it mattered now anyway - Will Dixon was dead. He died of a massive heart attack last year while he was up in the mountains, hunting with Daryl, his half-brother Jess Collins, and his old buddy, Buck.

"Daryl!" Scout snapped, ripping Daryl back to reality from his thoughts. "I said, you haven't even met my dad and we’ve been together for almost a year, don't you think it's about time?"

_Jesus Christ, hadn't she heard a single fucking word of what he just said?_

Pulling a hand through his hair, Daryl groaned out of frustration. "Look, it ain't gonna happen today. I’m gonna drop ya off in town and then I'm off" he said in a stern tone. The discussion was over. She could lie down and scream on the floor out of anger if she wanted, heck, she could even cry. It wouldn't make Daryl change his mind.

Scout just scoffed as she pulled the crop top over her head. "Yeah, well, then you can come with me first, say hi to my dad and after that, you can go and babysit your poor brother". She swore quietly over Merle as she pulled up her red, dyed hair in a ponytail before turning back to face him. They never got along after the accident at the dive bar.

"You're all right with that, hillbilly?".

Daryl just nodded in a silent agreement, pulling on his black leather over his washed-out jeans jacket. Yeah, sure, he could live with that if it was so god-damn important to her.  
As long as he didn't have to sit and stare at her dad all night, squeezed in between every cop in the state, the world, and his mother.

"Yeah, I'm fine".

"Good," Scout smiled at him as she walked past him in the hallway. "Let's go, hillbilly".

Daryl just nodded as he pulled on his leather vest over his washed-out jeans jacket.

* * *

**Central Pemberton, Pemberton County  
**

After a twenty minutes' drive, Daryl and Scout arrived in the town of Pemberton. They parked in the outskirts of the town and walked the short distance to the municipal park in silence.  
The streets were filled with people dressed in their Sunday best, cheering, waving their flags all over the place, waiting for the parade to start, and laughing kids with red, white and blue helium balloons that sparkled in the afternoon sun.

Daryl immediately recognized Scout's dad among the crowd; John Ed Turner was clad in a beige plaid shirt with matching chinos, the outfit complete with his purple-tinted glasses and brown cowboy hat. Beside him stood a younger man Daryl didn't recognize, clad in a light-blue perfectly ironed shirt, jeans, and a beige cowboy hat. He had a can of root beer in his hand and a big smile on his face which revealed his perfect, white teeth.

Daryl couldn't help but smirk at the younger man; he looked like a cowboy straight out of an old Marlboro commercial. For a split-second, Daryl felt tempted to ask the man if he had lost his way to the rodeo, but it wasn't worth the risk of getting Scout riled up again.

"Hi Rick, it's been a while since I saw you last time,” Scout said as she greeted the cowboy with one of her best smiles. “Are you still working at the station in Pembleton?”.

The cowboy smiled back at her with his chalk-white teeth. "No, things calmed down after we locked up the leader of the Claimers, so I'm back working in King County again,” Rick said with an affirming nod to John. The older man smiled as he took a sip of his own can.  
"You did a great job there, Grimes" John praised Rick as he gave him a manly pat on the back. "Wouldn't have gotten him behind bars that quick without you".

The two men laughed, and Daryl resisted an urge to roll his eyes. Of course, the cowboy was a cop, too. Daryl wasn't even slightly surprised. It seemed like all people Scout knew was either in the police force or had some similar type of job; like nurses, firefighters, or security guards.

_Like a fuckin' Village People line-up._

Merle probably knew half-of them too, Daryl mused. He had lost track of just how many times the police had arrested his older brother over the years. Last time, Merle had been caught pushing drugs in Fontana and the Pembleton police had locked him up at the station for two days. Daryl was certain that John knew all about Merle's escapades. Cowboy-Rick probably knew too, since Merle had been arrested a few times in King County as well. But if they did, none of the two men revealed it. They just looked at Daryl, slightly curious, like he was just an average Joe.

"What's your name, son?" John said with a nod to Daryl.

"It's Daryl and I ain't your son," Daryl bit back, falling back into old habits.

Rick and John looked at each other with confused gazes for a split second, and Scout seized the moment to nudge Daryl with her elbow while giving him an angry gaze.

_Can't you at least try to be a little polite?_

Rick let out a nervous laugh as he looked back to the couple. "Uh, have you guys checked out the food truck down the street? They got some pretty good stuff…".  
While Rick kept on talking, John just stood there, examining Daryl with a troubled gaze, like he tried to figure out if he had said anything offensive, or done something wrong.

Daryl felt awkward, and he cursed himself mentally; why he couldn't just have settled with a sheepish "Hi, nice to meet you" or something like that instead?

As Rick spoke, Daryl caught sight of a young girl who suddenly emerged from the crowd behind them. She was thin as a stick with long, blonde curls and clad in a light blue summer dress. There was something odd, almost eerie about the kid, Daryl quickly noticed. Just looking at her made him feel heavy-hearted because unlike the other laughing children with colorful balloons and ice cream in their hands, this girl looked like she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. Her big, blue eyes looked sad and lifeless, like the eyes of a dying animal.

She looked at Daryl and Scout with a blank gaze for a brief moment before she walked up to Rick and pulled at his arm.

"Rick, I can't find Lori and Carl… I've looked everywhere. I just...".

The girl spoke in a thin voice, telling them how she had stopped by the pony rides because it was a horse there that looked just like a pony she had when she was younger and when she turned around, Lori and Carl had disappeared in the crowd.

"Hey kid, I was starting to wonder where you went…" Rick replied as he leaned down to face the girl. "I'm sure they just want down to the market square to get something to eat before the parade starts. Did you check there?" he asked in a soft, concerned voice.

The girl shook her head, making her long curls tumble. "No, I don't know where that is…".  
"Don't worry, I'll come with you," Rick quickly comforted the girl.

"I'm gonna go and look for my wife… Anna, Daryl, it was nice to meet you… I'll see you around later, all right?" Rick bid them farewell with a nod as he disappeared into the crowd with the root beer can in one hand and the thin girl's hand in the other.

Scout waved Rick and the girl off with a slightly puzzled look on her face.  
"Who was that girl?" Scout frowned as she turned her gaze back to her father. "I thought Rick and Lori only had a son". John shook his head. "That was Beth. She's Rick and Lori's foster-daughter, haven't you met her before?" he asked with a surprised look on his face.

“A foster-kid?” Daryl heard himself say. That would explain her sad face, he thought for himself. Who knew what the poor kid had been through before ending up in the care of the Marlboro-cowboy and his wife...

"Yes, she's a sweet girl, a little timid, but very kind and polite,” John Ed said with a thin, sad smile like he had read Daryl’s thoughts. There was nothing worse than neglected, abused children and Daryl felt a dark lump appeared in his stomach just thinking about it.

Luckily, Scout’s dad interrupted his train of thoughts before he could dwell further on the subject. "The parade starts in fifteen minutes, let's get you two something to drink before that, shall we?" John Ed asked as he looked at his watch.

"Sure," Scout replied with a warm smile.

"Thanks, but I gotta go," Daryl interrupted, giving Scout a quick glance to remind her that he really had to leave. He was starting to feel uneasy in the crowded park and Rick’s gloomy daughter had left him with an unwelcome reminder of his own bitter, god forlorn childhood.

"Oh". John Ed raised his eyebrows, and he seemed to be genuinely puzzled by Daryl’s answer like he actually had expected Daryl to celebrate with them. "I thought…".

"It's all right, daddy," Scout apologized. "His brother is... sick… and Daryl promised to stay with him today," she lied smoothly, and Daryl resisted an urge to roll his eyes at her poor invention. Sick? Was that the best she could come up with?

Still, Daryl didn’t honestly care what she said, as long as he got off the hook, and besides that, he had already spent much more time with Scout’s daddy than he ever intended to.

"Well, I hope it isn't anything serious,” John said with a look on his face that reminded Daryl of a sad, old dog. Somehow, he seemed genuinely concerned and Daryl couldn't help but get the feeling that the man actually was a good person. Merle used to yammer about how all cops were bastards now and then, and normally Daryl would agree with him. But in this case, it didn't seem to be true. Hell, even the Marlboro-cowboy seemed to be nice.

"No, it's just… an infection, he gets a lot of those," Scout replied dryly as she shot Daryl a stern gaze, urging him to confirm her tale.

Daryl gave John an affirmative nod, trying to hold back a grin. The only illness Merle got on a regular basis was venereal diseases. Other than that, the son of a bitch was healthy as a horse, despite his rather destructive lifestyle.

"Don't worry, he's gonna be alright… I'll, uh, better be goin' now. Have a nice evening," Daryl said as he turned on his heel and walked away, or rather, fled the field. Before John Ed had time to ask anything more about Merle and the fabricated illness, or worse, ask him to stay.

* * *

Forty minutes later, Daryl arrived at Jake's bar in Barksdale where the Savage Sons MC had their clubhouse.

Barksdale looked like it usually did; neglected brick stone buildings with graffiti scribblings, dirty windows, broken trash cans on the outside, and litter. If the zombie apocalypse ever broke out, Daryl doubted that the unfortunate inhabitants of Barksdale would notice any difference. The place already looked like shit, he mused as he strode over the empty parking to the bar.

As soon as he stepped over the threshold, Daryl could feel the smell of nicotine, whiskey, and cheap beer. It was obvious that Merle and the rest of the gang had already been drinking for hours. Still, someone had taken some extra time to honor the day he noticed; there was a new, big American flag on the wall in the lobby and flimsy paper garlands in red, white, and blue all over the place.

"I almost thought ya were gonna ditch me for a while there, baby brother".

Merle's sarcastic voice cut through the room like a dull blade. He knew very that Daryl wouldn't break his promises. If one of them would break a promise, it would be Merle. Any day of the week, that was something certain.

"Yeah, well, I didn't". Daryl glared at his brother as he sat down beside his brother at the counter.

Merle just snickered.

"What's he doin' here?" Daryl said as he suddenly caught sight of the swarthy savior, Simon, Negan's second-in-hand, who stood in the corner with a smug expression on his face.

Merle snorted. "Well, ya see little brother, while ya have been busy lying in bed watchin' 'Pretty Woman' all weekend with the Sheriff's daughter, I've been down south, talkin' to the big boss on how we're gonna proceed with the businesses".

"Negan is feeling generous," Simon chimed in with an enigmatic smile playing on his lips as he locked eyes with Daryl. "We're gonna help you out with that little cop-problems of yours".

The cops had been breaking their backs lately, spying on members of the gang, arresting their dealers, and harassing their associates. Despite both King County and Pemberton County could be considered as rather rural and sparsely populated, they had plenty of officers hanging around. There was a cop in every corner; lying like a northern pike in the reed, waiting for suitable prey to pass by.

"Yeah?" Daryl challenged. “What dirty work is Negan gonna ditch on us in return for his ‘favors’ this time, huh?”

"You know how this works, Little D," Simon warned him as he sank down on the seat next to Merle. "You scratch my back and I scratch yours, as they say".

Daryl wasn't particularly fond of Negan and his gang, the Saviors, but without them, they would have been lost against the Woodbury Soldiers MC and their ruthless conquest for territory. But thanks to Negan, Blake was behind bars since the late 80s and the Savage Sons could once again rule the roost up in the north of Georgia, free of competition.

"So just tell me the deal, then. How are ya gonna get the cops off our asses?" Daryl demanded, ignoring Simon’s subtle warning.  
"As I said, don't you worry about that," Simon gave Daryl a smile that revealed his skew, yellow-tinted teeth. “No more business talk today,” the savior added as he took a swig from his beer glass.

Daryl just shrugged.

He didn’t really have the energy to fight with Simon. Not today, not after having spent the whole fucking morning arguing with Scout. He knew as much as that Negan was influential, and it was well known that the man had a plethora of connections than ran both high and low. Even outside the state of Georgia.

If you believed the rumors, and there were plenty of them, Negan had bribed every dirty cop and unscrupulous politician he managed to get his hands on to get his operations working smoothly. Negan preferred it that way, ruling from the shadows, letting others do his dirty work. But he could make exceptions. If it was something out of the ordinary that craved Negan’s personal attention.

_Like disloyal subjects, unfaithful old ladies, or a catastrophe of biblical proportions._

Negan never visited the Savage Son’s in Barksdale in person either. If he felt that a visit was needed, he usually sent Simon to deliver Negan’s wishes, some other high-ranking Savior or invited Merle and Ash down south to his compound, a ranch called ‘Neganland’.

Merle usually happily obliged Negan and his requests, as long as the upsides outweigh the downsides. Which they did, so far, big time.

Pushing drugs, running guns, and dealing with various illegal merchandise was a hassle. But under the wings of the Saviors, things got easier, and with the Negan's promise to take care of the 'cop issue' and Blake still locked up tight at the state prison, things looked brighter than ever for the Savage Sons MC.

“God Bless America; the land of the free and home of the brave!” Simon shouted and the rest of the bar immediately chimed in, singing the national anthem as good as they could, despite that most of them were already beyond wasted.

"Let's get wasted!" Merle yelled as he slammed his beer glass on the counter so hard that the liquid splattered all over the counter. "I swear on our dead mother, I ain't ever get locked up again!". Ash and the other saviors cheered loudly to Merle's wisdom words while Daryl just grinned.

_Good ol’ Merle never missed an opportunity to get smashed._

Daryl himself didn't drink that often, not anymore. There was no denial in the fact that alcohol could pleasantly drown your sorrows but unfortunately, in Daryl's case, it also seemed to dam up suppressed anger and rage to a point where Daryl felt he turned into a walking powder keg.

It was always a gamble when he drank, but he didn't really mind today, though; Independence Day only came once a year, after all, and Daryl wasn’t sure he could tolerate the company of Simon and Merle simultaneously in a sober state.

* * *

•[Anna "Scout" Turner](https://walkingdead.fandom.com/wiki/Anna_Turner_\(Survival_Instinct\))

•[Jess Collins (Daryl's uncle)](https://walkingdead.fandom.com/wiki/Jess_Collins_%28Survival_Instinct%29)

•[John Ed Turner](https://walkingdead.fandom.com/wiki/John_Turner_\(Survival_Instinct\))

•[Noah Cruz](https://walkingdead.fandom.com/wiki/Noah_Cruz_\(Survival_Instinct\))

•[The Savage Sons Motorcycle Club](https://walkingdead.fandom.com/wiki/Savage_Sons_Motorcycle_Club)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✎ Scout's age isn't specified in the video game, but as her friends are between 23-25, I've set her age to 23 in the prologue. In other words, she is born in 1975 in this story while Daryl is born in 1969, and Beth is born in 1985 (the actual birthdates of Reedus and Kinney). That makes the age difference between Beth and Daryl 16 years.


	2. Hold Tight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤ Did you get through the prologue? Congratulations! ☺ In this chapter, we move over to the main story.
> 
> ❤ **What you can expect from this story:** Multiple points of view, subplots, a prolonged bethyl-slow burn with the emphasis on the psychological aspects. A big part of this story focuses on the characters' thoughts and feelings rather than "direct interaction". A little warning: this story is not a refined, pure love story, and readers looking for a straightforward bethyl-romance á la typical romance novels will most likely feel a little frustrated during big parts of the story.

_“Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved”._

Mark 16:16

**May 2003, Senoia**

_“Good morning and welcome to GPAC Univision 34, you’re watching “Mysteries of the Multiverse” with Eugene Porter”._

The sound of an upbeat voice presenting the upcoming TV-show on the public access channel woke up Scout far too early in the morning. Through sleep-heavy eyes, she registered saw a blue light flickered in the background and Scout realized the TV was still on, forgotten in the heat of the moment earlier in the evening.

A roundish man with black hair styled into mullet, clad in a white shirt, short khaki shorts with a matching vest appeared on the screen. He stood in front of a blackboard in what looked like the washing room in a basement and there was a set of unflattering, old-fashioned ladies’ undergarments hung up to dry on a line in the background.

“Probably his mother’s” Scout mumbled to herself as she wiped the sleep out of her eyes with the back of her hand.

The man stared into the camera for a few seconds. Blinking. Like he had forgotten what to say before he finally picked up the white chalk and started writing.

 _“… This is, uh, one of Brian Greene’s ‘nine types of multiverse’ theories… the quilted universe,”_ Eugene explained as he drew some sort of model on the blackboard.

Scout grinned as she pushed herself up into a seated position. The public access channel sure had some very… unique content; Local, amateur-made shows like _‘Father Gabriel’s Confessions Hot Line’_ , a popular show where the viewers could call and talk about their dilemmas in life and the good Father Gabriel would give them advice in line with Christian belief, or _‘Fitness Bootcamp for Women at home’_ , where Rosita Espinoza showed the audience how to break a sweat.

_“According to this theory, the universe is infinite, and therefore, there is an infinite amount of space, which causes every single possible event to occur an infinite number of times, … but the speed of lights makes us unable to be aware of these events...”._

“What the hell is he talkin’ about?” Daryl mumbled back from the bed, half-way awake.  
“Just some weird guy on the public access channel, I forgot to turn it off,” Scout sighed as she stepped up from the bed to search for the remote control. “Go back to sleep, it’s four in the morning”.

Daryl just grunted as he shifted between the dirty sheets, pulling the cover over his head, and Scout made a mental note that she would have to wash them up as soon as Daryl went back to Barksdale. The club was going to throw a party in the evening to celebrate that one of the sons, Matheus, was out on parole, and Daryl probably felt obliged to go. Just to make sure things didn’t get out of hands.

_With a brother like Merle, it was better to be safe than sorry, Scout had learned that the hard way._

The wooden floorboards were old and squeaked under Scout’s weight as she rummaged the dim-lit room for the remote. The house was small and Daryl used to joke about it being smaller than his uncle’s cabin in the woods, but Scout liked it nonetheless. It was in better condition than the house she previously had rented on the outskirts of Sedalia and in addition to that, the neighborhood in Senoia was nicer, laid closer to Atlanta, and wealthier than the one in Sedalia.

She found the remote under a pair of discarded jeans on the floor, turned off the TV, and crawled back to bed.

* * *

Beth Greene walked through what seemed like an endless field of lush, green bushes, almost reaching up to her shoulders. It was still dark outside, just before the break of dawn, and it was barely bright enough for Beth to see where she put down her feet.

There was something almost magical about being out in the wilderness in the morning. It was peaceful, soothing.

The grass beneath her feet was damp, and the fog laid like a thin veil over the forest. She could tell because her red converse was almost soaked through by the dew. Beth stretched out her hands to touch the bushes as she walked, making the dew splatter all over her thin frame.

It felt nice, the cold water made her numbness wear off and Beth finally felt that her normal senses started to return. It had been like that since her parents died. An overwhelming numbness took over her whole being when things got too much. It was like her mind just shut down and she became some sort of sleepwalker.

_An empty shell. A mere ghost of the person she used to be._

In the beginning, right after the accident, it had been brutal. The pain, the loss, and the sheer shock of having everything she knew taken away from her had turned Beth catatonic. But somehow, Beth had slipped out of it. She wasn’t sure of how. Maybe it was the medicine she had been on, maybe it was an intervention from God.

She kept walking and walking through the woods with no goal. Beth didn’t know for how long she had been out, maybe an hour or two. It felt like she had been walking around in circles. The sun was about to rise soon, and Beth felt the lack of sleep had made her head heavy. She wanted to lie down in the field, sink down in the grass, and look at the sky until she fell asleep. The thought was tempting; it was so peaceful out in the woods. Just herself and the wilderness, but Beth knew better than that.

She needed to find somewhere safe to lie down for a while. Rest, collect her thoughts, and gather energy to face reality. Gather energy to deal with her anxiety and the consequences of her actions.

“I will,” Beth promised herself. “I will talk to Zach later, for now, I just need to lie down and rest for a while”.

* * *

Six hours later, Scout was once again ripped out of her peaceful slumber. This time by a violent knocking on the door. With a jolt, she sat up in the bed, startled. It was Saturday morning, and she didn’t expect anyone. Scout was almost about to reach after her Glock 17 she kept fastened with duct tape under the bottom of the bed, but the sound of a familiar voice from the outside stopped her.

“Scout? It’s me, Zach… are you home?”

Scout silently cursed herself; it was just her neighbor, Zach. An 18-year-old college kid who liked rock music, cult movies, and fancy sports cars. It wasn’t a good sign that her first instinct when someone knocked on the door was to reach after her gun.

_“It’s better that you have a gun you don’t need to use, than finding yourself in a situation where you need a gun, but don’t have one”._

The Glock had been a birthday gift from her father. After Scout had gotten together with Daryl, she had also indirectly involved herself with the Savage Sons, and thus, made herself a possible target for enemies of the club.

Merle was the President of the Savage Sons MC and he had more than a handful of enemies. Philip ‘the Governor’ Blake and his brothers in 'Woodbury Soldiers MC' were Merle’s most prominent and dangerous enemies, but they weren’t the only ones who wanted to see him dead. The Claimers were a small, but ruthless outlaw club that was loyal to Blake, and they had suffered a significant loss of territory from Merle’s alliance with the Saviors. Their leader, Joe, had sworn to make Merle pay, and if Joe couldn’t get his hands on Merle, Daryl would suffice.

_An eye for an eye._

_A brother for a brother._

In other words, one could never be too careful, and if Joe or one of his henchmen decided showed up, Scout would be prepared.

“Scout!” Zach yelled again, and this time his voice had a desperate edge to it. Scout moaned within. Damn; what was going on? Why was Zach up this early and why did he sound like he was on a sinking boat surrounded by a school of hungry piranhas? It didn’t make sense. When Scout had met him earlier in the week at the supermarket, he seemed just fine. He had been chatty as usual; telling her all about his weekend plans with his girlfriend.

With a sigh, Scout untangled herself from Daryl and the dirty sheets as she rose from the bed.  
Her bedroom was still dim-lit, except for the string of light that made its way through the door opening that separated the bedroom from the living room.

A quick look on her cellphone told her it was 09:45 AM. Scout stepped over yesterday’s discarded clothes on her way to the closet and ripped out an oversized shirt with a Texaco-logo to cover herself up before answering the door.

When she opened the door, the sight of Zach’s worried face was the first thing that met her. Zach was usually a well-kept guy, but today, he looked like shit; sweat marks on his white t-shirt, dirt on his designer jeans, and blood-shoot eyes.

_This wasn’t like the Zach she knew at all..._

“Hey Zach, uh… is everything all right with you?” Scout asked with a forced smile, trying to conceal how pissed off she felt. All she wanted to do was to lay nestled up in the dark with Daryl between the sheets for a few hours more.

But now Scout had a strong feeling that she would need to take care of whatever Zach’s pressing issue demanded.

“She was supposed to stay the night with me and she did, but when I woke up, she was gone… Please, Anna, you gotta help me! Mr. Grimes will be so mad if she isn’t back home in time...” Zack looked at her like he was about to drown, and Scout was the only one who could save him.

_Perhaps she was._

“Take it easy,” Scout put a firm hand on Zach’s shoulder to calm him down. Freaking out like this wouldn’t solve a thing. “Now tell me, what happened? Did you guys have a fight or something?” she questioned her sweat-soaked neighbor.

Zach looked at her with dilated eyes. “Beth… She was staying at my place over the night for the first time. We watched a movie, cuddled some you know, and after that, we went to bed and I fell asleep. When I woke up, she was gone. I think she must have disappeared during the night or early in the morning…”.

The words poured out of Zach’s mouth like a waterfall, and Scout struggled to keep up with the timeline. “Okay, okay! Calm down,” Scout demanded as she gripped both his shoulders.

_Zach needed to calm down and focus._

“Where did Beth go?” she repeated in a calm voice. To Scout, Zack’s story sounded like a classic case of teenage drama. Maybe he had said something insensitive or been a just little too eager to get into Beth’s pants… Zach was a good guy and Scout couldn’t imagine he had treated Beth bad or anything, but the girl’s tragic past wasn’t exactly a secret, and it was fair to say that she was a bit more sensitive than most girls.

“I think she went into the woods,” Zach said as he swallowed nervously. Just the mere thought of going into the woods seemed to appeal less to him than facing a potentially furious Rick Grimes.

Still, going into the woods, alone, at night didn’t seem like something a teenage girl would do. Unless something had happened. “You sure on that, Zach?” Scout inquired as she locked eyes with him.

Zach nodded. ”Yes! I’ve already been searching for her around the apartment complexes in the neighbor and she isn’t there” he sighed. “Look, it’s embarrassing as hell to ask, but could you please help me look for her? I’m already late for work and I really can’t afford to lose this job,” Zach continued while he looked at Scout with pleading eyes.

“Yeah, sure,” Scout muttered. “I’ll help you out”.

She wasn’t keen on the task, but she couldn’t turn his request down because she felt lazy and preferred to stay in bed. Besides, if something bad had happened to Beth Green and she had refused to help… No, that was out of the question. Scout would never be able to forgive herself, and her dad would be deeply disappointed with her.

Zach’s face lit up like a candle at the promise of help, and the fear in his eyes vanished in an instant. “Great! I, uh, really got to go,” Zach admitted, grimacing. “I’m really sorry for this” he shouted as he made his way back to the parking lot.

“Yeah, yeah,” Scout nodded, waving away his excuse. “Shit happens. I got this, I’ll text you when we find her, okay?” she yelled after him.  
“Thanks, Scout, I won’t forget this!” Zach promised her.

_You better not._

Scout looked after Zach as he walked with swift strides to the parking lot, heading for his pristine black Dodge Charger, Zach’s pride and joy.

 _“No surprise he can’t afford to lose his job, driving around in a car like that while being a college student,”_ Scout thought for herself. Her dad owned an old Camaro, and it wasn’t exactly cheap to maintain, and yet he only drove it during the weekends, if Scout hadn’t borrowed it that was, and something told her Zach's brand new Charger was even more expensive to maintain.

After Zach hat left, Scout returned inside, trying to gather her thoughts enough to figure out how she could find the little runaway as fast as possible.

_What would daddy have done?_

Zach had probably just been running around the outside of the buildings in search of Beth, and why did he think she had gone into the woods? He didn't mention why, and Scout was certain there was more to the story than what Zach had told her. Besides that, if Beth had been pissed off at Zach for some reason, why didn’t she just call Rick and asked him to pick her up?

It didn’t matter now anyway, Scout told herself as she slipped on a pair of blue jeans. She would take a stroll through the neighborhood herself and see if the neighbors possibly had seen where Beth went. Those old gossiping ladies always sat up and peered through the blinders, watching the lives of their younger neighbors like it was some kind of soap opera. Searching through the woods, however... That was too much of a hassle, Scout decided. That kind of task was something Daryl was better suited to handle than herself.

“Daryl? Can you do me a favor?”

She felt bad for giving him such an abrupt wake-up, but if someone could find the girl fast, it was him. Besides, Daryl was the epitome of an outdoor person and he probably wouldn’t mind a stroll in the woods anyway, Scout comforted herself.

“What?” Daryl appeared in the door opening, dressed in only his jeans with a sleepy look on his face.

“My neighbor’s girlfriend Beth is gone. She had vanished by the time when he woke up in the morning,” Scout explained with a sigh, “He thinks she got upset and went out in the woods”.

“Who?” Daryl asked as he pulled his hands through his short, messy hair with a yawn.

“Beth Greene”.

“Don’t know anyone named that,” Daryl shrugged, still looking at Scout with a clueless gaze that told her he didn’t remember the girl at all.

“She’s a blonde, petite girl, kinda looks like Alice in Wonderland, Rick Grimes’ foster daughter, the kid we met on 4th July four years ago, you know?” Scout clarified. Unlike her boyfriend, Scout recalled the national day like it was yesterday; Beth had been dressed in a light blue, A-line dress with a white blouse under and a black ribbon in her hair, that in addition to her big baby blue eyes and her long blonde hair, made the girl look similar to the heroine of Lewis Carroll’s classic fairytale.

He just chuckled at the description. “Alice in Wonderland, huh? Want me to sweep all the rabbit holes for ya?” Daryl joked as he picked up his t-shirt from the floor and tugged it over his head. ”Could take all day, I ain’t got time for that”.

Scout gave him a pleading look. “Come on, it won’t be a problem for a hillbilly like you,” she teased, trying to lighten the mood, but Daryl just gave her an unamused glare. Despite that, she already knew he would say yes. Daryl wasn’t the type who would let a kid run around alone so close to the Claimer’s territory. Not when rumor had it that Len was out on parole again. Scout felt a shiver run down her spine just thinking about it; Len was a ruthless serial sex offender who hunted in the area from time to time.

“Pleease Daryl?” she begged.

“Fine, I’ll do it, but you’ll owe me for this one,” Daryl reminded at her with a warning finger.  
“Sure, bring her back and I’ll do anythin’ you’ll like,” Scout said, grinning back at him.

* * *

Beth laid sprawled out on the roof of what once had been a sawmill. It had been abandoned since the middle of the 90s and the whole place was now almost overgrown with weeds. Everything of value had been sold off years ago and the only thing that was left was rusty, deformed junk, and broken equipment without monetary value. The parking had turned into a meadow and where it once had been a dirt road, there was just a small trail left that led to down to the highway.

_Taken over by nature again._

Despite that, the structure was still holding strong. The sun was high in the sky, not a single cloud was to be seen and it seemed like it was going to be a beautiful day in King County. Beth closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and breathed out slowly.

_Breathe in through your nose and out through the mouth._

Just like the nurse had told Beth at the psychiatric clinic when she had a panic attack for the first time. Just focus on the breathing, let go of anything else. It was a good method to advert hyperventilating, although Beth didn’t need that now; she couldn’t recall when she had felt so peaceful the last time. It was so calm. Not a sound, expect the warm summer breeze blowing through the tree canopies, making the leaves rustle, birds chirping in the periphery, and the singing cicadas.

_Almost like back on the Greene Farm, Beth thought. The birds always sang there, too._

_Almost._

The Greene Farm was Beth’s original family home. It was a large farm which was located in a rural area of Coweta County. It laid isolated from the rest of the world by the surrounding farmlands and the woods beyond it. Beth had been happy back when she lived on the farm, surrounded by her whole family. Blissfully unaware of the awaiting tragedies. Nowadays, or rather, _most of the days,_ Beth was doing fine — as long as she didn’t think too much of the past.

Beth’s parents, Hershel and Annette Greene, and her big brother Shawn had died in a car accident back in 1997 when she was just twelve-years-old. The entire family had been on a trip up to Atlanta. Shawn was driving, he had just gotten his driver’s license. They were going to visit Maggie, who had moved in with Glenn in a cramped apartment in the suburbs.

Another car came out from nowhere, got over in the wrong lane and Shawn tried to make way for it, but he turned too sharp. After that, it all went so fast.

In the blink of an eye, the car was in the air, tumbling.

Her vision turned black as the car crashed into the ground and Beth recalled that the last thing that went through her mind, before it all turned black, was that she never would see the daylight again. That when she woke up again, it would be in heaven.

_But she didn’t._

Instead, Beth woke up alone in a hospital bed at the Piedmont Fayette Hospital, and that was when the nightmare started. She had cheated death — only to find out that the rest of her family hadn’t. For a girl who had previously been spared from the darker sides of life, it was a brutal, cruel awakening.

Without her dad, without her mother, who would look after her?

Maggie, who had been eighteen at the time, had initially thought she could take care of Beth. But the Georgia Department of Family and Children Services said that Maggie was too young to take care of her sister properly, and her younger sister would be placed in foster care. When Beth was told that she would be placed with a foster family, she had been agitated at first. She recalled hearing all those horror stories about abused and neglected kids in foster care on TV.

But she had been lucky; her foster family consisted of Rick Grimes, his wife Lori, and their son Carl, who were four years younger than Beth herself. Together, they lived in a big white house located in the suburban of King County, an idyllic area with white fences around the well-kept houses and red roses in the flowerbeds.

Rick was a young police officer in his early thirties; an intelligent, kind, calm man, always trying to do the right thing. When Rick Grimes smiled at you, it was impossible not to smile back at him. He was that kind of person people immediately took a liking to, and he was handsome, too. Rick looked like the good guy from one of those old police movies from the 70s, with his kind blue eyes and short, curly golden-brown hair, Beth thought.

_Almost like a modern-day Clint Eastwood._

Rick worked a lot. Being a police officer was a big responsibility and it was a job that demanded much time and effort. Because of that, his wife had quit her job as a teacher in favor of life as a stay-at-home-mom. Lori Grimes was a pretty woman with dark brown hair and brown eyes, always neatly dressed and well-kept. Naturally, she also made sure her husband and young son looked their best, too.

At times, Beth thought Lori would rather be caught dead than letting the neighbors see Carl playing on the outside in dirty clothes or ripped washed-out jeans. It was fair to say that Lori ran the Grimes’ household with a firm but yet gentle hand and she took great pride in it.

_Like a contemporary version prominent of the 50s- house-wife, living the American dream to its fullest._

_That was Lori Grimes._

As if that wasn’t enough for Mrs. Grimes, she was also involved in the local community. She had a leading role in their local PTA group, attended a book circle, volunteered at a battered women’s shelter in the neighbor, and went to both a Pilates and a yoga class.

_A true role model for other mothers to look up to._

Then there was Carl Grimes. He was a sweet but somewhat shy kid, at least until you got to know him better. He and Beth became friends at once and for Carl, Beth was like a dream coming true; he always had wanted a sibling.

The kindness of the Grimes family helped her get through the black days and Beth would be forever grateful that she ended up in their care.

* * *

The sound of a large bird’s call woke Beth up from her daydreams of the past.  
With a yawn, Beth sat up and stretched out her arms. She felt a little stiff after spending hours lying on the roof. She looked at her watch, which told her the time had flown by and it was close to midday now. In other words, Beth needed to make her way back home before Lori got anxious about her whereabouts.

_Breakfast, or lunch, would be nice, too._

Beth was about to climb down from the roof when she caught something move in the periphery. For a second, she felt a cold shiver down her spine. She narrowed her eyes as she peered over to the edge of the overgrown field.

_What could it be, a deer?_

Beth was a person who had faith in people, but recently, there had been reports of women who had disappeared in the area and Lori always reminded her to be careful on a daily basis. She suspected that the reason behind her foster mother’s constant worry was that Lori thought Beth was just a little too trusting, perhaps even gullible.

_Your faith in people is a wonderful gift, Beth._

_But you need to be careful who you give that gift to._

A black-clad figure appeared from the lush, thick vegetation and Beth snapped back to reality as the figure approached her from the other side of the field.

At first, Beth thought it might be Zack, but it moved with such fast, certain strides over the field, like it was used to the terrain, that it couldn’t possibly be Zach. Her suspicions were confirmed as the figure came closer and Beth could distinguish a pair of broad shoulders and a slender waist. She felt how her shoulders tensed and a knot appeared in her stomach at the sight; it was not her Zach.

_Could it be the landowner who had come to chase her away?_

The stranger suddenly stopped a few yards from the sawmill where Beth sat on the roof’s edge. He looked up at her with piercing blue eyes, like storm clouds.

“Ya gotta be ‘Alice in Wonderland’... What’cha doin’ up there, huh?” He spoke with a low, rough voice with a southern accent that sounded oddly familiar to Beth.

_That voice…_

“Beth, right?” the man tried again, taking a few more steps further.

The sun was still so bright that Beth couldn’t look at him without squinting her eyes. He wore a short sleeved-shirt, matched with a pair of washed-out, dark ripped jeans. Dark, dirty blonde hair, short beard. A lean yet muscular build.

_A body like Tyler Durden._

He seemed to be about the same height as Rick and Beth pegged the man to be in his early to middle thirties. She was sure she had seen him before, somewhere, but Beth couldn’t remember where or when.

_Could he be one of Rick’s friends, perhaps?_

Probably not, Beth decided after taking another long look at the stranger. He didn’t look like a cop, quite the opposite — if Rick had been the hero in an old western movie, this guy could probably have played the role of the gruff bandit.

“Hey, kid, I’m talkin’ to ya!” he called out in a harsher tone this time, sounding annoyed that she hadn’t replied to his first question. But Beth didn’t answer, she was entirely occupied trying to remember who he was and where she had seen him before.

_Oh…_

_4th July, four years ago._

_He was the guy in blue jeans and a black leather vest who had spoken to Rick and John Ed._

_Anna Turner’s boyfriend._

_Daryl was his name._

Beth recalled that John and Rick had talked about him at the Grime’s family barbeque. It was long ago and she didn’t recall the whole conversation, just that they had said something about his brother being bad news. She eyed him up and down for another minute. The height and the body type seemed to be the same, although his hair had been lighter, almost a dark, dirty blonde-shade, and a bit shorter back then. None the less, Beth was convinced that it was him.

_Yep, it had to be the same guy._

“You’re Anna’s boyfriend… Daryl, aren’t you?” Beth asked as she kept her eyes peeled at the man. He looked back at her, seemingly a little surprised that she knew his name.

“Uh, yeah, somethin’ like that..,” he frowned at her.

Beth tilted her head to the side. _‘Something like that?’_ What an odd answer...

“Ya shouldn’t be wandering around here alone, it can be dangerous,” Daryl warned, giving her another stern glance.

Beth just nodded meekly.

It wasn’t a secret that people sometimes got mysteriously lost in the woods without a trace, the yellow-tined wanted-posters plastered at walls of the local the bus station told the stories of an ever-growing number of lost daughters and missing sons.  
Sometimes, hikers found the corpse of the missing person in the woods months, or even years, later.

Still, she hadn’t walked _that_ far out in the woods…

“I was following a… stray dog, and I lost track of time,” Beth explained. It wasn’t true, but she didn’t feel like explaining the awkward truth. Besides, even if lying was a sin, it was just a little white lie that wouldn’t hurt anyone, she reasoned.

“Yeah?” Daryl raised an eyebrow. He didn’t seem to believe her.  
“I did,” Beth insisted, trying her to sound assuring and solid.

Daryl just shrugged. If he had seen through her lie, it didn’t seem to bother him. “Doesn’t matter, ya gotta head back with me. Now!” he demanded with a growl.

Beth’s mouth turned into a thin line at his request. They had known each other for five minutes and there he was, ordering her around like she was some kind of disobedient kid.

“If it’s so dangerous out here, how do I know you won’t try anything with me then?” Beth challenged him. Normally, Beth had always been a smooth-spoken, well-behaved, and polite girl, but having this stranger tell her what to do made her suddenly feel uncharacteristically rebellious and the words just seemed to blurt out of her mouth on their own accord. It wasn’t like she couldn’t find the way back on her own, and Beth wanted to make sure Daryl knew that she wasn’t as helpless as she might look.

“I don’t have any interest in a brat like ya,” Daryl spat back at her.

Beth just snorted at his harsh reply.

_That was unnecessarily rude…_

“What are you doing out here looking for me then?” she questioned him. If he didn’t give a damn, he wouldn’t have gone out searching for her in the first place.

“I’m just here ‘cause your little boyfriend came around, said he couldn’t find ya,” Daryl growled, and Beth couldn’t help but notice some venom in his voice. Like Daryl thought it was her fault that Zach hadn’t been able to find her, and he was pissed off because he had to do what he thought her boyfriend should have done.

Beth sighed within; she supposed if that what was he thought, it wasn’t far from the truth, was it?

She had ventured out this far because she wanted to be alone and Beth was fairly certain Zach wouldn’t go into the woods looking for her.

At the end of the day, Zach was a city boy, and he was not used to the woods. Scared of snakes was he as well… Walking through the lush parks in the city or the green area around campus was as much contact with nature as Zach could manage on his own.

“Well, it was nice of you helping him out then..,” Beth mumbled as she carefully climbed down the building while Daryl still stood leaning against the fence with his impressive arms crossed over his chest, watching her steps like he thought Beth would fall and land flat on her face. “...but I can take care of myself,” Beth continued as she jumped down from the floor, landing on the ground with grace.

Daryl just gave her a slight, wolfish grin, like he wanted to tell her otherwise.  
“Let’s just head back, don’t have all day,” he grunted before turning his gaze back to the field.

Beth trailed a few steps behind Daryl over the overgrown fields. His dark clothes made a stark contrast to the lush green scenery and when he turned around to make sure Beth wasn’t falling too far behind, she had a strange, unexplainable feeling of déjà vu.

“You’re coming or what? Gonna get dark before we get back if ya keep draggin’ your feet behind like that”.

“I’m walking as fast as I can,” Beth replied as she glared at Daryl while trying to make her way through a patch where the grass was particularly high. She wasn’t dragging her feet behind it at all. It was just that he had chosen a path with hard, overgrown terrain and Beth wasn’t a mountain goat.

“You don’t have to be so mean, you know!” she yelled after him.

“Mean? Jesus Christ, what kind of pampered kid are ya?” Daryl muttered, more to himself than to her. Beth clenched her teeth at being called ‘some pampered kid’ - this man had no clue about who she was and what she had been through, and yet he dared to write her off as a spoiled brat.

Beth shook her head. She knew better than to get upset over insults from some surly redneck like him.

_It wasn’t worth her energy._

* * *

After a fifteen-minute long stroll through the woods, Daryl and Beth returned to the civilization of Senoia’s outskirts.

Scout stood at the porch, leaning over the railing with a cigarette in her hand when Daryl and Beth got back to the residential area. Beth recognized the red-haired woman immediately, even though it had been a long time since they last met. She was clad in short jeans shorts and a thin, white oversized t-shirt that was so out washed that you could easily see that she didn’t wear a bra underneath.

Beth couldn’t help but blush slightly at the sight; where she came from, no woman would go outside looking like that.

“You found her,” Scout said with a smug grin, looking to Daryl, who just gave her an affirming nod as an answer. “Good work!”.

“Hey, Beth, it’s been a while,” Scout said as she turned to the girl. “How are you doin’ these days?”

“Hi Anna, uh, I’m doing fine, thank you,” Beth replied, feeling a little awkward by the thought of having caused these people she barely knew so much trouble.

Well, in all honesty, Zach had been the one to ring the alarm. It annoyed Beth; she had thought Zach knew that she could take care of herself. At times, she couldn’t help but wonder if she had _‘Damsel in distress’_ written on her forehead.

Sometimes, it sure seemed that way, Beth thought resentfully. There was something about her that made her come off as... fragile. It had always been like that; back on the farm, Hershel and Shawn had watched over her like a hawk.

“Zach came around in the morning. He had been looking for you, though you went into the woods, but couldn’t find you, so I asked Daryl to track you down,” Scout explained with a nod to her silent boyfriend.

Beth gave Scout an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry for causing you guys so much trouble, I didn’t think it through. I just needed to get out and… get some fresh air,” she apologized, trying to not stare at the wide, red-speckled bruise that graced the base of Scout’s neck. It looked almost like someone had bitten her… or like it was a big hickey. After Maggie and Glenn had gotten together, Beth had occasionally spotted the same kind of bruises on her sister's boyfriend, only much smaller.

Beth frowned at the sight. " _I wonder what they were doing when she got that…"_ she silently mused for herself.

Scout nodded, oblivious to Beth’s curious, examining gaze. “No worries, but you know, it’s not really safe out there. Daddy said they found a woman all beaten up not long from here three weeks ago,” she continued. “Rick didn’t tell you about it?”

Beth shook her head. "No". Rick didn’t usually share his experiences at work with the rest of the family, it was his burden to carry, he said.

“You know Joe and his gang?” Scout continued as she knocked the ash off her cigarette. “I have seen some of them in the area, hunting. Believe me, you don’t wanna run into those guys”.

“I’ll be more careful,” the girl promised. Beth didn’t know whom Joe or his gang were, but they sure sounded like bad news and she felt a sting of bad conscience. God, she had been so reckless...

“You won’t tell Rick, right?” Beth bit her lip, looking at Scout with pleading eyes. It was more than enough that she had made Zach worried. Her foster-parents definitely didn’t need to know this. Lori would most likely not allow her to have another sleepover at Zach's place if she found out.

The red-haired woman shook her head. “Nah, no need to worry. I won’t tell,” Scout assured Beth as she took a last drag from her cigarette before she turned her gaze back to Daryl. “When speaking of that... You’ll take her back to town, right?”

It was more a demand than a question, but Daryl nodded regardless.  
“Yeah,” he replied before turning his gaze to Beth. “Just gonna get my jacket”.

“She can’t go like that though,” Scout remarked as she eyed Beth’s outfit from top to toe. Scout disappeared into the apartment and returned with a leather jacket in her hand. “Here, you can borrow this,” she said as she tossed the jacket to Beth.

“We’d better get going,” Daryl said with a nod to Beth, who just nodded obediently as she trailed after him to the parking lot.

When Daryl pulled out his motorcycle from the garage, Beth felt her heart sink. For some reason, she had assumed that they would go by car.

_Were they really going back to town… on that?_

Beth swallowed. It looked like he had crashed with it more than once; the bike had deep scratches all over it, and it looked like several parts had been replaced with spare parts from other models.

“I haven’t been on a bike before,” Beth confessed as she watched Daryl heave himself upon the beaten Honda Nighthawk with ease. Daryl looked back at her with a dumbstruck gaze, like he couldn’t understand how anyone could be frightened about something like that.

“Ain’t nothin’ to worry about,” he assured Beth as he adjusted his black and white bandana. “Come on, girl”.  
Beth took a deep breath as she climbed up on Daryl’s bike, wrapping her arms hesitantly around his waist. Being so near him made her mouth turn dry.

_If we crash… we will die._

_My head is going to get smashed like a pumpkin…_

Like he had sensed her worry, Daryl turned his head around to give her an assuring gaze.

“Just hold on tight and it’ll be all right,” he said, turning on the engine. "Won't be a long ride".

Beth nodded back at him with a determined gaze, telling herself that she could do this.

“I’m fine,” she mumbled into his shoulder, determined to not show any fear.

* * *

•[The iconic Tyler Durden](https://www.businessinsider.com/fight-club-brad-pitt-changed-action-movie-body-types-2014-5?r=US&IR=T)


	3. Lead Me On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl gives Beth a ride home to the Grimes' family in Senoia and Beth has to deal with the consequences of her escape from Zach's apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✎This chapter is a bit shorter than the previous one, and hopefully, it is a little bit easier to read. Feel free to let me know what you think!
> 
> ★As the story progresses it will deal with subjects as drug/alcohol abuse, self-harm, mental health issues, and sexual situations. I think most of you fanfic-readers are well-seasoned and comfortable with reading about such subjects, but for those of you who are sensitive, or easily triggered, this is a warning.

**May 2003, Senoia Suburb**

After a twenty minutes ride, they reached the small suburban of Senoia and Beth told Daryl to stop a little bit away from the house. Just to be on the safe side. Lori would probably have died if he pulled up on the driveway in front of the house.

Beth let out a breath of relief when they finally stopped. She had survived, and it hadn’t been as scary as she initially feared it would be. This was something she would write about in her diary.

_Yet another fear conquered by Beth Greene._

She gave him a small smile. “Thank you for the ride”.

“Wasn’t so bad, was it?” Daryl suddenly looked over his shoulder and grinned at her. “Told ya, didn’t I?”

“Guess not,” Beth sheepishly replied as she climbed off the bike, feeling a sudden, unwelcome heat burn on her cheeks as his unexpected smile threw her off completely.

_He was… actually rather cute when he smiled._

"I should get going,” Beth excused herself quickly as she cast an eye at the Grimes’ residence down the street. Fortunately, it seemed like nobody was home, yet. The car was gone and the door to the porch was closed. Perhaps they went to the supermarket?

_Thank god for that._

Daryl gave her another nod as a farewell “Stay out of trouble”.

“You too,” Beth said as she looked down at her shoes like it could make the blush go away. Thankfully, he didn’t even seem to notice it as he already had turned on the engine again, ready to go. 

As soon as Daryl was out of sight, Beth crossed the street as she hurried over to the house. She had promised to be home before lunch, and now it was past midday. 

Beth held her breath as locked up the door and carefully turned the handle to open the door as quietly as she could. The door opened without a squeak and Beth quickly stepped inside. She was anxious that the rest of the family might arrive in any second and somehow spot Daryl. She carefully closed the door behind her and let out a breath of relief. But just as Beth thought the coast was clear, she heard soft steps approaching from the kitchen. “You have some explaining to do, young lady!” Lori’s voice cut through the air like a knife, and Beth was almost startled by her foster mother’s demanding tone. 

She turned around to see Lori standing in the door opening to the kitchen with arms crossed over her chest and a stern look on her face. Beth swallowed, feeling like a kid that just had been caught with some mischief.

_Maybe Lori was just angry that Beth had been on a ride without a helmet?_

“I’m sorry I’m late,” Beth acknowledged with a small voice. “I… lost track of time”. It was a small white lie that undoubtedly could have been true, but Lori’s anger seemed to be unaffected by Beth’s apology.

“I sure hope you didn’t spend your weekend with that man!” Lori barked with her brown eyes peeled on the teenager. Beth felt how the color left her face in an instant at Lori’s harsh words. 

_That man…?_

Beth blinked. Did Lori imply that Beth had lied about spending the weekend with Zack? The idea was just so out of touch with reality that Beth found herself unable to speak.

_Dear lord, Lori doesn’t honestly think I lied and spent the entire weekend with him instead of Zach, does she?_

“God, no, NO!” Beth yelped at Lori with wide, panicked eyes. “I... It’s nothing like that!” she continued. “He’s Anna’s boyfriend, and she lives in the same neighborhood as Zach, I met them, and she told him to me a ride back, nothing more!”.

“Okay,” Lori yielded. She still sounded more stern than usual, but her expression softened at hearing Beth’s explanation. “But you could have asked me, or Rick to come and get you if Zach couldn’t take you home… Riding a bike without a helmet like that, you could have gotten hurt really bad” she rebuked, looking at Beth with a mix of concern and worry in her eyes.

“I know. I’m sorry,” Beth quickly said. “I... didn’t…think it through”. 

“It’s all right, I was just worried,” Lori said as she embraced Beth. “But promise me one thing?” she added in a softer tone. “The Dixons, they’re both bad news, just stay away from him”.

She nodded in Lori’s embrace. “I will,” she promised. Beth was certain she would have agreed to anything, just to get the senseless idea about her and Daryl out of Lori’s mind. It didn’t seem to make sense, Beth thought. Daryl was a lot older than her, he was together with Anna and Beth was together with Zach, and all he had done was to give her a ride home. It wasn’t like they had done anything inappropriate, Beth thought bitterly, feeling that Lori’s accusations were a tad bit unfair.

 _But if that was what Lori needed to hear to calm down, then sure._

“I saved some lunch for you,” Lori smiled as she finally let go of Beth.

“Good,” Beth smiled back. “I’m starved”. 

* * *

Lori had made a salad with Thousand Islands dressing, and she had been kind enough to save some pancakes from the breakfast for Beth. While she ate, Lori questioned Beth about yesterday and she answered as truthfully as she could.

Without telling too much.

Beth ate as quickly as she could, thanked Lori for the salad, and washed off her plate quickly before she disappeared upstairs.

Once she was in the safety in her room, Beth let out a deep sigh, relieved to be alone again. Lori’s cross-examination had sucked the last amount of energy out of her system. Beth peeled off the leather jacket she had borrowed from Scout and threw herself on the bed, her head still spinning from Lori’s wild accusations.

_Did I really do something wrong, something bad?_

_It didn’t feel that way._

She couldn’t help but wonder how her parents had reacted if they had spotted her with Daryl. Would they have been mad; would Hershel have scolded her, like Lori, for not having better judgment? Her brother Shawn would, that was for sure. Maggie too; her sister would probably have lectured Beth for weeks about it.

Evoking the memory of her parents and older brother hurt, and Beth missed them just as bad as if they had died yesterday. The sorrow was ever-present at the back of her mind. But at least it was bearable, most of the time.

Beth closed her and took a deep breath. Breathe in through the nose, breathe out through the mouth. Deep, steady breaths, just like the nurse at the child psychiatry clinic had learned. It would make the anxiety go away, keep the sadness from turning her into a nervous wreck again.

She wouldn’t let that happen.

Anette and Herschel Green wouldn’t want her to cry: they would want her to be happy and make the best that she could of her life. Be a good Christian, help others. That was partly why Beth had decided to become a nurse’s aide. That way, she would have a proper job and help people at the same time. Herschel would have been so proud of her, Beth thought as she fought back the tears that prickled in the corner of her eyes.

Beth had a purpose in life, a path to follow. It would be all right, she told herself. She would make her parents proud, Lori and Rick, too, and hopefully Lori would soon forget about the misunderstanding that had occurred today.

Exhausted, Beth fell asleep.

* * *

As soon as the teenager had left the kitchen, Lori sat down on one of the kitchen stools with the half-empty salad bowl between her hands. She sighed within, feeling that she might have been too harsh on Beth.

_She’s just a girl._

With a heavy heart, Lori recalled how Beth had been when they first met her; catatonic by sorrow after her parents and older brother’s demise. It was like her whole being refused to accept reality. Beth was sensitive, and the loss had struck her hard, much harder than her older sister Maggie, Lori recalled. After the initial shock had faded away, Beth got into a deep depression which culminated in a suicide attempt.

But as the years passed, everything seemed to go in the right direction for Beth, and Lori was positive that she had a bright future ahead of her. Beth was about to finish High School and after graduation, she had decided to start a training program to become a nurse’s aide.

“I won’t allow anything to impede that…” Lori mused for herself.

Beth had come so far; she had struggled with both depression and anxiety and experienced things a child shouldn’t have to go through, yet; she had overcome and developed into a perceptive and strong, young lady.

Lori let out another sigh as she got up from the kitchen and started loading the dishwasher. The kitchen was modern with a hint of shabby chic and antebellum architecture. It looked like it came straight from the ‘ _Country Living’_ magazine, and Lori was more than pleased with the result. They had recently finished refurbishing it, which had been expensive, but worth every dollar.

_With Rick’s new promotion, they had been able to polish up the house nicely._

As soon as she had finished cleaning up the kitchen, Lori went over to the living and searched through the drawer where they kept the VHS-tapes. For some reason, she was unable to get the image of Beth and Daryl out of her head, and she ended up standing with a tape marked ‘Older Men dating younger women, February 2003’. It was an episode of ‘The Ricki Lake Show’ Lori had recorded but hadn’t had time to watch. 

_I might as well watch it now…_

Rick and Carl wouldn’t be back for at least three hours, which meant she had some time to spare. Lori opened up a bottle of red wine, poured it in one of her favorite glasses, sat down on the sofa, and pressed play.

At the end of the day, Beth was probably the most responsible and honest teenager Lori ever had met. Lori and Rick had never had any problems with Beth since they welcomed her into their family; She didn’t smoke, didn’t do drugs, didn’t drink alcohol, always came home in time, never stayed out late, or anything like that.

_A parent’s dream._

That was what Lori’s friends used to tell her when they heard how well Beth was doing in school. Unlike their own daughters who skipped classes and snuck out to smoke weed with older boys and Lori shivered just at the mere thought of having such a bad-mannered daughter.

On the other hand, Lori was afraid that hanging out Daryl Dixon was just as bad.

In all honesty, Lori had just seen Daryl a couple of times before. The last time she spotted him was two years ago, downtown in Pemberton with Anna hanging on his arm. The two of them were such an odd couple in Lori’s eyes and she couldn’t understand what Anna had seen in him… 

Lori knew who he was, and that was more than enough; Jodie Lowell, a woman in Lori’s book circle, went to the same junior’s high school as Daryl in 1985, and according to her, the whole Dixon family had been social cases.

 _Already back then._

Seeing him standing there on the pavement with her precious daughter had struck Lori like a bolt from the blue. She had seen them through the kitchen window; they were standing on the opposite side of the street and Beth had looked at him with big eyes and a shy smile playing on her lips.

Like she could see something in the foul-tempered, notorious man nobody else could see.

Beth was like that, Lori mused. Gentle and kind, _usually_ wise beyond her age, and she seemed to always bring out the best in the people who surrounded her. Not even the surly Daryl seemed to be immune to Beth’s gentle aura, and Lori was certain she could spot a slight smile appear on his face when Beth spoke to him, causing Lori’s stomach to turn.

It might be all innocent but considering that Daryl was much older than Beth and in a relationship. Still, Lori wasn’t about to let Beth close to Daryl him ever again.

_Just to be on the safe side._

* * *

“Where the HELL have ya been?!!” Merle yelled and threw a beer glass at Daryl, who just stepped through the door to Jake’s bar. Daryl skillfully ducked the glass and gave his brother a killing gaze.

“Found Grime’s daughter at the old sawmill out in the woods. Had to bring her back to town,” Daryl explained as he sat down beside his brother in the bar.

Merle just let out a spiteful, harsh laugh. “Officer Friendly can’t take care of his wife and can’t look after his kids for shit, isn’t that hilarious?” he scoffed.

“Don’t know shit about his wife, but he sure could be better keepin’ an eye out for the kids” Daryl replied. He didn’t care about gossip, and he certainly didn’t have any interest in the local police’s private life.

“Yeah,” Merle grinned as he got up on his feet to fetch himself a new beer. “That ain’t no place for little girls to dwell around, what was she doin’ there, anyway?”

Daryl shrugged. “No idea”. It was sure as hell not what she had told him.

_Following a stupid dog? Yeah, right…_

Daryl didn’t buy the explanation that Beth had been following a stray for a second. The girl had been easy enough to track down; Beth had made an obvious trail. Like she was dragging her feet behind, but there weren’t any signs of a dog as far as Daryl could tell.

Besides, he had never heard or seen any signs of stray dogs in the area and Scout had been living there for almost two years. Besides that, who would just sneak away in the sunrise to chase down a stray anyway?

_It would have been much easier just to place out some food and wait for it to come back._

The neighbor kid, Zach as his name seemingly was, had seemed pretty nervous when he showed up at Scout’s porch, almost regretful, and Daryl couldn’t help notice that the girl had seemed… like she was upset over something.

_Something that wasn’t an imaginary stray dog._

Girls in that age were emotion-driven and irrational, at least that was how Daryl remembered the girls from his high school days. Which didn’t last long for the record; he had gotten fed up and dropped out already after the first year. 

He concluded that Beth and Zach probably had a fight over something stupid and the girl had overreacted like the teenager she was, and therefore she had run away. Just to make her boyfriend worried…

_Stupid girl._

“Y’know, I saw them together, ‘couple of weeks ago, gettin’ real friendly with each other,” Merle chuckled, sounding awfully pleased with himself and his discovery.

“Saw who?” Daryl asked as he cracked open the can of Budweiser Merle had handed him. He had only listened to his brother with a half-ear. It was an old habit; Merle had seldom anything important to say when he sounded smug like that. 

“Officer Friendly’s sweet wife and his best pal, Walsh,” Merle explained, still grinning. “Look-in’ like two newlyweds while checkin’ out the plumbing section in the hardware store”.

Daryl had never met Mrs. Grimes, but it wasn’t the first time he had heard that she had got a little too friendly with her husband’s partner. Shane Walsh himself was known to have been something of a womanizer already back in high school. Apparently, he hadn’t changed much since.

“Walsh sure looked like he wanted to plumb more than her sink,” Merle said in a gleeful voice, and Daryl couldn’t help but grin slightly at the stupid joke.

His brother was just as irreclaimable as ever. Daryl could easily envision how Merle prowled behind the shelves in the hardware store, peering down on Grimes’ wife and Officer Walsh through boxes of water hoses and pipe packings.

“Y don’t have anything better to do than spyin’ on housewives, huh?”.

“Don’t ya got anything better to do than runnin’ round, saving kids and old ladies’ cats like some prince charming?” Merle snickered again. “Like ya did in Taggart, remember that one, little brother?”.

“She was fuckin’ old, geriatric lady, Merle” Daryl groaned, already sick of the topic. “How the hell would she have gotten down the cat otherwise?”.

Merle just laughed. He was in an unusually good mood today. “You’ve always been the sweet one”.

* * *

After watching through several old episodes of both the Ricki Lake Show and the Oprah Winfrey Show, Lori felt ready to confront her husband with Beth’s little adventure.

Rick Grimes sat in one of the armchairs in the living room, flipping through some files from work with a serious look on his face. It was a common sight these days, although Rick tried his best not to bring work home.

“Beth was out riding with Merle Dixon’s brother today,” Lori simply as she sat down in the other armchair with her second glass of wine.

“What?” Rick looked up at his wife with disbelief.

He was certain that he must have misheard; Beth didn’t even know the Dixon brothers and even if she did, Rick couldn’t imagine one single reason why she would be out riding with Daryl of all people. “What did she do, you said?” he asked again.

Lori looked back at him with that intense gaze she always got when she was upset or mad about something. It was a look Rick knew all too well.

“Beth was with her boyfriend Zach over the weekend, remember?”. Lori crossed her arms over her chest like she was about to have a serious conversation with a disobedient child.

”You told her she could go!” she reminded him in a stern tone. “Don’t you remember that?”.

Rick nodded in agreement. “I did, yes,” he admitted in his usual calm, diplomatic voice. It was him who had given Beth permission to sleep over at Zach’s place. Lori, on the other hand, had thought it was a bad idea. But Rick had, somehow, managed to persuade his wife to let their daughter go with Zach.

To Rick; it wasn’t a big deal; Beth was soon eighteen, and they couldn’t keep on treating her like she was a child. It was true that Beth was innocent and well, slightly naïve perhaps, but she wasn’t stupid and Lori needed to have some more faith in her.

“Zach said he would bring her back on his way to work in the morning, but he never showed up. I tried to call his cellphone, but he didn’t pick up either. I was getting really worried!” Lori argued. “But don’t you think, when I look out the window… she’s suddenly there, standing over the street with Daryl Dixon and Zach was nowhere to be seen!”.

“Well, good thing Daryl got her back safe then, don’t you think?”.

“Did you even hear what I just said?” Lori spat back at Rick, displeased with his answer. Rick sighed. He didn’t want to have this conversation. Beth had been back when he got home in the afternoon, all safe and sound — was there a point in fighting over how she had gotten back?

“I did,” Rick gave Lori a tired gaze. “When I spoke to her in the afternoon, everything seemed just fine. You got nothing to worry about”.

“Are you being serious with me?!” Lori almost yelled at him, and Rick could see how her grip on the wine glass tightened dangerously.

“Lori, please calm down!” Rick held up his hands to show that he didn’t want to argue. “Nothing happened,” he said with a pleading gaze, but Lori just looked at him with angry eyes and clenched teeth.

“So, a 17-year-old, who is OUR responsibility, hanging out with a criminal twice her age isn’t a problem for you?” she snarled at her husband.

“Jesus, Lori, keep your voice down!” Rick hushed. “They weren’t hanging out, were they? He just gave her a ride home, nothing more” he tried in a lower voice, not wanting to wake up Beth and Carl. Children shouldn’t hear their parents arguing, Rick thought, knowing very well how uneasy it made both Beth and Carl. Especially Carl, who was terrified about an eventual divorce after the parents of one of his best friend’s in school recently had separated. 

Lori gave him another glare and shook her head. “You just don’t get it,” she snapped at him before she headed out of the living room.

Rick just shook his head; he didn’t understand what Lori was so upset about; when he had spoken to Beth in the afternoon, she seemed to be alright. Maybe a little disappointed, but not sad or upset, or anything like that.

Beth had told him about Zach’s taste in movies, which seemed to be typical for young, college-attending men, that they ate microwave pizza for dinner and that she hadn’t slept well because the mattress in Zach’s bed was too hard. 

Rick had a feeling that Beth had expected something else. It was the first time she had spent the night alone with Zach, and maybe it had been a little disappointing. But if Zach had overstepped or something else bad had happened, Rick was certain that Beth would have told him.

When she had asked him for permission to stay with Zach over the night, Rick didn’t need much time to think over the decision. Zach was a good kid and Rick already knew Anna lived in the same neighborhood, so he was certain that she would get in touch with him if something happened.

Unlike Lori, Rick also knew Anna well enough to be sure that she was the one who had asked Daryl to bring Beth back. How on earth Lori had transformed such a platonic act of kindness into a suspicion that Daryl and Beth suddenly had spent time together, was completely beyond Rick.

All right, Rick would admit that Daryl might not be the ideal person to take one’s daughter on a ride home. It was well-known that the Savage Sons dealt with drugs, so that made Daryl a possible outlaw… But he wasn’t a sex offender or a child abuser, or anything even remotely in that direction, so Rick didn’t honestly see why Lori had been so upset.

It wasn’t like spending a thirty-minutes ride together with him would have any influence on Beth and besides that, Daryl wasn’t a bad person either, Rick thought.

After all, growing up with the family he had, it was almost weird that Daryl hadn’t turned out much worse. At least that was what the old cops down at the station in Pemberton had told him. Rick had never met the patriarch of the Dixon family himself, but his older colleagues were more than happy to talk about their previous experiences with the man.

_Will Dixon didn’t seem to have been a pleasant person, not at all.  
_

Rick sighed as he walked over to the kitchen and searched the fridge for a cold beer, which he felt he was in dire need of. He had more important things to worry about than a silly thing like this, and Rick thought Lori had better things to worry about as well.

Hopefully, it was just a passing phase — Lori had been acting strangely for a while now, ever since he got promoted at work. She was proud of him, Rick knew that. Lori seldom missed an opportunity to talk about his success when she had her friends over for dinner. Still… he couldn’t shrug off the feeling that his wife was discontent, somehow.

_Maybe she thought he spent too little time with Carl?_

_Or maybe it was that he hadn’t had time to practice drive with Beth as he had promised to._

Rick took a swig of the beer and he almost felt better at once. 

It was just a phase Lori went through, he decided. He had been working a lot lately and perhaps Lori just felt frustrated because she was lonely. It wasn’t a walk in the park, being the wife of a police officer, that Rick knew. Many of his married colleagues struggled with their relationships, but despite that, the divorce rate among law enforcement officers was actually lower than for the general public.

“I should do something nice for Lori, maybe take her out for dinner somewhere nice,” he mused. “Show her how much I appreciate her and everything she does for our family”.

Yes, he would need to make time for that, Rick decided. As soon as possible. A romantic dinner, just the two of them, that might be just what their marriage needed. 


	4. Teenage Wasteland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ★In this chapter, we meet Maggie, venture into the teenage wasteland, and take a closer look at what went down between Zach and Beth there. 
> 
> ☠This chapter turned out to be longer than I initially thought and I'm not 100% happy with how it turned out, I feel like some parts of the text turned out a bit jagged', but I'll hope you enjoy it nonetheless!  
> Grammar and spelling error fixed with ProWritingAid on 15/8.

**May 2003, King County**

When Beth woke up on Sunday, everything seemed to be in order again, like yesterday never happened. She stood up, got dressed, and helped Lori to prepare breakfast like she usually did. They made toast and eggs for the whole family. Carl told her about his and Rick’s trip to Archer Creek yesterday and how cool the big dam had been.

“You really missed something there,” Carl said as he searched the cereal box for the last corn flakes. “Bet we had a lot more fun there than you had yesterday,” he teased her with a little grin.

Beth just grinned back, unwilling to admit that Carl probably was right. Yesterday had been many things, but ‘fun’ wasn’t one of them. Zach had called her two times yesterday, but she hadn’t had the energy to answer. _‘I should call him back, I really should‘_ Beth thought as she chewed on the inside of her cheek.

It wasn’t that she was avoiding Zach or something; it was just that she had no clue what to tell him without having to tell him everything about her past, and for some reason, Beth didn’t feel comfortable to talk about how she had been struggling with anxiety after her parent’s death.

_Not yet at least._

Maybe she should talk about it with Maggie?

Seoul was five hours ahead of Georgia and her sister had promised to give Beth a call in the afternoon.

How Maggie Greene from Georgia ended up in the capital of South Korea was an interesting story; Glenn Rhee, Maggie’s boyfriend, had been struggling with a massive debt after college and he had a hard time finding a job that suited his qualifications. Instead, Glenn had worked as a low-paid delivery driver, but despite that he worked as hard as he could, the expenses were greater than the incomes. The apartment he and Maggie had bought in the suburb had been expensive and Glenn's car and the reparations on it hadn't been cheap either.

The young couple’s spiral of debt seemed to spin faster and faster until one day when Glenn had suggested a radical solution to the love of his life.

_“I’ve gotten a job offer. As an English teacher. In South-Korea. We sell the car, the apartment, and move to Seoul”._

Maggie first thought Glenn had lost his mind when he revealed his plan. But South-Korea had one of the world’s highest teacher salaries, and Glenn had relatives who still lived in Seoul that could help them find a cheap apartment.

Adventurous and as madly in love as a human could be, Maggie said yes without skipping a beat. The older Greene sister dropped out of college and in January 1999, they packed the bags and headed to the Hartsfield-Jackson airport in Atlanta for a fresh start in Seoul.

“We had Galbi Tang at the Seoul Tower yesterday… it was so romantic. I almost thought about sendin’ you another postcard!” Maggie laughed, sounding like the definition of happiness. Beth just smiled; she probably had postcards from every single tourist attraction in Seoul by now.

“You still sound like you’re walking on clouds,” Beth said.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Maggie retorted. “I’m married to the love of my life, we have paid off the debt on the car and there are just a few more payments left for the apartment - and then we’re free from debts again”.

Maggie had met Glenn Rhee at a party in college; he was on his last year and Maggie had just enrolled. Although she initially had some trouble to decide if giving him a chance or not, things had escalated quickly once she had decided to.

Beth could easily see why; Glenn was sweet, honest, and caring. Hershel had initially been skeptical, as he always was when it came to boys and his precious daughters, but it didn’t take long until Glenn grew onto the Greene family’s patriarch as well. He was just one of those guys you just simply couldn’t dislike.

After dating each other for one and a half years, Maggie was convinced that Glenn was her soulmate. The older Greene sister moved out of her family home and they got an apartment together in Atlanta and got married shortly after.

“How’s Glenn?”

“Good, he has worked a lot of overtime lately, but he says it’s just temporary,” Maggie replied. “Starting to get a little homesick, I guess”.

“I can understand why,” Beth replied. “You guys have been gone for so long now”.

It had been over three years since the Rhee-spouses left Georgia now. Beth wasn’t sure how long Maggie and Glenn planned to stay in South Korea, “for a while” always seemed to be the answer when she asked. Perhaps they couldn’t decide between getting back to the farm, going to Atlanta, or Glenn’s old hometown, Michigan.

“Anyway, enough about me and Glenn. How are you? Did you have a fun weekend with your boyfriend?” Maggie asked.

Beth had almost forgotten that she had told her sister about her weekend plans with Zach.

“It was all right. Nothing happened really,” Beth said, feeling a little awkward. Compared to Glenn and Maggie’s textbook-example of romance, her and Zach’s relation was… different.

“You expect me to believe that? You spent the night at your boyfriend's place for the first time!” Maggie teased. “Come on, tell me how it was now!”

Beth groaned, but eventually, she gave in. Maggie usually had a way of getting what she wanted out of her younger sister.

“All right… all right!” Beth yielded. “I tell you”.

* * *

The plan had been to have a cozy movie night at Zack’s place; Zach had picked her up on Friday afternoon and took her on a ride in his car. They drove to the supermarket to pick up some snacks and made a stop at the Blockbuster store to rent some movies.

In the evening, they curled up together on Zach’s worn-out sofa and watched _‘Pulp Fiction’._ It wasn’t the kind of movie that Beth would normally pick, but she had been happy just to spend some time with Zack alone, so it didn’t matter that much, anyway.

During the movie, Zach wrapped his arm around her and Beth leaned her head against his shoulder as they shared a bowl of popcorn between them, and by the time the movie was over, they were making out on the sofa.

At some point, Zack got a little too eager, and Beth thought he was going to shove his tongue down her throat and their make-out session ended abruptly as Beth pushed him away. In an instant, Zach had realized that he had been a little too enthusiastic and he apologized on the spot.

_“I’m sorry, you’re just so pretty”._

Beth accepted the apology, and she had told him she felt tired and wanted to go to bed. Zach agreed, and they went to bed after brushing their teeth in silence.

In bed, things got heated up again. At least for Zach, physically.

_It was… very obvious._

Beth felt a little embarrassed. She and Jimmy, her previous boyfriend, had never done anything like that before. No, hugs and a chaste kiss on the cheek _once_ had been as far as they went. Still, they had just been kids and the whole thing about sex had always scared Beth.

_It just seemed so… disgusting._

_Impure, somehow_.

It hadn’t been temping at all. Until recently, that was.

It seemed like it was inevitable when they laid so close together, hidden under the covers. Zach’s hands traveled all over her body, slowly making their way to her breasts. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it didn’t really do anything special to her either. Beth gently stopped Zach’s hand before he could venture into her panties and she told him she didn’t want to go all the way.

_“It’s all right, I’ll understand, we don’t have to…”._

He understood, but to be blunt, he was hard as hell and… well, if Beth didn’t help him out, he would lie awake all night.

* * *

“Wait, what?” Maggie interrupted Beth. “Did he really say that?”

Beth sighed, frustrated. “No, no, he didn’t. But it just felt like that, you know. What was I supposed to do? He was like… super aroused and looked at me with a pleading gaze. I couldn’t just… leave him like that”.

Maggie snorted. “Of course, you could have! He could just have gone to the bathroom and jerk himself off, you know”. Beth sighed again. Her sister sure made everything sound so easy.

“I couldn’t say that to him, he’s my boyfriend and… I love him” she protested, and Beth almost winced at how sheepish she sounded. Maggie just groaned at the other end of the line, not impressed at all. “But that doesn’t mean that you have an obligation to things you don’t want to!” she barked at her little sister.

Beth bit her lip. What was she supposed to answer to that? It wasn’t like he had forced her, or nagged, or anything like that. It was more like she felt it would be rude not to... help him out.

“He didn’t force, or pushed me into anything,” Beth sighed, feeling the need to defend Zach. ”I can stand up for myself, you know,” she added.

“All right. Tell me what happened after that,” Maggie coaxed, eager to know.

* * *

Beth wanted to be a good girlfriend and some part of her felt guilty, somehow. Zach had always been so nice and kind to her, would it really hurt it she helped him out a little?

Pushing the awkwardness away, Beth wrapped her hands around Zach’s hard length.

_Dear God... what am I supposed to do with it?_

She had heard her older friends talk about it before, they said you were supposed to stroke it. Sadly, they weren’t more specific than that.

_Stroke it? Like what, like you patted a pet?_

Beth felt totally clueless. Those Sex-Ed pamphlets at the School Nurse’s office only told you how to avoid pregnancy and STDs, not how you gave boys handjobs. Maggie probably knew, and if Zach had given her heads-up about his plans, Beth _might_ have asked her sister.

Fortunately, Zach knew _exactly_ what to do.

 _“Just stroke it like this,”_ he demonstrated, and Beth felt how her cheeks flushed. Unable to speak, Beth just nodded as she did as Zach told her. It felt like... stroking a blanched parsnip made out of warm flesh. It sure was an odd experience, and Beth felt more awkward than she ever had done before.

_“Harder and faster”._

Beth bit back a grimace and did as she was told, or tried to at least. Zach had probably perfected the art ever since he entered puberty, she thought. Still, Beth assumed that she wasn’t doing too bad, as Zach seemed to enjoy it.

 _“Oh yeah, like just that, babe,"_ Zach groaned as he leaned back into the pillows. _“Just keep on doing that,”_ he added, and Beth did as she was told.

It was hard to keep a somewhat steady pace and grip, and Zach had to lay his hand over hers to help her keep up the right movement. She kept on for what felt like an eternity and her neck ached before Zach finally came. He grounded out loud as he turned all lax in Beth’s hands, leaving her with a sticky, white residue all over her hands.

Afterward, Beth looked at her reflection in the bathroom as she washed off the residue of her hands. Was this what sex was supposed to be like? During the whole act, Beth hadn’t felt even the slightest tingle of arousal.

_Suddenly, waiting with sex until after marriage didn’t seem so bad after all._

“You sure you are alright? I mean, I could do something for you, too,” Zach offered when Beth returned from the bathroom.

“It’s okay,” she assured him with a smile. “I’m really, really tired, Zach, we should try to sleep now”.

“Okay, if you’re sure,” Zach replied, and despite that Beth thought he sounded really concerned, it only took a minute until he was fast asleep, sleeping like a baby.

Beth on the other hand couldn’t sleep and lay awake for hours, next to the lightly snoring Zach. When the daylight started to sip through the window blinders, she had sneaked up and out of the apartment. Beth wasn’t really sure where the urge to get out came from. Suddenly, it was just like the walls crept closer and she just needed to get away from Zack and his apartment.

* * *

“Well, that sure sounded romantic,” Maggie said with a voice dripping of sarcasm.

“Don’t be rude,” Beth complained. “You would have done the same thing if it was Glenn”.

Maggie just scoffed at Beth’s statement. “There is no point rushing if it doesn’t feel right,” she continued. “Maybe you guys should take it slow from now on”.

Beth had already thought about that, too. They _had_ been taking it slow; she and Zach had been dating for almost six months, wasn’t that enough? Some of her friends in school had slept with their boyfriends on the first date.

“How am I supposed to know when it’s right then?” Beth sighed. It didn’t make sense at all.

_It didn’t really feel wrong._

_It should be all right then, shouldn’t it?_

“It’s not wrong to wait until you’re married either if that’s what you want,” her sister reminded her and Beth just moaned within, suddenly feeling very frustrated. The problem wasn’t that she didn’t want to, the problem was just that she suddenly didn’t feel very tempted to do it with Zach despite that she should.

“Zach is my boyfriend and I love him” Beth repeated. “I just thought… it would feel different. I thought I wanted to… do it with him”.

“There is plenty of fish in the sea,” her sister chuckled. “You don’t have to settle with the first one, you know”. Maggie knew that for sure, her old boyfriend hadn’t been marriage material at all. He had been a jerk, and it had relieved Beth when Maggie finally had enough of his bullshit and broke up with him.

Still, that wasn’t the case with Zach. He wasn’t one of those jerks. Maybe she wasn’t just ready quite yet.

“It doesn’t matter, Maggie, it’s not like I’m in a hurry to lose my virginity anyway,” Beth mumbled, feeling that they had discussed the subject enough now.

“I know,” her sister replied, her tone serious again. “Just take your time and don’t rush into anything, okay?”.

“I’ll promise,” Beth assured her sister, sighing. “I’m not stupid, Y’know”.

Beth had nothing further to add to the conversation, and Maggie eventually dropped the fruitless subject and returned to talking about her everyday life and Glenn. They talked for another fifteen minutes before Beth had to go to bed.

Tomorrow was Monday and Beth had to go to school. After that, she would visit the hospital and see if they were finished with her schedule for the summer. Beth would graduate High School in a few weeks and she had applied for a job as a hospital volunteer over the summer at the Harrison Memorial Hospital in King County. It would be a great opportunity to do something good for the community and it would also give her valuable experience before she started the training to become a Nurse’s aide.

She brushed her teeth, braided her hair, and laid down on her bed without even bothering to write about her conversation with Maggie in her diary.

* * *

Monday came, and everything went smoothly until Beth found herself standing in the hallway, staring at the coat hanger. Scout’s leather jacket hung there like a reminder that yesterday had occurred. Without thinking, Beth quickly grabbed the jacket and stuffed it in her backpack.

The day went on without any further surprises. Beth felt like she was walking through a haze, she was so consumed with her thoughts about Zach and how she would make things right that she hardly paid any attention to what the teacher said.

It wasn’t until after lunch that Beth managed to snap out of her trance, and she recalled that she still had Scout’s leather jacket stuffed into her backpack.

_I need to give it back._

The easiest option would be to find Zach and ask him to give it back, but Beth didn’t feel like asking him. He had tried to call her again and left multiple messages on her phone, which she hadn’t replied to. Beth felt like an outright bitch, but she honestly didn’t have the energy to sort things out with him yet.

Instead, she focused on her new task. If Zach didn’t give it back to Scout, her second-best option was to find Daryl and give the jacket to him.

Beth gnawed at the edge of her pen at the thought. She wanted to avoid going back to Zach’s neighborhood if she could help it. Besides, did Daryl really live there with Scout? Her house seemed to be kinda small to host two adults… and he had said that he was ‘sort of’ Scout’s boyfriend, so maybe they weren’t serious enough to live together?

_Maybe she could figure out where he worked and drop the jacket off there instead?_

Beth looked at her watch. She had no more classes for today and the only thing left on today’s schedule was to visit the hospital to get her schedule for the summer.

It took only ten minutes with the bus from Beth’s school to the Harrison Memorial Hospital. Beth picked up her schedule at the personnel department and took the stairs up to the cardiac care ward where Amy Harrison worked.

“Amy is off her shift soon,” one of the other nurses said. “You can wait for her in the staff room, she hasn’t had time to eat her lunch yet”...

Twenty minutes later, Amy showed up.

“Hey Greene, what’s up? You sure look lost in your thoughts today,” Amy said as she sat down with her lunch box on the chair next to Beth.

“Late lunch, huh?” Beth said, giving the older girl a smile.

Amy nodded. “It’s been so much to do today… I don’t get how everyone can turn ill at the same time,” she sighed as she poked with the fork in the food.

Amy Harrison was a young nurse, just a couple of years older than Beth herself. Blonde long hair, blue eyes, they could have been sisters. Amy was kind and friendly to everybody, and Beth had immediately taken a liking to the older girl.

They had known each other for a few years, ever since they met at a garden party the King County police held one summer for friends and families of their employees. Amy had been there with her sister Andrea, who was a lawyer and knew Rick through work.

“So, looking forward to starting working here?”

“Yeah, it’s going to be fun. I hope,” Beth smiled.

“Volunteer work will look good on your CV,” Amy grinned. “Your major tasks will be things like sorting laundry, take out the trash, make beds, and serve food. But it’ll be funnier when you’re a Nurse’s Aide, then we can work together, it would be so awesome!”.

They talked about work and school for a while until Beth realized that perhaps she could ask Amy if she knew anything about the Dixon Brothers. Beth knew that Rick often used to talk to Andrea, and since he was familiar with the Dixons, Andrea was probably, too. Beth came to the conclusion that Andrea had to know them at least, and maybe she had told her younger sister something, too?

“Amy, do you know who Merle Dixon is?” Beth asked.

Amy looked at her with a puzzled gaze. “Yeah, I do. Why do you wanna know that?”.

Beth shrugged. “His brother lent me a jacket and I want to give it back, but I don’t know where to find him…” she trailed off, hoping that the nurse wouldn’t inquire further about how she knew Daryl. She should have known better; Amy was just as curious as herself. The nurse put down her fork and looked at Beth with wide, curious eyes.

“Daryl lent you a jacket?”

A grin appeared on Amy's face and Beth didn’t like the giddy tone in her voice. “For real? What on earth did you do during the weekend? I thought you said earlier that you were with your boyfriend… uh, Zach was his name, wasn’t it?”.

“I was,” Beth said, suddenly feeling she was stuck in a trap. “But, uh… Daryl gave me a ride home and his girlfriend lent me her jacket. I want to return it”.

Amy looked slightly disappointed at her, and Beth supposed the other girl had wished for a more spectacular explanation.

“I see. Well, f I were you, I would just mail it to their clubhouse with a thank-you-note or something,” Amy said as she started gulping down her macaroni & cheese.

Beth frowned. “They have a… clubhouse?” she asked, perplexed.

_A clubhouse...?_

It sounded like a weird thing for adults to have. In Beth’s mind, clubhouses were something children labeled their treehouses as. Carl and some other kids from the neighborhood once had a ‘clubhouse’ down the street, made out of left-over wooden planks, where they drank Kool-Aid and read comics during the summer vacation.

Amy nodded. “Yeah, Merle is the president of the Savage Sons, it’s an MC club, you know that right? They got their clubhouse in Barksdale, it’s called Jake’s bar, I think”.

“Oh..”

Somehow, hearing that Daryl’s brother was the leader of an MC gang made Beth surprised. Guys in MC gangs; didn't they always have long beards, long hair with bandanas tied around their heads, full black leather gear with fringes and metal studs, and rode around on those black, shiny bikes with long handles? Daryl didn’t look anything like that, nor did his bike…

“Is his bro… uh, Daryl, a part of the club as well?” Beth inquired, hoping that she didn’t sound too curious.

Amy shrugged again. “He hangs around there from time to time, I think, so I suppose he is. It would be kinda weird if he wasn’t ‘cause they’re pretty close,” she mused. “Daryl and Merle that it is. They fight all the time, Andrea says, but they love each other”.

Beth gave Amy an awkward smile. “Thank you, Amy”.

Jake’s bar in Barksdale. Fair enough, Beth decided. It was worth a try. Beth hadn't forgotten that she had promised Lori to stay away from the Dixons, but since she was just going to return a jacket, that wouldn't count, would it? She would ask Noah to take her there tomorrow after school. Noah was a good friend who could keep a secret, and what Lori didn't know couldn't hurt her.  
  


* * *

Beth spared no time the next day. As soon as the first class was over, she pulled Noah aside.

“I need you to do me a favor”.

Noah was a tall, lanky boy with the kindest brown eyes Beth had seen. He was just as kind as he looked, unselfish and loyal and she felt lucky to call him a friend.

“Barksdale?” Noah looked at her with a disturbed frown. “Why do you want to go there?”

“I just need to drop off a thing at a club there,” Beth explained. “It won’t wake long”.

Noah grimaced, showing his disliking. “It’s not a very nice neighborhood… you know that, right?”

Beth nodded. She had never been to Barksdale before, but she had heard of it, and it seemed like a place that often appeared in the local newspaper under headlines like _'Further social unrest in low income-area',_ or _'Crime is on the rise again in ill-rumored town'_.

“I’m just gonna drop off something quick, please? It won’t take a long time,” she pleaded. Noah nodded.

“Okay, okay. Where are we going exactly?” he said, looking at Beth with big, concerned eyes. She just smiled at him. Beth might not be a seductress, but ever since she was a little girl, she knew that few were able to tell her no when she smiled and batted her long eyelashes.

“Jake’s bar”.

“Jake’s bar, it is then,” Noah said as he motioned for Beth to follow him to the parking lot. They jumped into Noah’s wine-red car and drove out on the highway.

“You’re not in any kind of trouble, are you?” Noah carefully asked after a couple of minutes, giving Beth a concerned look.

“Noah, I’m not going to buy drugs,” Beth sighed as she gave her friend a tired look. “I’m alright, you don’t need to worry about me”. She had heard of Barksdale before, anyone who lived in the Senoia area had. It was the kind of place people from the wealthier suburbs avoided unless they had some shady errands.

_Like buying ‘Blue Sky’, an unregistered handgun or prescription drugs under the table._

“Okay,” Noah nodded, seemingly a little calmer. “But you know you can talk to me, right? If there is something”. Beth just nodded as she fiddled with her bracelets. “Yeah”.

After a twenty-minute drive, Beth and Noah arrived in Barksdale. They parked in the alley behind the liquor store, hiding in the shadow, and Beth felt like they were a pair of bank robbers in a movie. She could spot the sign of ‘Jake’s bar’ just a little further down the same street.

“Are you sure about this, Beth?” Noah looked at her with a serious gaze. He thought it was a bad idea, Beth could tell, and Noah was probably right. Barksdale looked like the kind of place where you could get mugged in the broad daylights. Still, it wasn’t enough to convince her to abandon her plan.

“It’s all right, it won’t take a long time,” she assured Noah. “I’ll be right back,” Beth said as she climbed out of the car.

* * *

Daryl laid in the worn-out leather sofa at Merle’s office, flipping through an old magazine. He had spent the day working at the club’s salvage, dissecting cars for spare parts. It had been an uneventful day at large until one of the brothers from the Saviors showed up.

The savior had been looking for Merle. But nobody had seen Merle for three days; the president of the Savage Sons MC was nowhere to be found, and Daryl couldn’t help but wonder if the husband of Merle’s married mistress in Sherwood finally had enough of playing the second fiddle.

 _“Merle ain’t here,”_ Daryl said.

The savior just shrugged. _“Well, you gotta help me then”._

It turned out that one of Negan’s women had abandoned him for one of the brothers, a man called Dwight. Negan didn’t take lightly on such a betrayal. As a supporter club to the Saviors, the Savage Sons were obliged to obey Negan’s orders if they wanted to remain in his favor. Club favors were one thing, but this personal drama shit was just a goddamn waste of time.

 _“What’cha want us to do about it?”_ Daryl asked in a tired voice. There wasn’t a single fiber in his being who cared about Negan’s hurt pride. “ _Haven’t seen em’ around here”._

Perhaps if Negan had satisfied himself with _one_ woman instead of a whole fucking harem like some messed-up cult leader, he could have kept better track of her, Daryl thought.

_“Keep your eyes peeled”._

Daryl just nodded. “Alright, we’ll see to it”. Dwight wouldn’t sure as hell show up in Barksdale if he had more than one intact brain cell left — which Daryl doubted the man had.

_Messin’ with Negan was a fuckin’ bad idea unless you had a death wish._

Daryl had never been fond of the Savior’s charismatic, yet clearly insane president. Negan ruled the Saviors with an iron hand, and the only club which could challenge the Saviors was the Woodbury MC.

_Philip Blake was just as charismatic as Negan, and in addition to that, he was ruthless, cold-blooded, and manipulative as few._

But the Governor had been locked up at the Georgia State Prison for the last five years, which had allowed the Saviors to expand their territory further and push back their weakened rival club.

Recently, however, rumors had started to circulate that the Governor might be out soon, and it seemed to unsettle some of the Saviors. Perhaps that was why Dwight had decided to take his chances.

_The Governor was known to be a special kind of cruel… the sick, twisted kind._

“Daryl?” The sound of a familiar voice interrupted his thoughts and Daryl looked up to find Paul ‘Jesus’ Rovia standing in the door with an unreadable look on his face. Jesus had striking blue eyes, long, brown hair, a full beard, hence the nickname Jesus, although Scout used to say that he looked more like some grunge rock star, especially when he wore that long black leather coat. He was the only one of the sons who Scout genuinely liked, except Daryl.

“There’s a girl looking for you,” he simply said.

Daryl frowned. Scout was at work and he couldn’t think of anyone else who would be looking for him. Especially not a woman. He sat up on the sofa and gave Jesus a glare.

“What?”

“There is a girl waiting for you downstairs,” Jesus repeated politely.

Daryl looked at the other man’s face for some clue to whom it could be, but Jesus wore a flawless poker face as usual. Damn, the man could probably have had a career as a professional poker player if he wanted to.

The only women who came to the club were old ladies and groupies. But the groupies came for the parties and they didn’t hang around for Monday afternoons.

“What does she want?” Daryl growled from the sofa.

“I don’t know,” Jesus sighed, giving Daryl a tired gaze. ”Just go down and talk to the kid”.

_Kid?_

The word gave Daryl a bad feeling. The only girl he knew that could be called 'kid' was Carol’s daughter, Sophia, and she wouldn’t sure as hell show up at Jake’s unaccompanied. With Sophia out of the equation, there was only one girl Daryl could think of who could be described with that word.

_Fuck._

He stood up and tossed the magazine aside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ★The next chapter "Daddy Issues" will be posted between week 27-28. It turned out to need more editing than I anticipated, but it's a rather long chapter, so hopefully, it will be worth the wait :)


	5. Daddy Issues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✎This chapter was harder to edit than I initially thought, but hopefully, it turned out good enough. English is not my first language, as you probably noticed, and I always struggle to make the text flow smooth enough. Anyways, I'm satisfied enough with the result to post it, so let me know what you think, it's greatly appreciated ❤

**May 2003, Barksdale** ****

Daryl Dixon walked down the stairs to find Beth Greene standing at the doorway. She was clad in red converse sneakers, short, light blue denim shorts, and a thin, loosely knitted sweater, and in that outfit, she looked awfully out of place at Jake’s. He frowned at the sight. Daryl hadn’t expected to ever meet the girl again, but there she was.

When Beth saw him, a shy smile appeared on her face. “Hey,” she said, seemingly happy to see him. Daryl almost flinched at her cheerful greeting; people’s normal reaction when they encountered him wasn’t to smile like she did, especially if they didn’t know him. To him, Beth looked like a normal, well-kept girl from the upper-middle class, but perhaps she was more messed up than her looks gave her credit for.

At second thought, the girl _had_ to be messed-up if she, for some reason Daryl had failed to understand, came all the way out to Barksdale. 

_Had she come there for the sole purpose of looking for him?_

He certainly didn’t hope so. Without a word, he gripped Beth’s wrist and pulled her out of the bar. The club was almost empty, except for himself, Jesus, and some prospects, but he wouldn’t want to risk that anyone else laid eyes on her; Daryl already had enough of trouble as it was. 

By the time Beth was about to protest, they were already outside on the parking lot in front of the club and Daryl dragged the girl to the alley beside the bar before he stopped.

“Ya seem to have a knack for gettin’ yourself into trouble, girl, what are ya doin’ around here?” Daryl growled as he released his grip on Beth. 

A red, blush emerged on her cheeks and she made a slight grimace. “Uhm, I’m sorry but, uh, I got Anna’s jacket here,” Beth apologized she reached out the black leather jacket to him, avoiding his eyes. Daryl took the jacket without a word. 

_Ya gotta be fucking kiddin’ me._

He felt perplexed. Did she really come all the way to Barksdale, _just for that_ , when it would be a hundred times easier just to let Zach return it? Sure, it was probably a friendly gesture — but it didn’t make any sense to Daryl at all.

“Y’ shouldn’t have come here,” he repeated in a softer tone, looking at Beth with an unwavering gaze. She really shouldn’t, Barksdale was no place for a scrawny-looking kid like her. Beth looked back at him and he could tell that she already knew that it had been a bad idea. She swallowed and made a slight grimace again before opening her mouth.

“I’m sorry for causing you guys so much trouble,” Beth said, repeating her apology from earlier. “I just wanted to do the right thing,” she added. Beth looked at him again, with her big, baby blue eyes, and he could easily tell that she was sincere. It surprised him that she felt the need to apologize for such a stupid thing — it wasn’t like he had made a great effort finding her or something.

“Nothin’ to worry about,” Daryl replied, involuntary biting his lip. 

There was just something strange about this girl. Something with the way she looked at him, Daryl thought, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was. The feeling strangely familiar, somehow. Beth didn’t look at him like he was just some piece of white trash, unlike most people did. She had such kind, bright eyes, too.

_Almost like a doe._

“Hey! Little D!”

The sharp voice of Merle Dixon cut through the air like a chainsaw and for a split second, Daryl thought the blood in his veins was about freeze to ice. 

_Fuckin’ hell!_

Daryl groaned within; his brother was probably the last person on earth he wanted to see right now.” What are you doing’, hiding’ over there?” Merle questioned. His eyes were glittering with excitement and his lips were curled into a wide grin that could have put the Cheshire cat in awe. 

“Not now!” Daryl snarled back at his brother. Naturally, Merle didn’t listen and before Daryl could protest further, he found Merle hanging over his shoulders, eyeballing Beth like a hawk. The girl looked at his brother with a perplexed look on her face as Merle leaned closer to examine her. She didn’t look afraid, but Daryl could tell that Merle’s unexpected presence had startled her.

“And who might this sweet, little thing be?” Merle said as he eyed the girl from top to toe.

“I’m Beth and I’m not a little thing!” she protested, sounding more angry than frightened and her hands had curled into fists like she had to brace herself to not call him anything rude. But Merle just looked even more amused as he let go of Daryl to take another step closer to Beth. 

“Is that so?” Merle grinned as he narrowed his eyes. “What’s your business out here then, with my baby brother, little sister?” Beth’s eyes widened even further, and she opened her mouth to answer, but Daryl was quicker. “Nothing. She was just about to leave,” he interrupted as Daryl grabbed his brother by the shoulders and yanked him away from Beth. 

“Oh, really? What a shame…” Merle said, his tone dripping with false sweetness, not taking his eyes of the girl in front of him.

Daryl looked at Beth with pleading eyes, begging that she would catch the drift and fucking leave. Beth looked back at him like she wanted to say something more, but she gave him an awkward smile before she quickly disappeared from the parking lot and Daryl let out a breath of relief. 

“Ya gotta watch out for that one,” Merle said, making a gesture in the direction Beth had disappeared. “Won’t give ya anything but trouble, baby brother, I’ll bet my ass on that”.

“What?” Daryl asked as he let go of his brother.

“Her,” Merle cocked his head, looking at his younger brother with disbelief like he thought Daryl was playing dumb on purpose.

“What the fuck are ya talkin’ about?” Daryl growled at him, still not catching the drift. He wasn’t slow or anything, it was just that what Merle was implying was so loathsome, that Daryl thought he must have heard wrong. It was a low blow, even for the older Dixon brother. The girl was just a fucking kid and there was certainly not anything between them like his thoughtless brother implied.

“Know one when I see one,” Merle crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes. “That little jailbait got daddy issues written all’ over her,” he sneered. “Just stay the fuck away from her, Baby Brother”.

  
  


* * *

_Daddy Issues?_

_Do I look like I have ‘Daddy issues?_

_What was that even supposed to mean…?_

The other man had spoken so loudly, that even several yards away from them, Beth could still hear what they said. She felt a furious, red, unwelcome blush burn on her cheeks and the pulse was raging in her veins.

_A Jailbait with daddy issues…_

Beth clenched her teeth as she walked with fast steps back to their parking spot behind the liquor store. "What a vile, rude man that was" she mumbled to herself. Never before had she been so humiliated for no reason by a stranger. But the thing that bothered her most was probably what the other man had called Daryl. 

_Baby brother._

She frowned at the thought; was that man really Daryl’s older brother, Merle Dixon? They didn’t look that much like each other; Merle was a bit shorter than Daryl and had a more compact build. But they had both blue eyes, spoke with the same accent and their facial features had some similarities. 

Beth took a deep breath before she opened the car door. She didn't want to worry Noah more than necessary and she needed to calm down before he dropped her off at home. It was late in the afternoon and the rest of the Grimes' family would already be home. 

“Are you okay, you look... a little red?” Noah asked as Beth climbed into the car.

“I’m fine,” Beth smiled back at him, trying to convince him that everything was alright even though she still was almost on the inside. If there was something Beth hated it was to be looked up as some fragile, naive, stupid little girl. That wasn’t who she was at all, and yet, it seemed to be what more than a handful of people saw when they looked at her. Her youthful face and petite figure certainly didn't do her any favors.

Noah looked back at her like he didn’t buy her explanation, but like the gentle individual he was, he decided to not push the subject further. “Alright then,” Noah said as he turned on the engine. “Let’s get you home then, shall we?”. 

Beth nodded; she had enough adventure for today.

* * *

The rest of the week went by without any surprises and it didn’t take long until it was Friday again. The air in the classroom was hot and sticky, despite that the true summer heat hadn’t struck Georgia yet, but it was still enough to make Beth feel drowsy. She shifted on her blue, plastic chair, trying to find a more comfortable position but it was a lost cause.

Despite her best efforts to ignore the event at Jake’s, Beth found herself dwelling over the vile man’s words during the rest of the week. Little thing. Daddy issues. Jailbait. It made her feel angry and frustrated, almost like when Daryl had said she was some pampered kid back in the forest. The two of them didn’t know their manners, that was for certain.

She cast an eye at her seated classmates around the table and they all looked as they could fall asleep any minute. The school building was old, and the ventilation system had seen better days. It didn’t help that their teacher had an awfully monotone voice either, and Beth resisted an urge to giggle as she saw Noah trying to hide yet another yawn behind his palms. 

He smiled as he caught Beth’s gaze and gave her a small nudge on the shoulder as he nodded to the watch on the wall. 

_Just twenty-minutes left._

Beth tried to gather her focus again, but it was futile, and her thoughts wandered back to her last encounter with Daryl in Barksdale for at least the tenth time.

There was just something with the encounter that made the memory stick to her mind like an old piece of bubble gum. It felt like everything had gone wrong; she had just wanted to give back the jacket and apologize to Daryl for the trouble she had caused him. Beth despised to be a nuisance to other people — unless it wasn’t necessary, and a part of her was afraid that Daryl thought that she might be one of those teenage drama queens. A girl who did stupid things just for the attention. 

But it didn’t seem like he had been annoyed with her, had he? Beth thought as she started to chew on her pencil. She hoped that he didn't think of her in that way. The thought that he might, bothered her more than it should for some odd reason and Beth felt a strange urge to find Daryl again and explain herself. Again. Without interruptions.

“…and I think we are done for today, it was really interesting to hear your reflections. Until next week, I want you all to have read chapters twelve to fourteen”. 

The sound of chairs scratching against the floor interrupted Beth’s thoughts and pushed her back to reality in an instant. She packed down her notebook and pencil case in the backpack and stretched her arms out in the air. 

“Stiff?” Noah asked with a smile.

“Yeah, these chairs are terrible. Feels like I’ve sat on a log for hours,” Beth joked half-heartedly. Noah laughed as he packed his stuff and pushed his chair to the table. “Let’s get out and get some air before we faint” he suggested.

* * *

As soon as they went outside, Beth felt her senses return to normal again. Having spent all day inside the clammy school building, it felt nice to be out in the fresh air again. It was yet another beautiful, warm day, and the sun stood high over central Senoia. 

“You feel getting a milkshake before going home?” Noah asked.

Yeah, su….” Beth trailed off. She was about to reply, but the sight of a familiar figure and a black, shiny car caught her attention. It was Zack, who stood with his back leaned against his Dodge Charger, which he had parked right in front of the entrance to the school so that nobody could miss it.

“Looks like that milkshake has to wait,” Noah said with a crooked smile.

Beth nodded to her friend as she gazed at her boyfriend. Zach wore a black t-shirt, matching stonewashed black jeans, a pair of club master sunglasses and the outfit somehow made him look older than his nineteen years. He had dressed up, Beth realized. Like he was trying to impress her? She caught his gaze and Zach smiled when their eyes met.

“Hey babe, thought I’d take you on a ride,” Zach said as he took off his sunglasses. He spoke in a calm, unconcerned tone, like the events of the past weekend never had occurred. Beth didn’t know if she should be happy, feel relief, or feel guilt. She had ignored his calls and text messages ever since Saturday. She pushed back the cocktail of mixed feelings in the back of her mind and walked up to Zach, greeting him with a chaste kiss like she always did.

“Hey,” Beth said, giving him a gentle smile. “What a surprise!” she exclaimed, feeling a little bit unsure. She hadn’t expected him to show up like this, at her school without notice.

If Zach noticed her nervousness, he didn't acknowledge it. Instead, he just pulled Beth into his arms and kissed her again. "Come with me," he mumbled into her hair. "Let's get out of here". Beth nodded as Zach loosened his embrace around her to open up the car door. 

“Where are we going?” 

“It’s a surprise,” Zach smiled again. “Gonna take you somewhere nice,” he added with pride in his voice. 

10 minutes later, they were out on the highway. Zach drove fast, with one hand on the steering wheel, and the scene outside the car flew by like when you pressed fast-forward on the remote. Beth leaned back in the seat, trying to enjoy the ride, but the anxiety within started to grow for every minute that passed by. Beth wrapped her hands around the safety belt to restrain herself from fiddling with her bracelet. They needed to talk, it was unavoidable, and she needed to apologize for her behavior.

“I think we need to talk”. 

Zach nodded and turned down the blasting stereo, keeping it just loud enough to that they could talk to each other without screaming to make their voices audible over the music.

“I’m really sorry, Zach, I should have called you earlier,” Beth admitted. She didn’t really know where to start, but she had to start somewhere, so she decided to be blunt. “I thought about it so many times, but I just… I just didn’t know what to say and I ended up not doing nothing at all” she apologized. It was an awful excuse for not getting in touch with her boyfriend for almost a week and Beth was painfully aware of that. 

“It’s okay,” Zach replied. “I’ve been kinda busy myself,” he added with a small grin, and Beth was relieved that he didn’t seem to be angry with her. Maybe they could sort things out and start over.

“You shouldn’t have disappeared like that,” Zach pointed out and Beth just nodded in a silent agreement. Of course, he had to bring it up, Beth thought. He wasn’t going to let her get away without a proper explanation and in all honesty, he deserved one. She should tell him about her issues with anxiety, tell him that what happened wasn’t his fault.

He took his eyes off the road for a second to look at her. “I heard Daryl found you out at the sawmill,” Zach continued, and Beth suddenly felt a bit uneasy at hearing Daryl’s name again and she almost squirmed. 

_Did Zach know him?_

“Yes, he bought me back home,” Beth replied in a curt tone, not even caring to explain to Zach that she hadn’t been lost, nor had she been unable to find the way back on her own.

“Good thing he was around. Guess you were really lucky there; it's been more than a while since I last saw him at Scout's place”.

“He doesn’t live there?” Beth asked with a frown. 'Live apart together' arrangements among steady couples weren't common in Senoia and most couples Beth knew were married and lived together.

“Nah, I think he has an apartment in the outskirts of Barksdale or somewhere in that area at least,” Zach shook his head as he pulled off the highway and Beth stopped a green sign with the text _‘Archer’s Creek Dam’_ at the side of the road. 

“But they’re a couple, right?” Beth carefully inquired, not wanting to sound like she was snooping. It wasn’t any of her business, but sometimes her curiosity got the best of her. 

“Yeah, I guess they are,” Zach replied with a light shrug. “Daryl is a great guy, but uh, he is something of a lone wolf, I think. Doesn’t talk much”. 

“I guess so,” Beth agreed. 

They parked at one of the resting places, where you could sit down and have a picnic with a view over the dam. Zach had bought food, and Beth was equally surprised and impressed. This was unexpectedly nice. Perhaps Zach’s mother had given him some advice?

“I met Carl earlier in the week,” Zach said. “He told me to take you here since you weren’t able to go with him and Rick last weekend, which was partly my fault,” he grinned.

“It’s beautiful,” Beth agreed. It really was, the view was stunning; the water was clear, the woods that surrounded the outfall was lush, and the dam itself was an impressing construction.

They sat down at one of the wooden benches and Zach unpacked the food he had bought for them; antipasti and salad in plastic containers from the Italian deli in town. She felt at ease again, for the moment. While they ate, they spoke about Beth’s upcoming prom, her volunteer job, and eventual plans for the fall.

When they were almost finished eating, Zach got a troubled expression on his face and Beth understood at once what he wanted to talk about. 

“You know, I’ve felt terribly guilty for how things went down last weekend,” Zach said as he looked at her with sad puppy eyes and it was obvious that he was regretful, even though he didn’t do anything wrong. “I kinda... thought you were okay with… what we did”.

“I’m sorry too,” Beth apologized for the third time. “I know I said it was alright and I thought I was ready, but…” she shrugged, and Zach just nodded, avoiding her gaze. Beth couldn’t tell if he was disappointed with her answer or not, but apparently, she wasn’t the only one who felt awkward about their attempt at being intimate. She wondered if her avoidance had spurred on the bad conscience Zach seemed to have.

“I… I think we should probably take it slow for a while,” Beth suggested as she poked around with the plastic fork in the remainder of her salad. 

Zach made a slight grimace like he wanted to object, but eventually, he just nodded again. Beth wondered if he was frustrated with the slow pace, and in one way, she could understand if he was. Zach loved her, and he had been so patient with her. Much more patient than most guys in his age would be, Beth thought.

As she pondered over their slow-pacing relationship, Beth thought of Maggie and Glenn again; once Maggie and Glenn got together for real, they hadn’t been able to keep their hands off each other and whenever Beth saw them, they looked at each other with deeply devoted gazes and glittering eyes. Like a segment from a best-selling romance novel. 

_If Maggie and Glenn’s love was a wildfire, then Zach and Beth’s were… a campfire that refused to burst into flames._

_“I shouldn’t be so negative,”_ Beth thought for herself as they walked back to the car. She was very well aware that it was pointless to keep comparing herself and Zach to Maggie and Glenn, yet she couldn’t resist. Maggie had always talked about how amazing it felt being with Glenn, butterflies in the stomach, and all that, so when Beth got into her first real, ‘adult’ relationship, she had somehow expected to feel the same.

Which she, to her disappointment, didn’t feel. She liked Zach a lot; he was nice, kind, and patient, and Beth had simply concluded that she loved him. Butterflies in the stomach or not. It had been good enough when they were casually dating, but as the time went by and Zach wanted to take the relationship further, the lack of sparks in the air had started to bother Beth for real. 

_“Dad always said that one could accomplish most things in life through hard work, so maybe we just have to work more on our relationship,”_ Beth thought, and she tightened her grip on Zach’s hand. _“Perhaps I just have to try harder”._

Zach clutched her hand back, like an unspoken resolve to keep fighting for their relationship.

“I’m glad we talked about this,” he said, giving her a genuine smile as he opened up the car door for Beth. “Me too”, she said as she returned the smile. 

One hour later, Zach dropped her off at home. He followed her to the door, wrapped his arms around her, and gave her a hot kiss on the mouth.

_Everything was alright again._

* * *

**Early June 2003, Senoia Suburb**

It wasn’t the same woman who had left the state that stood on the porch in front of him now. Her blue eyes sparkled in the sun, filled with pride and strength and she wore a broad smile on her lips. Clad in a deep red blouse, matching red plants with a floral pattern, a coarse necklace, and matching earrings, she almost looked like a bohemian royal in the sunlight. 

“Daryl,” Carol said as she caught the eye of her old friend. “It’s good to see you again,” she said as a wide, hearty smile appeared on her face.

“I didn’t expect ya to ever come back,” Daryl admitted as he leaned his back against the fence on Carol’s porch. It was a big white house, located in the same suburban area where he had dropped off Beth three weeks ago. It surprised him that Carol had chosen to settle down in a place like this; it wasn’t too different from her old house, just another part of the town. 

“It was time to leave the past behind me,” Carol simply said as she lit a cigarette before handing over the cigarette package to Daryl. The similarity with her old home didn’t seem to bother her.

After Ed’s death, she had moved back to her hometown in Kentucky with her daughter Sophia. In Kentucky, Carol had gotten herself a new job, an apartment, and she had met a new man named Tobin. They were together for a while but going into a new relationship after years of abuse was hard and Carol decided to end the relationship before it got too serious, she needed time to heal on her own. Once, not being alone had been her concept of happiness. But those days were gone now, and Carol was strong enough to stand on her own legs.

He noticed two sparkling golden rings on her left ring finger. It wasn’t the same ones as she had worn back in the days when she still had been married to Ed. 

“New husband, huh?”. 

“Yeah,” Carol nodded with a satisfied smile. 

When Carol met Ezekiel King, her whole world had changed in an instant. Ezekiel and Carol had married in Kentucky, three years ago after just a few months together. Shortly after that, they had adopted a boy together; Henry, an optimistic and kind 11-year old with brown eyes and dirty blonde hair. It all went so fast that Daryl didn’t get hear about it until after the honeymoon was over and the adoption papers signed. Carol had called him one late afternoon in January 2002, just after the holidays, and told Daryl that she now was a married woman for the second time, Sophia had gotten a little brother and that Carol and her new husband had decided to move back to Georgia as soon as they found a suitable house.

” You were too late,” she added, giving him a flirty look and Daryl grinned back at her. “I’ll survive, somehow”. They had always been close, ever since they met, and although Daryl was positive he loved Carol, he had never felt any true romantic feelings towards her. 

Carol just laughed at his comment and gave him a nudge in the side. She had changed a lot since he saw her the last time, but her sense of humor seemed to be intact. 

“He better be treating ya good,” Daryl added, giving her a serious gaze. “Otherwise I’ll…”.

“He does, believe me, I have learned by my mistakes in the past,” Carol interrupted him, and he could tell that she meant every word. Her old husband, Ed Peletier had been abusive, and his death in December 1996 had been nothing but a relief to Daryl.

“Maybe it’s your turn soon,” Carol said, giving him a wink. “Heard you had someone special these days, to” she added a suggestive look her face. Carol had never met Scout, and Daryl didn’t even recall if he had mentioned that he had a girlfriend to her either. He didn’t like to talk about those things, not even with Carol.

He back at her with a blank gaze. Did she really imply that he would get married? 

He scoffed at the idea.

“No?” Carol tilted her head to the side, looking a little surprised. 

“Never crossed my mind,” he confessed with a slight shrug. 

It wasn’t a lie; Daryl wasn’t even certain if he could love someone in the way he knew Carol meant. That kind of devotion… It wasn’t that he didn’t have feelings for Scout. Far from the opposite; he liked her a lot. They were good together and he felt comfortable around Scout. The Sheriff’s daughter was independent, had thick skin and she accepted that Daryl needed much time for himself. To tell the truth; Daryl was perfectly fine not living together with Scout either. 

If she had been one of those women who kept nagging about buying a house and having children, their relationship wouldn’t have lasted a full week. 

He wasn’t just cut out for that kind of life Carol lived. Kids, houses, garden parties with the neighbors, and church on Sundays. He almost felt uneasy, just by thinking about it, as it reminded him of his parents, their fatal marriage, and his childhood...

Daryl wouldn’t want the life he had lived for anyone else. Bad parents and bad upbringing could surely mess you up for life. Their old man had been a mean son of a bitch, to both himself and Merle. Mostly to Merle, despite that he had beat both of his boys, Daryl had been his favorite. 

Carol seemed to notice his discomfort and decided to switch the subject.

“How’s your brother doing now?” she said, taking a drag of her cigarette. 

Carol had always disliked Merle. She couldn’t stand him, and Daryl and Carol usually didn’t speak about Merle, as it was one of the few subjects that they never had agreed on. When they were younger, Carol always used to tell him how much of a bad influence Merle was on him and that Daryl would be better without his bigger brother. 

“Just fine,” Daryl replied. 

“Is he still clean?” Carol gave Daryl a harsh look like she wanted to remind him what she thought of Merle, in case he had forgotten. Daryl could see why she still was concerned about the subject, even after such a long time; when Carol had seen Merle in person the last time, he had been deep into his drug addiction. Benzos, Crystal Meth and Hillbilly Heroin; back in the 90’s Merle had done about every drug he could get his hands on. 

Daryl nodded. “As far as I’ve noticed, yeah”. 

It was no secret that Merle’s fucking drug-addiction had caused his younger brother big amounts of pain, suffering, and trouble over the years. But Merle was his brother, his blood, the only family he had left, except his half-uncle Jess Collins, and Daryl had always felt it was his duty to look out for his brother. 

_It was just the way he was._

Merle always used to remind Daryl that he had always his back, no matter what, and despite that he could be a royal asshole, Merle mostly did.

“Good,” Carol said, seeming to be content with the answer.

“I’m going to have a housewarming party in a couple of weeks, you should bring your girlfriend… I’d like to meet her,” Carol continued with a warm smile playing on her lips.

Daryl looked at back her with a wary expression. He wasn’t much for social gatherings at all, especially not the kind of parties he’d figured Carol was used to; spending the evening drinking wine with her house wife-friends wasn’t something that tempted him at all.

“It’ll be nice,” Carol said in an assuring tone as if she had read Daryl’s mind. “It’s just some of my old friends and neighbors who are coming over”.

“I’ll be there,” he agreed in a low voice. 

In all honesty, Daryl didn’t want to go at all, but on the other hand, he couldn’t let Carol down. He would suck it up for her sake. 

Besides, it wouldn’t hurt to meet her new husband in person and see what kind of guy he was. Make sure he did take good care of Carol, she had been through hell and certainly didn’t need more trouble. 

“Thank you,” Carol said with another smile, clutching his hand. “It means much to me”.

Daryl just nodded. “No worries,” he replied, returning the smile. “Gotta go, though. I promised to pick up Scout’s boots in town, need be there before they close,”.

Carol gave him a grin. “I’ll expect you at the party, Pokie. Don’t come alone”.

* * *

**Harrison Memorial Hospital**

Beth stood in the cardiology ward’s storage and packed up fresh laundry from one of the big, blue polyester laundry bags that came from the hospital wash three times a week. She carefully placed the fresh working clothes in perfect piles on the shelves, sorted after sizes. It was a dull task, but Beth honestly didn’t mind as it allowed her to get lost in thoughts while she worked.

Her prom had been uneventful; she had gone with Zach and he had bought her a corsage with yellow lilies and Cherokee Roses, Georgia’s official state flower, which matched her yellow gown nicely. They drank some punch, danced in the neon lights, and applauded for the Prom Queen and King. When the evening was over, Rick picked them up and drove them home to the Grimes’ residence where they celebrated with the rest of the family. 

Things with Zach had improved, but Beth still felt that there was a rift between them that hadn’t been there before and there was a gnawing feeling within her chest that refused to disappear whenever she thought about their relationship. 

“Hey, Greene!” Amy suddenly appeared in the door opening to the storage with a big grin all over her face. Guess what? I’m going to a party next weekend, and I need a new dress… you feel like helping me out?”

“Sure thing” Beth smiled. She had bought her prom gown second-hand in a thrift store in town, they would certainly be able to find something fit for Amy’s old-fashioned taste there, too. “I know just the place to go,” she winked. 

An hour later, Amy and Beth entered the thrift shop. It was small and filled to the brim with second-hand formal wear from the last decades: formal jackets, dress pants, smokings, party dresses, and ball gowns in all shapes and colors.

Amy scouted through the dress rack with big eyes. “Wow, look at all these dresses, Beth,” she said as she reached out her hand to caress one of the gowns. Beth smiled at her friend, knowing her love for fairy tales and princesses; the thrift store was filled with many hidden treasures, and there was no better place to find a suitable dress for her friend. 

Amy giggled as she held up the dress in front of Beth. “What do you think?”. 

The dress Amy had picked out was a baby blue, old-fashioned ball gown with a puffy shirt in several layers, and it looked like something a girl could have worn for her prom in the ’50s. 

“It’s pretty,” Beth admitted. “But I thought you were going a party, not a ball at the castle,” she chuckled.

Amy grimaced. “You’re right,” she said, putting the back the dress on the rack. “It's a garden party, actually. Let’s see if they have something less formal, a cocktail dress perhaps”.

They took their time searching through the rest of the store until they found a swing dress from ‘Laura Ashley’ dress. It was made out of red cotton fabric with a neat floral print, simple yet sweet. “I’ll buy it,” Amy concluded when she saw Beth’s approving smile. “It’s perfect”.

They stood at the checkout and Amy was just about to pay for her dress when a familiar voice spoke behind them.

“No pink gown?”.

Beth turned around to meet the gaze of Andrea Harrison, Amy’s older sister, who stood at the entrance of the shop. Like her sister, Andrea had blonde hair and light blue eyes. She was impeccably dressed in a black, sleek dress suit, black high heels, and she had a matching briefcase tucked in under her arm.

“I realized a ball gown might be slightly too much for a garden party,” Amy replied as the shop clerk carefully packed down her dress into a plastic bag. 

“I heard Carol’s new husband is quite… theatrical, he might have appreciated it,” Andrea winked.

Amy just sniggered at her sister's comment. “It’s a garden party, not a masquerade. Besides that, the invitation said nothing but _‘come as you are’_ , so no dress code, right?”.

They stepped out of the store and Andrea asked if Beth needed a ride home, but Beth was all caught up with the sight of a familiar figure at the other end of the street, outside the shoemaker’s store, talking to another man.

“Beth…?”.

Beth bit her lip as she narrowed her eyes to see better in the bright sunshine. She immediately recognized his black leather cut and the red bandana. His hair seemed to be a bit lighter than last time, probably bleached by the sun. It was Daryl Dixon, no doubt about it, and she felt her heart skip a beat at the realization.

For a split second, Beth was worried that the other man might be his rude brother, but as she took a closer look, she saw that the other man was much darker and had a different haircut than Merle. Beth didn’t recognize the other man, but he wore the same kind of leather vest that Daryl had, only with different embroidery. The stranger's vest had two embroidered labels in black and white which said: “Saviors MC” and “Neganland” which surrounded the image of a baseball bat with barbwire wrapped around the top, and she realized that he must belong to another club.

“Neganland?” Beth mumbled to herself. “Is that even a real place?” 

“Beth!” Amy tapped her shoulder. “Hello, Greene, are you in there?”.

“Uh, no thanks, I’m fine,” Beth quickly replied as she unwillingly turned her gaze away from the two men. “I’m… gonna… I’ll take the bus later,” she lied, and the two sisters exchanged a swift, suspicious gaze but they decided to not ask any further questions.

“Alright, I guess I see you on Monday then,” Amy said with a smile.

Beth smiled back. “Sure. Have a great weekend,” she said as she silently prayed that the other women hadn't spotted Daryl.

She wanted to talk to him, alone, and preferably without anyone knowing about it.

It had been over three weeks since she had visited Barksdale to return Scout’s jacket and Beth’s common sense told her to just get over the whole thing altogether and go on with her life. Focus on her relationship with Zach and keep working on restoring the family peace with Lori. At the thought of Lori, Beth felt a sting of bad conscience; she had already broken the promise she gave to her foster mother once.

_“But promise me one thing? The Dixons, they’re both bad news, just stay away from him”._

Lori's words echoed in the back of her head and Beth unconsciously ground her teeth. Defying Lori once, in all well-meaning, was a thing, but twice?

Beth swallowed.

She didn't dare to turn her gaze back to Daryl until Andrea and Amy had disappeared around the corner. While Beth had said goodbye to the sisters, Daryl and the savior had finished their conversation and she saw him walk away in the opposite direction from where she stood. Without a second thought, she leaped over the street. “Daryl, wait!” Beth yelled as she sprinted after him, hoping that Andrea and Amy had gone far away enough so they couldn’t hear her yell.

* * *

• [What does 'Daddy Issues' mean?](https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/daddy-issues/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ★The next chapter 'Lolita' will be posted during week 28-29, and in it, we'll meet Shane, so that the Lori/Rick/Shane side plot finally gains some momentum. Bis bald!


	6. Lolita

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✿ In this chapter, we finally met Shane :) I loved Bernthal in the Punisher-series and the reason I started watching the Walking Dead was solely because he was starring in it and I thought the love-triangle between Lori/Shane/Rick was entertaining to watch. I mean, that kind of soap-opera drama in a horror series isn't something you see every day.
> 
> ✎ I see that sometimes words "disappears" in the text, and it seems like BOTH Grammarly and Word miss to correct stuff like the sentence "she thought he spent too little with the kids", where the word time is missing. I apologize for these mistakes, I'll correct them as soon as I notice them!

**June 2003, Senoia Suburb**

He turned around and looked at her with a frown. “…Beth?”.

“Hey,” she said, greeting him with her usual, innocent smile. Like she just had run into him by accident. Daryl didn’t look convinced, he crossed his arms over his chest and Beth had to force herself not to stare at the way the muscles in his arms tensed. Instead, she swiftly moved her gaze to his hands instead and saw that he’s had a small star tattooed on his right hand. 

“Shouldn’t ya be in school or somethin’?” Daryl asked, looking at her with a suspicious gaze, like she was a meter maid who was about to give him a parking ticket. He sounded annoyed, too and Beth felt how her heart sank a little.

“Uh, no… I graduated. I... I wanted to talk to you”. As soon as she had closed her mouth, Beth immediately regretted the last sentence. ' _I wanted to talk to you' —_ it sounded too demanding, and too much like she had planned to have some sort of serious conversation.

“Talk to me?” Daryl’s frown deepened. “What the fuck do we have to talk about, huh?” he spat at her without warning and Beth took an involuntary step backward and braced herself. Beth hadn’t expected him to be so uncooperative — or rude. She just wanted to talk, and yet Daryl snapped at her even before she had told him what she wanted. 

_“Well, fine,”_ Beth thought. If he wanted to be blunt, she could be blunt, too. 

“I want to know what that man called me,” Beth demanded. “Outside Jake’s. I heard the two of you”.

Her question seemed to strike Daryl like a punch in the gut, and Beth could tell by the stunned look on his face, that whatever it was that Daryl had expected her to say, this wasn’t it. 

“Look, it’s nothin’ to care about,” Daryl finally replied after a few seconds of silence. He suddenly looking very bothered, perhaps even guilty.

“M’ brother…” he began but stopped to fish up a package of cigarettes and a lighter from his pocket. Daryl didn’t say anything as he flipped the package open, picked up a cigarette, and put it to his lips before he lit it. He closed his eyes briefly while taking a drag, and Beth crossed her arms over her chest impatiently. 

“He’s just full of shit, doesn’t matter,“ Daryl explained as he breathed out the smoke, seeming a little bit calmer.

_So, that had been his brother after all..._

Beth suddenly recalled Rick and John Ed’s conversation from the barbecue. They had discussed whenever the notorious rumors about the Savage Son’s president were true or not, and after her brief encounter with Merle, Beth thought that most of the rumors probably were true. 

_Perhaps Lori had been right, maybe the Dixons really was bad news?_

“You’re gonna tell me what it meant, or not?” Beth pushed. Once again, she was surprised by her own boldness; she felt oddly rebellious. It was like just being around Daryl had that strange effect on her and Beth even dared to look him straight into the eyes as she spoke.

He could be as intimidating as he wanted — she wasn’t going to back down. 

Daryl looked back at her with something hard in his gaze, like he wanted to scold her for pushing the subject further. It was obvious he didn’t want to talk about it, but Beth had already decided that she wouldn’t leave without an answer. 

“Doesn’t matter, I said,” Daryl said in a curt tone and Beth felt like he was shrugging her off like she was an annoying child.

She looked back at him with a stern gaze.

“Tell me!” she demanded again, and Daryl almost took a step back, seemingly shocked by her sudden outburst. He looked at her through narrowed eyes like Beth suddenly had smashed his mental image of her as a " _southern belle"_ , or whatever he thought of her.

“Fine,” Daryl agreed, breathing out the smoke one last time before putting out the cigarette. “It’s a girl who had a messed-up relationship with her dad, makes her wanna fuck older guys”. 

Daryl kept his gaze peeled on her like he was waiting for some sort of reaction, but all Beth managed to do was to stare back at him. Part of her wanted to sink through the ground and disappear into the earth when she thought about what Daryl’s foul brother had implied. Beth felt humiliated and the anger started to boil within her chest. She took a deep breath and clenched her fists.

_I can’t possibly come off as that… Not in a million years._

“Look, I don’t wanna be your girlfriend and I don’t wanna sleep with you either, so your brother doesn’t need to worry!!” she spat back at him. This time, her outburst didn't catch him off guard and Daryl just leaned his head back and grinned at her. Beth’s eyes widened in surprise as she looked at Daryl’s smug face.

_How dare he mock me like this?_

“Makes m’ glad to hear,” he said, looking like her previous words didn’t even bother him the slightest. Beth clenched her teeth, still staring at him. The anger within her was wavering, threatening to be replaced by embarrassment as Beth felt her cheeks turn hot.

“Look, just stay out of trouble, alright? I don’t wanna see ya around Barksdale ever again,” Daryl warned her in a stern tone. The smug grin was gone and replaced with an annoyed expression that told her that his patience with her drama was over.

“You’re such a jerk!" Beth hissed at him. "But don't worry, I wouldn't ever want to get anywhere near you again!". She gave him a harsh glare before Beth turned on her heel and swiftly walked away in the opposite direction of the man.

It felt like their previous encounter in Barksdale all over again — just ten times worse.

Ten minutes later, Beth stood in the shadow with her back against the bus shelter. It felt like her face was _scorching_ and she hugged her backpack tightly to her chest like it could save her from drowning in the feeling of embarrassment; Beth had just wanted a conversion, and instead, she had ended up causing a scene, like a furious, jealous girlfriend, and Beth felt her throat tighten at the realization.

_She, Beth Greene, had caused a scene in public for something as ridiculous as a meré insult._

It wasn’t like her, it wasn’t like her at all; she was a well-mannered, gentle girl. Beth swallowed as the realization of just how badly she had behaved sank in and it wasn't a pleasant feeling at all. If Herschel had seen her acting like that, he would have been embarrassed with her behavior.

"Lori was right, I should have stayed away from him," Beth thought as she stepped on the bus and forced herself to give the bus driver a friendly smile and a small "hello". The woman in the driver's seat gave her a friendly nod and Beth seated herself with a deep sigh on one of the frayed seats in the back of the bus. 

* * *

Daryl watched Beth disappear down the street as he took one last drag of his cigarette before putting it out on the warm asphalt. He was almost stunned by how fiercely she had acted, and even more so how upset she had gotten by Merle’s stupid comment.

 _"What an attention-seeking little brat"_.

She annoyed him and one thing Daryl could agree on with Merle regarding the girl was that she seemed to be trouble. When Beth looked at him with her huge, baby blue eyes, Daryl couldn't help but feel some sort of lingering feeling he couldn’t define. It was like a liquid warmth trailed through his body and that feeling made him feel uneasy as hell. It also told him, once again, that the girl was probably more far more messed-up than her looks gave her credit for. Maybe she was one of those girls who could mess you up for life...

Still, it didn't matter, he decided. Daryl had absolutely zero intentions of getting himself involved with some precocious jailbait like her. He had told Beth to stay away from him, and he had meant it — regardless if there was any truth behind the ‘daddy issues’ or not.

* * *

Lori Grimes stood on the porch in the afternoon sun, pruning an impressive specimen of tropical hibiscus that was planted in a big, white glazed pot. “Kona” was an old American hybrid with big, pink flowers and glossy, green leaves that grew rapidly and she was about half-way done with the pruning when she spotted Beth crossing the street.

“Hi sweetie, how was your day?”. 

“I’m fine,” Beth muttered as she walked past Lori and she almost slammed the door shut behind her. Lori furrowed her brow at the closed door; it wasn’t like Beth being like this, the girl was usually well-mannered and bubbly.

_Had she been fighting with Zach?_

Lori just shook her head and sighed. “Teenagers..,” she shrugged as she continued to prune the hibiscus. It wasn’t easy being young and in love. Zach and Beth had been struggling lately, and it worried Lori. Zach was a nice boy, nice, calm, and well-mannered and Lori thought he was a perfect match for Beth. They were good for each other and she really hoped they could sort out whatever problems they had.

When Lori was finished with the hibiscus, she went into the kitchen to make a mixture of Castile soap and water against aphids. Five tablespoons of soap and one gallon of water. She mixed it all in an empty spray bottle and went outside again to save her precious “Mr. Lincoln” red tea roses from the small pests. 

When Lori had sprayed a quarter of all the roses, a female voice suddenly called out her name. 

“Hey, Lori!” the voice sang and Lori turned up her head to find Jessie Anderson, the neighbor next door, lean over the fence. Jessie was a hairdresser and amateur sculpturist, married to Pete Anderson, a well-respected surgeon at the Harrison Memorial Hospital. Together they had two sons in the same age as Carl; Sam and Ron.

“Hey, Jessie,” Lori replied as she ceased the spraying. “You’re building another… sculpture I see?” Lori nodded to something that looked like a scarecrow made out of spokes from an old bicycle. She wrinkled her nose at sight; Rick had always been impressed by their friendly neighbor’s creativity and he used to praise Jessie’s art whenever he saw the blonde woman. 

“Yes,” she smiled. “It’s going to be a sculpture of Walter White actually, you know the civilian rights activist from Atlanta? I’m participating in a contest. The challenge is to create a sculpture of a famous historical person from Georgia. The winning entry will earn a spot at the city park in Pembleton” Jessie explained with soft eyes and Lori could tell that the other woman wished that her sculpture would win the contest.

 _“I hope she doesn’t”,_ Lori thought. _“Would be a pity if that metal-scarecrow ended up in the park. They should make a bust in bronze, or brass. Something with dignity”_. 

Lori bit back a grimace. Truth to be told, she had always thought that their bohemian neighbor’s sculptures were something of an eyesore. A garden should be well-kept and harmonic, not filled with… junk.

“By the way… Is Beth alright?”, Jessie suddenly asked in a fluttering voice, and Lori felt an unwilling chill run her spine, but it was quickly replaced with anger. “Of course, Beth was alright, why wouldn’t she be?” Lori thought. If there was something that made her upset, it was when people questioned how she took care of her family. 

“Of course, she is” Lori forced a smile on her face. “Why are you asking?” she inquired, sounding a little more aggressive than she had intended to and Jessie suddenly looked a little perplexed. “I saw her in town today… she was fighting with her new boyfriend outside the shoe repair shop,” the other woman said as she nervously tugged at the end of her plaid shirt.

“Her... new... boyfriend?”

Lori felt how her face turned white when the phrase ‘new boyfriend’ left Jessie’s mouth and she wrapped her fingers so tight around her pruning-shear that her knuckles turned white. Last time Lore checked, Zach and Beth were still a couple, didn’t Zach just drop Beth off last Friday after a ride to the archer dam?

“Are you sure, Jessie?” Lori asked in a stern tone as she locked eyes with her neighbor over the fence. 

Jessie nodded. “Uh, yes, she seemed pretty upset,” she continued, giving Lori a worried gaze.

“What did he look like?” Lori questioned, although she already was certain of what the answer would be. Jessie kept looking at Lori with an uneasy, nervous gaze, like the stern tone in Lori’s voice made her edgy.

“He… he wore a sleeveless leather jacket of some sort. Auburn hair. Seemed to be… older I guess?” she replied, giving Lori a pleading gaze.

“I see,” Lori replied curtly. “Thank you for telling me”. How Lori managed to keep her face was the question of the year, because underneath, it felt like she was boiling. Jessie just silently nodded before she quickly excused herself and went back to adjusting another one of her rusty art projects. 

Without even finishing spraying the roses, Lori went inside again to pour herself a glass of wine. 

_Just one glass… To calm down a little._

As Lori sat down at the kitchen table with her wine, the landline rang. It was Rick and he sounded more stressed out than usual.

“Lori, I know I promised to have dinner with you, but I can’t make it back in time. I’m at the sheriff’s office in Fayette, had to help them out with some stuff”.

Lori took a deep breath before she replied. It wasn’t the first time they had planned for a date night that Rick had canceled at the last minute. Being a law enforcement officer was anything but a job with a predictable workday. 

“I understand… we’ll just have to take it another day,” she replied in a calm tone, trying to hide her disappointment. They could have used some quality time together, just the two of them, she thought bitterly. First Beth’s sour mood, Jessie, and now this…

“No, don’t worry, I intend to keep my promise. But uh, Shane will have dinner with you instead. I hope that’s alright,” Rick pleaded, clearly suffering from a bad conscience.

“Yeah, sure, it was a while since I saw him,” Lori replied without any objections. 

_Shane Walsh. High School Football Player, Rick’s childhood friend._

Shane was close to the Grimes family, he had Rick had been friends since they were kids and he often spent time with Rick and Carl. The boy loved Shane; to him, Shane was like the uncle he never had and Lori had always been fond of him too. Shane was funny, helpful, and handy, unlike Rick. The handiness was something that Lori truly appreciated, considering that Rick and Lori's house hadn't been in the best condition when they bought it, and Shane had spent an impressive amount of free weekends helping the Grimes' spouses with repairs on the house.

“Well, I’m sure you got lots to talk about then! I have to run now, darling, I'll promise to make it up to you,” Rick promised before he hung up, and Lori felt her mood brighten a little bit. Shane had always been a good listener, maybe she should confide in him about the issue with Beth?

She finished her wine and left the kitchen to change into the purple floral maxi dress she picked out earlier for the evening. The dress was cute, simple yet elegant. "Perfect for a date night," Lori thought as she looked at her image in the bathroom mirror. She looked good, but there was still room for improvements and Lori decided to spend the last twenty minutes before Shane's arrival to make loose curls in her hair with an old hair curler she had since college. When she was finished, Lori looked like a summer dream and she gave herself an approving smile in the mirror before she headed out of the door.

* * *

Originally, Shane Walsh had planned to spend the evening on the sofa, watching _Dolph Lundgren_ slay mobsters in _‘The Punisher’_ on VHS. But when Rick called, asking him to take out Lori for dinner, Shane couldn’t bring himself to refuse. Lori was nice and if Rick couldn't take her out as he had promised, Shane would gladly step in. She deserved that, he reasoned, knowing just how much time Rick spent at work lately.

Two hours later, Shane picked up Lori and took her to a restaurant in central Senoia. Nothing fancy, but he knew for certain the food was alright at least. It was a typical Italian restaurant; rustic with green and white plaid tablecloths and small tea lights on the tables. White walls with framed posters that were replicas of famous Italian paintings. Lori ordered an Iceberg Salad and Shane took the Pasta Marinara with meatballs.

They started with a casual conversation; Shane told her anecdotes from work and Lori told him about how she missed Rick. She complained a little about how busy her husband had been lately and Lori confessed that she thought he spent too little time with the kids. It was all the usual issues families with kids had, Shane thought. Yeah. It didn’t go a day without someone at the station complained about just how hard it was to combine a full-time career as a cop and having kids and a family to take care of at home as well.

Shane himself was still single and didn’t have a family of his own. He had dated countless women over the years, but despite that, he hadn’t found the perfect one.

_Yet._

Somehow, Shane always seemed to find something in his girlfriends that started to bug him enough to eventually quit the relationship. Even if it was just a stupid thing like that they forgot to switch the light off when they left the house.

Lori Grimes was different than most women though; she was pretty, smart, had her heart at the right place, and she was a good mother who cared deeply about her children. 

She was also usually happy to see him, Shane could usually tell by the way she smiled at him. But today, something was different. Lori still smiled, but not as bright as she used to. No, something was troubling her today. 

“Is there something that bothers you, Lori?” Shane asked. 

“It’s… Beth,” Lori admitted with a small sigh. “I’m afraid she has started to… attract some... bad attention,” she said, seemingly unsure of how to explain the dilemma.

“Beth?” Shane frowned at her. Had the meek Beth got into trouble? That was certainly something new, Shane thought as he chewed on his pasta.

“What kind of ‘bad attention’ are we talkin’ about?” he asked. 

“The kind of attention a naive, adolescent who looks like the definition of a ‘lolita’ might attract”. As she spoke, Lori had a strained look on her face, like the words she said tasted bad in her mouth. “Like the girl in the novel, you know,” Lori clarified, referring to Vladimir Nabokov’s famous novel about the twelve-year-old Dolores Haze and her stepfather. Shane just nodded, although he didn’t quite understand what Lori was fishing after.

_Lo-li-ta. A seemingly very young, innocent but yet seductive girl._

“Yeah. I think I know what you mean, but what has it to do with Beth?” Shane inquired. He wasn’t unfamiliar with the term despite that he hadn’t read Vladimir Nabokov’s famous novel himself, but he had heard of the controversy around it somewhere. Novels like that weren’t Shane’s kind of book at all.

No, if Shane read something that wasn’t the newspaper or work-related documents, he read Tom Clancy novels. Although when Lori mentioned Lolita, what Shane thought of immediately was the infamous _‘Long Island Lolita_ ’case in the early nineties.

‘The Long Island Lolita’ was the nickname for then seventeen-year Amy Fisher, who started a relationship with a thirty-five-year-old auto body shop owner named Joey Buttafuoco, whose wife Fisher ended up shooting. The case had been all over the media in 1992 and there wasn’t a cop who hadn’t heard of it. Shane looked back at Lori with a serious yet reassuring gaze, the same gaze he used when he interrogated potential witnesses. Lori made a slight grimace like she wanted to tell him more, but something held her back. 

“You can tell me, Lori,” Shane added in a softer tone. “I’m here for you, you know?”. 

Lori nodded and gave him a half-hearted smile. “Thank you, Shane,” she said with a small sigh of relief. "I'm just worried, I don't want her to be around people like him".

“People like him?” Shane frowned. 

_What?_

As far as Shane knew, Beth’s boyfriend Zach seemed to be completely harmless. Rick and Shane had secretly looked the guy up in their databases and all they found on Zach was a speeding ticket and a couple of parking tickets. Nothing to worry about in other words.

“Daryl Dixon,” Lori said as she subconsciously clenched her fork.

Shane just stared at Lori with his mouth open, jaw slack. " _What the heck is she talking about…?_ " he thought for himself. Beth was a shy, gentle girl who didn’t seem to have a bad bone in her body. She was the last person who Shane imagined would get into bad company. All the girl seemed to do was to alternate between school and church, how on earth could she possibly have ended up in company with one of the Dixons? 

“Are you sure?” he asked Lori while scratching the back of his head. For all he knew, the girl could suddenly be revolting, but hanging out with the Savage Son’s seemed like a hell of a revolt for a quiet, well-behaved girl like Beth Greene.

“Yes. I spotted Beth with him in May and… earlier today, our neighbor saw them together in town today. Rick doesn’t want to hear about it, he just keeps telling me to calm down,” Lori continued, avoiding his gaze as she spoke Rick’s name. “But, I know something is going on… I saw how Beth looked at him”.

Shane made a slight grimace — maybe Beth knew Dixon, maybe she thought he was cool or something like that, and if you stretched things, maybe she felt some attraction towards him. Women always tended to levitate towards ‘bad boys’, whenever they willing to admit it or not. Shane knew that by experience.

“You know it’s not uncommon for teenage girls to get… ideas. As long as she doesn’t act out on it, there is nothing we can do about it,” Shane explained while he gently squeezed Lori’s hand. 

Shane wasn’t sure just how many frantic parents he had met over the years, worn-out by worry for their revolting daughters who ran away from home, did drugs or got involved with older, shady boyfriends — or a mixture of all those factors. Being a teenage parent wasn’t easy but keeping wild teenage daughters in chess wasn’t a task for the King’s County Police either. Unless they were breaking the law, of course, but that didn’t seem to be the case with Beth Greene.

Even if Beth was young, she was above the age of consent now, Shane noted.

Was dating a thirty-something year old inappropriate for a seventeen-year-old?

In most people’s eyes — probably yes — but it wasn’t illegal. Besides, who was he to judge, in all honesty? Hell, Shane slept with the girls’ volleyball coach when he was in high school and she must have been at least fifteen years older than himself at that time.

Still, Shane understood her worry and if Shane had been Rick, he would have taken the situation more seriously. For Lori’s sake. “I’ll keep my eyes open, alright?” he promised.

Lori nodded, suddenly looking a little calmer. “Thank you, Shane,” she said as she pressed his hand back and Shane gave her one of his warmest smiles. "I'm just glad I could help," he replied. 

* * *

One and a half-hour later, Shane dropped Lori off at the Grimes family’s house after the dinner. Rick was on his way home, and Carl was asleep so Shane just followed Lori to the door. She hugged him before they bid farewell and Shane promised once again that he would keep his eyes open.

As he had no other plans for the evening, Shane decided that he might start at once, so he swung by the station on his way home.

The small police station was quiet and dim-lit when Shane arrived. It was three hours left to midnight and Tara Chambler, a young cop was the only one left at the office. Tara was born and raised in Atlanta, but she had moved to King County after her girlfriend, who was a physician, had gotten a job offer at the psychiatric ward at the Harrison Memorial Hospital. 

“Hey, Walsh. Didn’t hear you coming,” Tara said as she sat up in her office chair and straighten out her uniform. “Is everything alright?”.

“Yeah” Shane replied as he sank down behind his usual desk and turned on the computer. He cast a glance at Tara’s desk, which was cluttered with paper, yellow post-it notes, a pile of files, and a half-empty coffee pot. Being a cop wasn't just about chasing bad guys and locking them up, the job also came with what seemed like an ever-increasing amount of paperwork. Shane hated to sit behind a desk and fill in reports, and it was something he avoided whenever he could. 

“You’re familiar with the Savage Sons, Chambler?” he asked as he turned his gaze back to his younger colleague.

“Sure,” Tara replied as she pulled her chair over to Shane’s desk.

The Savage Sons was a small, unorthodox club who didn’t do things by the books. For example; the bigger, more serious clubs wouldn’t accept their members to ride anything but Harleys, but the Savage Sons were far from fastidious, and their motto seemed to be that you could ride whatever you wanted - as long as it was an actual MC.

While they waited for the computer to boot, Tara told Shane that the son’s main income still came from their salvage outside Barksdale, where they sold used spare parts. The business went alright, but it wasn’t any big money the club earned there. 

“They’re still dealing illegal firearms?” Shane asked.

“Most likely, yes”. But guns weren’t a big business for the club either. According to Tara; it seemed like the club only sold smaller firearms now and then. No big quantities and they sold mostly to other shady types and questionable individuals who couldn’t get a gun the legal way. 

“They still sell drugs?”

There had been a suspicion for years that the Savage Sons were the ones who oversaw and distributed the blue meth to the local drug peddlers in King County and Pemberton County, but as far as Shane knew, no arrests had been made for a long, long time.

“Yes, but it’s nothing we can tie them to, unfortunately,” Tara grimaced, confirming his suspicions. “Why do you wanna know?” she asked as she logged into the database.

“It’s just that a friend of mine has been having trouble with one of them lately,” Shane explained, avoiding to mention Lori’s name by choice.

“Daryl Dixon is the name”.

“Well, we don’t have much on him,” Tara said as she scrolled through the database. “Just some old, dropped battery charges. No drugs. Daryl seems to be something of a loner, he’s not regularly involved in the club’s businesses it seems like… what kind of trouble did he cause your friend?”.

“Nothing serious,” Shane replied despite that he was aware that his actions told otherwise. He cast an eye at the scanned mugshot of Daryl that appeared on the screen. It was taken back in the early ’90s at the police station in Fontana and Daryl had wary eyes, the reminder of a shiner under his left eye, a plaid shirt with cut-off sleeves that seemed to be at least two sizes too big for his lean figure. 

"He looks like some poor white trash, straight from the _‘Dreamaway Groves'_ ," Shane mused for himself.

How on earth Beth possibly could be attracted to someone like him was beyond Shane’s understanding and he wondered if Lori wasn’t just imagining things. She had seen them together _twice_ , and that had led her to the conclusion that something was going on between them?

_It sounded a little too far-fetched._

“Uh, aren’t we doing anything against their club these days?” Shane questioned as he turned his gaze back to Tara. She was young and ambitious, and he counted on that she was more up-to-date with the area than he was. Lately, Shane had almost spent more time as a shooting instructor than he had been on his regular job as a cop.

Tara grimaced again. “Nothin’ at the moment, I’m afraid”.

“Nothing?” Shane scratched the back of his head. At first, he found it hard to believe, but on second thought he recalled that it had been a time long since he last heard something about the sons’ and Shane hadn’t reflected over the silence. Until now, that was.

The club seemed to have been laying low lately as well; the last razzia against the club had been back in 1994, that was almost a decade ago. Shane’s last encounter with the son’s and their associates had been two years ago, when he had arrested a small-time drug dealer named Randall, who alledged had ties with the club, but that was it. They had sent Randall to the county jail, but after a few months, Shane had seen him back on the streets again.

Tara shrugged. “It’s been like that ever since Merle Dixon teamed up with Negan, people higher up in the command chain has been more than willing to look at the other way if you know what I mean”.

Shane knew precisely what she meant: men like Negan were poison, and somehow that poison had managed to spread to King County with help from Merle Dixon. Corruption was like rust on cars, eventually inevitable. The ties with Negan also explained why Merle Dixon had managed to fly under the radar for so long. Dixon was a hard-boiled crook and ex-junkie. Impulse-driven, and volatile. Someone like him would never be able to run a 1% club successfully on his own, Shane mused.

No, when Merle ran the club on his own in the early '90s, he had spent more time inside jail than outside, if Shane recalled correctly. But unlike Dixon, Negan was sophisticated, cunning, slippery as an eel and Shane did not doubt that he was the one who had made sure that the Savage Sons and its peasant bikers had stayed out of trouble for so long.

With a sigh, Shane leaned back in his chair. He wasn’t sure what he had expected to find on Daryl. Something that confirmed, or at least supported Lori’s suspicions, but for being an alleged outlaw, the man had a pretty clean record. Shane couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed. 

Well, he would keep his eyes open for Lori’s sake anyway. 

That was the least he could do.

* * *

Scout sat on the floor, clad in black lace panties, and an out washed old Nirvana band shirt. She was fiddling with her modem which had been acting up ever since last week’s power outtake while Daryl laid on the sofa watching ‘ _The Boondocks Saints’._

Scout was talking about her work and how some twat had managed to screw up the copying machine so badly that she had to spend her whole shift trying to repair it but Daryl wasn’t really listening. The whole thing with Beth had etched itself into his mind, throwing him completely off course to the point he couldn’t even keep up with the movie’s plot without thinking of why she acted up like a bitch, making a scene on the street for a stupid, petty fucking thing like that. 

_Why the heck did it matter to her what Merle said?_

Merle was full of shit. Hell on wheels without breaks. Everybody knew that. Well, Beth didn’t know his brother, obviously, but Merle’s reputation usually proceeded him. Even if Beth was clueless about what kind of man his brother was, Daryl had already told her that what Merle said didn’t mean a fuck. Why couldn’t she just have accepted that instead of pushing the subject further, and why did it bother him so much that she had gotten upset? 

Daryl shook his head for himself as he lit up a cigarette. It was fucking ridiculous, that was what it was. But the worst thing was that he couldn’t stop thinking about it, that was more ridiculous than Beth’s outburst. He felt the frustration run through his vein, felt the itch in his skin like the bite from a red fire ant. 

“What party was it you mentioned earlier?” Scout suddenly asked, interrupting his train of thoughts and Daryl suddenly recalled that he still hadn’t told Scout that it was Carol’s party next week they needed to attend. He didn’t look forward to it one bit, but once again, he couldn’t bail on Carol. 

“An old friend of mine just moved back to Georgia with her family. She’s throwing a garden party,” Daryl replied. 

“You never talked about her before,” Scout mentioned without taking the eyes of her task.

“Had no reason to,” Daryl said as he took a breath of his cigarette. The nicotine rush always worked like a charm when he needed to calm down. It didn’t calm him down like a ride, or a walk through the woods, but it was better than nothing.

Scout just snickered to his explanation. “Sure thing, hillbilly. Am I invited?”

“If ya feel like it”. He had told Carol that he would bring Scout, but he hadn’t promised anything, and Carol was probably just curious to see what kind of person he had ended up with. 

Scout shrugged. “Why not? Could be fun, but what about the party at the club?”.

 _Fuck._

He had completely forgotten about it; Merle was throwing a party at the club as well and he would be pissed as fuck if they didn’t show up. Besides, Daryl felt he could use to get wasted for once. The week had been a pain in the ass and he honestly wouldn’t mind ending it with a blackout.

“Figured we’d pay Carol a quick visit before goin’ to the club,” Daryl said absentmindedly while he watched the rest of his cigarette slowly turn into ashes. It felt like he had committed himself too far more social activities than he could handle, again. At the end of the day, he wasn’t a very social person.

Scout sighed as she got up on her feet and peered into her wardrobe. “Not sure if I got anything suitable to wear though,” she complained. 

“I’m sure you’ll find something” Daryl replied in an unconcerned tone which caused Scout to glare at him. “Just take a dress or somethin’ like that,” he quickly added, not wanting to start an argument if he could help it. He simply didn’t have the energy for more drama today.

“Christ, why are you so grumpy today?” Scout sighed at him. Daryl didn’t reply, and Scout stood quiet for a minute, looking into the messy wardrobe until a big grin suddenly appeared on her face. 

“Will it brighten up your mood if I put on my sexy cop costume?” she teased, looking at Daryl with her most suggestive gaze. 

She actually had one of those, a complete costume consisting of a short-sleeved officer’s shirt, short skirt, and a matching cap that looked fairly realistic. Scout had bought it for a Halloween party back in college and she hadn’t worn it since.

“I could climb you like a mountain, you know,” she teased.

Daryl looked up from the couch with a puzzled gaze. “What? Fuck, no,” he blurted out. “Don’t got a thing for cops, in case ya haven’t noticed”.

Scout just laughed at him. “Come on Daryl, you don’t know if you like it until you’ve tried,” she coaxed as she ripped off her t-shirt. “Might just be what you need”. 

Daryl seriously doubted it.

* * *

 **∙** [Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/7604.Lolita)

 **∙** [Sex, Lies and Attempted Murder: an Inside Look at 1992's Shocking 'Long Island Lolita' Case ](https://people.com/crime/sex-lies-and-attempted-murder-an-inside-look-at-1992s-shocking-long-island-lolita-case/)(from People Magazine)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I wrote this, I asked myself several times "would Beth really make so much fuss over an insult from Merle?" but I eventually decided that it would still be in character for her, considering how upset she was with Daryl at their "suck-ass camp". She clearly can stir some drama, although she is a well-mannered and gentle girl at the end of the day.
> 
> Next chapter, 'Party Girl' will be up between week 29-30 ✿


	7. Party Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♥ An early update! In this chapter, we'll follow Rick to the party ✿
> 
> ✎I cut away at least 2-3 pages from this chapter and transferred them to the next chapter, yet this one still ended up at 13 pages after I edited it. I seem to be unable to write anything short and sweet.

**Senoia Suburb, July 2003**

Lori knew about Carol’s party before she found the invitation in the mailbox. Carol Peletier had become something of an unwilling, local celebrity after her husband's death and Lori understood why she had left King County in favor of her old home state.

But now she was back with a new husband, a new house, a new job as a relationship coach and all the housewives in the area marveled at Mrs. King’s strength. It was something of a sensational piece of news in a small, sleepy community as Senoia, and Lori was almost surprised that Carol’s return hadn’t shown up in the local newspaper. 

_“She always came off to me as meek and quiet before, but now...? The woman is_ radiating”.

_“I heard her new husband starred in the TV-drama “The Kingdom”, have you seen it?”_

Lori and Carol weren’t close, but they knew each other through their common commitment for the local community, and Rick knew Carol through work. Lori had already promised her sister that she and Carl would come to visit her the same week that Carol was hosting her housewarming party. 

Shane had given her a call yesterday and told her that he hadn’t found in Daryl’s records that would indicate a preference with school girls so she felt safe leaving Beth in Rick’s care for a week. Shane had promised to swing by and keep an eye on them as well. Lori felt a little calmer and she had decided not to bring up Jessie’s discovery with the girl. Beth’s eighteen birthday was just a few weeks away and Lori had thought about what Rick, that the girl was soon a legal adult and needed to be treated as such. 

“I’m really sorry that you have to go to Carol’s party alone,” Lori said, giving her husband an apologizing gaze as she sat down in one of the lawn chairs. They were sitting in the garden behind the house, drinking summer punch with watermelon and peach slices while admiring Lori’s work with the roses. 

“I won’t be a problem,” Rick assured, giving her one of his small, sweet smiles. “I know you had planned to visit your sister for long, and Carl would be disappointed if we canceled it”. 

Lori nodded in a silent agreement. Carl loved his aunt and they both knew that he had been looking forward to the trip for quite some time now. 

“I’ll make sure to drop by her house with a housewarming gift and talk to her before we leave,” Lori promised as she gazed upon her husband. He looked tired, she noticed. There were signs of bags under his eyes and his complexion told the tale of too many late evenings filled with strong coffee and fast food instead of dinners with the family. 

“Beth could probably help you out if you want to cook something,” Rick carefully suggested.

“You mean that I’m really that bad at cooking?” Lori chuckled. Cooking and baking weren’t one of her strongest skills and someone like Carol, a natural-born Martha Stewart, would notice if she bought her a cake made out of cake-mix from the store. 

“You’re a fantastic mother and wife, Lori..,” Rick said as he gave her a warm gaze. “That is more than enough,” he added, smiling back at her. 

Lori just nodded. They tried hard, both of them, they always had. When Lori got pregnant with Carl, they were both so very young, fresh out of college, and it had been a hard time. But they made it through because Lori wanted to be a good mother and a loving wife as much as Rick wanted to be a devoted father, a good husband — and a respected law enforcement officer. 

“It’s going to be alright,” Rick promised like he had read her thoughts. “I know stuff hasn’t been... as good as they could lately, but we will get through this too, Lori”.

Lori nodded again and took a sip of the summer punch. “I know,” she replied, hoping that he was right. Rick had always been more optimistic than her. 

* * *

**One week later.**

Rick stood in front of the closet, trying to decide which shirt he should wear for Carol’s party. Usually, Lori would pick something out for him when they were going to a party or a dinner to make sure that their outfits looked good together. 

“Beth, can you come here for a bit?” Rick called down the stairs. "Need a little help".

“Sure”.

Beth giggled as she looked at the collection of shirts on the bed. Rick sure had diversity in his closet; there was a burgundy-colored shirt with a paisley print, a pale lilac shirt, a baby blue skirt, a classic white one, and finally a shirt in a very light shade of pink. Beth’s smile grew wider as she tugged at the sleeve of the pink garment. It had initially been a white shirt, but Carl had done laundry for the first time and he had somehow forgotten that you were supposed to wash white clothes separately. 

Beth tilted her head to the side and gave Rick a warm smile. “If I were you, I would probably pick a light color, the pale lilac one, or the pink maybe?” she suggested.

“Well, it’s not often I go to parties these days, so maybe I should go out on a limb and take the pink one?” Rick joked and Beth giggled. Rick would look good in anything, she thought.

“It would look good together with your jeans,” she confirmed. “Or your beige chinos”.

“Pink it is, then,” Rick confirmed as he gathered the other shirts and put them back in the wardrobe. 

“By the way, both Amy and Andrea will be there, you don’t wanna come with me?” Rick asked as he examined the outfit on the bed. It didn’t look too bad, he decided. Carol hadn’t specified the dress code in the invitation, but a nice shirt and blue jeans were never wrong. 

“No, it’s alright”. Beth didn’t know Carol and she had already made plans with Zach; he would pick her up in the afternoon and take her to town to see a movie. 

“You sure?” Rick looked at her like he had expected her to say yes and in all honesty, a part of her _wanted_ to go, but if Scout was going, she would probably bring Daryl with her… and well, Beth didn’t want to see him again, not after their last encounter. 

It would just be too embarrassing and awkward. No, she would stick to her promise and stay away from him. Besides, her menstrual pain was bothering her, and Amy could always tell her about how the party had been afterward.

“I’m not really feeling well, anyway,” she replied, looking at Rick with almost pleading eyes, hoping that he wouldn’t ask her further about the subject. Rick looked at her, a little confused, but he eventually nodded. “Alright, don’t sit up waiting for me,” he said with a smile.

* * *

Rick felt happier than he had been in a long time when he arrived at Carol’s place. As a matter of fact, he couldn’t even remember the last time he had been to a party. “Maybe Lori was right, maybe I have been working too hard lately,” Rick mused as he knocked on the front door. 

Well, he was free from work now, and Rick decided he wouldn’t waste another minute thinking of work. No, tonight, he would just enjoy himself and have fun.

“I’m glad you could come,” Carol said as she gave Rick tight a hug. “Come in”.

Rick smiled as he handed over the flower bouquet to Carol before he followed her into the hallway. The house was about the same size as Rick and Lori’s house, perhaps just a little bigger. It was definitely bigger and in much better shape than her previous house.

Mr. and Mrs. King’s house was decorated with light tapestry, vintage wooden furniture, a red velvet sofa, walls clad with framed vintage theatre posters, a big portrait of a black man in suit and tie, and a huge porcelain tiger sitting in a corner of the living room. It almost felt like walking into a theatre, Rick mused. Carol’s husband, Ezekiel was an actor, and Rick assumed Carol had let him pick out the most of the decorations. 

When they walked into the living room, Ezekiel himself showed up from the porch to greet Rick with a steady handshake and a big, bright smile that rivaled his own. “It’s wonderful to finally meet you, Mr. Grimes,” he said. “Any friend of Carol is a friend of mine”.

“Just call me Rick,” Rick said as he shook Ezekiel’s hand.

A spotted cat with bright green eyes laid in one of the red velvet coaches in the living room, and when it caught saw the new visitor, it got on its feet and jumped down from the sofa and approached Rick with its tail high in the air. 

“Interesting cat you got there, it looks like a small leopard” Rick said as he crouched down to give the animal a pat. “Shiva is an F3 Bengal cat,” Ezekiel explained with pride in his voice. “I adopted her from a shelter in Augusta eight years ago”.

Rick gave him a confirmatory nod, although he didn’t have a clue what Ezekiel meant by the cat being an F3. Still, it was nice that he had adopted a pet in need of a home instead of buying one, Rick mused as he scratched the cat on its head. 

“She’s got a temper though, and sharp claws, so I would watch out if I were you,” Carol said, giving Rick a wink and Ezekiel looked back at his wife with a grin. “If you treat her with respect, you got nothing to worry about,” he responded.

Rick just smiled as he rose to his feet again. It was a relief to see Carol so happy and relaxed, like night and day compared to the nervous woman with wary eyes he had known in the past. 

“Come on, let’s get you something to drink,” Ezekiel said as he led Rick into the kitchen where a big carafe of sweet, iced tea awaited. 

It was there he saw them.

_Daryl and Anna._

Daryl stood with his back against the wall with his arms wrapped around Anna in a loose embrace, holding the end of her ponytail twisted in a grip between his thumb and index finger. 

Rick blinked at the sight. He knew that Daryl and Carol were friends, but somehow, he hadn’t expected to see both of them here. 

Yeah, Rick knew they were still together, but he hadn’t actually _seen_ them together for years, despite that he ran into Anna every now and then. Maybe it was because they just tended to talk about work and police stuff whenever they met. Last time they met, Anna had confessed that she had started to get bored with her job as an IT-technician and that she wanted to do something more ‘meaningful’ with her life. 

At the sound of Rick’s footsteps entering, the room, Anna turned around to greet him with a bright smile, and Rick could honestly say that she had never looked better. Her red-dyed hair, black attire, and the black liquid eyeliner around her vivid green eyes gave her a stark contrast to Carol’s white, shabby chic-decorated kitchen. 

“It’s great to see you again, Rick,” Scout said as she untangled her arms from Daryl’s waist and moved forward to give Rick a friendly hug. 

“Yeah,” Rick replied as the redhead embraced him. “Good to see you too, Anna”. He knew she preferred to be called ‘Scout’, but somehow, he always ended up using her given name anyway. Maybe it was because it wasn’t really a suitable nickname for a woman who was closer to thirty than to twenty, as Lori had said once.

You remember Daryl, right?” Scout nodded at her silent boyfriend.

It had been a while since Rick saw Daryl Dixon. When thinking about it, he hadn’t seen the redneck since the Fourth of July in 1998, that was more than five years ago. 

“Yeah, I remember,” Rick replied, still smiling. How could he ever forget? It had been such an odd meeting. He knew more than well that meeting your partner's parents for the first time could be an awkward, scary experience, but John Ed was one of the most friendly, non-judgemental persons Rick knew, and yet Daryl had acted like he couldn’t wait to get away from both his girlfriend and her father as soon as possible. 

“Nice to meet ya again, officer,” Daryl said, although he sounded far from excited to meet Rick again. If anything, he seemed to be tense and wary, much like the last time they met.

Rick couldn’t help but let his gaze trail over Daryl, seeing that the man was actually wearing a shirt with intact sleeves. The sight almost made Rick frown, he didn’t think the redneck owned anything but ripped jeans and sleeveless leather attire, but apparently, he was wrong. 

Daryl gave Rick a glare before he excused himself. “Gonna go an’ see if Carol wants some help,” he said as he left Rick and Scout alone in the kitchen with Ezekiel, who had started to prepare the appetizers.

“Still not much for talking I see,” Rick commented, and Scout laughed a little. “Not really, no,” she admitted. “He hates parties like this” she added in a lower voice and Rick just nodded. It didn’t surprise him at all to hear that. 

With a glass of iced tea in his hand, Rick and Scout joined the other guests in the garden where the dinner would take place. Carol’s garden was cozy, big, and lush without being pruned to perfection like Rick’s own garden.

Except for Daryl and Scout, there were a few other familiar faces at the party; Morgan Jones, his wife Jenny, and their son Duane, Carol’s old neighbor Jacqui, Andrea Harrison, and her younger sister Amy. The other guests were mainly women, seemingly other housewives who looked at Carol with big, glittering eyes like she was an incarnation of Cinderella herself.

Rick sat down between Daryl and Ezekiel at the long table in the shade under the peach tree. The tree was clad with small, white lanterns and Carol had decorated the table with a blue and white table cloth in a floral pattern, big, bright blue hydrangeas in clear vases, and small tealight candles. 

“Too bad Lori isn’t here,” Rick mused. “She would have loved this”.

“Don’t worry, if I know Carol right, this won’t be our last garden party,” Ezekiel assured him.

* * *

It didn’t take long for Rick to discover that Ezekiel King was a social person who liked to be the center of attention and he gladly spoke about everything between heaven and earth. 

He told him about his time at the theatre in Kentucky, how he had worked extra as a zookeeper while he chased his dream of becoming a professional actor and naturally, he made sure none of the guests missed the unlikely story of how he and Carol had met after he had separated from his first wife.

How Carol and Ezekiel had met was a story that sounded like it came straight out of a script to Rick; she had put up a facade, and she mistrusted him at first, but slowly he managed to tear down her walls and reignite Carol’s belief in love again. As sweet as it was, Rick was more intrigued by how fondly Ezekiel still spoke about his ex-wife, who was a successful private practice lawyer in Kentucky. 

_Was it really possible to end a relationship and still think so fondly of each other?_

“Michonne is a wonderful woman, I still admire her strength, her strong will, and her sharp intellect,” Ezekiel explained as he ate.

“She sounds like a wonderful woman,” Rick agreed. He had always appreciated strong-willed, intellectual women. “How come you separated from her if she was such a good person?” he inquired.

“We weren’t meant for each other,” Ezekiel quickly replied. “She felt it, too, and it was her decision. We had a couple of good years together and I’m grateful for that but when I meet Carol… she made me feel _real_ if you know what I mean”. 

Rick didn’t quite understand what the man meant now either, but he nodded nonetheless. 

Could you really care so deeply for someone, and yet feel that you _‘weren’t meant’_ for each other? 

Somehow, the subject made Rick feel uneasy. He was aware that his and Lori’s marriage had been strained for quite a while. It wasn’t just because of Beth’s alledged interest in Daryl, or that Carl had grown into a momentarily whiny fourteen-year-old, or that he spent so much time at work, no, there was something beneath all that that gnawed on his wife.

Perhaps it was more the reality Beth was soon an adult who would have her own life and that Carl, the baby in the family, was growing into a young man that got more independent for each day that passed, that bothered her. 

A couple of months ago, Lori had unexpectedly bought up the subject of having another child, and Rick had almost fallen off his chair in shock. He had told Lori that it wasn’t the right time to even discuss such things when he had so much to do and work and Lori had dropped the subject without further ado, but Rick couldn’t help but have the feeling that she still was disappointed, show.

“Well, now it’s not the time to think about that stuff either,” Rick quietly scolded himself as he poured himself a glass of beer.

* * *

“I’m surprised to see you here,” Andrea said as she leaned closer to Daryl. 

“Yeah?” Daryl raised an eyebrow. 

“Doesn’t seem like your kind of party,” she chuckled. 

In a way, Daryl could see why she thought that; Andrea was familiar with just what kind of wild parties the MC clubs hosted. Back in the days, she had been one of those girls who went to every party the Woodbury MC threw, and it was rumored that Andrea had a thing with Blake himself once. 

Garden parties with kids and neighbor ladies was something Daryl used to avoid, but to his surprise, he was actually enjoying himself. “Can’t remember the last time I was at a party without someone tryin’ to smash me with a broken bottle or give me a head-butt” he grinned back at Andrea. “S’ kinda nice for a change”.

“Explains why you’re here instead of Jake’s,” Andrea said with a wink. 

“We’re headin’ over there later,” Daryl explain as he gazed at Scout over the table. She was seated between two middle-aged women Daryl didn’t know and when their eyes met, she gave him a bored a gaze. Scout could be a very well-behaved and polite person, but she was a restless soul and when her daddy wasn’t present, she seldom felt the need to be at her best behavior. 

After the dessert was finished, Scout had enough of discussing cooking, knitting, and whenever you should use pectin or not when making home-made peach jam. 

“I’m going to leave now,” Scout said as she showed up behind Daryl and Andrea, giving her boyfriend a restless look. “You’re coming with me?”

Daryl shook his head, he didn’t feel like leaving yet. “Ask Merle to send over one of the prospects to give me a ride then?” Scout muttered, not even trying to hide her disappointment. 

Daryl wasn’t very concerned with her sour mood. If their time together that learned him something it was that Scout was used to getting what she wanted when she wanted it. If she didn’t, she could start bitching, or make a scene, but her bad mood didn’t usually last for long and even if he was her boyfriend, Daryl refused to give in to that kind of behavior.

_He wasn’t anyone’s bitch._

“You’re leaving, already?” Rick looked up at Scout with a puzzled gaze.

“Yeah,” Scout shrugged. “I, uh, gotta get going”.

“Well, as lovely as it has been, I think I have to say good-bye as well,” Andrea said as she gave the two men a smile. “Expect my usual work, I got a heap of ‘pro bono’ cases that I need to take care of,” she said before turning her gaze to Scout. “Why don’t you come with us, Anna? I can swing by Barksdale and drop you off at Jake’s on the way home” she offered.

“Really? That would be great,” Scout quickly replied and Rick could hear the relief in her voice.

“What was it with her?” Rick asked when Scout had disappeared with the two blonde sisters to say good-bye to their host.

“No idea,” Daryl mumbled. He didn’t seem too concerned that his girlfriend just had left to join his crazy brother instead. The thought made Rick frown, did why did Anna really rather hang out with Merle than staying at the party? From what he had heard from John, Anna wasn’t very fond of the older Dixon brother. 

“Good thing that isn’t my problem,” Rick commented as he opened another bottle of beer. 

“No need to worry. That woman can handle herself,” Daryl said in a calm voice like he had read Rick’s thoughts, or at least his puzzled facial expression. 

“I know,” Rick quickly replied. “John told me he taught her to shoot, fight... and stuff like that”. 

If Rick ever, god forbid, became a single father, he hoped that he would be just as present in Carl’s and Beth’s lives as John was in Annas. Despite that the man had been working full-time as a Sheriff, he had somehow still managed to be a present father, taking every opportunity there was to spend time with his daughter.

“Y’know him well?” Daryl gave Rick a frown. “Scout’s old man?”

Rick nodded. “Yeah, I used to work in Pemberton for a while you know. John Ed is a good man, a good dad”. 

“Yeah. He’s… uh, alright for being a cop,” Daryl admitted.

Rick laughed at Daryl’s humble compliment as he cracked another beer open. “Yeah, well, that’s one way to put it, I guess” he smiled, glad that the other man finally seemed to be able to relax some. 

“Did Anna leave already?” Carol asked as she sat down in the chair next to Daryl, who gave her another nod as an answer. “Hmm,” Carol shrugged her shoulders. “I hope I didn’t scare her off...”.

Daryl was about to reply, but Rick interrupted him as he leaned over the table to give Carol a serious look. “Carol, you’re one of the sweetest women I’ve ever met,” he said with a determined tone. “I can’t imagine what you would have to do to scare anyone off”.

Carol almost blushed a little at the compliment and gave Rick a sweet smile as she patted his hand. “You’re a good friend, Rick,” she said, looking him into the eyes.

“Cheers to that”.

Carol sank back in her chair and turned her gaze to Daryl “You’re not drinking, pokie?” she asked when she spotted his empty glass.

Another silent nod.

“I hope you’re not afraid that I might take advantage of you if you get tipsy,” Carol teased, giving Daryl a seductive look. He almost blushed, giving her an unyielding gaze back and Rick just laughed, taking another swig off his beer. 

“You know… My wife was actually afraid you were going to run off with Beth… after she had seen you drop Beth off, she was almost frantic when I came home”. 

Daryl felt how the blood in his veins turned froze to ice as he heard the officer’s confession.

“What did you say?!” the otherwise calm Carol almost shrieked and the other guests at the other end of the table turned their heads at the hostess.

”Why would Lori say something like that?” the grey-haired woman demanded in a lower lone as she kept her eyes pinned on Daryl. 

For a second, Daryl thought about punching the seemingly intoxicated man in the face but he managed to resist the urge. It wasn’t worth the consequences and in Rick’s current condition, Daryl was positive that the other could barely stand on his own legs, let alone put up a fight. 

Still, the thought made Daryl feel sick. 

_People always seemed to think the worst of him._

_They always had._

_Always._

“Was nothing,” Daryl hurried to explain. “The kid’s boyfriend went back to town without her, just gave the girl a ride home, that’s all,” he quickly added, hating how desperate he sounded. 

Ever since Merle’s remark about Beth being a dangerous jailbait, Daryl had felt somewhat about the edge when it came to the girl; he didn’t even know her, and he certainly had no interest in her whatsoever.

Carol nodded, she seemed to believe him, and Daryl turned back to face Rick. 

“Where the fuck did she even get that from, huh?” he almost growled at the drunken officer. If anything, it had been Beth who had chased after him. Despite that had he had told the girl to stay away — twice.

“No idea..,” Rick sighed as he stared blankly at the bottle in front of him. “No idea... and I told her that it was ridiculous,” he added with a sigh, looking at Daryl with an apologetic gaze like he was ashamed of his wife’s wild fantasies. 

“But Lori didn’t listen to me… she just started yelling at me” he continued, looking even more miserable than before and Daryl couldn’t help but wonder just what kind of woman Rick had at home. She sounded like a pain in the ass, that was for sure.

A worried expression appeared on Carol’s face and she leaned over the table to give Rick a concerned look. “How are things between you and Lori?” she asked in a soft tone.

Rick just shook his head and took another gulp of his beer. “In all honesty? It hasn’t been too good” he admitted, suddenly sounding tormented. “I mean, some days, everything is just fine. But it’s like the time between the good days keeps getting longer and longer. Sometimes, she’s just so angry all the time... It’s like it doesn’t matter what I do, she is still not content for some reason. Not like she used to be”. 

The words suddenly poured out of Rick’s mouth like a waterfall and Carol and Daryl couldn’t do anything but sit tight in their chairs and listen.

Carol ventured inside to help her husband and Daryl found himself sitting alone in the garden with Rick Grimes. The man looked like he was about to have some sort of breakdown and Daryl actually found himself feeling sorry for him. Rick was alright, even though the man was a cop; he didn’t seem to actually have thought that Daryl had any shady intentions with his teenage daughter. 

“Y’okay?” he asked.

Rick shook his head, avoiding Daryl’s gaze. 

“Never get married,” Rick just said as he emptied his sixth can of beer.

“Ain’t plannin’ to” Daryl replied as he fished up the cigarette packet from his pocket.

Ezekiel came back to make sure his guests weren’t out of something to drink, and he gave Rick a worried look as he started to pick up the empty cans. “Is he alright?” he asked, turning his gaze to Daryl.

“Think he had enough at least,” Daryl simply replied. Rick was obviously not used to drink that kind of quantities of alcohol, considering that his mood that switched from being happy to be depressed in less than an hour. 

Alcohol did things like that to people, Daryl reminded himself. It could morph their personalities, wrench up shit from the subconscious, and turned things upside down. Daryl tended to turn into an asshole rather quickly when he drank himself and that was one of the reasons he hadn’t had anything but iced tea during the whole evening. 

A look at his cellphone told Daryl that it was starting to get late and that Scout hadn’t replied to his message. He frowned at the sight; he had thought she would text him back when she got to the club but apparently he was wrong. 

“He’s definitely had too much,” Carol chimed in as she appeared behind her husband. “I would have asked Lori to come and pick up, but she’s visiting her sister with Carl...” she said as she gave Ezekiel and Daryl a concerned gaze.

“I can take him home, he doesn’t live far from here,” Daryl said as he rose from the table. “I need to get goin’ anyway’.

The Grimes family’s house was only a ten-minute drive away from Carol and Ezekiel’s house, and since Daryl was the only one of the adults who hadn’t been drinking, he felt like he had some sort of obligation to help out because Carol was his friend, it was her party and she had enough of things to take care about and Rick had been nice enough to not buy into his wife’s delusions about Daryl.

Besides, when Merle threw a club party, they usually kept on til’ the sun rose again, so it wasn’t like Daryl would miss out on anything. 

“You sure?” Ezekiel asked, seemingly relieved by his offer.

“Yeah,” Daryl replied with a shrug as he gathered his jacket. “Won’t take long, and Y’two got the kids and the other guests to take care of”.

“Well, you can’t take him on your bike,” Carol said, giving Daryl a slightly amused smile. “Why don’t you borrow my car, bring him home, and come here for your bike?”.

“You got it”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ★I know some of you might be disappointed at the lack of Bethyl in this chapter, but hopefully, you enjoyed it at least a little anyway. Poor Rick and Daryl will have a hell of a night to look forward to in the upcoming chapters, because you know, a disaster seldom comes alone ;)
> 
> ✎The next chapter 'Daytona Crystal Meth' will be up in 1-3 days. It is a whole chapter from Merle's POV, and it's one of my favorite chapters, so I hope you will enjoy it as much as I did writing it. Merle is one of my absolute favorite characters so write because **nobody** can stir shit up as he can. He sure is a firecracker, that one...


	8. Daytona Crystal Meth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✿ Another quick update, as promised. In this chapter Daryl brings the intoxicated Rick home and Merle decides to teach Daryl a lesson. The name of this chapter is from one of Lana Del Rey's old, unreleased B-sides, 'Daytona Meth'.

_"I was taking the pills for a while, and then the pills started taking me."_

_— Johnny Cash_

**Barksdale, Jake’s Bar**

Merle sat comfortably parked in one of the club’s leather sofas with a beer in his hand and a woman who looked like the mother of all sweet butts on his lap. Yeah, she was probably old enough to be the mother to the younger girls, but Merle didn’t have a care in the world. 

All women tended to look pretty to Merle, as long as he had enough alcohol in his system and he had never understood why so many men were just chasing after young girls. 

Sure, older women might not be as tight and perky as the younger ones, but the older had more experience and they certainly knew what to do with a man. At least the women Merle surrounded himself did, he thought with a grin. Not to mention that older women, the neglected, bored wives, often yearned for the affection from a man like they had been starving for years, and they weren’t afraid to go a little wild, he mused with a grin. 

Merle looked around the club, searching among his loving crew, for Daryl, but his baby brother was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly he catches the sight of a familiar red-head walking over the floor and Merle realizes it’s Scout; dressed up in black jeans, a tight black t-shirt, and the obligatory black leather jacket tossed over her shoulders. 

“Where the fuck is my baby brother?!” he yelled, almost causing the Mother of all Sweet Butts to almost jump off his lap in panic by the sudden outrage. Scout looked back at him with an unimpressed gaze, clearly not startled by his sudden outburst. Daryl’s old lady a tough chick, Merle admitted to himself. Usually, when he raised his voice, that was enough to put most people on their toes.

“He felt like staying a bit longer at Carol’s garden party,” she explained with a shrug. 

It seemed like she was trying come off as unaffected, Merle thought but could tell she was slightly annoyed – and disappointed. First time meeting the iron lady then, he assumed. 

It didn’t surprise Merle at all, in one way, Daryl had always been way too attached to that obnoxious woman for his own good. But staying with her instead of joining his old lady and his brother at the club?

_That kind of betrayal gave Merle a bad taste in his mouth…_

_Perhaps it was time for good ol’ Merle to teach his baby brother a lesson?_

He took another look at Scout before deciding that Daryl sure could use a reminder of how one behaved. Yup. Not that Merle was a prime-example of etiquette himself, far from it, but there were just some rules that a man simply didn’t break.

Merle gently pushed off the peroxide blonde woman from his lap. “Go and fetch me and Little D’s old lady a beer, will ya, darlin’? Merle said as he gave her an appreciating smack on the ass, before turning his attention back to Scout.

The sheriff’s daughter just glared at him, clearly not impressed with his manners.

“Why don’t you come over here and I’d tell you a little story about sweet little Mrs. King,” he said as he patted the spot beside him on the leather sofa, giving Scout a broad smile.

“Come on’ now, I’d bet ya like to know how she knows Daryl?” Merle teased when Scout didn’t obey in an instant. He was well-aware of the fact that she didn’t like him after he had pushed that college boy back in Cleburne, even it was over five years ago. Well, Anna Turner might be a tough girl, but Merle Dixon had more cards up in his sleeve and he knew how to play them, too. 

“Ya know, they used to be real close back in the days,” Merle smiled. “Betcha Daryl didn’t tell ya ‘bout that..,” he added in a honey-dripping voice. 

If Merle knew his brother right, and he mostly did, Daryl hadn’t told Scout a thing about Carol, or how they knew each other. Scout glared at him for a moment before she gave up and slumped down beside him, snatching herself a bottle of beer from the tray the blonde woman had left of the table.

Merle smiled in triumph. It seemed like she had started to warm up. They all eventually did, in one way or another. Merle knew that he might be an asshole, but he sure as hell could be a charming one when he felt like it. 

“Bet he never told ya anything, huh, honey?”.

Scout looked at him through narrowed eyes as she picked up a packet of cigarettes from her jacket. She gave him a sharp gaze, warning him to not pry on her emotions. She was jealous, at least a little, wasn’t she? ‘

Yeah, Merle could tell when he was right. 

He laughed.

“You’re not the jealous type, are you?”.

Scout rolled her eyes at him before taking the first drag of her cigarette. “I know just how much you enjoy playing games with others, Merle, so don’t try to fool me with one of those tall tales of yours”. He almost smiled at her accusation. So suspicious, her sheriff-daddy had taught her well apparently. 

_Never trust anyone._

“You’re breakin’ my heart, talkin’ to me like that… Why would I ever lie to ya?” he said, making an effort to sound as sincere as he could and he could see how Scout fought back a smile. She leaned back on the sofa, skillfully balancing the beer bottle and the cigarette with her right hand as she tossed over the package to Merle with the other hand.

“Well, spill the beans then,” she said and the hostility in her voice was no longer significant.

Merle laughed as he picked up a cigarette from Scout’s package. “Sure thing, darlin’,” he said as he lit the cigarette, breathing in the nicotine. Ah, how it soothed him to his very core, no wonder Daryl had always been such a chain-smoker. 

He leaned back into the sofa, feeling like a king. “Let’s see then… where should I begin?”.

* * *

How Merle knew Carol Peltier was a quite interesting story.

It was Daryl who first had met Carol, many years ago, back 1985, if Merle recalled right. Carol and Daryl had both attended a support group for relatives to people suffering from drug/alcohol abuse. She had been a twenty-year-old, timid store clerk back then and went to the support group due to her boyfriend's escalating drinking problem if Merle recalled correctly. 

Daryl had probably been forced to attend by the counselor at his high school. The counselor seemingly knew that their old man was an alcoholic and that Merle was a stoner, so he had thought of meeting others in the same situation might help the maladjusted teenager. 

Merle didn't know how many times Daryl actually went there or if he got something out of it all, he thought the idea to send his socially-awkward younger brother to group therapy was like a bad joke. But despite that, Daryl did at least attend the meetings enough times to befriend Carol, and somehow, they ended up being close friends.

Initially, Merle had thought that the friendship between Daryl and Carol, for lack of better words, was utterly bizarre. In Merle's eyes, Carol was boring, stiff, meek, and looked like a lesbian feminist with extreme tendencies. 

_She was the kind of woman Merle tended to stay far, far away from._

What was even more strange was how quickly Carol grew on Daryl and it didn't take long until she had quite some influence over him, which bothered him more than he liked to admit. Ever since they had been kids, Merle had been used to that Daryl listened to him, and only him. Nobody would ever care for him, expect Merle, that's what he always had told Daryl. 

But ever since Daryl met Carol, he seemed to forget more and more about what his older brother had taught him. Merle didn't know if it was conscious or subconscious, but Daryl seemed to suck up whatever Carol told him. 

Like a spider, Carol twined up Daryl, tighter and tighter in her web, and Daryl didn't seem to either notice or mind, all to Merle's mortification. It didn't take long until Carol made Daryl talk back to his brother.

 _"It's none of your fuckin’ business, why ya even care?!"_ Daryl had snarled at him when Merle told him what he thought about Daryl's relationship with Carol. 

In a way, Merle could understand why Daryl had been so easily affected by Carol, she was a seemingly innocent and vulnerable woman who had an alleged abusive asshole to boyfriend that she refused to leave, and Daryl probably felt like he had to protect her in some way, as he always had been way too kind and sweet for his own good. Merle gritted his teeth at the thought, why couldn't Daryl just see that everybody just tried to use him in one way or another? 

_Everybody but Merle, of course._

While his brother’s affection for Carol didn’t surprise him, Carol's interest in Daryl was a complete mystery to Merle. At first, he had been certain that it was all about sex. Because what else could Carol possibly have in mind when it came to his baby brother? 

She was the type of woman who wanted a life with a house in the suburbs, a husband with a steady income, two kids, and a dog — not some dysfunctional teenage redneck with gloomy future prospects.

Merle had never been the one to beat around the bush, so he told Daryl that too, and it resulted in Daryl ignoring him for almost three whole weeks. To Merle, that was just another sign of how bad Carol had mindfucked his baby brother. If Carol would tell Daryl to kill her husband, Merle was certain that he wouldn't even hesitate.

_A goddamn manipulative bitch, that was what Carol was._

Carol had always looked at him with a cold gaze like Merle was the devil himself. As if that wasn't enough for him to dislike her; Carol had made no secret of that she thought it was Merle's fault that Daryl was so messed up. 

_"He is no good for you, don't let him ruin your life"_

That was the kind things of she told Daryl and it made Merle's blood boil; Carol didn't know a fucking shit about Merle, or what he had been through. Being left as a teenager with an uncaring, abusive father, left alone trying to take care of his younger brother while having his own issues had been tough, and at times it had been too much for Merle. 

He couldn't take the responsibility, hell, he couldn't even fix his own problems. In an attempt to get some relief from his bleak reality, Merle turned to drugs already as a young teen. 

Drugs made life easier; they took away all the pain and sorrow, all unwanted feelings and bad memories that tormented him. Like the death of their mother and how their father somehow made it all being Merle's fault. 

It still made him furious, just thinking of their old man. Neglectful, abusive, spent most of his time drinking with various women after the death of his wife. Even the juvenile detention center had been better than home back then.

Merle and Daryl started to drift apart even more as his drug abuse started to occupy more and more of his time. When he woke up in the morning, all Merle longed for was his crystal meth. 

_Smack, Go-Go_ , or _Redneck Heroin_ , as they said in Atlanta. 

It was all the same.

Daryl had Carol, and he seemed to be content with their fucking lavender marriage, while Merle just wanted a vacation from everything and everybody, and it didn’t take long until Merle's life turned into a spiral that seemed to go nowhere but to the rock-bottom. 

Sooner or later, his addiction would fuck him up bad. He knew that, but honestly, Merle had reached a point where he didn't care anymore. 

They could all go and fuck themselves; their father, Daryl, Carol, God himself, and Jesus Christ too. 

* * *

The last time Merle had seen Carol was when she and Daryl had visited him at the hospital after he accidentally had overdosed on a combination of painkillers and meth. It had been a while since last time the trio had seen each other; Daryl had turned nineteen and Carol had gotten a baby daughter.

The OD had been a close call and to Merle's surprise, Daryl had been shattered to his core by it. As soon as he caught sight of his brother, Daryl started to cry and Merle almost laughed at him, because he was such an ugly crier.

After the shock had faded, he had turned furious and Merle couldn't recall he ever had seen his younger brother so angry before. Just like Merle, Daryl had always been a hothead, but seeing him in that kind of diluvial rage was a new experience. It almost made him laugh again because he found it amusing that not even Saint Carol had been able to do something about Daryl's explosive temperament. 

In a way he could understand Daryl's anger; Merle knew he shouldn't fuck up his life, make it worse than it already was, but it was damn hard. When he woke up at the hospital, the withdrawal had struck him like a sledgehammer and he felt like a total wreck. Merle wagered that he looked like a wreck too; Daryl had barely been able to look at him without getting a gritty expression all over his face and even Carol's mouth was a thin line. Their worried faces were probably justified; Merle couldn't recall he had felt so bad since he was stuck at the ICU after a bar brawl had turned ugly. 

But even when the odds looked bad, Merle never gave up, never gave in. That was just how the Dixon's rolled. He kept his spirit high no matter what and Merle had even cracked a joke as Carol and Daryl first entered the room, trying to make his OD less of a serious event. 

_"Don't be such pussies, this is nothin'. I ain't dead, am I?"_.

But instead of appreciating his older's brother's attempt to lighten up the mood, Daryl just snapped. He grabbed Merle by the neck of his shirt and shook him so violently that Merle thought Daryl was about to snap his neck. Carol had thrown herself over Daryl, trying to calm him down, but he just pushed her off before he fleed out through the door and left Merle and Carol alone.

Merle could still envision how Carol had leaned over the bedside while looking at him with a steel cold gaze he didn't even know a meek woman like her could possess. 

_"I swear to god that if you don't pull yourself together and get clean, I'll make you regret the very day you were born,"_ she whispered to him. 

Merle had been threatened more times than he could count but never spoken to him in such a calm, yet ice-cold voice that came from a woman. He had first laughed when he heard Carol's threat, telling her that she would never dare to do such a thing. 

_"If I could do that to my husband, the father of my only child, what makes you think that I couldn't do it, or worse, to you?"_. 

He knew in an instant what she talked about; Carol's husband, Ed Peltier had recently died. According to the rumors, he had been drinking and was severely intoxicated when fell down the stairs and broke his neck.

Some people had said that maybe it was Carol who finally had gotten enough and pushed him down the stairs, even though the police quickly judged Ed's death as an accident. 

A little too quickly perhaps, Merle thought. But the police didn't seem too eager to put more resources than necessary into the investigation and an autopsy was never made either, strange enough. 

Ed Peletier hadn’t been a popular man, quite the opposite, and except Carol, there was just a handful of grieving drinking buddies and former colleagues at his funeral. Nobody cared to press police to investigate deeper, and despite the rumors, no charges were ever pressed and the case was closed almost in an instant. 

When Merle looked up at Carol’s stern face and cold eyes, there wasn’t a fiber in his whole being that doubted that Mrs. Peletier was more capable than anyone previously had dared to dream of.

_"If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your brother"._

With those words and a last ice-cold stare, Carol walked out of the door and left Merle to his thoughts. He didn't want to admit it, but maybe, just maybe she was right. 

_Just maybe._

He had seen the disbelief in her eyes, Carol never thought he could do it and in a way, Merle was certain that she wished for his death so that she could have Daryl for herself.

_It was tempting to prove her wrong._

When Merle got of the hospital, he finally decided that he had enough of being a stoner. The MC club was drifting out of his hands and if he continued on that road, it would just be a matter of time before Ash and the guys would strip the _‘President’_ patch off him. 

_"Don't get high on your own supply"_ , that was what watching Scarface had taught him. 

Maybe he should take that advice. 

It wouldn't be worse anyway, he decided. Merle's worst enemy had always been himself, and it would be the severe struggle he ever had faced. But at the end of the day, Merle Dixon was tough as a nail, and with new energy, he was determined to fight once again. He would prove them all wrong, prove that he wasn't down for counting just yet.

* * *

By the time Merle had finished his story, Scout had drunk two beers and to his delight, the sheriff’s daughter finally seemed to loosen up some. 

“She isn’t the first one, and she isn’t gonna be the last one either,” was Scout’s only comment to Ed Peltier’s murder and Carol’s alledged contribution to it. “There is just a certain amount of abuse one can take before they snap,” the red-haired woman added as she turned her bottle upside down to make sure it was empty.

“So, you’re telling me that you feel comfortable about leaving your boyfriend alone with a manslayer?” Merle teased. Carol would never hurt Daryl, despite his dislike for the woman, that was one thing Merle was more than sure of. 

Scout rolled her eyes him. “We both know that Daryl can handle himself,” she said as she picked up her cigarette packet again and lit another cigarette. “Besides, you know how pissed he gets if you tell him what to do” Scout added as she breathed out the smoke, making smoke circles in the air.

“Fair enough,” Merle concluded as he emptied his beer bottle. Despite his initial promise to get drunk, he hadn’t had more than two beers. Yet. “Ya know what, sunshine? I feel like hitting the town, what do ya say?”.

Despite that the clock was ticking closer to midnight, Merle felt full of energy. “Let’s make Little D regret that he spent the evenin’ with the Iron Lady,” he added slyly, playing on that tiny tinder of jealously he knew was lingering in Scout’s veins. 

_Come on, sugar. Ya know ya wanna get him for this._

Scout looked at him with a wry expression, she wasn’t stupid, and he could tell that she was trying to figure out the true purpose behind his suggestion. “Fine” she finally agreed after a few minutes of contemplation. “But I wanna do shots” she added with a warning finger in the air. “And you have to take me dancing”.

_A party girl, I hear..._

_Bet Daryl never took ya out dancing, right?_

Merle grinned for himself. Sure, he wasn’t the one who turned down a lady. 

“Ya wanna go out dancin’, huh?”.

“Yeah,” Scout replied while digging through her purse for something. “So, you better be good at it”. Merle just kept grinning at her petty condition. He knew she’d be up for it, and despite that Scout keeping her face straight like a professional poker player, Merle knew she was pissed at Daryl. 

With every right, Merle told himself; Daryl picked Carol over him, his brothers at the club, and his old lady tonight. That was not what a son or a brother did, and for that kind of betrayal, Daryl needed to be taught a lesson.

“Shots it is, then” Merle confirmed as he rises from the coach. Hell, he would even drink vodka if that meant luring Scout to town with him. 

As they head out of the club, Merle kept grinning to himself. He genuinely looks forward to getting wasted with Scout in town, and he knows for sure that it’s going to make Daryl snap.

Scout might think that Daryl intended to stay at Carol’s place until late night and then head straight home. But Merle knows his brother, he is sure as hell not going to go home and hit the sack until he is certain that Scout is safe and sound. Nah, his brother was way too sweet for that, even if he could be an asshole, too. 

Serves Daryl right, Merle thought as Scout climbed up with ease behind him on the bike despite wearing high heels. 

_Damn Darylina and his sweet, sweater-knitting, husband-killing Carol._

A few of the other sons and two prospects decided to join them as well and Merle took the lead as usual with his Triumph Bonneville as they flew through the summer night. 

* * *

With Rick’s right arm thrown over his shoulder and a steady hold around the drunken man’s waist, Daryl walked the intoxicated man over to Carol’s car. Rick showed no sign of sobering up and without the support, he would have fallen straight to the ground like a stone.

“Y’know, Daryl… Sometimes I think, sometimes I think that Shane wanna kill me and… he’s M’best friend... but all he wanna..,” Rick slurred as Daryl pushed him into the backseat and buckled him up.

“Just keep your eyes on the road and even think about throwin’ up in Carol’s car,” Daryl instructed as he put a brown paper bag in Rick’s lap. 

Rick shook his head in disbelief, obvious to Daryl's words. ”He… wanna… fuck M’wife” Rick cried out from the backseat and Daryl groaned within. Where the hell had the paranoia come from? If he had been Merle, he would probably have been overjoyed to get his suspicions at least party confirmed, but Daryl didn't honestly care whenever it was any truth behind Rick's slurred confessions or not. To him, it mostly sounded the irrational ramblings from someone who didn't handle alcohol very well.

_Why couldn’t he just shut up?_

"You know... Shane and I, we have been friends since...".

“Yeah, yeah, heard that one three times now,” Daryl growled as he pulled the car in gear and started the engine. “Ya got time to worry ‘bout those things later, just keep your eyes peeled on the road so ya don't get sick, alright?”.

Rick just nodded absentmindedly at the command as he wrapped his hands around the seat belt.

Fortunately, it was just a ten-minute drive to the Grimes family's house. Unfortunately, the short ride hadn't done anything to help Rick sober up and Daryl had to drag him to the front door. 

“Come on, ya gotta have the keys somewhere,” Daryl sighed as he tried to frisk Rick while simultaneously keeping him in a standing position. He could only imagine what they might look like if someone saw them, and Daryl was thankful that it was dark outside. 

“Thank god Lori isn’t home,” Rick mumbled as Daryl shoved him inside. “She… she would have skinned me alive if she saw me like this…”.

Daryl was thankful for that too, considering the fact that Lori Grimes didn’t seem to have very high opinions of him. Still, he was more thankful that the kids weren’t at home.

“Alright,” Daryl said he shut the door behind them. Making sure that Rick got home sound and safe had turned out to be a lot more trouble than he initially had anticipated. The hallway was neatly decorated with painting and framed family pictures and Daryl hoped that he could quietly guide Rick to the living room and lay him down on the sofa without tearing down any of the wall decorations by accident. Then, he would hopefully find a bucket for the drunken man to use if the need arisen, and after that, he could leave Rick on his own with a good conscience. 

"What are you doing...?".

A bright voice suddenly spoke behind them and Daryl turned around to meet the eyes of Beth Greene, who suddenly stood in the hallway, clad in a pair of short blue striped pajama shorts in cotton, a matching oversized t-shirt, and a blue toothbrush in her mouth. She looked at the pair in the hallway with a dumbstruck gaze, eyes wide as saucers, and for a second it looked like the toothbrush was going to drop out of her mouth as her jaw slackened by the odd sight. 

“Wait, Beth..,” Rick groaned in anxiety while he looked at the teenager with a regretful gaze, like the sight of him would shatter Beth’s image of Rick as the perfect husband and family father. 

“He needs to lay down,” Daryl said, effectively interrupting Rick’s guilt trip. He was well-aware that he was stating the obvious, but he hoped that it would make Beth snap back to reality and help him out with the drunken officer. “Now!” he growled at the girl.

The girl opened her mouth to say something, but before the words could leave her mouth, Rick turned his head to the side and threw up on Daryl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At last, Daryl and Beth meet again, and there will be more Bethyl in upcoming chapters as things start to get... a little more complicated ☺. I'm generally not a fan of keeping the main characters estranged from each other for a whole chapter, but since this story deals with several relationships, it's kinda unavoidable. 
> 
> ✎The next chapter, 'Mike Echo Lima Romeo Echo' will be up in week 30-32.


	9. Mike Echo Romeo Lima Echo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✿ In this chapter, Daryl's long, hard night finally comes to an end, but the morning doesn't seem to start better than the night ended.
> 
> ✎This chapter required some rather heavy editing and I feel it turned out more crude than I had intended but I hope you still will be able to enjoy it. As usual, I fix any typos and lost words my spelling-check has missed as soon as I spot them.

Rick’s sudden nausea turned out to be just what Beth Greene needed to snap back to reality. She quickly put away the toothbrush and immediately stepped forward to help Daryl lay Rick down in a recovery position on the sofa and fetch a blue plastic bucket from the cleaning cupboard. Just in case her foster father would get ill again.

“Take it off, I’ll wash it up quick for you,” Beth said with a nod to his dirty shirt, and despite that Daryl wanted to protest, he realized there would be no reason in doing so. He couldn't walk around with gush on his skirt and he wore a tank top beneath it. Daryl sighed as he unbuttoned the shirt, and Beth took it with a slight grimace.

“I’ll be right back, make yourself comfortable,” she said, and with those words, she disappeared down the stairs to the basement where the laundry room was located.

Although the girl was being polite and friendly as usual, she was still angry with him. Daryl could tell that with just one look on Beth’s face. In all honesty, her anger should make him _happy_ because that had been his intention the last time they spoke — to make Beth dislike him and stay away from him.

_Gotta watch out for that one, baby brother._

Daryl let out another sigh at the thought of his brother’s words. 

At first, he didn’t have thought in the world that Beth’s intentions might be anything else than just being polite and grateful for the trouble she thought he had gone through. To Daryl, it seemed like she just was the kind of girl who cared about such things. Gentle and sweet, every inch a _southern belle_. At least at first sight. If it wasn’t for Merle, he wouldn’t even have entertained the idea that she might have any interest in him beyond expressing her platonic gratefulness.

But last time he saw Beth, Daryl could have sworn that she let her gaze linger on him, just a little too long. That in addition to how upset she had gotten by being referred to as having ‘daddy issues’, was enough to make Daryl tense. It wasn’t a good sign. Still, Merle could be wrong and maybe Daryl had overread things. But, even if Beth _just_ wanted to be friends or some shit like that, there was no way that was gonna happen either.

_Hell no._

If becoming friends was her intention; he needed to get that idea out of her head as well. That was something Daryl was usually good at; he had been through things like that before.

Yeah, it wasn’t like it was the first time a disillusioned woman who took a liking to him.

_God only knows why.  
_

In the past, their obsession usually went over once they discovered that an asshole he was, and the best of all was that Daryl usually just needed to be himself. But then again, Beth Greene wasn’t like any girl he had encountered in the past. There was just something special about her...

Daryl sunk down on the floor, resting his back against the wall as he watched the knocked-out officer sleep on the sofa at the other end of the room with a knitted blanket over him. Rick breathed just fine, deep, steady breaths, his skin tone looked good too, and Daryl felt relieved.

Even though the man wasn’t his responsibility, he couldn’t just have left the girl alone with Rick, if he had shown signs of severe alcohol intoxicating. That shit should be deadly if you were unlucky. 

The Grimes family's living room was nice and tidy, thoughtfully decorated, and cozy, Daryl noticed. Lightyears from his own poor, unkempt family home.

Here, the walls were decorated with paintings of landscapes and flowers and framed family photos. There was a big, framed portrait of Rick in a parade uniform with an American flag in the background. Rick was young and sported a proud, broad smile and Daryl supposed it had been taken when Grimes graduated the Police Academy because Scout had the same kind of portrait, just more old-fashioned, of her daddy.

Next to Rick’s portrait hung another big photo surrounded by a golden frame and it featured Rick in black smoking and his wife in a big, white wedding dress with puffy sleeves from the early ’90s. They looked awfully young, both of them, and it was obvious that they had married straight after college.

Go to college, land a job, get married, buy a house, have kids. Live happily ever after. That was what normal people did. Lori and Rick were in his own age, they all were born in the same state, and yet, their lives couldn’t be further apart. 

Daryl leaned his head further back at the wall. Being in places like this, in a normal family’s house, always made him uneasy to some degree. He just didn’t feel comfortable in the suburbs, he didn’t fit in there.

Never had, never would.

Beth was sure taking her time with the washing machine and Daryl's fingers started to itch and he was desperately in need of a smoke.

If Rick hadn’t thrown upon him, Daryl would have been on his way back to town, perhaps already back in Barksdale. Scout still hadn’t replied, and Merle wasn’t picking up his phone either. It was a bad sign and he was once again reminded of that he needed to find Scout and his brother — soon. He gave in to the urge to gnaw at his thumb at the thought of Scout possibly being out, doing something, with his older brother.

Whatever Merle’s purpose was, it probably wasn’t any good and Daryl felt a knot appear in his stomach when he thought about all things that could go wrong. Despite that he knew Scout could handle himself, Merle was Merle.

_Hell on wheels in the wrong lane with no breaks._

Going out with Merle was like going out with an unsecured grenade in the pocket; you’ll never know when it exploded. You only knew that it would explode, sooner or later.

Beth came back from the basement and she cast a glare at him as she walked over the living room floor to the kitchen. “I used the ‘quick wash’ program. It will take about twenty-minutes” she murmured in a detached tone, and Daryl just nodded at the info. He wasn’t into the mood for some small talk, and especially not with her. The sooner he could leave the Grimes’ house, the better.

Beth lumped down at the other end of the sofa Rick slept on and curled up under a blanket with a small sigh. She looked at Rick with a worried gaze and he could tell she wasn’t used to seeing her foster father intoxicated.

“Is he going to be alright?”.

“Yeah,” Daryl replied. “He’s breathin’ just fine. Just make sure he keeps lyin’ on the side like that. Probably gonna feel like shit tomorrow, thought”.

The officer was going to be just fine. Daryl knew. He had seen his father and Merle severely intoxicated more times than he could count.

Beth looked back at him, her mouth is still a thin line but the gaze in her eyes had softened a bit. “Alright, Mr. Dixon” she mumbled with a slight grimace.

The minutes went by at an awfully slow pace and Beth’s gaze eventually left the clock on the wall and wandered over to Daryl. She wasn’t bold enough to keep her baby blue eyes pinned on his face for more than a couple of seconds and eventually, her gaze started to wander further down.

Maybe she wasn’t even aware of what she was doing, but Daryl could literally feel how her burning gaze trailed over his neck, collarbones, arms, and down his chest. It wasn't like she was the first woman to check him out like that and normally, Daryl couldn’t care less. They could look all they wanted, and he never gave a damn about it.

_But this girl…  
_

It was something unpleasant about the way Beth was looking at him, it made Daryl feel like she was stripping away his clothes, leaving him naked and vulnerable. It made him angry, furious even because she shouldn’t even have that effect on him in the first place and the worst thing was that he actually _allowed_ her to affect him like that. It was beneath him and Merle would have ridiculed him to no end if he saw his brother so unsettled.

Daryl had to look away from her burning gaze when it felt like his cheeks were about to flush up and in addition to that, it felt like his skin was crawling… 

He wanted his shirt back. Badly.

Daryl groaned within. He wanted to rush out of the house, run away, or throw something at Beth and yell at her for making his skin crawl the way it does. But he somehow managed to keep calm and Daryl put all his concentration on counting the leaves of the plants on the window sill. Normally, he _would_ tell her not to fucking stare at him as she did, but Daryl didn’t want to wake Rick up and be forced to explain himself.

“Are you okay?” she suddenly asked and her voice sounded all innocent like she didn’t have a clue in the world about why he felt uneasy.

“I’m fine,” Daryl replied without taking his gaze off the potted plants.

“You seem tense,” Beth continued and Daryl was almost certain that he could pick up an amused tone in her voice like Beth enjoyed his torment. Maybe she thought of it as a suitable punishment for his harsh words during their last encounter.

_Jesus Fucking Christ._

“I need to get back to town,” Daryl mumbled as he rose from his position on the floor, still avoiding Beth’s gaze. Before the girl could protest, Daryl escaped out of the house like an exposed burglar and threw himself behind the wheel of Carol’s car. He felt like a coward, but he couldn’t just bear to stay inside with Beth looking at him like that, it made him feel so fuckin’ uneasy.

_Pathetic._

_Mindfucked by a little girl._

He felt sick of himself. 

* * *

After a decent amount of shots at one of the smoky biker bars in the outskirts of Cleburne, Scout and Merle ventured into one of the underground clubs at a backstreet alley in the central part of town. The other sons didn’t feel like leaving the biker bar and Jesus had caught sight of two friends and he decided to join them instead, so Merle and Scout had to continue on their own.

They sat down in a dark booth and from there, they could scout out over the half-empty dance floor.

There were girls in red, sequined bikinis with frills and tassels, dancing on the tables in the neon lights. The dancers moved with ease to the music, full of energy despite the late hour and Scout watched them with big eyes, amazed how they could pull their moves off on the small tables in their high heeled boots.

“What kind of odd place is this?” Scout asked. “Is it a strip club, a speakeasy or a discotheque”?

“Got no idea,” Merle admitted. “Don’t come here often, but I thought ya might like it”.

Scout just laughed. No thoughtful man with a sense of style would ever bring a woman to an odd place like the ‘Tropico Club´. But it wasn’t like they were on a date or anything, so she wasn’t into a position to complain and it was still ten times better than being at Carol’s sleepy garden party. 

A waitress clad in short, black shorts, a red bra, and a black fishnet-top appeared to take their orders. She looked tired. Like she had worked too many late nights in dark, smoke-polluted clubs, but her smile seemed genuine none the less.

“Are you ready to order?” she chirped.

“Uh, just a coke, please” Scout managed to tell the waitress. Her head had started to spin, but she wasn’t feeling sick — yet. Still, it was always better to be safe than to be sorry, so Scout decided that she had enough alcohol for tonight.

“I uh… I’ll have a Jack & Coke,” Merle said and the waitressed disappeared as soundless as she had appeared minutes ago.

She leaned her head on Merle’s shoulder as they continued to watch the women dance while waiting for their drinks. It felt like the club was located in another dimension and all her rational thoughts had been left back in reality. Like the fact that she probably shouldn’t have done so many shots and she probably shouldn’t have smoked that joint either. Still, Scout was actually enjoying herself more than she ever had anticipated.

The waitress in the crop top and daisy dukes returned with their drinks and Scout pushed herself up into a straight, seated position. The coke was sweet, and the sugar rush was welcome.

“You know... I don’t think I’m the right kind of woman,” Scout suddenly confessed out of the blue. “For Daryl, I mean” she clarified.

“What ya talkin’ about?” Merle frowned. He seemed genuinely surprised. “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with ya” he added in an unusually soft tone, and Scout couldn’t help but give him a half-hearted smile.

* * *

The display on his phone showed 01:45 when Daryl finally arrived at Jake’s bar and it was unusually empty for a weekend night. No broken furniture, just a couple of empty bottles, and a cracked pool cue. He looks around the club but there is no sign of either Scout or Merle.

_What the fuckin’ hell…?_

He found Ash, sitting in the back of the bar with a pack of ice against his temple. 

“Where is Merle?” he demanded and Ash looked up at him with a confused gaze. 

“Man… he left several hours ago” the VP replied with a tired voice.

“Where?” Daryl growled.

“I don’t fuckin’ know,” Ash hissed. “You know Merle is” he barked back at Daryl.” For some reason, he suddenly didn’t feel like stayin’ here. He and some of the guys took a ride to Cleburne and Scout went with him. They left two hours ago”.

Daryl was forced to leave his Nightbird at the parking lot in favor of Merle’s car, a black, old Chevy Caprice. If he knew Merle right, he would probably be too drunk to ride home, and Scout probably wouldn’t be sober enough to be able to ride back with him on a bike either. 

It was a ten-minute drive to Lemon Hill from Barksdale, and after that, it was about a fifty-minute drive on the highway through the woods to Cleburne, if there was no traffic on the road that was. Daryl sighed as he turned on the engine and _Skynard Lynard_ blasted out of the speakers, volume turned up to the max.

An hour later, Daryl parked the chevy outside the pharmacy and walked the short distance to the avenue. Despite the late hour, central Cleburne was crowded with people, and the bars were filled to the brim with cheerful guests.

First, he decided to check out the bars Merle used to frequent in the past. He found Beta, one of the nomads, and two of the older sons’ in the second bar.

“Merle?” Beta asked as he stroke his beard with a thoughtful gaze. “He left two hours ago, said they were gonna go dancin’ somewhere”.

Three bars later and a fumy underground club later, Daryl felt how his blood started to turn into battery acid in his veins. He wasn’t in bad shape, but his excessive smoking habit didn’t exactly do him any favors either. 

_Where the fuck are they?_

He checked his phone again but neither his brother nor Scout had replied to his messages. Gritting his teeth, Daryl continued his search. Cleburne was a fairly big town and there was more than one entertainment street. Tracking down people in a busy city was something entirely else than tracking down a game in the woods. It felt like he was walking around in circles.

“I wouldn’t walk in there like that if I were you. Unless you’re lookin’ for company, that is”.

Daryl turned around to meet Jesus’ grinning face, along with his neighbor Aaron, and a young, red-haired man he didn’t recognize.

“What?” Daryl frowned at his friends, not getting why they all looked so smug at seeing him.

“Should probably put on a proper shirt or something?” Jesus said with a nod to Daryl’s unclothed arms and the young man next to him swallowed down a giggle. Even Aaron, who was a seasoned politician, struggled to keep a straight face and Daryl suddenly realized that he was standing in the beer garden of Cleburne’s only gay bar, ' _The High Voltage'_.

“I’m lookin’ for m’brother and Scout, have ya seen em’?” Daryl said as he rested his hands on his knees, ignoring Jesus’ silly joke. God damn it, he had been walking around for almost an hour, searching every dive bar in the area for his brother and girlfriend without any luck.

“Can’t fuckin’ find them..,” he grunted.

The three men looked at each other and shrugged. “We haven’t seen them,” Aaron said as he looked at Daryl with a concerned gaze. “Why don’t you try to the night club down the street?” Jesus suggested. “Yeah, I know some of the guys at work usually go there for the cheap drinks, and the go-go dancers of course,” Aaron added with a slight grimace. “It’s not a very nice place though, kinda run down, and they are rumored to dilute the alcohol with water in the bar…”.

“Go-go dancers?” Daryl ran a hand through his messy hair. “Is that still even a thing these days?”. He tended to stick to regular bars, clubbing and dancing wasn’t his cup of tea, so to speak.

“Apparently,” Jesus commented as he stirred in his Vodka Cranberry. “I heard Merle likes the place,” he said, giving his friend a knowing gaze. Daryl just nodded. Dancing women in bikini with boots and fishnet tights sure sounded straight down his brother’s alley.

“Come back if you don’t find them there, and we’ll help you look,” Aaron offered, and the other two men nodded in agreement. Aaron was like that, a friendly guy who never hesitated to help out a friend.

“Alright, thanks,” Daryl said as he left the trio to finish their cocktails.

* * *

It turned out that Jesus and Aaron were right; after a ten-minute walk down the street, Daryl finally found Merle and Scout. They were sitting on the pavement, outside a nightclub with golden neon signs that told by-passers that they had go-go dancers on stage every Saturday night between 9 Pm to 2 Am.

Daryl just needed to sweep his eyes over his brother and his girlfriend to see that both were completely smashed. Drunk to the boot. Merle’s face has turned red by the alcohol and he had a stupid, smug grin plastered all over his face.

“Ya missed the dancers, baby brother” Merle yelled as he waved with a half-empty coke bottle in his hand. Scout looked up and gave him a wide grin as a greeting. Her eyeliner was smudged out, her gaze was unsteady and she reeked of perfume. Like she tried to hide the scent of cigarettes, which wasn’t like her at all, so he concluded that she probably had something else than just regular cigarettes.

“Hey, handsome, what took you so long?” she said with a smile.

“Wasn’t easy to find ya,” Daryl muttered. 

“But ya came just about in the right time to give us a ride home” Merle snickered, ignoring Daryl’s deadly gaze. A part of him really wanted to give Merle hell for getting Scout drunk to the boot, but since they were still in the middle of town, and Daryl didn’t think that Merle’s brain even could process any critique at the moment, he decided to let it pass.

_For now, at least._

“Alright, fine,” Daryl replied with a sigh and he suddenly felt very tired. “Stay put here, I’ll get the car,” he muttered as he gave the drunken duo on the pavement another cold glare.

* * *

Back at home, Daryl had to carry the intoxicated Scout up the stairs while Merle stumbled a few steps behind. He wasn’t too fond of having his brother sleep on the couch again, but on the other hand, he didn’t have the energy to drive Merle home either.

Daryl assigned Merle to the living room and Scout to the bedroom. She just laughed as he struggled to get her out of the tight, black jeans she wore. After a ten-minute struggle, Scout fell asleep like a log, dressed in her black, lacy underwear and one of Daryl’s old, washed-out t-shirts.

While Daryl had bought Scout to bed, Merle had managed to make his way to Daryl’s coach and the older Dixon brother had passed out with his arms wrapped around his head in an odd, uncomfortable position. Daryl shook his head at the sight and wished that Merle would wake up with a bad case of torticollis. It would serve him right for trying to ruin his younger brother’s life on a regular basis.

It was four in the morning, the sun was about to go up and Daryl felt like a total wreck as the adrenaline and anger finally had left his system. Still, Daryl felt too stressed out to go to bed, so he decided to take a cold shower instead.

He leaned back against the cold tiles and let the cold-water rush over him.

He passed out on the bed, next to Scout, with the image of Beth Greene with her long legs in the cotton pajama’s-set, flashing through his mind like an old home video on Super 8. Sucking on the toothbrush in her mouth while she was looking at him, eyes full of so much innuendo that Daryl was certain that if he ever woke up again, it would be in hell.

* * *

He woke up in the morning by the piercing sunlight that sipped through the blinders. He might not be in hell, but he certainly felt like hell. Still like fuck. Maybe it was because Scout had wrapped herself around his body like a python snake.

“Hey” she smiled at him. “How are you feelin?”.

“Like m’head is about to burst,” Daryl managed to reply. It felt like he has been run over by a fucking freight train despite that he hadn’t been drinking. Scout, on the other hand, seemed to feel just fine and she let her hands travel down inside the lining of Daryl’s jeans.

“Come on, not now,” he half-heartedly protested but Scout just continued. “Come on, you know sex is the best remedy against headache,” she coaxed.  
“I said not now, god damn it, Scout,” Daryl snapped as he wrestled himself free from her hold. How she could be in the mood after such a night was beyond his understanding.

“Why?” Scout groaned in protest. “Is it because of that friend of yours, huh?” she snapped at him without warning.

“What the hell are you talkin’ about?” Daryl growled back, enraged by the crazy accusation.

He had already told Scout before going to the party that Carol was an old friend and she had been fine with that explanation back then. So why Scout suddenly decided to throw this senseless, overdramatic reaction at him was a riddle to Daryl.

“It ain’t anythin’ like that between us. Never been. She’s my friend, for fucks sake! We just had a couple of beers and talked some, there’s no need for ya to act like a jealous bitch about it!” he barked back at Scout. The accusation was just fucking ridiculous and Daryl wasn’t going to take any of her bullshit.

“Fine then, just a be an asshole” she snarled back at him and in the blink of an eye, Scout was standing at the door with her clothes in her hand, yelling things at him that Daryl’s brain seemed to just transform into some white noise. He wasn’t anywhere near being spry enough to handle that kind of shit.

Scout walked out in the living room while getting dressed quickly on the way, completely obvious to Merle’s prying eyes. When she reached the front door, she suddenly stopped and yelled “You don’t even listen to me...! And you know what, I’m so fucking tired of that attitude of yours!” before she slammed the door shut behind her so hard that the wood squeaked in protest. 

Daryl just stared at the door in disbelief, still trying to get his head around what just had happened.

If he had been a _normal_ boyfriend, he should probably have run after her, trying to calm her down and apologize despite that he didn’t do anything wrong. But Daryl didn’t feel like it, not even the slightest. Instead, he just swore quietly. 

“That’s not how ya treat a woman, little brother” Merle cackled as he pushed himself up into a seated position on the sofa. He searched for the remote and found it under the coffee table. “Bet’cha won’t get laid for days now..,” he chuckled as he turned on the TV.

“Yeah, maybe she shouldn’t be so damn pushy, and maybe ya should get some treatment for your sex addiction,” Daryl snorted as he walked past Merle on his way to the kitchen.

“Sex addiction, what sex addiction?” Merle replied as he zapped through the modest selection of TV-channels. “I got a fuckin’ perfect, healthy sex drive while you’re like a ‘frozen fruit’, baby brother...”.

Merle always thought about sex. Whenever, wherever. To him, it wouldn’t even matter if the world had gone to hell and the earth was infested with brain-eating zombies; Merle would still be looking to get laid at the first opportunity.

“For fucks sake! I don’t wanna get laid, got a headache,” Daryl yelled back at his brother from the kitchen as he searched through the cupboards for a bottle of aspirin. “Sides, I wouldn’t even be in this fuckin’ mess if ya didn’t decide to get her wasted like hell”.

“Ya whine like a little bitch, Darylina, headache… pfft… what a lousy excuse. Let me tell ya one thing, little bro...”.

Merle’s yammering was getting on his nerves and it took all of Daryl’s self-control to not take the nearest object and smash it into his brother’s ugly face. “Ya don’t even know how to use a condom properly, so just shut the fuck up, I don’t need your shitty advice,” Daryl replied. The aspirin bottle was nowhere to be found, but he found a half cartridge of tramadol. He checked the expiration date, one month left.

Good enough, Daryl decided. Normally, he wouldn’t bother to take painkillers for something petty as headache, but his whole head was pounding like hell and if he was going to spend another minute with Merle, he needed some relief.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✎ The next chapter, 'All my F***kn' Feelings' will be up on the 31st of July (next Friday), and with it, we're 1/3 through the story. In other words, there is no need to worry, I intend to sail this ship to the port!  
> I also hope you guys feel that the main plot is finally gaining some well-needed momentum by now ☺


	10. All my f***in' feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ☹ This chapter was a complete nightmare to edit and it will most likely need some further minor editing, but I'll still think it's readable. I'm sorry for the delay in posting, but hopefully, you will find it worth the wait.
> 
> Edit: I saw that there were severe spelling-mistakes in this chapter and that 'shirt' for some reason had turned into 'skirt' on several places >_<) So sorry for this! T_T)

Rick Grimes felt like he deserved in the morning; his whole body was sore, his thoughts were slower than usual and on top of that he had a pounding headache. He sat up straight on the sofa but had to support himself with one arm to not slump down on the floor, that was how bad his head was spinning. Rick shook his head in disbelief, what on earth had gotten into him yesterday? He hadn’t intended to have more than a few beers but despite that, he had ended up drunk to the boot.

His memory of the evening wasn’t intact, but he recalled that Daryl had to drive him home in Carol’s car and that he had thrown up at some point. It was embarrassing because Rick didn’t even know the man and yet he had unintentionally ruined Daryl’s evening. 

_Still, the worst thing was that Beth had seen him so intoxicated…_

Rick felt the anxiety rise in his chest like a tidal wave just when thinking about it. Dear god, Lori would be furious if she ever found out; that was not how a foster father should act. Especially not since Hershel Greene had been known to have abused alcohol in the past. Rick didn’t know if that had occurred before or after Beth was born, but it didn’t ease his bad conscience one bit. 

With a sigh, Rick crawled out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. He went to the toilet and brushed his teeth in a slow pace with a steady grip on the sink, just in case his sense of balance would fail him. 

When he was finished in the bathroom, Rick walked down the stairs with both hands on the handrail. He found Beth in the kitchen, standing over the stove with a spatula in her hand. The kitchen was filled with sunlight and Beth was clad in a sundress with a colorful apron tied around her waist. She looked like a sweet little housewife from a 50’s commercial.

“Hey,” she greeted him with her usual smile. 

“Good morning,” Rick replied with a far more tired smile.

“It’s Sunday, so I thought I’d make the pancakes since Lori isn’t here,” Beth explained. “Eat,” she made a gesture at the table where she already had placed a set of plates, cutlery, and a jar of strawberry jam. “I made enough for Lori and Carl to have some as well when they come back,” she added with a smile. Rick nodded as he sat down at the table, thankful that he didn’t have to make breakfast himself. He didn't have much of an appetite at the moment, but Beth was a far better cook than Lori and her pancakes were very good compared to the one his wife made.

They ate their breakfast in silence. If Beth had been bothered by his behavior last night, she didn’t show it. No, Beth looked just fine, like yesterday never even had occurred. Still, it didn't matter. Rick took a deep breath. He had to apologize and there was no reason to beat around the bush.

“I’m really sorry for yesterday,” Rick apologized. “It won’t happen again”. It was a promise more to himself than to Beth. As a cop, he had seen countless sad examples of what happened when people resorted to alcohol to drown their sorrows, soothe the nerves, or curb anxiety. 

The famous Mexican painter, Frida Kahlo, was told to have said that she tried to ‘drown her sorrows, but the bastards learned to swim’, and Rick was more than well aware of the truth in that. He had no intention whatsoever to make that mistake.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize to me,” Beth replied with a slight smile. “It wasn’t me you puked on,” she added with a tiny grin and Rick groaned a bit within. “I don’t remember much of that part, actually…” he admitted, and the feeling of guilt seemed to increase its weight on Rick’s already heavy shoulders.

“Daryl bought you back and you puked on him in the hallway,” Beth clarified, and Rick thought he could almost pick up a tone of glee in her voice like she thought throwing up on Daryl Dixon was amusing. Rick gave her a sad smile as he tried to come up with an explanation for his behavior. 

_Jesus Christ, was I really THAT drunk?_

He cleared his throat. “I... uh, I’m really sorry I got you into a situation like that,” he apologized. “I hope... Daryl didn’t cause you any trouble” he added and Rick couldn't help but feeling a little sheepish. If Lori knew that he had passed out on the sofa while leaving Beth alone in the night with Daryl, she would be more than furious with him. It would probably anger her more than how drunk he had gotten, Rick mused for himself. 

Beth shook her head. “I cleaned up his shirt and then he left,”.

She didn’t mention that Daryl had left without the shirt, nor that she had tucked it away under her mattress. It had been such a silly, childish thing to do — it wasn’t like Rick would search for it, or take away from her. Thinking of it now, Beth wasn’t even sure why she had been in such a hurry to hide it away in the first place. 

It was almost like her subconscious mind had made up a plan to give her an excuse to see him again. 

_Almost._

“Did Daryl say anything else about yesterday?” Rick asked and Beth could tell by the way he spoke that he was anxious about something. Had something happened earlier in the evening? Perhaps the alcohol had loosened Rick’s tongue and made him say something he regretted?

She shook her head again. “No, not really. He just wanted to get back to town, I think”. Rick’s frown ceased and he seemed to relax at her answer and he returned to eating. While Beth chewed on her pancake, she couldn’t help but think about how surprised she had been when she realized that Daryl, of all people, had been the one made sure Rick got home safe. The two of them weren’t even friends. But maybe that was just the kind of person Daryl was, Beth thought. He didn’t come off as a very caring or helpful person at first glance, but there was a lot more to him than the brusque façade he put up. That, she was certain of.

Once they were finished with the pancakes, Rick thanked her for the breakfast and went to lie down on the sofa while Beth did the dishes. 

* * *

By the time Beth had cleaned up in the kitchen, Rick had fallen asleep on the sofa and she seized the opportunity to use the stationary computer in Rick and Lori's bedroom. It was the only computer in the Grimes household and they kept in the bedroom to keep Carl from spending too much time on computer games.

She sank down on the office chair in front of Rick's desk and turned the computer on. It started up slowly and it took almost five minutes until the 'Windows 2000' logo appeared on the black screen. Beth was far from being a computer whizz, but she knew how to use the internet. 

The desktop appeared on the screen and she clicked on the 'Internet Explorer' icon to access the world wide web. “God bless the internet,” Beth mumbled as she typed in Daryl’s name on the whitepages.com website. The white pages had been on the internet since 1996 and the web page made it so much easier to look people up than using the regular phone books. She slowly scrolled through the results and found out that Daryl Dixon lived at an apartment complex, at the west-end of Barksdale, and the webpage also revealed that he was the only one who lived on that specific address. 

Just like Zach had told her; Daryl and Anna didn’t live together, despite that they had been together for quite a while. Beth found that to be a little odd, especially when she recalled that Maggie and Glenn had been very eager to move together as soon as possible. But maybe Daryl and Anna just didn’t have the same kind of relationship as her sister and brother-in-law. 

_…or, maybe you’re not much for being a proper boyfriend, Mr. Dixon?_

Beth grimaced at her own thoughts, reminding herself it was none of her business and that it was the 21st century, after all — people didn’t need to get married and live together to be together.

She cast an eye outside the window and noted it would be another beautiful, sunny day, just like the weather report on the TV had predicted. Beth had promised to meet up with Amy, Zach, and Noah for a concert in the park during the afternoon. But it was many hours left until that...

 _Maybe, just maybe she could pay Daryl a visit and return the shirt_? 

The thought made her grin as Beth could imagine just how pissed off Daryl would be if she came around to visit him. At his place. Unannounced. She played with the thought for a while and it far was more tempting than it should. 

“I wouldn’t go just to get attention,” Beth assured herself. “I’m just being friendly, that’s all”.

If she went to return the shirt, she would do it because that was the proper thing to do, it would be her way of showing appreciation for what Daryl had done for Rick, nothing else. But... Despite that Beth told herself that she felt nothing more for Daryl than purely platonic feelings, there was no denying that he had been dominating her thoughts lately and it started to feel like she had some sort of unwilling infatuation with the surly man. 

_Definitely unwilling, and God knows why, because he wasn’t even her type, at all._

No, Daryl wasn’t the sort of guy she could imagine herself falling for, even if they had been closer in age.

Far, far away from it", Beth established for herself. If it felt like an infatuation, it was probably just her hormones playing dirty tricks on her. Like when Maggie had a crush on her teacher last year in high school. It had nothing to do with reality and it had nothing to do with real emotions.

Truth to tell, Beth had always imagined her future husband to be a god-fearing, well-spoken, clean-shaven man from a Christian family. Someone her family would have appreciated. Someone like her first boyfriend, Jimmy.

_Oh, Jimmy…_

The fond memories of her first love came back to her in an instant. Blue eyes and blonde hair, white teeth. Warm smile. He had always been so sweet.

Beth had been twelve when they met and Jimmy was her first love. He liked her too, she could tell by the way he looked at her from the pew when Beth sang in the church choir. Suddenly, going to church became much more exciting. When Beth and Jimmy started dating, it had all been so innocent. Their dates consisted mainly of having company to the youth events that the church held and sometimes they also went to the movies or just hung out at Beth’s house. Under the supervision of her family, of course. Hershel and Shawn never let her spend time alone with Jimmy.

Their relationship didn’t last long; Beth and Jimmy had been together for three months when Jimmy’s parents suddenly decided that they wanted to try their luck on growing sugar canes in Louisiana. To Beth’s utter demise, Jimmy and his parents had left for New Iberia six months before the death of her parents, and she hadn’t heard from him since that, despite that they promised each other to stay in touch.

While she cleared the web reader's history, Beth decided that she should go and see Daryl after all. He needed his shirt back and it was the appropriate thing to do. That was it, no ulterior motives, she told herself as she shut down the computer.

She decided to take the bus to Barksdale, The public transportation in Kings County wasn't optimal and the ride would take almost a half-hour longer compared to how long it would take going by car, but Beth wasn't in any hurry and despite her innocent motives, she wanted to keep a low profile.

* * *

Once Daryl had dropped Merle off at Jake's bar and picked up his Nightbird, he drove straight back to the apartment complex. In all honestly, he felt like taking a ride up to Cabot Ridge and stay there for a couple of days, but he had promised to help his uncle Jess out with construction work in Sedalia on Monday and the trip to the mountains had to wait. His fresh fight with Scout gnawed at the back of his mind, and Daryl knew he had to call her sooner or later. Preferably later, despite a whole pot of coffee, Daryl still felt uncharacteristically tired.

He was just about to lay down on the sofa when the doorbell rang. "Goddamnit, if it's Merle again, I'll..," Daryl mumbled for himself as he opened the door.

“Hi,” Beth Greene greeted him with a big, bright smile. She was clad in a light blue, short sundress with a pattern of small, white flowers all over it and white converse. Pretty like a daydream, and she was probably the last person on earth Daryl had expected to come knocking on his door after yesterday. He just stared at her like he had seen a ghost and his face lost a few shades of color.

“Ya must be out of your fuckin’ mind, girl,” was the first thing Daryl said when he finally opened his mouth. What on earth had gotten into her? He had been rude to her and he had told her to stay away, and yet there she was, smiling like they best friends or something.

“Why do you say that?” Beth crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him with stern eyes. “What is it you’re so afraid of?”.

“I ain’t afraid of anything,” Daryl defied her, as he leaned closer to her, hanging on the door frame. "And what the heck are ya doin' here?" he barked at her.

Beth didn’t step back. “Well, good for you. Are you going let me in or not?” she asked again in a steady voice. “I got your shirt with me, I cleaned it for you, you know,” she reminded him. “The least you could do is to invite me in for a cup of tea”. 

Beth wasn’t really in the mood for tea, but she had no other argument on her mind. Seeing Daryl's reaction had been fun although he had reacted just like she predicted. She could just have tossed the shirt straight into his face and walked away after that, but now that she had made it all the way to Barksdale and found him, she was kinda curious to see what Daryl’s apartment looked like. Something at the back of her mind told her it was a bad idea, but her curiosity got the better of her,

“Yeah, fine,” he yielded. “Come on then. Don’t have all day”. 

“Thank you,” She smiled politely at him as she stepped through the door into the apartment. Beth was surprised that he had given in so easily. Maybe it was because he didn’t want his neighbors to spot her? 

“Yeah. Whatever. Sit down and I’ll make ya some tea”.

“So, this is where you live,” Beth said, more to herself than to Daryl, as she looked around the small apartment with big eyes, curious eyes. It wasn’t very cozy, she noticed. A half-empty plastic container with chlorine stood next to the bedroom door along with a laundry bag, filled with what seemed like clean clothes somebody hadn’t had time to put back into the closet. No posters, no nothing on the walls. Just a crack in the paint near the cleaning. It looked more like one of those overnight apartments people just used for sleeping while working far away from home. The furniture was sparse, only the bookshelves, a sofa, a coffee table, and an old TV, playing ' _Heavy Metal Hour'_ with muted sound. 

_"Interesting," Beth t_ hought for herself as she sat down at the sofa and fished up the shirt from her backpack.

“Yeah, obviously I do,” Daryl muttered as he returned from the kitchen with the tea in a plastic pitcher.

“What is this?”. She frowned at the strong smell of grass. Was he trying to scare her away by being a terrible host? Lori would rather be caught dead than serving a guest something like this.

“It’s green tea,” Daryl explained as he poured her a glass of the odd smelling brew. He didn’t even sit down beside her, instead, he sank down at the floor, resting his back against the wall, just like he had last night. Beth grimaced slightly at his odd behavior, Daryl acted like he was afraid that she would file him for statutory rape if he got too close.

“You’re really gonna sit over there?” She looked at him over the edge of the glass. “It’s kinda impolite, Y’know”.

“I’m bein’ polite,” he snapped back at her behind clenched teeth. “Ya got your stupid tea”.

Beth ignored him and took a sip of the tea. It tasted awfully bitter and it was by far the worst iced tea she ever had tasted. “Ew, do you really enjoy this?” she asked with a grimace. "It tastes like lemon peel mixed with grass...".

“No,” Daryl admitted with a sigh and he finally seemed to relax some. “Was a gift from M’uncle. It’s supposed to make ya stay alert or some shit like that”.

“In that case, it looks like you could need some, Beth said, taking another sip of the bitter brew and Daryl looked back at her with a questioning gaze.

“You look... kinda worn out,” Beth clarified. “Did you have a rough morning?”

“Ever since ya showed up, yeah,” Daryl said as he glared at her. Beth gave him a stern gaze in return. Was he trying to make her pissed off or was he trying to make her leave, despite that he was the one who let her in? 

“I wouldn’t be here if you weren’t in such a hurry to leave yesterday,” Beth retaliated. "I told you it would just take twenty minutes, but you still rushed off before it was finished... Why were you in such a hurry?” she asked in a softer voice, almost pleading for an answer. 

Daryl ignored the question turned away his gaze from her in favor of looking down at his right knee where the fabric of his jeans had busted. He suddenly got very interested in pulling at the white threads that emerged from the rip and Beth felt that there was something about Daryl’s rushed departure last night that bothered him.

”It kinda seemed like you suddenly rushed off in panic..,”. She was certainly testing the waters now and Daryl almost squirmed at the question. He was uncomfortable again and slightly uneasy, Beth could tell by the way his jaw had tightened. He was almost as tense as he had been last night when he sat on the floor while waiting for the dryer to finish. Was he like this around everybody, or was it just her? 

“It doesn’t matter,” Daryl finally said after what felt like an eternity.

“I thought you weren’t afraid of anything,” Beth teased, and she thought she could almost see a sudden tint of red appear on his cheeks. Doesn’t matter? Sure thing... She couldn’t help but smile at the sight while Daryl turned away his gaze away from her. 

_He was actually… kinda cute when he was embarrassed._

“Why did ya come here?” he suddenly asked.

“I told you, you forgot your shirt,” Beth replied with a small shrug, pretending to study her nails. “I just thought I’d come by with it,”.

“Do ya really expect me to believe that, huh?” Daryl glared at her again. “Comin’ all the way here, just for _that_? Just like ya did with the jacket. Ya could have just asked your little boyfriend to do that for ya, but ya didn’t this time either. Why is that, huh?” he spat at her. 

Shocked by the way the tables suddenly had turned, Beth put down the glass and gave him an angry glare. She hadn’t expected him to start interrogating her own motives like that.

She glared back at him for a moment longer before letting out a sigh. “I guess I should get going now, anyway,” Beth said as she stood up from the sofa. “Thank you for the tea”. 

With those words, she walked past Daryl to the door and left the apartment. As she left, Daryl immediately regretted his words and he felt a sudden urge to get up and grab her by the wrists. Because, despite what Daryl had said, he didn’t want her to leave for some odd, unexplainable reason. Maybe it was guilt.

_Fuck, why did he always have to be such an asshole? It wasn’t even Beth’s fault that he had such a worthless morning..._

He rose from the floor to catch a look after Beth as she walked down the corridor, her dress fluttering around her knees and the blonde ponytail bouncing on her back. No wonder just being near the girl seemed to be enough turn his mind into a total clusterfuck. Daryl sighed, he hated how she made him feel. Her ability to crawl under his skin with a mere glance. Like one look was enough to make him disintegrate. 

“Beth!” he called after her, swallowing his pride along with his common sense.

Beth stopped halfway through the corridor, slowly turning around with a suspicious look on her face like she expected him to scold her for coming by one more time. She looked at him with a serious face, like she was considering her opportunities, but suddenly, Beth’s smile reappeared just as quickly as it had disappeared.

“If you buy me a popsicle, maybe I’ll forgive you,” she said in a playful tone.

“A popsicle?” Daryl repeated, looking at her with a frown. “What ya want that for?” he asked in disbelief. She gave him a glare. “It’s a perfectly normal thing to want in the middle of summer,” Beth said as she tilted her head to the side. “Are you coming with me or not?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest once again as if to make clear that he’d better behave this time. 

_Be nice._

Daryl sighed, still looking at her. “Fine, just let me grab my jacket,” he yielded. 

* * *

Shane almost spilled his to-go coffee all over himself when he accidentally spotted Beth Greene and Daryl Dixon on the other side of the street. Beth’s face was shining like the sun and even the surly redneck seemed happier than on his gloomy mugshots. Shane's first instinct was to run over the road and tackle the redneck down to the ground like they were playing American football, but Shane reminded himself that Daryl wasn’t doing something illegal - at least not yet. It wasn't a crime to screw young, naive girls with the face of a 12-year-old as long as they were above the age of sixteen in Georgia. 

_"_ Lori didn’t imagine things after all..."Shane mumbled for himself as he took a sip of his double black espresso. He should have known that she was right about Beth. When Lori was out of town, the girl showed her true face, and Shane was sure that Rick was totally clueless about what his teenage daughter was up to. 

Beth was too caught up with her company to even notice him, but Daryl turned his head in Shane’s direction and gave him a killing glare before he disappeared with the girl behind the corner. He was an attentive bastard, Shane had to give him that.

“Yeah, you just glare at me like that, damn redneck, I know what you’re up to,” Shane snorted to himself. If he hadn't been on his way to a date with an alluring woman, he would have walked back to his truck and done a little surveillance on Miss Greene and her rugged friend. Instead, he decided to pay Rick a visit after the date was over.

* * *

They bought popsicles, strawberry for Daryl and lemon for Beth, and sat down under one of the big trees on the outskirts of the park. It was a good spot, Beth concluded; she could see the entrance and the stage in the distance, and thus she would spot her friends and Zack as soon as they entered the park. 

“What are you thinking of? Your popsicle will melt away if you don't eat it at once, you know,” she pointed out, grinning slightly.

“Nothing important,” Daryl replied as he took a bite of his popsicle as if to assure Beth that she had nothing to worry about. She already cared too much about him as it was.

“So… How’s Grimes doin’?” Daryl asked in an attempt to steer the conversation away from his own life. 

“You mean Rick?” Beth smiled at the mentioning of her foster father. “He is okay, had just had some headache in the morning, I think. He… usually doesn’t drink at all,” she explained.

“Seems like he got off easy then,” Daryl grinned. “Should probably think twice before drinkin’ that much next time”. 

Beth nodded in silence. She had been surprised to see Rick drunk, it wasn't like him at all. Normally, he just had a beer or two during the weekends, but that was it. if anyone drank in the Grimes household, it was Lori who Beth had caught drinking wine on weekdays on more than one occasion. 

Daryl finished his popsicle and she noticed that he had started to chew on the wooden stick. 

“Was it good?” Beth asked as she looked at him with an amused gaze.

“A friend of mine used to make popsicles like these for her kid in the summer,” Daryl said.

“Really?”

Daryl nodded. Even as young, Carol had always been something of a Martha Stewart, making everything from pickled vegetables, hibiscus tea to grape jelly. It must have been back in the summer of 93’if he recalled correctly. Daryl didn’t use to visit Carol at home often, but one sunny afternoon when Ed had been out of town, and he had stopped by to see how she was doing. Daryl had known everything wasn’t alright between Ed and her, but just how bad things were, he hadn’t completely comprehended until after that abusive asshole’s death. Like himself, Carol had practiced the art of hiding her wounds for a long time, making it hard even someone as sharp-eyed as Daryl to recognize what was going on. 

Carol had planted strawberries in her backyard that year. When they were ripe; she blended the strawberries to a puree and froze them in plastic molds. After 3-4 hours in the fridge, the popsicles were ready. Daryl grinned at the memory, there weren’t many bright moments in his past, but this was surely one of them. 

“Don’t think I had once ever since,” he confessed to Beth.

“Was about time then,” Beth chuckled. “Hopefully, you don’t have to wait another decade to have another,” she added with a small grin.

“Yeah? What makes ya think that?” he said, still chewing on the stick.

She looked at him with a shy smile while she finished the last of her yellow popsicle. “You know me now,” Beth said and Daryl looked back at her, seemingly perplexed. “Come on, I would be a bad friend if I let you go another ten summers without having ice cream,” she chuckled, giving him a nudge in the side. 

“I never relied on anyone, for anything. Ever,” Daryl replied with a dark look in his eyes.

Beth just shook her head at his harsh answer. "Jesus Christ", she thought, was he always like this? It was just a popsicle, not a matter of life and death. 

_Getting Daryl to ease off seemed more and more like an impossible task._

She returned his gaze with a stern look. “It wouldn’t kill you to have a little faith in people,” Beth said, sounding a little too upset for her own likening. “You always act like you think everybody just is trying to.... mess with you in one way or another”.

“I care a..,” Beth started, but as she caught sight of her approaching friends, she silenced. “I need to go,” Beth said as she stood up and brushed off her dress. The time had flown by fast and she had completely forgotten about Amy, Noah, and Zach, and for a split moment, Beth almost wished that she hadn't promised to go to the concert with them.

Daryl just nodded. "Yeah, shouldn't keep em' waiting,".

* * *

Rick sat in a sun chair at the backyard, hiding behind Lori’s beloved rhododendron bushes, safe from his neighbors’ prying eyes, while nursing his pounding head with a big glass of ice water and two aspirins. Lori had called him after breakfast and told him that she and Carl would be home on Sunday evening like planned, and Rick had every intention to erase every sign of his hangover before that. 

From the other side of the rose hedge, he could hear the voice of Jessie Anderson, the neighbor next door. She was talking to her youngest son, Sam and they laughed while they worked one of Jessie’s sculptures. 

Jessie was such a sweet, gentle, and caring woman, Rick thought. Beautiful, too… Sometimes, he secretly wished that Lori could have been a little more like her. Carefree and not so… concerned about what the neighbors might or might not think.

Lori wanted them to be that kind of family who ate pancakes on Sundays, so she made pancakes every Sunday morning. But Lori’s cooking skills weren’t the best and her pancakes were bad. Lori knew it herself too, but despite that, she never improved. 

_She just kept on making those bad pancakes, Sunday after Sunday..._

Rick sighed for himself and took another chug of water.

Although things were good between himself and Lori for the moment, Rick had a feeling that it would just be a matter of time before they started to argue again. He thought of Beth and how hysteric Lori had been when she thought the girl was seeing Daryl. 

Lori was a good mother who did her best, but Rick was afraid that her tendency to be overprotective might do more harm than good in the long run. Beth was as patient as she was kind and gentle, but if Lori kept mistrusting her, it was just a question of time before the girl would start to get troublesome.

_For real._

There was no cure against hangovers but drinking plenty of water seemed to help, a little bit at least, and he finally started to feel like a human being again. Rick leaned further back in the sun chair and tilted the edge of his cowboy hat down to protect his tired eyes from the bright sun. He closed his eyes and put his hands to rest in his lap. “Just gonna rest my eyes for a little bit” Rick mumbled for himself as he shifted into a more comfortable position.

* * *

“Had a rough night?”.

The deep voice broke of Shane Walsh suddenly broke the silence and caused Rick to stir awake. He groaned softly as he sat straight up in the sun chair. Although the chairs were comfortable, they obviously weren’t made to fall sleep in. 

“It’s good to see you too, Shane. Sit down,” Rick made a gesture at the empty sun chair beside him, and Shane sunk down beside him without hesitation. He often came around unannounced and today was no exception but for once, Rick actually wished that his friend had given him heads up. 

“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you this hungover before. Not even in college,” Shane teased. “Thought you said you were going to a garden party”.

“I just… I kinda lost track of how many beers I had,” Rick admitted.” I didn’t have any intention to get drunk,” he added with a sigh.

“And yet here you sit, with bloodshot eyeballs and all, looking like the world has come to an end,” Shane replied with a grin playing over his face. 

“Yeah,” Rick nodded.“How was your date?” he asked in an attempt to switch the subject.

“It went alright,” Shane said with a shrug. “Was nothing special”.

It had just been a lunch date. Nothing too serious, he just wanted to examine the terrain, so to speak. But the unexpected sight of Beth and Daryl hadn’t really helped Shane to keep his mind on seducing his lady company. Fortunately, all he had to do was to look at women with his deep, brown eyes and give them a warm smile to make them melt. That, in addition to the fact the woman had been so busy talking that she had barely noticed that Shane only replied with “hmm”, “interesting” and “tell me about it”. He quickly concluded that his date wasn’t ‘girlfriend material’, but having an enthusiastic woman around for some fun was always nice and thus, Shane thought it had been a fairly successful date. 

“So how are things between you and Lori? You, uh, had a fight or something?” Shane asked bluntly. He had never been the one to sugar-coat things. 

“Is that why you got yourself wasted?”.

“No… why you think that?”.

Shane shrugged. “Well, for starters you didn’t go with her and Carl to visit her parents,” he pointed out. 

“It’s just that... Lori has been almost hysteric lately,” Rick confessed. “She doesn’t think I spend enough time with Carl and she has been worried that Beth was going to run off with some secret boyfriend, or end up pregnant”.

Shane couldn’t help but chuckle. “Sorry, it just sounds like you had your hands full lately”. 

“Yeah, I know, I could use to spend more time with Carl, but the part about Beth it’s just ridiculous..,” Rick sighed. “I’ve been trying to explain that to Lori, but it just makes her angrier”.

Shane nodded. 

“Where is Beth, anyway?” he asked. “Don’t tell me you let her see you like this, who knows what that could do to that god-fearing girl,” he added without pity.

Rick gave him a disturbing gaze and Shane could tell that he had struck a weak spot. His friend had always tried hard to be a good father, a good husband, and a good officer... 

“She’s with her friends,” Rick explained. “There was some young singer _, famous from the internet apparently_ , who was going to perform in the park. Can’t remember what the name was thought”. 

Shane nodded as he evaluated the information. Had Beth lied to Rick? Did she say she was going to the park with her friends while she in reality had been with Daryl?

He could help but smirk at the thought. It was such a bizarre thought, the two of them together; little sweet, soft-spoken Beth and foul-mouthed, ferocious Daryl. In a way, it was tempting to let Rick know that he had seen them together outside of the apartment complex where the surly redneck lived, but something told him that this wasn’t the right time. 

_Not yet at least…_

“She’ll probably be back soon,” Rick said as he shifted in his chair. “I figured we’d order pizza for dinner, you’re up for that?”

“Yeah, sure, why not?” Shane replied with a smile. He looked forward to seeing Beth again and he wouldn’t want to miss the opportunity to press her about her whereabouts earlier in the day, see how she reacted.

Discreetly of course. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✎The next chapter 'C'est pas ma faute', will be posted somewhere around week 33-35.


	11. C'est pas ma faute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✿In this chapter, we'll take a look at the consequences of Beth and Daryl's 'little date', and naturally, Shane wasn't the only one who spotted the potential love birds together...
> 
> ✎'C'est pas ma faute' is french for 'It's not my fault' and it comes from french pop-singer Alizée's song 'Moi... Lolita' which was released in 2000, and it was very popular in several European countries.

_“Indecision and reveries are the anesthetics of constructive action”_.

— Sylvia Plath

The concert wasn’t bad, but Beth found it hard to concentrate and enjoy the music, and she felt almost relieved when they walked toward the parking spot. 

Noah had gotten a red Ford Taurus from his father as a graduation gift and he was kind enough to drive his friends home afterward. Beth sat in the backseat with Amy while Zach was seated in the front seat. Despite that Noah had turned on the AC, the car was still hot from having been parked in the sun the whole afternoon and the black seat belt burned at her skin.

While he drove, Noah talked about his recent hiking trip to the Appalachian Trail, the AT. It was a 3,500 km well-known hiking trail that went from Springer Mountain in Georgia to Mount Katahdin in Maine.

“You know, it takes like a half-year to walk the whole trail, so we only hiked the part from the Amicalola Falls State Park, the Appalachian Entrance Trail, but it was….”.

Beth’s mind drifted off completely from reality when Noah started to discuss future hiking plans along the main trail with Amy. Normally, Beth would have found the subject interesting, but now… 

Her thoughts drifted back to Daryl, his methylene-blue jeans, heavy boots, and denim jacket with cut-off sleeves. His storm blue eyes, tattoos, and sun-tan. The way he had said her name. A warm, foreign feeling appeared in her lower stomach and Beth pressed her legs tighter together as she suddenly felt hotter than the burning sun.

‘God, what is _wrong_ with me today?’ Beth mentally scolded herself. She couldn’t possibly have a crush on a man that she had nothing in common with, a man who was in the same age as her foster-parents. Besides that, he already _had_ a girlfriend, she reminded herself.

_No._

_It couldn’t be possible._

_“And you got Zach”,_ a little voice in the back of her mind whispered and Beth swallowed hard. She had to get a hold on herself and stop herself from thinking about such… inappropriate things.

“God, Greene, you’re awfully quiet today,” Amy suddenly complained when Beth didn't add anything to the conversation. “Did you sit up and wait for Rick all night?”.

“Uh, no… I’m just tired,” Beth lied. “I… watched _‘Bodyguard’_ in the evening, you know the one with Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner, and then... I went to sleep”. 

“My mom saw that movie too,” Noah chimed in from the driver’s seat. “But didn’t it end at 21.00? You must have been really tired if you fell asleep that early on a Saturday night” he joked.

Beth nodded absently. It didn’t make sense for someone of her age to go to bed at 21:00. Thankfully, she didn't have to explain herself further as they had reached the street where Beth lived, and Rick stood conveniently at the front door with three pizza boxes in his hands.

She leaned forward mechanically to give Zach a quick goodbye kiss on the cheer. He looked at her with a dubious, concerned look on his face, like he wanted to say something. 

Their date at the cinema yesterday hadn’t been one of their best dates, they had watched _“2 Fast 2 Furious”_ and while Zach thought it was one of the best movies he had ever seen, Beth hadn’t even been remotely thrilled by the street racing scenes and the customized cars with underglow in neon. After the movie, he had proposed that they could go to his place, but Beth had declined his offer, and Zach, like the good boyfriend he was, had dropped her off home without complaints.

“Thank you for the ride, Noah! I talk to you guys later,” Beth promised before she jumped out of the car. She could feel Zach’s gaze burning on her back as she walked the short distance from the car to the house and for some reason, it made her feel slightly uneasy. 

_Like she had done something wrong._

Beth shook off the thought as she smiled against Rick. There was a time and a place for everything and now was not time to brood over her relationship with Zach and their undisturbed dates.

* * *

Rick, Shane, and Beth sat down at the table in the garden behind the house. Rick looked a lot a better now, Beth concluded. The bags under his eyes were still present, but the bloodshot look in his eyes was gone and he seemed to be back to his usual happy mood. 

“So, how was the concert?” Rick asked as he started to slice up the pizza for Beth and Shane.

“It wasn’t what I usually listen to, but it was good,” Beth replied politely. She preferred country and acoustic guitars over indie pop and heavy basslines. It had been Amy’s idea to go, and since Beth didn’t have anything else planned, she had decided to tag along nonetheless.

While Shane and Rick ate with a big appetite, Beth chewed slowly at one of the pepperonis from her pizza. She wasn't hungry at all. The afternoon sun was red like an apple and all she wanted to do was to lie down in the hammock and listen to some soft blues on her CD Walkman — undisturbed.

“Weren’t you in Barksdale, earlier today?” Shane asked out of the blue and Beth almost choked on her pepperoni. “I thought I saw you outside the western apartment complex”.

Beth felt how her face turned white and how the blood in her veins turned to ice as the panic rose in her chest. She mentally urged herself to calm down. It wasn’t the first time she had been caught doing something red-handed and denied it all like she didn’t have a conscience in the first place. Like when Herschel almost caught her with Maggie’s birth control pills at the pond. With that in mind, Beth was sure she could slip out of this situation with her secret intact, too.

She shrugged nonchalantly. “I missed the regular bus to town so I had to take the one that went to Barksdale instead and switch bus there. I got a little lost when I tried to find the other bus stop,” she explained without taking her gaze of Shane.

His brown eyes examined her in a way they never had before like he was determined to wring all her secrets out of her and Beth felt the anger rise within her chest. 

_What was it with him?!_

Shane was a friend of the family as well as Rick’s friend, and he used to come around quite often but he had never paid any attention to Beth before. At least not beyond formal greetings or the essential questions adults often felt obligated to ask her, like how school was and such things. 

“Is that so?” Shane smirked. “You weren’t… seeing someone there, a friend or so perhaps?”.

 _'He must have seen me with Daryl'_ Beth thought. But why on earth had Shane suddenly developed an interest in what she did? It didn't make sense at all. Besides, who Beth spent her time with was certainly none of his business either.

“No,” Beth shrugged. “It’s not my fault that the public transportation is so under dimensioned here” she almost snapped at him and Shane gave her a stern look as he shifted in his chair. He was obviously not used to being talked back to by a woman and he knew she was lying. Beth noticed that Shane's grip around the sun chair's armrest tightened and his mouth turned into a thin line.

Rick laughed a little nervously and gave Beth and Shane a slightly confused gaze. "Well, uh, I agree that the bus to town could have more departures".

Shane seemed to notice that he was out on thin ice and decided to drop the subject before Rick got suspicious. He gave Beth another stern gaze before he started to talk about the possible outcome of the Atlanta Falcons upcoming match against the Dallas Cowboys in September with his best friend instead.

“I’m tired, I think I’m gonna rest some,” Beth said as she stood up from the table, seizing the chance to get away from Shane's prying eyes.” Thank you for the pizza”. Rick gave her a nod and Beth hurried away to place her pizza leftovers in the fridge before she went to her room.

_Finally, alone again._

Beth sunk down on her bed let out a small sigh of relief. She felt tired, but she was too annoyed with Shane and his odd behavior to be able to relax. If Rick hadn't been there, she would have asked him straight out what his problem was.

"It must be Lori who asked him to keep an eye on me," Beth mused for herself as she opened up her diary. It was the only thing that made sense. Shane and Lori were fond of each other and it was no secret that he gladly offered his help to the matriarch of the Grimes family whenever he could. Beth gritted her teeth as she started to write down the events of the day in the diary.

If Lori had asked Shane to keep an eye on Beth while she was out of town, she had done so before because she cared about Beth. But despite that, Beth couldn't help but feel like she had been betrayed somehow and Lori's distrust in her was a bitter pill to swallow.

* * *

When Scout was a kid, she wanted to become a police officer. Just like her father while all the other girls wanted to be ballerinas, veterinarians, princesses, or hairdressers. Scout wanted to catch criminals, investigate murders, drive speed boats, and fast cars, just like they did on ‘ _Miami Vice_ ’. 

Yeah, she wanted to be cool like Tubbs and Crockett. 

But Pemberton was nothing like Miami, and as she grew older, Scout started to develop other interests and at college, she ended up studying IT. After graduation, she got a job as an IT-technician at a local company. It wasn't what she had dreamed of, but it was a fairly entertaining job, at least in the beginning, and it paid pretty well, too. The only downside was that it made you spend day after day in front of a computer. 

It had been fine the first years, but now it started to make Scout feel more and more restless for every day that passed by. She felt trapped and her job didn’t somehow feel _meaningful_ enough. Her discomfort didn’t go unnoticed by her observant father, who carefully suggested that she might use a change of career.

“I saw ClaraChem was looking for an IT technician in the paper today, maybe that could be something for you?” her father suggested when they had dinner together on Sunday evening.

John Ed had made Louisiana-style shrimps and grits, her favorite dish. He still lived in the house in Pemberton where Scout once grew up. The interior and the furniture was still the same, her father hadn’t changed a thing since Scout moved out over ten years ago. Even her old room was intact, and the old, yellow-tinted Nirvana and Pearl Jam-posters still covered the walls.

“I don’t know,” Scout replied. “I thought… maybe I should do something else”.

“Something else?” John Ed raised an eyebrow. 

“I’m actually... thinking about applying to the Police Academy. For real,” Scout confessed.

She had toyed with the thought for years. She was still young enough, fit enough, had a clean record, no debts, previous working experience and Scout knew that she would pass the entrance exams.

“If you get accepted… You would have to move to Atlanta, are you prepared to do that?”.

Scout nodded slowly, she had already thought about that. “I know, dad”.

“Well, what about Daryl, what does he say about this?” John Ed asked. Her answer didn’t seem to give her father any comfort, if anything, he looked even more worried than before. John Ed Turner wasn’t a judgemental person, and he had always liked Daryl.

“You haven’t fought with him, have you?” John asked, looking at her with a troubled gaze when his daughter mumbled something inaudible in response. 

Scout shook her head again. “Not really…,” she replied. It was almost true. They hadn’t argued with each other since she went drinking with Merle and she told Daryl a few things that she shouldn’t have. Or rather, she had yelled a few things that she probably shouldn’t.

John Ed just kept looking with that worried gaze and Scout didn’t have the heart to lie to her father. She sighed. “It's just that... I've been thinking. We have been together for over four years now, and sometimes I feel he’s just as… emotionally distant as when we met. I thought it would get better over time, and it did, but only to a certain extent. It’s like he has these walls I can’t seem to tear down, no matter what I do,” she confessed.

“I think you’re overreacting a bit,” John gave her another concerned look. He looked puzzled and Scout could tell why; she had never told him much about her relationship with Daryl before. Not more than what was necessary at least. “Have you tried talking to Daryl about this? How you feel?”.

Scout looked down at her plate, mindlessly stirring in her dish with the fork like it could make the feeling of guilt disappear. 

“No, I haven’t,” Scout admitted. Her father knew her too well sometimes, and truth to tell, she hadn’t said a word to Daryl about how frustrated his behavior had started to make her late. Of course, Daryl had always been like that, more or less, for as long as Scout had known him. 

At the beginning of their relationship, she had been too caught up in the excitement, the thrill of being in love, to even care about it. Scout felt slightly ashamed at the thought, it was almost like saying that she had grown bored with Daryl once he became a real person and not only the imaginary idea of him that she had fallen in love with.

“Anna..,” John Ed shook his head at his daughter. "You have to talk to him. About how you feel, about your plans for the future. What does he want, would he want to move to Atlanta with you?". 

She sighed within; as Scout saw it, there were only two options, if she wanted to go through with her dreams of a career as a police officer. The first one was to ask Daryl to come with her to Atlanta and the second was hoping that nobody would notice his ties with the Savage Sons, or Merle. Atlanta was a big city and even someone with Dixon brothers' reputation could slip into incognito. If so, Daryl and Scout could keep on working on their relationship from there, maybe she could get him where she wanted in the end.

Scout leaned back in her chair, it was a tempting thought. Or rather a dream, she corrected herself. The first problem was that Daryl didn’t like big cities. Didn’t like them one bit, he was an outdoor person, he would probably live up in the mountains if he could, she thought with a sigh. He wouldn’t like living in an apartment complex in Atlanta. It would be like keeping an animal in a cage. 

The second problem was that Daryl wouldn’t want to leave his brother behind. Not again. 

Scout recalled what Merle had told her; that after Daryl met Carol, he drifted away from his brother, and in Daryl’s absence, Merle ended up taking an overdose. She understood as much as that Daryl blamed himself for it, even if he never said anything. Blamed himself for leaving Merle behind. If he still had been around, Daryl could have kept an eye on his brother, could have kept him from fucking up his life from beyond repair. If that even was a possible thing, considering Merle's highly volatile persona.

Scout knew the family was important to Daryl, perhaps more important than anything else. After all, they didn’t say _‘blood runs thicker than water’_ for nothing. Daryl had never said it straight out of course, but she could tell through his actions. Fiercely devoted to the ones he cared about, like nobody else she had met, it was probably what Scout admired most with Daryl. 

Considering how much she loved her father, that was something she could understand.

He loved his brother dearly and if she forced him to choose between her or Merle cruelly like that, he would pick his brother without a blink. It was understandable, Scout thought. To be honest, Merle probably needed Daryl more than she did.

“You have to talk to him about it at least, Anna,” John Ed said, interrupting her thoughts with his parental guidance. Scout nodded. Her father was right, as usual.

”I’ll talk to Daryl,” she promised.

* * *

“What the hell is wrong with ya? I told ya to stay the fuck away from that little jailbait!”

It was Monday morning, 06:20 A.M., and Daryl was on his way with Jess Collins to the mountains when Merle called. The construction they were going to work with was in Sedalia, but the roof at Jess's hunting cabin had been broken by a falling tree and they needed to fix that first. 

“Got no idea what you’re talkin’ about” was all Daryl managed to answer. He was so goddamn tired at all the nonsense his brother came up with, and a part of him was almost certain that Merle had been doing speed again, because otherwise, he would never, ever get up this early.

“Don’t fuckin’ lie to me, Daryl, I saw ya with her yesterday, outside the park when I drove back from Jake’s!” Merle howled at the other end of the line, and to Daryl’s surprise, his brother didn't sound affected by drugs at all. If anything, Merle just sounded furious. Like he was one step away from trashing the interior of his man-cave of an apartment. Nonetheless, Daryl decided that for once, Merle could go and fuck himself and he hung up on his brother without a word.

"What was it with Merle, it sounded like he was very upset about something?" Jess asked.

“Nothing,” Daryl replied as he leaned back into the seat. “Guess he just woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” he shrugged. Uncle Jess bought the explanation without a second thought and left Daryl to his thoughts. 

It felt like his life had turned into some sort of melodramatic soap-opera, despite his best efforts to stay out of the drama. 

Scout was probably still was angry at him and now Merle was mad at him because he had an imagination like an old, gossiping lady and in addition to that, Beth Greene seemed to show up everywhere he went, wreaking havoc on him with her lingering gazes and shy smile. He barely knew the girl and yet, somehow, he allowed her and her schoolgirl crush to affect him this way.

God.

How he hated himself sometimes.

* * *

Back in Barksdale, Merle Dixon stood in his living room with an open mouth and the phone in a tight grip, completely baffled. Merle just couldn't believe how brash his little brother was sometimes and the thought of taking a ride up to the mountains and beat the hell out of Daryl suddenly felt very tempting. 

But it was a hell of a long ride to Cabot Ridge from Barksdale and Daryl would probably be out crawling in the under vegetation by the time Merle got there. It was hard to admit, but Merle had never been as good as Daryl when it came to things like trackin’, tracing, making your way through the wilderness without getting lost, and all that survival shit. He would probably just end up getting lost in the middle of nowhere, half-dead by dehydration before Daryl would show up to save his brother’s sorry ass.

With a thump, Merle sank down in his leather-clad armchair and tried to figure out what the hell was going on. Whatever was going on with his baby brother. it seemed to be worse than when Daryl had met Carol, he mused. But that was long ago and now when Carol had two kids and a new husband to take care of, she didn’t have time to hang around and mess Daryl up. His brother didn’t do drugs or drank that much anymore, so that wasn’t a valid explanation to his odd behavior either.

Could he be sick?

Nah, Merle knew what an active psychosis looked like and Daryl didn’t have one, so at least he could scratch that option as well. He thought hard and long about the issue and he came to the conclusion that Daryl had been acting weird ever since that jailbait showed up.

_That pretty, little blonde thing with her bright blue Bambi eyes and long legs._

Merle couldn’t recall that he had seen her around before he caught Daryl with her outside the club in June. Which had left him puzzled; by the way she dressed, looking’ like a sweet _southern belle_ , she wasn’t the type of girl to show up at the club and Daryl hadn’t mentioned her before that. Or had he? 

_Who was that doe-eyed kid, where did she come from?_

Merle tried to figure out where the hell Daryl could have found the girl and the only thing that seemed somewhat reasonable was that she was the lost kid Daryl found in the forest. He must have driven her home, Merle concluded. It would explain why she came to return the leather jacket – and it made her Rick Grimes’ foster daughter.

 _Fucking hell._

Merle rested his face in his palms as he takes in the realization, there was a high possibility that jailbait was Officer Friendly’s fucking kid. Merle gritted his teeth in despair, how could things possibly turn any worse than this? When Grimes and his pals found out, he would have a clusterfuck to deal with and Daryl would be put in jail for statutory rape within the blink of an eye.

_Out of all fucking jailbaits in Georgia; why did his idiot brother have to nail one that was the daughter of a goddamn police officer?_

Then he thought of Scout, and Merle couldn’t help but feeling pity for the woman. She was a good old lady and she had grown on him lately. She didn’t deserve any of this bullshit, not at all. "Fuckin' Darylina, I could strangle ya for this" Merle muttered as he got on his feet and walked over to the kitchen and opened up a bottle of Jack, and took a swig. He didn’t even bother to get a glass. 

“Relax,” he told himself. 

Part of him wanted to call up Ash and call to 'church', but there was no point in doing so without any proof or any plan. He had seen them together, once, and he had no evidence that Daryl actually had slept with the girl. Maybe his baby brother was just trying to be _nice_. Like when he helped old cat ladies, Mexicans with broken tires, the world, and his wife. 

Okay, maybe he had been too quick to call wolf, but Merle knew by experience that it was better to be safe than sorry. Especially when you were trying to run a 1% club with shady side-businesses. Merle decided to let Daryl slip, for this time. But he would be keeping an eye out for Little Miss Jailbait and if he ever saw her with Daryl again, Merle wouldn’t hesitate to bring on drastic measures.

* * *

By the end of Monday, Scout had tried to call Daryl multiple times. One time before work, one time when she went out to have a smoke with her team leader and three times during her lunch break. But the reception up in the mountains was so bad that it was pointless to even try. Frustrated as she was, Scout decided to call Mia to ventilate instead.

Mia Park was Scout's best friend and they had known each other since college. But despite that Mia was in the same age as Scout, their lives were fundamentally different from each other. Mia was a former flight-nurse who now worked at the Harrison Memorial Hospital. She had married her college sweetheart and they lived a quiet family life in the suburbs.

“You okay?” Mia asked, sounding half-interested and Scout could hear the noise from Mia’s son Frank and her husband, Steve, in the background. It sounded like they were preparing for dinner.

“I feel like I’m the queen of disaster,” Scout moaned. “My weekend was terrible. I ended up getting drunk and arguing with Daryl... Sometimes it feels like our relationship is going down the drain”. When she left Daryl's apartment, she had been furious. But once she had sobered up, Scout realized that she probably had behaved like a jealous bitch. Daryl had been an insensitive idiot but had she been so much better with her accusations?

Mia sighed audibly. “Why are you still seeing him, then? You know, when you guys first hooked-up, I never thought it would last as long as it did”. 

Scout sighed. “You just say that because you never liked him".

“I don’t have anything against Daryl,” Mia protested. “He’s alright. Probably the sexiest redneck in Georgia for all I know" she joked. "But come on Anna, what _else_ is there between the two of you?”.

“What do you mean by that?” Scout barked at her friend, although she was pretty sure what Mia meant. In Mia's eyes, their relationship probably still seemed like a one night stand that had accidentally gone on for years. Partly, Scout could blame herself for that; she had probably confessed to her friends under the influence of alcohol that her initial intention was to go out on a few dates with Daryl, just to have fun and to get laid.

“You know that just as good as I do,” Mia retaliated and she sounded just as frustrated as Scout felt. ”You used to have plans, ambitions, Anna! But ever since you got together with that hillbilly… it’s like you have forgotten about everything you used to want”.

It wasn’t true. Not entirely, Scout thought. It wasn’t Daryl’s fault that she hadn’t continued to chase her goals as active as she used to. Besides, being a police officer was a job that demanded much more than an 'ordinary job' and Scout wanted to be certain that it was what she wanted with her life.

“There’s more to him than just being’ a hillbilly,” Scout argued, feeling the urge to defend Daryl once again. Nobody called him hillbilly, nobody but her. 

“How well do you even know him, honestly?” Mia complained. “I bet he still doesn’t tell you anything, am I right?”.

Scout only knew what Merle had told her about their parents, their childhood, and their past in general and Merle only told her because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut after a couple of beers. Either that, or because he wanted a reaction of her, or simply just piss Daryl off.

“I know enough,” Scout replied curtly. “It’s not what’s important, just ‘cause you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that you have to talk to each other about everything between heaven and earth all the time,” she said, already well aware of that her friend would disagree. Mia had been married to Steve for years now and she had a solid idea of what a relationship should be like. 

“Anna,” Mia tried again, this time in a more considerate tone. "The two of you might just as well be 'friends with benefits' and if you get accepted to the academy, you have to move to Atlanta and he won't come with you, you already know that. You're twenty-eight, you have to stop fooling around like you still were in college. Think about the future. Where do you want to be when you're thirty-five?".

Scout sighed and leaned her head against the desk. She should have known better than to expect unconditional comfort from Mia, who sounded more like a scolding mother than a friend. This wasn't what she wanted to hear at all.

“Daryl hasn't changed a bit since you met him,” Mia continued ruthlessly. "He doesn't tell you anything, he doesn't like your friends and he doesn't want to live with you. I'm sorry to say this, but you're just not the right woman for him".

"I have to quit now," Scout mumbled as she hung up. Her heart sank like a stone at Mia's harsh words and she almost felt like crying. She took a deep breath as she rose from the office chair, collected her things, and punched out for the day. 

As she walked towards the parking area, Scout thought about what Mia said. If she was honest with herself, Mia wasn’t all wrong. Daryl was just as volatile now as he had been when she first met him. Like he was searching for something, waiting for something. Scout didn’t know what it was, the only thing she was sure of was that he hadn’t found it yet. 

_Hadn’t found it in her._

Maybe she had been more naïve than she previously thought. 

Scout wasn’t one of those women who had some sort of _white knight syndrome_ and felt drawn to broken, dangerous men, not at all. But as she and Daryl started to get to know each other beyond a shallow level, she discovered that he was... more messed-up, to put it bluntly, than she initially thought. Still, it hadn't been enough to scare her off. Scout hadn’t been sure if she could fix him. Fill that big, black hole he seemed to have inside, but she had been willing to try.

After four years together, it was fair to say that she had tried, but Daryl Dixon still remained the same and as Scout grew older, she had understood that there was nobody that could save him, but Daryl himself. He needed to fight the inferiority complex he seemed to have on his own. 

Maybe it _was_ time to start thinking about the future again.

She wasn’t getting any younger and in all honesty, she should have sent in her application to the Police Academy years ago. Last year, she filled in the form but never sent it. It still laid neglected in of the drawers despite Scout was certain that it was the right way to go. She wanted to be an officer and she was ready for the responsibility.

_But what if that meant leaving Daryl behind...?_

At the end of the day, she wasn’t a sentimental person. No, Anna Turner was a pragmatic, realistic woman and she had never had any issues with making tough decisions before. But the thought of having to choose between her dreams and Daryl fucking hurt. She didn't want to break up, regardless of their problems and differences. 

_Goddamnit._

“Do I have to choose, is it really going to be that way?”.

Scout wiped off the unwelcome tears with the back of her hand as she climbed into the car and turned on the ignition. She wouldn’t cry. Daryl wasn't her first boyfriend and she had been through similar things before. It would be fine, somehow, someway, Scout assured herself.

But despite that, the pain didn’t subside. 

* * *

• [Mia Park](https://walkingdead.fandom.com/wiki/Mia_Park_%28Survival_Instinct%29)

• [White Knight Syndrome (from Psychology Today)](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-white-knight-syndrome)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✎ Zach and Beth's relationship has obviously seen its best days, and if I recall correctly, I think Kinney said in an interview that she thought Beth hadn't actually been in love before, _not for real_ , despite her two boyfriends, and that was the feeling I've tried to imitate in this story. 
> 
> ✎ The next chapter 'Cherry Cola' will be up between week 33-35.


	12. Cherry Cola

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✎This chapter was like a visit to the dentist to write; painful and prolonged. I felt terribly uninspired and spent my time writing on one of my reylo-novels instead of working on this chapter. Some parts turned out a little less detailed than I initially had intended to, but I feel the chapter is still readable so I decided to post it anyway since it was so long since the last chapter was posted. I will most likely edit it a second time to make the flow more consistent.

**August 2003, Senoia, King County**

**Monday**

Beth’s alarm clock woke her up at 5:45 A.M and by 7:00, she started her shift at the Harrison Memorial Hospital. She wore her hair pulled back in a ponytail, the mandatory turquoise scrubs, and ugly blue rubber clogs. It wasn’t the most stylish working uniform, but Beth liked it because it made her look like an adult, made her look like actual age, and it made people treat her with more respect, instead of just brushing her off like a child.

Mondays were usually busy, and today was no exception. Beth made beds, sorted laundry, escorted one patient to the hospital chapel so the woman could light a candle for her dead grandmother, and in the afternoon, she went with another patient to the hospital garden. 

“Good God, what a day!” Amy exclaimed when they met outside the hospital after their shifts had ended. “If the entire week is going to be like this, then I think I’m gonna need a drink on Friday. A big one. With colorful straws”.

Beth chuckled as they made their way to the bus station in the afternoon sun. “I think I would like one, too”. It was fun and rewarding to be a volunteer, but it sure could be hard work. Not that Beth minded. Quite the opposite. After the weekend, she was glad to have something else to think of than her... small, personal dilemmas.

“Really?” Amy’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. “I thought you didn’t drink…at all?”.

“Well, I usually don’t,” Beth admitted. She had always stayed sober, even when her friends drank. Mostly because she knew that it would have disappointed Hershel.

“But... there’s just a week left until my 18th birthday. So, I guess, _one_ drink on Friday won’t hurt”. 

Zach had asked her if they should go out and eat on Friday, but Beth hadn’t given him a straight answer. She felt obliged to say yes since he was her boyfriend and because she had nothing else planned. But Beth simply didn’t feel like it, despite her earlier promise to work on their relationship.

“Good!”. Amy’s smile grew wider, and she wrapped her arm around Beth’s shoulders. “You got yourself a deal then, Greene!” she grinned. “I work the night shift on Friday, so… let’s say… Saturday evening, how does that sound?”

“Sounds good,” Beth smiled.

* * *

  
**Sedalia, Pemberton County**

**Thursday**

Sedalia was sleepy as usual, and the construction job was a routine job that required nothing out of the ordinary. He could probably have been drunk on the job if he wanted to. It wouldn’t have made any difference. 

While he was working in Sedalia, Daryl stayed at the Dreamaway Groves Trailer Park, where Jess had an old trailer from the 80s parked. He sat outside the trailer in the afternoon with a bottle of whiskey in his hands, feeling like the stereotypical _white trash_ people tended to label him as.

He didn’t drink often, but today he drank because the bad conscience had caught up with him, and he felt like shit. Beth Greene invaded his thoughts like a wrecking ball despite that he tried to not think about her. There was just one thing to do about it; he had to avoid Beth when he got back to King County. Before things got out of hand. 

_They couldn’t be friends_. 

It wasn’t because he didn’t like Beth. 

It was because he liked her — liked her too much. 

How could he not? The girl was tougher than her innocent looks gave her credit for and she was brave, kind, and caring. Pretty like a daydream, too. There was so much more to her than he initially had thought, and the way she made him feel… 

That was exactly why he had to stay away from her. If she couldn’t keep her distance, Daryl would. In hindsight, he shouldn’t even have followed her to the park…

Daryl swore for himself. Fuck, he felt like it already had gone too far. He couldn’t play Scout like that, and he didn’t want to. No, he wasn’t like Merle, who never turned down an opportunity to get laid, regardless of relationship status. 

* * *

**Wednesday**

On Wednesday, the air stood still in Barksdale. There wasn’t even a single breeze, and the summer sun over Georgia was scorching. Merle, Ash, Jesus, and Beta were seated in scrawny, plastic sun chairs in the backyard behind Jake’s bar. The air conditioning in the clubhouse was acting up again, and they had taken refuge outside in the shadow while they were waiting on their courier, Randall, who was late as usual. 

“Damn unreliable prick,” Ash muttered as he shifted in his chair. “How long do we have to wait? If he doesn’t show up in ten minutes, I’m gonna teach him a lesson”.

They had an entire cooler filled with Budweiser, but they couldn’t start drinking until they had talked with Randall, and made sure he wasted no more of their precious time.

“Yeah,” Beta agreed. “Let’s dig a hole in the ground and let the fire ants feast on him!”.

Merle sniggered at his two subordinates while Jesus just sighed. “As long as Axel is in jail and Big Tiny is in the hospital, we’ll have to endure”.

Randall was a college dropout who lived with his mother in Cleburne, and when he wasn’t peddling drugs, he was screwing around on the internet or spent time at the arcade. In Merle’s eyes, Randall lacked both discipline and spine, but he knew the kid was sly and cunning, and as long as you kept him on a tight leash, he could be a useful asset.

Merle leaned back in his sun chair. The heat was making him dizzy and for a moment, Merle almost thought he was hallucinating when he saw Scout walking over the parking lot in his direction. Her red-dyed hair gleamed like metallic coating in the burning sun, and Merle gave her his best smile as she approached him. 

Scout didn’t smile back.

“Where’s Daryl?” she asked as her eyes swept over the quartet. “Wasn’t he supposed to be here today?”.

“Nah, he’s still with Jess. He’ll be back at the end of the week,” Merle replied with a shrug as he looked up at her from the sun chair. The answer seemed to surprise her, and for a split-second, she looked clueless.

“He is?” Scout asked with a frown.

Merle nodded. “Yeah. He didn’t tell ya?”

“No,” she replied, and a sour gaze appeared on her face. By the dark look on her face, Merle assumed that she and Daryl hadn’t made up yet. Scout looked tired, like she hadn’t slept well and she seemed frustrated. 

It surprised Merle that the stunt he pulled on Daryl had delivered such a colossal blow to his little brother’s relationship. In all honesty, he had just thought they would be pissed at each other for a few hours.

Scout turned her gaze back to the parking lot on the other side of the street with a sigh and turned around to leave without even bothering to say goodbye. 

“Come, ya just got here!” Merle shouted from his sun chair. “Have a beer with us at least!”. 

Scout turned around and crossed her arms over her chest as she eyed him. “I’m driving and it’s Wednesday. Normal people don’t drink during the weekdays, Y’know”. 

Merle scoffed at her petty insult. He did what he wanted to. Always had. If he wanted to drink in the middle of the week, then he drank in the middle of the week.

Scout just gave him a bored, unimpressed look. 

“Scout! Come on, don’t be like that!” Merle protested. He had almost forgotten what a piece of work she could be, and for a split second, he almost forgave Daryl for being such a worthless boyfriend. 

”Let’s go for a ride,” he suggested. Fuck Randall. Ash and Jesus could handle that little rat on their own, Merle didn’t need to be around for that. 

Scout raised an eyebrow at him. “Yeah? And _where_ would we go?”

She sounded skeptical, and in all honesty, Merle could understand why. Last time he offered to take her somewhere, things hadn’t ended up that well for the redhead from Pemberton. 

But — that was entirely Daryl’s fault for being a fuckin’, whiny little bitch, Merle reminded himself. If his brother just had shut up about his petty fuckin’ headache and done his duty as a man, then they wouldn’t even be in this situation in the first place.

_Sweet Jesus, all the time he had spent tryin’ to make a man out of his baby brother._

_What a waste._

Merle shrugged. He should drive her up to Sedalia so she could sort her shit out with Daryl. but if they did, that would have to be by Scout’s own choice. 

“I’ll take ya anywhere ya want,” Merle offered, and he could see from the corners of his eyes how Ash and Beta raised their eyebrows at his uncharacteristically generous offering. 

Merle Dixon was no gentleman by far, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be nice and compliant — when it suited him.

“Fine. Take me to Fontana,” Scout replied.

“With pleasure, sugar”, Merle smiled at her, and he thought he could spot how a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. 

* * *

Unlike Barksdale, Fontana was a rather pleasant town Well, at least the central part was. If the police hadn’t locked him up at the station for two days during the hot summer in 1995, Merle could have liked the town. 

“So, where ya wanna go now?” Merle asked as he killed the engine.

“I got an idea,” Scout smiled. “Just follow me”.

Merle grinned as he followed the redhead into the diner. “This place sure looks familiar…”.

“I used to work here,” Scout replied as they sat down in an empty booth. The diner still looked the same way it used to when Scout worked there; black-and-white tiles on the floor, red synthetic leather seats, and the waitress who took their order wore the same white apron, baby blue pleated skirt and matching blouse that Scout used to wear when she was a waitress.

“Beth’cha looked real sweet”.

Scout snorted. She never liked the mandatory outfit that came with the job. Skirts and blouses as a working uniform were so old-fashioned and sexist. Scout would pick a t-shirt and utility pants over pleated shirts and frilly aprons any day of the week.

“I met Daryl here for the first time,” Scout said as she took a sip of her Cherry Cola

“Yeah? Tell me about it,” Merle laughed as he sank back into the seat.

“I tried to hit on him, but Daryl didn’t catch the drift. He thought I was a narco,” she confessed with a slight smile.

God, it seemed so long ago now, and yet, she could still recall it like yesterday, and Scout couldn’t help but smile at the memories. 

_The blue ripped jeans, the black leather, and Daryl’s dirty blonde, sun-bleached hair._

_His crooked grin and his thick, southern accent._

“Yeah, sounds about right. Daryl has always been like that. I used to tell him he couldn’t seduce a woman properly, even if his life depended on it. I tried to teach him once, but it was fuckin’ hopeless,” Merle grinned. 

“I suppose not,” Scout agreed. “Had to tell him I wanted to fuck him before we got anywhere”. 

“Really?” Merle’s grin grew wider. “How did that work out for ya?”. 

Now it was Scout’s turn to laugh. “Yeah, it did,” she disclosed.

After their first date, they kept seeing each other from time to time. Sometimes Daryl took her one a ride, sometimes they went to Cabot Ridge, and sometimes they just had sex.

Daryl was always slightly wary when they got out of their clothes, and he never relaxed fully until he had her bent over the table, pressed up against the headboard or down in the mattress with her face down. Scout had just seen a glimpse of those deep, nasty old scars on his back, but what little she saw was enough to understand why he never let Scout see or touch his naked back. Daryl said nothing about them, and she didn’t ask.

It was never romantic, being with Daryl, and for a while, Scout almost felt gloomy over the lack of sensual, intimate lovemaking in her life. But at the end of the day, she didn’t mind terribly, pragmatic as she was. It was good; it got her off, and she learned to appreciate his small gestures of tenderness instead.

_Like the way he sometimes curled the end of her ponytail around his fingers when he took her from behind._

It had been good times. It really had.

“He laughed at me when I said that I wanted to fuck him,” Scout confessed to Merle, knowing that it was the kind of anecdote he could appreciate. “He even said I sounded like you”. 

“I don’t deny that,” Merle said with a genuine smile as he reached after the sugar jar. “Ain’t no point in beatin’ around the bush when we can be dead tomorrow”.

Scout nodded in agreement as she watched Merle’s sugar dissolve into the iced coffee. Back then, she had been so carefree, not giving the future a single thought.

“You miss the drugs?” she asked.

Merle thought for a bit before he replied. “Sometimes. Can’t say it was all bad. When you’re on blow, it makes everything feel like whiskey and sunshine in the beginning ”.

Scout chuckled at his answer. “Guess you’re right. I worked as an office assistant at the correctional facility in Pemberton for a while after college, and many of the inmates were charged with drug-related crimes. Many of them regretted gettin’ into drugs in the first place, but you know, when the anxiety kicked in, they felt like there was nothing else to do”. 

“You still have friends who work in the correctional service?” he inquired.

Scout nodded as she emptied her glass. “Yeah, I do. Why?”

“Why don’t ya tell me a little about the Governor then?” Merle suggested, but Scout just grimaced. “Come on, ya gotta know _something,_ ” he pushed. 

Her dad was a cop, and she had other friends who also were cops, too. That Merle knew, and it meant that she had to have at least _some_ inside information about the infamous Blake. 

Scout sighed and sank deeper down into the seat. She wasn’t too fond of the subject. “Word’s out that he is going to clean up the ranks when he gets back”.

“So ya say…”

“I’m saying that his associates might wanna prove their loyalty to him before he gets out, to avoid getting on the wrong foot with him,” Scout explained as she gave him a tired look. “From what I’ve heard, the odds are high that he will be out on parole in a near future”.

Merle nodded as he took in the information. Andrea had already warned him that the state of Georgia might release ‘the Governor’ earlier than expected; Brian Blake was just as convincing as Charles Ponzi, and like Negan, Blake had friends in the right places, too. 

For his own sake, Merle wasn’t particularly worried, but as a supporter club to the Saviors, the Savage Sons would need to be careful, if the rumors about an early release turned out to be true. Without a doubt, Blake would want revenge on Negan for decimating his territory.

“I guess you can probably expect a call from Negan soon,” Scout said like she had read his mind, and it surprised Merle to hear that she was familiar with the Savior’s charismatic leader. 

“Ya know Negan, too?” he frowned.

“Who _doesn’t_ know who Negan is?” Scout laughed. “I’ll bet it’s just a question of time before someone makes a movie about that guy. He’s like the _Jim Jones_ of the biker community…”.

Merle laughed at the comparison. “They have the women and the charisma in common, that’s for sure”.

* * *

**Thursday**

Scout’s boss was kind enough to allow her to take a day off on Friday.

She wasted no time; as soon as she had finished work on Thursday afternoon, Scout bought a two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew and jumped into her car, a 1981 Chevrolet Malibu with sleek, black enamel, and drove out on the highway that led to Sedalia. 

It took her a little less than two hours to reach her goal. The highway was almost empty, and Scout parked behind Lucky Les’s gas station and walked her way over to the Dreamaway Groves.

Sedalia was a small, backwater town that laid close to the mountains. Last stop before Cabot Ridge, ‘ _the Gateway to the Hills_ ’, as the townspeople used to say. Strangers seldom came to Sedalia, unless they were hikers, hunters, just passed by, or had a cabin in the mountains. 

The trailer park was behind the local police station, surrounded by a worn wooden plank and a broken fence. The lawn was unkempt, the over-ground steel-framed plastic pool filled with dirty water and leaves, and the burner barrel that stood in the center of the trailer park was full, too. Scout couldn’t help but grin slightly as she made her way through the grass. “Dreams-gone-grove would be a more appropriate name,” she mused for herself. 

She found Daryl smoking outside Jess’s trailer and when he caught eye of Scout, he almost dropped his cigarette in surprise. 

“What the hell?” 

“Don’t look so surprised,”, Scout snorted. “I was a girl scout for years, you know. I know my way around these parts, and the mountains, too”. 

Daryl couldn’t help but grin. He felt relieved to see her again, and if Scout had made an effort to drive all the way up to Sedalia, she couldn’t be too pissed at him. 

Scout gave Daryl a dark look. “You haven’t called me, hillbilly,” she remarked as she sat down on the edge of a pallet in the grass.

“I figured ya needed some time to calm down,” Daryl replied.

“I considered smashing up your truck when you didn’t call me back,” Scout admitted with a shrug, and Daryl didn’t even doubt that she was telling the truth. He still had his old truck, a Ford F-250, parked behind the clubhouse in Barksdale.

“Yeah? Why didn’t ya?”. 

“I kinda realized that I said some things I shouldn’t have said,” Scout admitted. “Look, Daryl, I’m sorry. I overreacted and… things just got out of hand”.

“It’s all right,” Daryl shrugged. “Should have treated ya better than I did” he admitted. 

“Guess that true, for both of us,” she agreed with a half-smile. “We’re good, then?

He nodded. “Yeah. You’re stayin’?” Daryl asked as he knocked the ash off his cigarette.

“Here?”

Another nod. 

She gave him a sly smile. “Sure, hillbilly. If your uncle ain’t around, I know a way we can kill some time”. 

* * *

**Weekend**

Amy’s prediction for the week turned out to be right, and Beth felt tired to the bones on Friday afternoon. She spent the rest of the day alone in her room, listening to Etta James singing _‘This Bitter Earth’_ while she reflected over the events of the week in her diary, and after that, Beth went straight to bed. 

She fell asleep at once.

When her consciousness returned, Beth couldn’t tell if it was early morning or late noon by the dim light that spilled through the window blinders. It looked almost like a tropical sunset on the outside. She shifted under the sheets, which felt unusually heavy, to get a better view.

Her bedroom didn’t look like it should; the room was smaller, more narrow than usual, and it looked like all the colors in the room had faded into gray. Her posters were gone, the floral tapestry had turned into a plain white color and the curtains were white, too. 

Beth frowned at the sight.

_This isn’t my room…. where am I?_

It was all quiet, except for the sound of the AC — and steady breaths. Breaths that weren’t her own. For a split-second, the blood in Beth’s veins froze when she realized that she wasn’t alone in the bed. 

She turned her gaze to the side, slowly, and when Beth recognized who it was, her heart almost stopped by sheer shock.

_It was Daryl._

He was sleeping beside her. Clad in nothing but his methylene blue jeans, the ones he wore when she visited him last weekend. 

The sight was enough to make her face break out in a furious blush, and Beth sucked in a breath as she gripped the covers with both her hands.

 _Dear God, help me. This can’t be real… it can’t be real._

“This can’t be real,” Beth spoke out loud as soon as she had regained her ability to think and breathe. 

But... 

Daryl looked real. 

As soon as she had collected herself, Beth couldn’t resist letting her eyes wander over his body. In all honesty, she should have thrown herself out of the bed and fled. She observed the stark contrast his tanned skin made to the white, bleached sheets. He was all sharp lines, lean muscle, corded veins, old bruises, and scars. 

_Beautiful in a gritty way._

If she touched him, would he still be there? 

Just the thought of touching Daryl was enough to send a thrill through her body. Regardless if it was a dream or not. Her fingers itched. Besides, how could she know if it was a dream if she didn’t… explore it? 

“Only one way to find out,” Beth whispered to herself as she took a deep breath and reached out her hand to let her fingertips trace his body, feeling bold like never before. The skin under her fingers felt warm to the touch and Daryl stirred lightly as she ran her fingers down his neck. 

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he opened his eyes and looked back at Beth, his blue eyes dark. 

_“Hey,”_ she smiled at him. 

“ _Ya got a vivid imagination, girl”._

Beth suddenly felt warm within, and the heat spread through her body like aquarelle paint dissolved in water. Allowing herself to acknowledge that kind of arousal was wrong in more ways than one, and she was fully aware of that. 

But then again; it wasn’t _real_ , Beth reminded herself to soothe her bad conscience. 

_It’s not real; they’re far, far away from reality._

_They might just as well be on the moon and she could forget about everything else._

_“Forgive me, Zach”_ , Beth thought for herself as she left the guilt and shame behind, and climbed onto Daryl, straddling his lap.

 _“Y shouldn’t do that”_ he warned her, but there was something playful in his voice and Beth knew that he would not stop her. 

She ran her hands down his arms. His skin was taut, warm, and the muscles under it hard. It felt so real, and Beth shuddered. God, she was burning within.

Beth wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulling Daryl into a tight embrace. The sudden feeling of his fingertips at the back of her neck made Beth involuntarily close her eyes. His other hand found its way to her chin, his thumb gently stroking over her bottom lip. It was only a light touch, but it was enough to send shivers down her spine.

Their lips brushed against each other and when they finally kissed, Beth felt like she had a fever, a fever that burned through her entire body like unrestrained wildfire.

If it wasn’t for Daryl’s powerful arms around her, she would have fallen back onto the sheets. 

When their tongues met, it was like a spark of electricity jolted through her body, and Beth whimpered into his mouth. The feeling was overwhelming. She twisted in his embrace and pulled Daryl down with her into the messy sheets, wrapping her limbs around his body.

 _“God, I don’t think I wanted anything else this bad before,”_ Beth breathed out.

 _“Ain’t that somethin’ ya should ask your sweet boyfriend for?”_ he teased her. 

“No,” she swallowed. “I want you”.

As an answer to her plead, Daryl let his fingers wander along her leg, up toward her tight in an antagonizing, slow pace. It felt like slow torture. She looked up at him and found that he had a small smirk playing on his lips.

 _“Daryl,”_ she pleaded with him, again. Even in her dreams, he was just as stubborn as in reality. 

  
Daryl grinned at her. _“Ain’t going nowhere, girl”, he assured her._

His left hand finally found its way down to the junction of her legs and Beth moaned in frustration. It was like her entire body ached for him, in a way she never felt before or even thought was possible. The sensation was not entirely unpleasant. It didn’t hurt like the bite from a snake, or like the sting from a bee. It was a different kind of pain, a sweet, dull ache.

 _“Tell me what’cha want,”_ he said in a low, rough voice.

 _“You,”_ Beth repeated without hesitation and it was like all what she had learned about Christian chastity and virtues had vanished from her mind. Fuck it; she wanted him, and if it was wrong, she didn’t want to be right.

Daryl lowered himself down over her, leaning on his elbow for support, and Beth sucked in a breath. Finally, he slowly let his index finger enter her, curling up against her walls.

Beth arched her spine and pressed her head back into the white pillows as she gasped for air. For a moment, she almost forgot how to breathe. It felt so good, and yet, it wasn’t enough to soothe the ache deep in her lower abdomen. 

* * *

“Beth?” Lori whispered while she gently nudged the sleeping teenager’s elbow. But Beth didn’t reply. She kept squirming under the covers like something was bothering her. Lori frowned at the sight and put a hand on Beth’s forehead. The girl was a little warm, but not hot enough to be suffering from a fever. Could it be anxiety, a nightmare perhaps?

“Beth, honey, are you alright dear?” Lori tried again in a louder voice.

“Daryl..,” Beth moaned softly into the pillow. “Please…”.

Lori felt how her cheeks suddenly turned rosy by the sound of what she assumed could be no other than the name of the youngest Dixon brother. In an instant, Lori realized that Beth was probably not having a nightmare. She shook her head; how could she have been so _stupid?_

Lori might not be the most attentive mother in the world, but she surely hadn’t forgotten what it was like to be a teenage girl and yearn for men. 

_“Yearning for boys,”_ Lori corrected herself. _“Not adult men old enough to be your father…”._

And why on earth did it have to be him of all people, why couldn’t Beth have an infatuation with the captain of the football team at the local college or a boy from the local church? 

_Anything, anyone except him._

Lori didn’t understand it at all. If she was being _very_ generous, she could admit that Daryl had some sex appeal in the way men considered as ‘ _bad boys_ ’ often seemed to have.

“Beth!” Lori snapped, and this time the girl reacted. She was immediately met by Beth’s confused expression.

“Lori?” the sleepy teenager frowned as she looked at her foster mother with big eyes. “What… time is it?” Beth mumbled as she pulled herself up into a sitting position and wiped the sleep out of her eyes with the back of her hand.

“It’s 12:40,” Lori said while she tried to keep a warm, motherly smile on her face. “I made you breakfast”.

“Oh… Oh”. Beth looked at her with a puzzled expression.

“Why don’t you get ready and I wait for you downstairs?” Lori offered as she rose from the bedside.

She quickly nodded. “Sure, I… I just need to... to take a shower first”.

Beth let out a sigh she didn’t even know she had been holding when Lori disappeared out of the room and closed the door behind her.

“It wasn’t real, it was just a dream..,” Beth told herself as she unconsciously touched her lips.

_But it felt so real..._

To Beth’s horror, she found herself left with a throbbing ache between her tights and, even worse, her underwear was soaking wet. 

“Dear God...” Beth mumbled to herself as she buried her flushing face in the palms of her hands. She wanted to cry. Waking up to the realization of what they had done and the fact that she had practically begged Daryl to touch her, even if it was just a dream, wasn’t something Beth ever had expected to experience. In all honestly; she didn’t even understand why Daryl invaded her dreams like that. 

It wasn’t like she actually _liked_ him.

Not in _that_ way, at least.

“I don’t!” Beth told herself, even if the blush on her face seemed to say something else. 

She shook her head, suddenly feeling a desperate need to rationalize why she had dreamed up such a… inappropriate scenario between herself and a man she barely knew. 

_Maybe it was just a phase she was going through…_

Like when she was younger and had an obsession with horses, line dancing, and most recently, choir song. Maybe her infatuation with Daryl would just go away if she gave it some time. Besides, even _if_ she did like him in that way; he already had a girlfriend, Beth told herself. 

_Anna._

For the last two weeks, Beth had completely forgotten about Scout and the realization came with a rush of bad conscience which struck her like a hit from a baseball bat. She wasn’t the kind of girl who went after other girl’s boyfriends. No, that was an unforgivable thing to do.

 _I’m not one of those girls_.

As if the age-difference, and the fact that Daryl already had a girlfriend, wasn’t enough to give her bad conscience, Beth also recalled what her daddy used to say; sex was something only belonged in the holy union, _marriage_ , between a man and a woman. He had told Maggie that when he suspected that she was getting a little too friendly with her first boyfriend.

Still, Maggie hadn’t cared about what Hershel thought; she had just made a greater effort to pretend that she would never even think about committing such a sin while she in reality already had lost her virginity months ago.

A part of her wanted to call Maggie up, and just let all frustration and guilt pour out. But Beth knew she couldn’t do that. Not unless she wanted her overprotective sister would have a heart attack. One thing Beth knew for certain without consulting Maggie was that she couldn’t have an affection for Daryl while she still tried to work things out with Zach. It wasn’t fair to him; it wasn’t fair at all. 

Beth swallowed hard.

She needed to break up with Zach, tell him the truth. He was a great guy, he really was. But it just wasn’t enough, somehow, and it wasn’t even because of Daryl. Zach and er... They weren’t just meant to be. Maybe it was God’s will, maybe not. It didn’t matter, Beth decided — she should have told him long ago. 

“Stop being such a coward,” she whispered to herself. “You’re going to tell him. Today”.

Beth hid her soaked panties at the bottom of the laundry bag and took a long, cold shower before she joined Lori downstairs for breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❀.... and we're sooon half-way through the story! Yay! Beth, perceptive as she is, has realized that it is time to end things with Zach while Scout avoids the 'serious conversation' she promised her dad to have with Daryl.
> 
> ✎ Next chapter, 'Baby, Forgive Me', will be up between week 35-37.


	13. Baby, forgive me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✎A quick update and a slightly shorter chapter than usual. I decided to 'shake a leg' since we're getting close to one of the major breaking points in the story ☺. Hopefully, there are no spelling/grammar errors in this chapter, I checked it in ProWritingAid and it looked ok.

**August 2003, King County  
**

Beth had already made plans for the evening with Amy, but once she had decided that she needed to break up with Zack, there was no point in postponing it.

She called Zach, and he came over after lunch, clueless about Beth’s intentions. He had bought a movie with him as usual and Beth didn’t have the heart to throw her final decision in Zach’s face as soon as he stepped through the door, so they ended up on the sofa, watching the movie together with Carl. It wasn’t the kind of movie Zach’s usually bought with him, like _Pulp Fiction,_ or _Reservoir Dogs,_ but it didn’t matter as Beth couldn’t focus on the movie at all.

She was nothing but raw nerves. 

“Zach, we need to talk…” Beth said as soon as the movie was over. “Outside”. 

“What is it?” Zach asked. He looked a little worried, like he could sense what she wanted to talk about. Without a word, Beth took his hand and led Zach out on the porch where they sat down on Lori’s new rattan lounge chairs.

She took a deep breath. “I can’t do this more anymore, Zach,” Beth confessed with a steady voice. 

He looked at her with a puzzled gaze. “You can’t do what?”

”This. Us,” Beth clarified in a soft voice as if it could make her words less harmful. Zach looked down, unable to face her as he shook his head. 

“Christ Beth… You want to break up,” he replied in an unsteady voice. “Why...?”

_Be honest._

Her dad’s voice suddenly echoed in her head and Beth swallowed hard. There was no point in delaying the inevitable. Zach was kind, fun, and most important of all, he was a good person. It should be enough, but somehow, it wasn’t.

“I don’t know,“ she admitted sheepishly. “I just… I just can’t give you what you deserve”.

God, she sounded like the script from a silly soap opera. She couldn’t give him what he deserved? It wasn’t that Beth was incapable of loving another person; it was more that she didn’t _want_ to give him what he deserved.

“I can wait if you need more time. I’ll...” he started, but Beth quickly interrupted him. “It’s not you, Zach,” she tried to explain. It was such a clique, and Beth hated the way it sounded. 

_It’s not you, it’s me._

It didn’t even help that it was true. Zach looked at her with pleading eyes, begging her to change her mind, and she couldn’t recall she had ever felt so cruel before. She didn’t have the heart to tell him he probably would have to wait forever, and Beth was afraid that she would end up dreaming of Daryl when she was with Zach.

“Beth, sweetheart, we can...”.

“No,” Beth shook her head. There was no return now. It might hurt, but it was the right thing to do. She looked straight into his eyes and braced herself. “I’m so sorry, Zach, but we have to break up”.

* * *

Lori got home from her trip to the local farmers’ market just in time to see the heartbroken Zach leave. He just mumbled a “Good afternoon, Mrs. Grimes” as he passed her by on the way to his car, avoiding her gaze.

Beth stood on the porch, looking after him with an ambivalent gaze in her blue eyes. Her hands were wrapped around the porch railing, like she had to brace herself to not run after Zach and comfort him.

“Did you have a fight?” Lori carefully inquired. 

The girl shook her head. “No. We broke up,” she said in a calm voice.

Lori almost dropped her groceries when she heard Beth’s answer. She knew the young couple had been on a rocky patch for a while, but this was something she didn’t see coming. Not even after the morning’s revelations. Fantasy was one thing, reality was another. 

“You did?” the older woman blinked.

“Yes,” Beth confirmed. “We…. we just weren’t right for each other”.

Lori just nodded, taking in the information while she clutched her grocery bag to her chest. She felt an urge to press Beth further about the reasons for the break-up, but she felt that it wasn’t the right time, not yet. 

“I’m here for you, if you need to talk,” Lori offered in a soft voice.

Beth gave her a thin smile. “Thank you, but I’m alright”.

Lori just nodded. There wasn’t any sign of tears in the girl’s face, perhaps she looked a little blue and a little concerned about Zach, but she didn’t look _sad_. 

An hour later, Beth took the bus to town to meet up with Amy Harrison, and Lori was left alone at the house with Carl, who was playing _GTA III_ on the computer. She made a Cajun stew after Martha Stewart’s recipe for dinner, and while the stew stood on the stove, Lori poured herself a glass of red wine while she waited for Rick to come home.

At 18:45, Rick’s Ford Crown Victoria pulled up on the driveway and Lori fetched Carl upstairs.

“Where is Beth?” Rick asked as he looked at the empty chair where Beth usually was seated during their family dinners. 

“Beth is with Amy, they’re having a sleep-over,” Lori explained as she carefully put down the hot cast iron skillet on the table. _“That is what she’s saying, at least,”_ she thought as she dispensed the stew on her husband’s plate with a large ladle.

Carl ate with great appetite and discussed his progress in the game with Rick. Lori only listened with a half-ear at their conversation. She wasn’t fond of the game; it seemed to be very violent, and Lori had heard that several parents thought it was inappropriate for children under eighteen. Rick, on the other hand, had just looked at her with a puzzled gaze and said something like _‘it’s just a game’_. 

But she didn't complain. _"Pick your fights, save the energy for the real troubles and think positive"_ , was a piece of advice Lori recently had read in the local paper's relationship advice column, and she thought she'd give it a try. The stew had turned out well, and Lori felt grateful that the three of them at least could have dinner together. 

“Beth broke up with Zach in the afternoon,” Lori said as soon as Carl had left the kitchen to return to the computer. “And before that, I caught her having a dream. About Daryl,” Lori said in a hushed tone as she leaned over the table and pinned her gaze on her husband.

Rick’s smile died away. “What are you talking about, Lori?” he asked in a voice full of disbelief.

“Well, she slept until after lunch… She doesn’t usually do that, so I went upstairs to wake her up,” Lori explained. “She lied under the covers, squirming and she whispered his name”.

Rick suddenly looked very bothered and he shifted uneasily on his chair. It was almost like discussing the subject bothered him more than the subject itself.

“Well, it doesn’t have to mean that they’re doing anything in reality,” Rick protested as he gave Lori a tired gaze.

Lori had an argument at the tip of her tongue, but the landline suddenly rang in the living room, and Rick hurried to pick it up. He didn’t want to talk any further about his daughter’s alleged wet dreams. Regardless of who they were about. It wasn’t any of their business — Beth had her right to some privacy.

“They have found a body down in the river,” Rick muttered with a sigh as he hung up the phone. “I’m sorry, but I have to go”. Lori crossed her arms over the chest and gave her husband a stern gaze.

“You mean that it’s not worrying you that our daughter just broke up with her boyfriend and that she dreams about doing _god-knows-what_ with that man,” she barked at him. She was not backing down on the issue, and Rick’s passive approach just fueled her anger further.

Rick groaned as he ran both hands simultaneously through his golden-brown curls. “She’s just a teenager, Lori, you know how they can be! They think about stuff like that all the time… it doesn’t have to mean anything!”

Lori shook her head in disbelief. “You’re not taking this seriously!” she snapped, and Rick took a step backward, holding up his hands in defeat.

“Lori, please! I must go, but I can call Andrea to check if Beth is there, and I can even take the road through Barksdale and check if she’s at their clubhouse,” he suggested in an attempt to calm his wife down.

“All right, fine”.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it, alright?” he said before he stormed out of the house and jumped into the car. Lori just nodded as she walked out on the porch to wave him off. 

Rick disappeared out on the road in an instant and Lori walked back to the kitchen with a heavy heart. She scouted through the cupboards in search of the wine bottle she opened earlier in the day.

_Red wine from Napa Valley, California._

Many of the other housewives Lori knew used wine as a home remedy for various issues; screaming kids, absent husbands, mothers-in-law from hell, traitorous friends, and she had to agree that it offered some consolation.

 _'Mommy juice’_ some called it.

She poured herself a new glass and sat down in one of the armchairs in the living room. There she was, drinking wine alone on a Saturday night while her husband was at work, her teenage daughter was out in the night with god knows who, and her son played violent computer games.

Lori leaned back into her armchair and turned the TV on for some company. Sex and the City played on HBO; the gang of single girls was out having fun, sippin’ cocktails in some fancy bar in New York City. They were all supposed to be in Lori’s own age and for a minute; she let herself drift off, playing with the thought of being single and out with friends, flirting with handsome guys.

Lori sighed for herself; she and Rick had got together when they were so young that she barely had any time to go out partying with her girlfriends. Lori hadn’t been a party girl back when she was young either, either. In high school, she had been one of those _‘good girls’,_ quite popular, but yet proper. Lori had seen herself as something of a role model for the other girls. 

She read classic Harlequin-novels while she dreamt about her future husband, their children, their house, and how she would decorate it. When she had met Rick in college, it was her dreams turned into reality. He was so handsome with his golden-brown curls and blue eyes, kind, and he was smart, too. Lori had felt like it was a match made in heaven — Rick Grimes was the one she had been waiting for, and it didn’t take long until they got married and Lori found herself pregnant shortly afterward.

Back then, she could never have imagined that she would spend so many evenings alone with the TV as her only company. Rick had work, Beth had her volunteer job, her friends, and boyfriend, Carl had his friends and his computers, and Lori often felt alone in an empty house. It felt like the family was drifting apart, despite all her efforts.

If Lori was honest with herself, the loneliness was the worst. Being a housewife when you had children around to take care of was something entirely different from being a housewife when you had a defiant fourteen-year-old and an eighteen-year-old in your care.

She needed something that could gather the family again.

The question was only what that something could be...

* * *

The apartment Amy shared with her sister Andrea was probably the most elegant flat Beth had ever seen. It had wide panorama windows, open spaces and it was decorated with soft, plush curtains, golden candle holders, beige, thick loop pile carpets, and a big, vintage leather sofa. 

“Wow,” Beth said as she examined the living room with big eyes. “I didn’t know your apartment was so….”. 

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Amy grinned as she led Beth into the kitchen which was just as elegant as the living room with clean surfaces, fresh herbs on the counter, and sleek metal hardware. “All thanks to Andrea’s paycheck...”.

Andrea was a lawyer who worked full time for a legal firm in Sherwoods, and in addition to that, she worked pro-bono cases for a human rights organization in Atlanta. She spent much time at work and since neither Amy nor Andrea had a partner or children; they shared the apartment to keep the expenses down a little. Neither of the sisters had a prodigal lifestyle, but housing was expensive, and especially so in such a nice neighborhood as they lived in.

“So, what do you like to drink?” Amy asked as she opened the cupboard where the sisters stored the alcohol. “We have rum, vodka, tequila...”.

“I, uh... I don’t know”. Beth felt clueless as she let her gaze wander over all the bottles with colorful labels. Lori used to drink wine and Rick had a beer once in a while, but other than that, she had no knowledge about alcohol at all. “Something that isn’t so strong, perhaps?” she suggested.

“Hmm... Peachtree Margaritas, then? I think we still have fresh peaches”.

Beth nodded. “It sounds wonderful”.

Beth sliced up the peaches while Amy tried to the blender. Eventually, they found it, and once the peaches were blended with tequila, triple sec, ice, and lime juice into a smooth mixture, Amy poured it into a drink pitcher while they waited for the margarita glasses to turn cool in the fridge. Once the glasses were cool enough, they returned to the living room with their freshly made margaritas and sat down on the leather sofa.

“I broke up with Zach today,” Beth confessed.

The aftermath had turned out undramatic; Zach had told her what a great girl she was and that they would remain friends. Still, he was heartbroken, that she could tell. Beth knew she should be sad, but within, all she could feel was an indifferent numbness. She didn’t cry. Maybe she should have, considering that they had been going out for almost a half-year, but she didn’t. Zach had fought his tears, but he left before they erupted.

_“You never loved me, though, did you?”._

That was the last thing Zack had told her before he left. Those words stung, but Beth figured she deserved them. Maybe Zach was right, maybe she hadn’t even been in love with him for real, not even at the beginning of her relationship. Not like Maggie and Glenn. Mr. and Mrs. Rhee couldn’t seem to be without each other, nor take the hands off each other. That’s how it should be when you were in love, right? 

_At least if you believed in what romance novels taught._

“Really?” Amy asked with eyes wide as saucers. 

“Yeah. He is such a great guy and all… and I really liked him,” Beth mused as she stirred in her cocktail with the colorful plastic straw.

“You know, you’ve been saying that all the time… but it takes a little more for a relationship than just that,” Amy said as she took a sip of her drink. “I mean, I know a lot of great guys, but that doesn’t mean I would want to be with them, if you know what I mean”.

“I know what you mean,” she replied.

“So… Did you and Zach ever make it to ‘fourth base’?” Amy asked without compunction.

Beth shook her head. “No”.

“No?” Amy’s eyes widened. “But you guys were together for so long..?”.

Beth nodded. “Almost six months. But you know, when we were about to do it… I just didn’t feel like it. God, it was so awkward… I thought it would get better if I just gave it more time. But it didn’t,” she admitted a little shamefully. In hindsight, the chemistry between hadn’t been there at all.

“But, he was ready to wait for you, right? I mean, that gotta mean he really liked you, though,” Amy mused.

Beth nodded in agreement. She had never doubted Zach’s feelings for her. The problem was just that her own emotions were much more unreliable.

“I knew Zach loved me, but it just didn’t feel like… like it was supposed to be, or something,” she groaned. “I don’t even know if I _ever_ loved him”. 

“Wow,” Amy replied with a stunned look on her face. “That’s just..,” she paused to take a sip of her second drink. “I don’t know what to say”.

“I know how it sounds,” Beth grimaced. Zach and she had met through her friends at her school, they had arranged a date for them and Beth hadn’t had the heart to say no because he was nice and kind. They sat in silence for a moment before Beth to drop her biggest secret. “But, there is this… another man I sort of know”. She almost whispered out her last sentence, barely loud enough for Amy to hear.

“Well, why didn’t you just get together with that other guy in the first place then? Could have spared both you and Zach a lot of heartache..,” Amy winked at her.

There were a hundred reasons. Literally, but Beth started with the most prominent one.

“He already has a girlfriend… and he is like..,” Beth frowned, she wasn’t sure how old Daryl actually was, but Lori had said he was ‘twice her age’ which would make Daryl in his early or middle thirties. “I don’t know, thirty-four, thirty-five years old, maybe?”

“For real?” Amy looked at Beth with big, curious eyes. She looked mesmerized, like someone just had told her that unicorns and mermaids truly existed.

“I know, it’s pointless, right?” Beth bit her lip. She already knew she shouldn’t, it made little sense and it was just wrong in so many ways. Even if he didn’t already see someone else.

“Wow, you do really surprise me sometimes, Greene. Do you.., do you like him a lot?” Amy asked as she kept staring at Beth, still trying to grasp her friend’s unexpected confession.

Beth wasn’t sure what to answer. The only thing she really was certain of was that her subconscious mind had never wanted anything as bad as Daryl — it was like her entire being ached for him.

Beth placed her empty glass on the coffee table as she laid down on the sofa, feeling slightly intoxicated. She had never understood why people were so fond of alcohol before. Not until now. The alcohol drowned her sorrows, made her happy and warm on the inside. It felt surprisingly good, like all the shame and frustration that had weighted down her shoulders recently just ceased to exist. Even if only for a moment. When she felt like that, Beth could come to terms with herself and her feelings for Daryl.

_Almost._

“I don’t know,” Beth said, giving Amy an unapologetic look. “But… I guess do, more than I should” she admitted, feeling a little embarrassed to say it out loud.

“Well, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, those things happen,” Amy comforted Beth. “But if he already has a girlfriend, then you shouldn’t get yourself involved with him...But, if things were to change… The age of consent is sixteen in Georgia, so if an opportunity arrives, you have nothing to fear,” the older girl continued in a sly voice and Beth felt how her cheeks flustered.

She had never thought about doing those things with him in reality — it was one thing to have fantasies, and it was a completely different thing to bring them into reality. She couldn’t quite imagine herself to act out on her infatuation with Daryl.

“You know, when Andrea was twenty, she was together with a guy who was really, really old. I think he must have been like fifty or something,” Amy said as she emptied her third drink.

“Fifty?! God, that’s just too much..,” Beth protested. Perhaps an age difference of fifteen-sixteen wasn’t so bad, after all.

Amy nodded. “Yeah, it didn’t last that long”.

The drink pitcher was empty and the summer night had turned dark on the outside of the window. Beth only had one drink, but she felt that was enough and they decided to call it a night.

“By the way, we should go to the festival in Lemon Hill to celebrate your birthday,” Amy suggested as she shifted through the cupboard shelves in search of a spare set of bedding for Beth. “I haven’t been to a festival in ages, have you?”.

Beth shook her head.

“You think Rick will allow you to go?”.

There was no Hershel around that she could argue with over permission to go, Beth thought with a sting of sadness. Rick would allow her to go, Beth was certain of it. Lori would probably argue about it, but she would let her go, nonetheless. If Beth promised not to drink, be cautious, never leave her friends without sight, and not to come home too late, that was. The usual stuff, as Rick used to say.

“Sure,” Beth replied.

“Awesome,” Amy acclaimed with a wide grin. “I can hardly wait!”

* * *

**August 2003, Pemberton County**

After the working week was over, Daryl took Scout up to Cabot Ridge for the weekend. The weather was beautiful, better than it used to be. They sat on the newly repaired roof of Jess’s cabin while scouting out over the woods and the nearby creek. The sun stood high over the treetops and the sound of cicadas filled the air. It was the height of the summer. In just a couple of weeks, the first leaves would turn yellow, the nights would last longer and the scorching summer heat would retreat.

Scout sat silently at the edge of the cabin’s roof with her feet dangling down over the ground.

Over the years, they had argued and made peace again more times than he could count. But no matter how badly they had been fighting, no matter what the quarrel had been about, they had always found the way back to each other. Scout wasn’t a person who held onto grudges, and she normally reverted into her usual self within no time.

_But not this time._

“Is there somethin’ botherin’ ya?” Daryl asked. When she came to meet him at the Dreamaway Groves, Scout had been just like she used to be. Light-hearted, confident, carefree. But ever since they woke up on Saturday morning, she had been in a strange mood. Quiet, with a tormented look on her face.

Scout shook her head slowly. “No, not really… it has just been a lot of stuff going on lately,” the red-head sighed as she fiddled with the cigarette packet, avoiding his gaze.

“If ya got somethin’ to say, say it right away,” Daryl replied.

Scout stiffed by his comment, and he noticed how her shoulders tensed. There was something she wanted to say, but for some reason, she hesitated. The tension in the air between them was thick, filled with tension like the summer air right before a thunderstorm erupted.

“Don’t you ever… feel that it would be nice to just get away from everything?” Scout carefully asked.

Daryl shrugged. “What? Like livin’ out here?”.

“No, like move away,” Scout clarified. “Away from King County”.

Daryl shook his head. “Never thought of it. Besides, where would I go? To the city? Atlanta or Sherwood?” he scoffed. “Nah, it just ain’t me”. 

Scout just nodded absentmindedly, like she already knew what he was going to answer. Daryl had made no secret about his unwillingness to move to the city, or suburban, and Scout knew that too. They had never had a serious conversation about what they wanted in life and what their goals for the future were. Sometimes Daryl could sense that Scout wasn’t entirely satisfied with her life, but then again, who was? Scout never said anything about it, and Daryl didn’t press her about it. She was a determined woman, and he counted on that when she had something to say that concerned him, she would tell him without sugarcoating it.

“We should go to the Summer Festival in Lemon Hill,” she suddenly said out of the blue.

The Summer Festival in Lemon Hill was an annual occurrence that featured a wide variety of local bands and musicians, and it culminated in an impressive firework show. It mostly attracted families with children and teenagers, and it wasn’t the kind of festival that usually caught Scout’s interest. Daryl himself had been to Lemon Hill more than a few times in the past but despite that, he had never been to the actual festival.

“Merle told me Beta’s band would be playin’. He had some tickets to spare. Asked me if we wanted to go,” Scout continued. “It was a while since we went out together”.

Daryl grinned. “Merle told ya that, huh?”

He knew his brother well enough to know that Merle Dixon never did things out of pure generosity, or goodwill. Whatever ever favor his brother offered; it always came with an ulterior motive or a condition. Daryl could usually figure out what Merle was after, but what he could gain on being unusually nice to Scout was a riddle. Perhaps he just wanted to get closer to the woman so he could use her to keep Daryl in control. 

“Yeah,” Scout shrugged. “He couldn’t go himself ‘cause he had promised to spend the weekend with his mistress. Apparently her husband was going on a business trip to Ohio”.

“Sounds like ya really have been warming up to each other. Though ya didn’t like him”.

“What can I say?” Scout said as she lit up a second cigarette. “Even Merle has his bright moments now and then”.

That, Daryl knew better than anyone else. His brother could certainly be an asshole, and he usually was, but there was more to him than that.

“Y’know _‘Half Moon’_ plays old school country music, right?” Daryl grinned. It wasn’t easy to imagine Beta singing ballads, dressed up in country attire. The man was tall with a powerful build, long hair, and long beard, and he looked more like a singer in a heavy metal band than a country musician. 

“I’m fine with country,” Scout said as she took a drag of her cigarette. “Besides, there will be other bands, too, and I already told him we’re going”.

“Why not?” Daryl replied. He wasn’t much for country, but Beta’s band wasn’t that bad, and he didn’t mind getting out of the Senoia area for another weekend. The more time he spent outside Senoia, the less were the chances that he would run into Beth Greene...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⭑I guess some of you breathed out by relief that Beth finally got rid of Zach. I'm quite satisfied with how I managed to portray their relationship and I felt the break-up came quite natural. 
> 
> ☠ Scout and Daryl's relationship, on the other hand, has been much, much harder to write. Since this is a bethyl-novel, and I know most readers don't want to spend time reading about Daryl x Scout, and I edited away some parts that involved the two of them that I originally had in my draft.  
> The downside of doing so is that we get a much poorer image of their relationship and some of you might not see why they are together at all.
> 
> ☠I know some of you are tired of their messy relationship and I understand that, but please, bear with me.  
> I spent over three years writing this story, and I've thought through the plot carefully. In other words, Scout's and Daryl's relationship is important for the sake of the plot, and the effects of their upcoming split in the next chapter will pivotal to the direction of the rest of the story.
> 
> ✎The next chapter, 'Ring of Fire', is a long chapter, so it will probably take me 2-4 weeks to edit it but I think you will find it worth the wait ♥ It will be up before the end of September (although hopefully, I will finish it faster).


	14. Ring of Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✎In this chapter, we’ll finally say good-bye to the red-head from Pemberton. The title 'Ring of Fire' refers to Johnny Cash’s iconic love song, written by Anita Carter & Merle Kilgore ♥ It's a song that never grows old.
> 
> • I feel there is almost too much going on in this chapter, but hopefully, I managed to keep a common thread through the whole text. This chapter is **massive** , despite that I deleted a few parts from it. I finished editing it around 2:00 AM local time, so I apologize in advance for spelling/grammar errors that I've missed. I checked it with ProWritingAid and it looked O.K, but I'm always paranoid about grammar errors and odd wording. Some parts turned out a bit unpolished and crude, but like usual, I will probably edit the chapter a tiny bit further after posting it, and check it for spelling/grammar errors a second (or third) time later on, but I felt that it's still readable and I wanted to publish it before end of the weekend.

_“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”_

― Frank Sinatra 

**Late August 2003, Lemon Hill, Pemberton County**

Scout had promised herself to take up the issue with Daryl, but every time he came around, she seemed to lose her nerve. She needed more time, but reality was as it usually was; unforgiving, and when the acceptance letter to the Police Academy landed in her mailbox, she knew she couldn’t postpone it much further. 

They went to the Summer Festival in Lemon Hill at the end of August together. The sunny weather had persisted since June, and when Scout climbed off Daryl’s Nighthawk in the parking area outside the festival, the sky stood high in the sky and there wasn’t a cloud to be seen. The downside with that was that it hadn’t rained for weeks and the ground was dry as a desert. The dry grass crackled under her boots, and the air was still, filled with tropic heat from the south.

Despite the heat, the place was crowded, and the festival-goers were enthusiastic, Scout noticed as they paid the entrance fee and entered the festival area. The women in the ticket booth happily announced that this year, there was a traveling amusement park visiting the festival and it had classic rides like the carousel, a whirligig painted in all the colors of the rainbow, and even a small roller coaster for children. It also had games like _‘Whack-a-mole’,_ the Water Gun game, and even a miniature rifle range to Scout’s delight. 

_She had always been a good sharpshooter._

_Yet another thing she could thank her daddy for._

They visited the rifle range and Scout beat Daryl with two points. He just grinned at the loss and said that the clumsy pellet gun didn’t even resemble a real rifle. But there were more games than the rifle ridge that offered a challenge in marksmanship, and when Scout asked if he wanted a rematch, Daryl agreed without a second thought. After two hours, Scout’s trigger-finger ached, and the score was painfully even, so she was almost relieved when Daryl’s cell phone rang and interrupted their challenge.

It was Jesus, who was wondering where the hell they were. “You’ve been at the rifle ridge for two hours?” he questioned with a trace of amusement in his voice.

“Yeah, we kinda lost track of time,”.

“Come meet me at the beer booth, next to the eastern stage,” Jesus said in his usual soft voice. “... and hurry up, I don’t want to get dehydrated in this heat”.

“Y’know beer isn’t that great for hydration,” Daryl replied.

The younger man chuckled. “Just get yourself and your old lady over here”.

As they walked hand in hand over the dry grass on their way to Jesus and the beer, Scout felt blue. It was like the bad conscience had finally caught up with her. _Just let me have this. Please. I’ll tell him after the festival._ Just the knowledge about that she needed to break with Daryl was enough to make her feel tense like a bowstring, and when she tightened her grip around Daryl’s hand, he looked at her with narrowed eyes. “What’s the matter, ya all-right?”.

“Nothing,” she quickly replied, turning away from his gaze. Scout had to look away because it felt like he could see right through her. Like he could spot her lies and Scout already knew him well enough to predict what Daryl’s reaction would be like once he found out that she had kept her intentions a secret from him for weeks. It wasn’t going to be pleasant, and she dreaded it.

“You look tense, Scout,” Jesus remarked when they met up with him outside the beer tent. “Is everything okay with you?” 

“Yeah,” she replied with a shrug. “My job just... kills me, it bores me to death,” she added quickly.

 _“Getting fired, is the best thing that could happen to any of us. That way, we’d quit treading water and do something with our lives”,_ was what Tyler said in chapter four of Chuck Palahniuk’s most iconic novel, ‘ _Fight Club’_ , and Scout had taken that quote to her heart. It was just too bad that the change she was about to go through hurt like hell.

Daryl gave her a suspicious look, but Jesus chuckled at her. “Well, let’s get you something to drink before the concert, and I’m sure you’ll forget all about your dull job for a couple of hours,” he said with a wink.

“Sure,” Scout smiled.

Said and done. With Daryl’s hand in a firm grip in her right hand and a Budweiser in her left hand, Scout followed Jesus through the dense crowd to the stage where _Half Moon_ was going to perform. 

It was almost like old times, like when they went out in the late ’90s and Scout felt a sting of fuzzy nostalgia. Daryl had his usual attire; blue jeans and black leather. Jesus had his black, stonewashed jeans, heavy boots, and a brand new t-shirt with the artwork of Half Moon’s latest demo printed on it in bold colors. 

“Can’t believe Beta got ya to wear that”, Daryl sniggered when he noticed Jesus’ shirt. The other man shook his head and gave him a slight grin. “Maybe you should try to widen your horizons a bit, Daryl. There are more bands in the world than Motörhead and Led Zeppelin”. 

Daryl laughed. A deep rumbling, laughter, and Scout couldn’t help but wish that she could freeze time and just stay in the moment, for a little longer.

“Some things never turn old,” she agreed.

“That goes for you, too, Scout,” Jesus interjected. “I mean, It’s not 1994 anymore, and you’re the only person I know who still listens to Nirvana. Why don’t you try to live in the present instead of the past for once?”.

Jesus meant his comment as a joke, but Scout felt a realization that struck her like a crowbar in the back of the head.

Maybe that was what she had been doing during the past year? Lived in a nostalgic dream, longing back to the days when she was in college and the future with a solid career that was something distant and abstract. 

* * *

Half Moon’s performance wasn’t that bad, Daryl had to give Beta that. Not like the first time when he had heard Beta and his band play. It had been nearly a decade ago, at a shabby trucker bar right outside the shipping hub in Polksville where Beta had sung _Johnny Cash_ covers and played guitar with a broken amplifier. 

The bar’s regular patrons were a pack of rugged workers who, unfortunately, turned out to be devoted fans of the _‘Man in Black’_ and they didn’t think Beta’s band did the country legend justice. After three songs, they stormed the stage, and one of the worst bar fights Daryl ever had taken part in erupted. 

As they exited the concert area, they ran into Aaron, and the redhead from ‘ _The High Voltage’ in Cleburne_ , whose name turned out to be Eric Raleigh. They were glad in short-sleeved shirts and cargo shorts matched with practical hiking boots. To Scout, it looked more like the two men had dressed for a camping trip to the mountains and she grinned slightly at the sight.

“Hey guys, looks like you’re headin’ for the mountains instead of the beer booth?”.

“Nice to see you, too, Scout,” Aaron said as he smiled from ear to ear. “I just told Eric that it surprised me that we hadn’t we hadn’t run into you guys yet... I know you’re not big country fans, but how did you like the show?”.

“I was just relieved that he stuck to playin’ his own songs,” Jesus admitted with a slight grin. “Yeah, I was kinda worried he would end the show with _‘Ring of Fire’,_ ” Daryl agreed. “Still remember how it ended in Polksville when he sang that one”.

While Jesus retold the story about Beta’s performance in Polksville and the angry truckers for Scout, Eric, and Aaron, Daryl excused himself and left the quartet to discuss the subject further while he took a smoke. Since the festival was hosted on a field and the grass was so dry, they only allowed smoking in designated areas to prevent fires, and Daryl had to walk across half the festival area until he found one of the smoking spots. 

Surprisingly enough, the smoking spot was almost empty, except for a middle-aged woman in an ill-fitting purple dress, stripped-leggings and a spotted cowboy hat decorated with cheap rhinestones on the brim who was seated on one of the benches.

“Unusually dry this year,” the middle-aged woman said when Daryl sat down on the bench next to her.

“Yeah,” Daryl agreed as he dug in the pockets of his jeans for the lighter.

The woman was chatty, and she kept talking about politics, Al Gore, and climate change. She told him about how her family, who were farmers in California, had been fighting against drought and water shortage. Daryl just nodded and listened with half-an-ear as he watched the crowd in front of them trailed like tropical fire ants between the rows of booths and tents.

That was when he spotted her.

_Beth Greene._

She was clad in navy blue rain boots, blue denim shorts, and a loose crop sweater, knitted in the pattern of an American flag, the outfit complete with a garland made of pink polyester roses in her long, blonde hair. Beth was pretty like a fairytale princess and Daryl couldn’t help but wonder if God was outright messing with him - the more effort he made in avoiding the girl, the more often she showed up. 

Daryl swore quietly for himself as he knocked off some ash on his thigh.

With a half-empty beer can in one hand, she made her way through the crowd at the field. Beth’s baby blue eyes wandered over the surroundings and she had an astonished look on her face and it seemed like the girl never had been to a festival before.

_Maybe she hadn’t._

He recalled how Scout once had compared the girl to ‘Alice in Wonderland’, and like Alice once explored Wonderland, Beth Green walked through the crowd of the Summer Festival with equal curiosity. 

_A wonderland in neon-filled with strangers, alcohol, drugs, and music._

As Daryl looked after the girl, he couldn’t help but notice a sinking feeling in his gut. It was getting late, and the area was crowded with clamoring, intoxicated people, and Beth looked like she was slightly lost - and tipsy. He had promised himself to stay away from the girl, and he had intended to keep that promise. But fuck it, Daryl was well-aware that the girl wasn’t his responsibility, but he couldn’t just let her totter around alone like that.

He butted out his cigarette, bid farewell to the chatty lady, and turned around to locate Beth again, but she had disappeared into the blustering crowd. Daryl exhaled deeply before he left the smoking spot and made his way through the dense crowd that mainly consisted of young women in daisy dukes, middle-aged heavy metal enthusiasts, and blue-collar workers with cowboy hats on the hands and Bud Light cans in the hands. 

Fortunately, it didn’t take long until he had caught sight of the girl again; she was standing at the top of a small hill covered with abandoned plastic sun chairs, admiring the Ferris wheel, and its glittering lightning installation in the distance. 

“You’re out on adventures again, huh, Greene?”.

“Daryl!” Beth chirped happily when she spun around to face him. “I didn’t know you were here!”. She was happy to see him. Again. He could tell by the way her eyes sparkled like fireworks on the 4th of July at the mere sight of him, and Daryl was almost so baffled by her reaction that he forgot how to speak. 

_Maybe it was because of the alcohol, maybe she was just a happy drunk._

“Ya shouldn’t be wandering around here alone, though ya had learned that lesson by,” Daryl scolded her. At the back of his mind, he knew he should probably have returned her warm greeting with something more polite and nicer than a reprimand for her carelessness. But on the other hand, he wouldn’t have felt the need to do that if she had listened to him in the first place when he told her to stay out of trouble.

Beth gave him a dark look, clearly disappointed with his response. “And I already told you I can take care of myself. I’m not helpless and; you’re not my dad and you’re not my boyfriend!” she snapped at him. 

Daryl snorted.

_It was the same ol’ song, all over again._

Hadn’t they already been through this? He had never said that she was weak, or helpless, but getting drunk while wandering around, alone, at a festival was fucking reckless for someone like her.

“Doesn’t matter,” Daryl replied. “Besides, a kid like ya shouldn’t drink” he added with a nod to the beer can in her hand.

Beth crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a sour look before she took a sip of her beer. “I’m eighteen now, I can drink if I want to,” she pouted at him. 

“Stop acting like a fuckin’ brat, ya had your fun. Enough of this!” Daryl growled as he snatched the can out of her hand. To his surprise, Beth immediately flew at him, trying to take her beer can back, but Daryl caught her in a vice-like grip. She squirmed to get free, but he was far too strong.

“You can’t do that!” she yelled at him, eyes wide as he poured out the beer. 

“Yeah, what'cha gonna do about it?” Daryl snorted.

“That was mine! What… What is wrong with you?!” Beth protested. “You can’t just do things like that!”. 

“Daryl… and Beth!” a voice called out behind them, and Daryl spun around, still with Beth in his grip, to see who dared to interrupt. He met the face of Amy Harrison, who suddenly stood in front of them, with a curious smile plastered all over her face. Like many of the other girls at the festival, Amy was clad in baby blue denim shorts, a pink oversized t-shirt, and like her younger friend, the older girl was not entirely sober, Daryl quickly concluded. 

“What are you guys doing? Are you fighting over... a beer?” the blonde chuckled as she examined the struggling duo in front of her. 

“Ya should keep better eyes on your little friend here, Amy,” Daryl warned as he let go of Beth. “Is she really eighteen, ‘cause she still looks like twelve to me?”. 

Amy looked at Daryl with an amused expression playing on her face like she thought it was a funny thing for him to say.

“Barely,” she replied with a sly smile, clearly not taking him seriously. But if Amy thought she could flirt her way out of the situation with Daryl, she was soon to find out that she was terribly wrong.

“You’re really gonna let a scrawny _kid_ like her go around and drink alone, huh?” Daryl said with disbelief in his voice. 

Amy shrugged her shoulders and gave Beth a questioning look. “I’m not a kid, I’m…” Beth began, but Daryl interrupted her. 

“Are ya fucking kiddin’ me, Amy?!” he growled at the older blonde, completely ignoring Beth’s protest. Amy looked unsettled for a moment, but then she sighed and threw her hands in the air to show that she gave up. “Alright, alright, fine!” she muttered, giving Daryl an annoyed gaze. “Guess you have to stick to soda for the rest of the evening, Greene”. 

“What’s going on here?” Scout appeared behind the trio with a sour look upon her face. “Are you girls alright?” she said, eyes fixated on Beth, who suddenly looked like she wanted to sink through the ground. “I heard you scream”.

“Daryl thought Beth shouldn’t drink more,” the tipsy Amy revealed without a second thought, and Scout gave the two younger girls a stern glare before she turned her gaze back to her boyfriend.

“Is that so?” the redhead said as she placed a hand on her hip.” I’m sure Amy and Beth can handle themselves. Jesus and Beta are waitin’ for us, so let’s go”.

“We can, no problem!” Amy assured the sheriff’s daughter with a wide smile. “Rick’s gonna pick us up later, and I got both mace and pepper spray, so there’s no need to worry”. Daryl just shook his head at the older blonde, but he followed Scout on the way back to the beer booth nonetheless.

At least Beth wasn’t alone anymore.

* * *

“What’s the matter with you?” Scout hissed as soon as they came far away enough from the two blonde girls. “What?” Daryl snapped back at her.

“I saw you! Yanking around Beth like that!” Scout’s eyes dilated with anger as she spoke. 

“It’s fuckin’ stupid to get wasted at a festival when you’re just a goddamn kid,” Daryl retaliated, justifying his actions. 

Scout nodded in agreement, but she looked far from convinced. “That is true. But it doesn’t mean you can do things like that,” she continued. “Beth’s just a girl and you barely know her...! You should have asked me to call Rick if it was bothering you so,” she snorted. “Perhaps he could have picked them up earlier”.

Daryl just shook his head. _Call Rick Grimes?_ Talk about blowing things out of proportion. 

“Ain’t no need for that,” he said. “She’s just… doesn’t think through things”.

“What are you talkin’ about?” Scout gave him a frustrated look. “You don’t even know her”. 

“Look, I’ve just run into the kid a few times, and she’s always gettin’ herself into the trouble,” Daryl spat her as he ran a hand through his hair. He had only poured out the girl’s goddamn beer and told her to quit fooling around — like any responsible adult would have done.

Nothing more.

* * *

Beth heard Scout’s upset voice in the distance, and although she couldn’t hear what the other woman said, a knot appeared in her stomach. Were Scout and Daryl fighting about her?

She swallowed hard as she thought of what Daryl had told her earlier; that she had a knack for getting into trouble, and perhaps she _was_ guilty of stirring up the drama this time?

Beth groaned at the realization; Daryl had probably been right. At least a little. She couldn’t deny that it _had been slightly unwise_ to dwell off on her own. Beth had split up from Amy and Noah to go to the toilet, and on her way back, she had taken a stroll around the festival area. Still, it wasn’t a secret that alcohol could bring out the worst in people, and as a young woman without company, she would be an easy target for sexual predators lurking in the crowds.

Especially under influence of alcohol and If Rick and Lori had seen her, they would have scolded her, too, Beth mused, and she the familiar sting of bad conscience again. 

_Was she a little drama queen after all?_

“What’s with the gloomy face, Greene?” Amy asked with a concerned face. “You want me to go and buy you another beer? Looks like Daryl is going to have his hands full for the rest of the evening, so I don’t think you have to worry about him anymore”.

With a sigh, Beth slumped down in the dry grass beside her friend. “No, I think I had enough for tonight”. She still felt a little dizzy and carefree from the alcohol, but she wasn’t tipsy anymore, and she had no intentions to appear so in front of Rick when he came to pick them up.

A quick look at her cellphone told her it was 21:45, and her foster father had vowed to come to pick them up after the last concert had ended. If Beth knew Rick right, he would probably be early, too. 

“Why don’t we just rest here for a while?” Beth suggested. She didn’t want to risk running into Daryl and Anna again. It felt almost like she was unwillingly being drawn into the kind of triangle drama that appeared in TV dramas. 

“Sure,” Amy said as she stretched out in the grass. “I’ve seen the bands I wanted to see, anyway”.

“Do you know him well? Daryl, I mean,” Beth inquired. 

Amy laughed. “A little, I guess. Andrea helps them out from time to time, with legal stuff, y’know,” she explained to the younger girl. 

“What’s he like?”

Amy thought for a moment before she replied. “Daryl is nice, actually. But he got such a terrible temper… One time when Andrea visited the club, he had, like, fired a crossbow inside their clubhouse. His brother had this big, stuffed... elk or something on the wall in the bar, and Daryl placed a bolt right between its eyes,” she laughed.” Just because he was pissed as Merle for something”. 

“He did that?” Beth frowned. It sounded like a bizarre thing to do. 

“Yeah, I know, crazy, right? But they’re just like that; people don’t call them the _infamous Dixon Brothers_ for no reason...,” Amy chuckled as she poured out the remains at the bottom of her beer can. 

* * *

The sun was about to go down when Rick Grimes arrived at the festival. He came straight from work and he had promised to pick up Amy and Beth after the last band had played, which would give him roughly an hour to stroll around and check out the various attractions that were still open and buy some ice cream. It would be a pleasant end of the day after having spent the whole evening in an office with a malfunctioning air-conditioner, Rick thought. 

He was just about to walk through the entrance to the festival when he caught sight of Daryl Dixon at the long row of parked MC’s.

“Hey, Daryl!” Rick called out to the other man and Daryl looked up at him with a surprised gaze. 

“Officer,” Daryl greeted him, despite that Rick was clad in his civilian clothes. 

“Didn’t expect to see you here,” he replied, trying to start a conversation, and Daryl gave him a tired look.

“No?”

Rick nodded. He felt slightly inclined to interrogate Daryl about his supposed relationship with Beth, although it’s just been a couple of weeks since they last spoke about it at Carol’s party. He could remember as much as that Daryl had said there wasn’t any truth in it. But things could have changed since that, at least if he was to believe Lori. But Rick didn’t feel comfortable to interrogate Daryl on the spot without even the slightest kind of proof.

“Scout felt like going”.

“Oh, I see,” Rick replied a little sheepishly. “Eh... I wanted to say I’m sorry for the last time. I, I uh, I don’t... usually drink that much,” the officer apologized.

Another nod. “Yeah. It’s fine” he replied, completely oblivious to Rick’s wavering tone. People got drunk, shit happened, it was nothing new. 

If Daryl had a cent for every time he had acted like an asshole under influence over the years, he would have been rich, and if the same applied to Merle, he would have been richer than Warren Buffett. 

“So, have you seen Beth around?”.

“Saw her with Andrea’s baby sister, behind the southern row of game booths about fifteen minutes ago,” Daryl replied as he slipped on a pair of black gloves and turned on the engine of the Honda.

“Well, thank you for the help,” Rick almost had to yell to shout down the sound of the engine. “Have a nice evening”,

Daryl just gave him another nod before he steered the MC out of the parking lot and disappeared out on the road that led to the highway.

* * *

Daryl had left the festival before it was over, Scout had followed Jesus, Aaron, and Eric to Lemon Hill where they met up with Beta and his band members for some drinks to celebrate the successful concert. It had been a nice evening, and although Scout had enjoyed herself in Daryl’s absence, she couldn’t help but feel frustrated over her boyfriend’s foul temper. Daryl’s mood had turned sour after she remarked how forcibly he had berated Beth, and that had made Scout angry. They had argued over the matter on their way back to Jesus and the others, and suddenly Daryl had said that he wanted to go back to Barksdale, while Scout wanted to stay with the guys and have a drink.

 _“Fine, you go your way and I go mine, then,”_ Scout had told him before she turned her back on him and walked back to the beer booth where Jesus and the others waited for them.

Nobody raised an eyebrow when Scout came back alone. Aaron just grimaced a little, Eric looked slightly puzzled and Jesus just wrapped his arm around her shoulders in a friendly manner and promised that she would have a good time even if Daryl didn’t come along. Jesus and Aaron were so used to Daryl’s behavior that none of them cared if he suddenly disappeared to do something else. 

“Let’s just say that he’s... fond of his personal space,” was Aaron’s explanation to boyfriend why Daryl had left without further ado, and Scout could certainly agree on that. What she didn’t understand was why in the entire world did he care if Beth Greene drank a little or not?

That, she didn’t understand at all. Beth wasn’t his responsibility, and he barely knew her. If Scout didn’t know better, she would have suspected that he had a thing for the girl.

_Was it her fault?_

_Was she getting too old - did he just like little girls?_

“No, it can’t be,” Scout mumbled to herself as she packed down her CD’s in a big, brown cardboard container. She knew Greene was several years older than she appeared to be, but still… the girl could easily be mistaken for a seventh-grader. 

Scout groaned within. Speculating on such things was like pouring salt in wounds that weren’t even open yet.

Turning off the stereo with a sigh, Scout pulled on her leather jacket and walked out of the apartment. She locked the door and made her way to the parking lot after waving goodbye to the old lady next door.

She climbed into her car and once she had closed the car door, Scout leaned her head against the steering wheel and groaned.

 _“Come on, Anna. You’re a grown woman, you can handle this,”_ she whispered to herself.

Scout was fully aware that she had been stalling their unavoidable break-up for way too long, but against all logic, it _still_ felt like every fiber in her body protested against what she was going to do. Her shoulders felt tense, her hands were shaky, her mouth dry and her heart beat like a jackhammer within her chest. 

“You’re soon thirty years old. You can’t continue like this if you want a respectable career and a promising future within law enforcement. This is the only way and you know it,” Scout said as she scolded her reflection in the rear mirror.

The bitter truth was that their relationship had been strained for long, and she didn’t have the time or the energy to try to repair it anymore, and Daryl’s unwillingness to move to the suburbs was just the last nail in the coffin. Their differences had caught up with them and like Scout wasn’t willing to sacrifice her career for it, Daryl wasn’t willing to sacrifice his independent lifestyle.

_You go your way, and I go mine._

Scout exhaled deeply before she fastened the seat belt, started the engine and pulled the car into the first gear, and drove out from the parking lot, out on the highway. The drive to Barksdale felt slower than usual, and it gave her time to calm down and force herself to keep her mind on the task.

If she wanted to cry, she could do it later, Scout reasoned. Preferably when she was back at home, alone, with the cellphone turned off and the curtains pulled for the windows.

She parked at the parking space outside the apartment complex where Daryl lived. Barksdale looked like it always did; like the definition of urban decay, with graffiti on the dented brick walls and containers filled to the brim with trash. The sky was grey and the heavy thunder cloud loomed over the apartment complex like a bad omen. It was just a question of time before the rain would start to pour down.

_Just do it._

Scout exhaled deeply before she locked the car and made her way up to the 5th floor where Daryl lived. She walked up the stairs with heavy steps and it took all her willpower to remain calm and collected.

* * *

If anything Daryl felt tired. He laid on the sofa in the living room, staring up at the crack in the ceiling that seemed to grow wider and longer by every time he looked at it. His second-rate apartment was decaying, just like his relationship with Scout. They had fought and gotten back together a million times before in what felt like a never-ending circle of fights and amends. He tried to stay out of trouble, tried to avoid being bad, but it still felt like everything went wrong, no matter what he did, and despite his good intentions.

_Everything just turned into shit in the end._

Back at home, when he was a kid, nobody had ever cared about what he did, or where he went after his mother had died. Well, expect Merle of course, but then again, Merle hadn’t been present that often either. He spent months in the juvenile correction facility and as soon as he became a legal adult, Merle had joined the army and after that, Daryl hadn’t seen his older brother until he got dishonorably discharged from the marine corps.

A knock on the door bought him back to reality. “Daryl, we need to talk”. Scout’s voice echoed in the corridor, and she sounded uncharacteristically nervous. 

“About what?” he replied as he opened up the door. It wasn’t like her to show up with such dramatic demands. But even so, he wasn’t surprised.

_He had a hunch about what she wanted to talk about._

_He had been a worse boyfriend than usual these past months.  
_

Scout wore black skinny jeans, a band tee, her black leather jacket. Her usual choice of clothes. Her signature-style eyeliner was smudged. Had she been crying? If so, she wouldn’t admit it. 

“I’m moving to Atlanta. I’ve been accepted to the Police Academy,” she confessed without further ado.

“And ya tell me that now? For fuck’s sake, Scout, for how long have ya known?” he snarled back at her, feeling downright _betrayed_. 

“For a while” Scout admitted, avoiding his gaze. “Look, Daryl… I’ve been wanting to tell you, but…” she ran a hand through her hair as she shook her head. “I don’t have a good excuse… I just couldn’t…” she continued in a small voice he never had heard her use before. He had never seen her like this before either, torn up by affliction. This wasn’t the woman he once knew her as. This was someone else. 

“So, this is it, huh?” he spat at her.

Scout nodded. “Yeah. It is,” she said, daring to look him straight into the eyes.

She was sad, and this was painful for her, he could tell. It must have taken all of her strength to do it. To defy the anxiety, the sadness that she obviously felt.

_And yet there she was._

_Despite all that._

_Telling him that they were through.  
_

She hadn’t told him that she had applied. She hadn’t told him anything at all. Until now. Her stuff was probably already packed down in big brown boxes, and she had probably gotten herself a new apartment, too. Scout had waited as long as she possibly could to drop the bomb. So she could just disappear straight afterward. Making him the last one to know. 

_Fucking bitch._

“Just get out of here,” he said. 

Daryl didn’t even need to tell her that he didn’t want to see her again. Scout swallowed down whatever it was she wanted to say, gave him a slight nod, and disappeared with a shameful gaze on her face.

Whatever he had expected, it was nothing like this. Daryl knew their relationship would come to an end one day. He had known that ever since they got together in the first place, and, somehow he felt that Scout had known, too. But they had given it a shot anyway, to have fun while it lasted. It might have sounded cynical, but that was just how things went. Everything ended, sooner or later. Daryl knew that better than most people, and yet, he found himself surprisingly unprepared for it. 

_“I’m not your bitch”._

_“Not when you’re dressed like that, you ain’t”._

Scout seemed to always have something quirky waiting for him at the tip of her tongue. Despite that they often argued, they always used to have fun together.

_When did that change?_

Now when she was gone, _it fucking hurt._ Not like physical pain. Not like a punch, or a blow with a crowbar hurt, but like he was being torn apart from the inside. Scout could be a bitch, from time to time, there was no denial in that, but he hadn’t been much better either. No, he had probably been much worse than her.

At the end of the day, it was like he wasn’t anything but an asshole with an even bigger asshole to brother.

* * *

**Early September, Pemberton County 2003**

She waited for Merle at the Texaco Gas Station outside town, sitting at one of the camping tables while smoking and drinking a can of mountain dew, trying to ease off the feeling that she’d made a mistake.

An American flag fluttered on a pole in the middle of the resting area in the light breeze and the air was chilly, like a reminder that the summer was over and the autumn was on its way. 

“Why you wanna meet out here, ya robbed a bank or something?” Merle asked as he jumped off his bike. Scout shook her head. “Gonna leave town,” she said, squeezing her fist around the empty can, trying to hide how her hands shook. 

It was just the sugar rush, nothing else, Scout told herself.

“So ya robbed a bank?” Merle repeated as he walked up to her, still wearing his usual grin all over his face. He was in a good mood today, Scout could tell. Looking better than he had for long, clad in his usual black leather attire, making a stark contrast to the grey environment with his grey-blue eyes and slightly greying blonde hair.

“For bein’ the Sheriff’s daughter, you’re a real piece of work, ya know that, right? “he added, still grinning. Merle was just as charming as ever, and Scout couldn’t help but grin as well.

“Could say the same about you too, you know,” she retaliated.

“I’m afraid what they all say is true…, “he trailed off. “But I guess ya got more than compliments on your mind” he added as he looked at her through narrowed eyes.

“I got accepted to the Police Academy, I’m moving to Atlanta”.

Merle shook his head. “Can’t say that. I figured ya wanted to make that daddy of yours proud”.

Scout gave him a forced smile. It wasn’t the first time someone had suggested that her underlying ambition behind everything she did was to make her dad proud. Daryl had pointed it out, too, but she had never put much thought into it. 

Still, there was no denying that she always had strived to become more like her father. He had always been her role model and inspiration with his kindness, generosity, dutifulness, and how John Ed had served his country without complaints for decades was just… admirable.

The Dixon brothers with their dysfunctional parents and abusive father could never understand something like that, Scout reasoned.

“Bet you’ll be a perfect officer, Turner. Can already see ya walkin’ the streets in one of those fancy uniforms, beatin’ up people for not returning their library books in time?”.

Scout rolled her eyes at him. “Yeah. That’s just what I had in mind” she replied, voice dripping with sarcasm. 

“Nah, you’ll be in Glynco, in no time won’t ya, sugar?” Merle teased, giving her one of his most charismatic smiles. 

Scout cleared her throat. On some days, she found Merle’s compelled flattery entertaining, but today was not one of those days. “Look, I just came here to say goodbye,” she clarified. “I’ve been accepted to the Police Academy in Atlanta. I’m moving out tomorrow”.

“Ya broke up with Daryl, then?” he asked, sounding unaffected. Scout looked at him, puzzled, as Merle fished up a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket.

“You don’t sound surprised,” she remarked.

“Could say I felt it comin’, so to speak” Merle sighed as he leaned against the table, making it squeak under his weight. “Breaks my heart, but can’t say I’m surprised”.

“Was it that obvious, huh?” Scout asked, ignoring the bitterness that dwelled up like a tornado inside her chest. 

_Doomed already from the start._

_Old Irma at the diner in Fontana had been right; enjoy it while it lasts._

“How did he take it?” Merle asked, ignoring her question, and Scout was pretty sure he already knew the answer. Sometimes she forgot how observant Merle was. Which was easy to forget, because most of the time, Merle annoyed her with his loud, boasting, trouble-making persona. 

It was easy to forget that there was actually more to him than that. Although he kept it well-hidden. Like an oyster guarding its pearl.

“What do you think? He got angry,” Scout said with a shrug. ”I told him two weeks ago. Thought you knew already”. She didn’t stay around after telling him it was over. There was no point in it. Daryl had just snarled at her, telling her he already knew what she was going to say, and he didn’t want to hear any of it. 

_”Just leave”. That was all he said._

Daryl didn’t even try to convince her otherwise. Convince that they could make it work somehow, someway, and deep down, Scout couldn’t help but feel disappointed. She knew he wasn’t the person to beg, but he could at least have said _something._ Something else, something more than just telling her to leave.

“Nah., he didn’t say anythin’, but I knew something was off with him last time I saw him,” Merle admitted with a slight grimace. “Told him so suck it up, whatever it was”.

Scout snorted. “Some expert advice, huh? Suck it up… you really said that?”

Merle just looked into the wide distance, nodding. “Yeah” he finally replied. “But don’t ya worry over that. He’ll get over it”.

Scout swallowed. “It’s just that… he is so much more emotional than he shows…”.

Merle chuckled. “Believe me, I know. He’s always been like that. _Soppy_. I tried to do somethin’ about it when he was younger, but it that’s just how he is”.

“Being able to feel emotions isn’t a weakness, Merle,” Scout pointed out.

Another snort. “Yeah, ya say that? Haven’t done Daryl any good, that’s for sure”. 

Scout just sighed at him.

“Better head back before the apocalypse is all over us,” Merle said, nodding to the dark grey storm clouds.

“You look out for him, alright?” Scout asked. “Just ‘cause we’re not together, doesn’t mean that I don’t care about him”. Merle nodded. “Don’tcha worry about that. I always got his back, always had, always will”. He was smiling now, a genuine smile. 

Scout just nodded. “Thanks”.

“Hey, we’re still good, right?” Scout called out after him.

It sounded stupid, corny and what she really wanted to say was something like ‘I see you around’. Merle stopped in his tracks, looking back at her, seemingly a little surprised, but he nodded nonetheless.

“Ain’t no hard feelings here,” he replied with a grin as he seated himself behind the handlebars of his Triumph. “I’ll see ya around”. 

Scout watched him disappear in the horizon, and she couldn’t help but feel a little blue. There were nothing left for her in King County but memories now, and despite what Merle had said, she already knew she wouldn’t come back. 

* * *

**September 2003, Coweta County**

Beth followed Rick on a trip to Coweta County on a gray Friday afternoon in early September. 

While Rick was attending a meeting, or whatever it was at the Peachtree City Police Department’s office, Beth visited her parent’s grave at the Peachtree Baptist Church. The church was located a mere four-minute drive from the Greene Farm and Beth could have walked over to the farm if she wanted to.

Beth hadn’t visited her family home since her parent’s death and had no wish in doing so either. Patricia and Otis would probably be happy if she paid them a visit, but Beth was afraid that if she visited her old childhood home, it could dam up the flood of sorrow she contained on the inside. 

_I’ll come back one day. But not today._

Beth pushed away the thoughts about the Greene Farm and the kind neighbors as she walked over the graveyard. Except for the distant noise from the highway, the small graveyard was almost quiet and empty, like it usually was during weekdays. She placed a small bouquet of garden roses at the family tombstone and sat down at a nearby bench to rejoice in the peaceful surroundings.

She had finished two out of ten weeks at the nurse’s aide training program, and after just eight more weeks, Beth would become a certified nurse’s aide. She thought about Anette, Hershel, and Shawn and wondered if they would be as proud of her as Lori and Rick were. It was not a fancy or a well-paid job, but it was rewarding, at least emotionally. It felt so good to help others, and it was almost a relief to focus on other people’s problems instead of her own.

Not that Beth Greene had many issues in her life. Expect her mental health issues and the sorrow after her dead family, her only remaining issue was her slight infatuation with Daryl Dixon. If you even could count that as an actual problem.

Besides, Beth hadn’t spoken to Daryl since the festival at Lemon Hill, although she had seen him twice. She was afraid that she might be the source of Daryl and Scout’s argument, so Beth had sworn to stay away from the man — and act more maturely. Now that she was an adult, she would behave like one, and not like a little girl. So, she just watched him from afar, despite that she didn’t _even want_ to look at him, but yet, Beth simply couldn’t tear her eyes away from him. 

_An infatuation._

_A teenage crush._

_Unrequited love._

Whatever of those it was, Beth was alright with it. She could live with it. It wouldn’t last forever anyway, she told herself. It was just a stupid, inconvenient crush, and eventually, it would fade away like the summer flowers did when the fall arrived.

* * *

Rick picked her up almost two hours later and dropped her off back in town in central Senoia. She visited the library to pick up a book she had reserved, met up with Noah for a cupcake and coffee in a café. They talked for almost two hours until Noah had to leave to pick up his younger brothers. The sky had cleared up, and the sun was almost shining again, so Beth took a walk through the park on her way home. 

It turned out to be an awful idea; her ex-boyfriend Zach was there. With a pretty, brown-haired girl. They walked hand in hand by the pond, laughing while talking, and when the laces of the girl’s converse got loose, Zach went down on his knees to tie them for her. 

Beth swallowed hard, unable to turn her eyes away from the seemingly happy couple. She hadn’t expected to run into Zach so soon after their breakup, and she definitely hadn’t expected him to move on so quickly. If she had known he would have moved on so easily, Beth could have spared herself hours of bad conscience and mental self-torture.

The girl giggled and gave him a broad smile as he got up from the ground. He pulled her close and gave her a sweet kiss on the lips. It almost looked like a scene out of a romantic Hollywood-movie, Beth thought. 

_Were we ever like that, when we were together?_

She wrapped her scarf around her neck, tucking in her long ponytail in it like it would keep Zach and his new friend from recognizing Beth, as she made her way past the happy couple. She walked at a fast pace while keeping her gaze locked on the ground.

_Please, please, don’t let him see me._

“Hey, Beth!” Zach’s voice called behind her back and Beth froze in her step. “Wait!”

Beth groaned within. She didn’t feel like being social now and especially not with Zach and his new sweetheart. Why had he even bothered to stop her? It made little sense to Beth; was he really going to introduce her to his new girlfriend?

_Please. God, no._

“This is Theresa,” Zach said with a big smile as he made a gesture to the girl, “She’s an art student’’.

Well-mannered as she was, Beth forced a stiff smile upon her face and greet the other girl properly with a handshake. “Nice to meet you, I’m Beth”.

“Uh, hi Beth,” Teresa returned her smile with a friendly, yet slightly confused gaze. It was obvious that Zach hadn’t told Teresa about her and their relationship, Beth thought. 

“So, how are you doing, Beth?” Zach asked in a brisk tone. “Haven’t seen you for a while now”. 

“I started the Nurse’s Aide training, so I’m busy,” Beth replied, still smiling. “Everything else is just as usual… what about you?”.

She didn’t want to know what Zach and his new girlfriend were up to, she just asked out of sheer politeness. They would probably just spend all weekend lying in bed, looking deep into each other’s eyes while acoustic love songs played on the radio.

“Just gonna help Scout to move the last of her stuff from the storage in the weekend, I kinda owe her that”. 

“She’s moving?” Beth frowned. She felt her stomach turn slightly at the information. Was Scout going to move together with Daryl? It was none of her business, and yet, Beth felt like she had to know. If they were that serious now, then all hope was certainly out for her, and she might let her stupid crush die a little faster and give the training program her undivided attention.

“Yeah. She’s going to Atlanta, she got accepted to the Police Academy,” Zach replied.

“I could never do that, you know, leave my friends and boyfriend behind just for a career,” Teresa interjected, and Zach wrapped his arm around her shoulder, giving her a loving gaze. “Knew you wouldn’t” he replied, giving her a kiss on the cheek, looking just a little too smug and Beth couldn’t help but moan within — was that really necessary, did he want to smear it in her face, that he had found someone new and she hadn’t? Or did he want to make her jealous?

_I get it, Zach. I bet she’s a better girlfriend than I’ll ever be._

Still, love wasn’t a stupid game or a competition. A part of her wanted to tell him off, but Beth bit her tongue. She wasn’t going to fuss over it. They were done with each other, and Zach could do whatever he wanted to.

“Wait, what about Daryl? Isn’t he going with her?” Beth interrupted the two lovebirds, and Zach’s smile suddenly vanished. 

“No, they broke up weeks ago,” he blurted out, giving Beth an annoyed gaze. “Why do you care so much about what Daryl does?” Zach demanded, but Beth found herself unable to speak. Teresa’s smile turned into a confused frown as her gaze wandered over from Zach to Beth. 

_Daryl and Anna...  
_

“Was just wondering,” Beth quickly replied, giving him an innocent smile and Zach looked like he didn’t know what to believe. Fluttering with her eyelashes while telling white lies seemed to have lost its effect on Zach. Now he just looked at her with aversion. Like he knew. Knew that she had been dreaming about Daryl. 

“I really need to go,” Beth apologized, feeling that her cheeks were about to turn pink. “It was nice to see you again!” 

As she walked away from Zach and his new girlfriend, Beth could feel their gazes burn on her back. She speeded up her pace until she was almost running away from them. Once she had made a safe distance away from Zach and his new girlfriend, Beth stopped to catch her breath.

“Sweet Jesus..,” she mumbled to herself. “What a day”.

* * *

• [Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk (Goodreads.com)](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36236124-fight-club?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=5AEaFFEMAy&rank=1)

• [Beta](https://walkingdead.fandom.com/wiki/Beta_\(TV_Series\))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✎ Since the last chapter was rather uneventful, I hope this one made up for the recent lack of drama! ❀ I almost felt like I made Zach a little player by giving him a new girlfriend in an instant, but I think it worked out really well with the plot, and it was a fun little twist.


	15. Hallucinations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ★ Finally, chapter 15! That means it's just 10 more left to go, yay! I can’t wait to be finished with this story, and I’ve had my hopes up that I would manage to publish the last chapter by the end of December 2020. At the moment, I’m not sure if I’ll make it, considering how much I’m working at the moment, but I will definitely try my best!
> 
> ✎ **I'm unsure of how well I managed to weave the story together in this chapter, but overall, I'm kinda satisfied with how it turned out so I decided to post it anyway, despite that a few parts of it probably needs some further elaboration**.

_“Trouble is just like love, after all; it comes in unannounced and takes over before you've had a chance to reconsider, or even to think.”_  
―  Alice Hoffman

Beth spent the rest of her Friday at home with Carl, who Lori had strictly forbidden to play more computer games for the rest of the week. There was nothing worth watching on TV and since Lori used the video player to record a talk show, they ended up playing an old board game. ‘ _Dizzy Dizzy Dinosaur_ ’ was undoubtedly a game made for preschoolers, but Beth was so distracted by the events earlier in the day that she didn’t mind the rudimentary gameplay.

She thought about Daryl, about their last encounter, their past encounters. The fluttering feeling in her stomach when she saw him and how his demeanor annoyed her. But, first and foremost, Beth thought about what in the world she should do about all those things. 

_Should I visit him, just to see if everything is alright?_

Beth’s inner _good samaritan_ always wanted to help out, and give comfort whenever there was a need, but her rational thinking told her that Daryl probably needed some space. They didn’t know each other that well, after all, and Beth wasn't sure if he would appreciate another surprise visit from her.

_What were they even, shallow friends, acquaintances?_

“It’s your turn again, Beth,” Carl reminded her. Beth nodded and rolled the dice. It landed on three, and she dutifully took three steps with one of her tiny, yellow plastic cavemen.

_It felt like whenever they met, they ended up bickering. In retrospect, it seemed like Daryl had some sort of issue with her, and Beth couldn’t figure out if it was because he liked her, or if it was because he didn’t like her..._

“It’s your turn again,” Carl pointed out, and Beth tossed dice again. It rolled over the table with a clattering sound, and he caught it just before it reached the edge of the table. 

_...could it be a little of both?_

“It stopped at ‘dizzy’... Hello, Beth?” 

“Hmhm. Right,” Beth absent-mindedly replied as she cast a look on the dice. “Uh, what was I supposed to do again?” 

Carl moaned at her uninterest. “You have to wind-up the purple dinosaur and put him back on the board so he can spin around and any caveman he knocks down has to go back to start”. He tapped his finger against the middle of the game board where a tiny purple plastic dinosaur stood placed.

“Don’t be so impatient. It’s like ten years ago since I played this game the last time,” Beth muttered as she winded up the dinosaur as far as she could. “There you go!” She placed the toy in the middle of the game board and it spun around wildly, knocking the game pieces onto the table. 

“No...” Carl groaned as the dinosaur managed to knock down almost all of his cavemen, who were anywhere near the goal. “Now I have to start over from the beginning… I’m going to die by old age before any of us wins”.

“Well, you can always go and see if Rick and Shane need any help with the AC,” Beth suggested. “Or, help Lori out with the curtains...”.

The two men were still down in the basement, struggling which the new AC, and Lori was putting up new curtains in the kitchen. Carl exhaled deeply and gave her a bored gaze to let his sister know that he wasn't interested in either. Beth suspected that he was waiting for the adults to leave so that he could seize the opportunity to play some GTA III. Rick, Lori, and Shane were invited to dinner at Carol’s place later in the evening.

They kept on playing, but Beth was just as unlucky as Carl, and each time the dice landed with the ‘dizzy’-side upwards, and they winded-up the dinosaur and it spun around and scattered their pieces across the game board so that they had to begin all over again. After ten more turns, Carl got bored and winded up the dinosaur as hard as he could and the toy spun around so viciously that most of the game pieces ended up on the floor.

The noise was loud enough to make Lori leave the kitchen to see what her kids in the living room were up to.“You know that you can play that game without knocking the pieces around so hard?” she commented as she gave the two teenagers a tired gaze.

“Why do we even still have this game around?” Carl muttered as he helped Beth pick up the pieces from the floor. “I mean, it’s made for little kids and we’re way too old for it”.

“But what if you get a little sister or a little brother? Perhaps he or she would like to play it with you someday,” Lori suggested.

Carl looked up from the floor with an almost worried gaze. “Wait, what? You and dad aren’t going to have a baby, right? I mean... aren’t you too old for that?” he asked with disbelief in his voice. A sour look suddenly appeared on Lori’s face and she looked more displeased than Beth had seen her for in quite a while.

“We aren’t THAT old yet,” she stated in a firm tone, and Beth sucked in a breath, slightly startled by the harshness in her foster mother’s voice.

“I’m just saying that it’s not impossible that we might yet have another child,” Lori added in a softer tone, and Beth gave her a faint smile in return.

 _A baby…_

Beth couldn’t help but feel a little giddy inside at the thought; there was nothing cuter than babies with their big eyes, tiny hands, round cheeks, and big heads. Carl, on the other hand, didn’t seem to be thrilled by the prospect of getting another sibling. He just kept looking at his mother with a skeptical look on his face. 

“Can’t we get a dog instead?” the teenage boy sighed. 

Lori’s mouth turned into a thin line and she gave her son a stern gaze. “You better watch your mouth young man, unless you want me to extend your computer ban,” she stated before she spun around and walked back to the kitchen.

“That was rude,” Beth berated Carl. “You shouldn’t talk to your mother like that”.

“Yeah, I know,” Carl admitted with a small grimace. “I just don’t think it would be a good idea. It would be better if she started to work again, then she wouldn’t be so bored...”.

* * *

Once Lori, Rick, and Shane had left, Carl disappeared to his parent's bedroom where the computer was located, and Beth stayed in the living room downstairs, reading through one of her course books to prepare for the practical exercise at the hospital that would take place in the next week.

Late in the evening, Beth got a pleasant surprise when Maggie called. This time, the older Greene sister had exciting news; she and Glenn had decided to move back to the U.S before the end of 2005. Glenn had finally worked off the main part of his debts and felt ready to move on with his life. 

“That is wonderful news!” Beth exclaimed. “Where are you going to stay?”

“We’re tryin’ to have an open mind, you know," her sister replied. Maybe we’ll move back to the farm”.

“Does Glenn want to be a farmer?” Beth laughed. She couldn’t quite imagine Glenn walking around in a white shirt, blue jeans, and a big straw hat on his head while inspecting crops on a field. 

“I think the idea is growing on him after three years in Seoul,” Maggie laughed. “You know, we thought we might wanna start a family of our own soon, and it would be a good place for children to grow up,” she added in a softer, almost sentimental voice that Beth never had heard her sister use before.

Beth nodded for herself; wasn’t that what all people wanted? It was certainly what Beth wanted, too.

_A house in the countryside._

_Getting married._

_Having a family of her own, a baby of her own..._

Beth chewed on the inside of her cheek, trying to keep the tears at bay. Hershel, Anette, and Shawn would never be able to attend her wedding, meet her children, celebrate their birthdays…

“You’re okay, Bethy?” her sister asked in a concerned voice.

“Yeah, sorry,” she sniveled. “I’m just… so happy”.

It wasn’t an outright lie this time; Beth hadn’t seen her older sister since 1999, and she missed Maggie a lot from time to time. It would be a welcome change to have her sister and Glenn around again, and Beth felt thankful.

_“The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away”._

She thought about the old quote from King James’ bible. Ever since the accident, Beth had started to doubt her beliefs, and it had felt like God just took and took without giving back, despite that she tried her hardest to be good.

But… perhaps things were about to change now.

* * *

**Early October, Barksdale**

Andrea Harrison sat in a worn leather chair in Merle’s office with her legs elegantly folded together. As usual, she wore black pumps and a sleek, matching power suit, and her stylish attire made a stark contrast to the modest surrounding. 

The blonde looked just as good as ever, and she surely was a sight for sore eyes, Merle thought as he sat down behind his desk with a cup of coffee. Hot as hell and tar-black as his soul, just the way he liked it. The past month had been something of a roller coaster ride for the president of the Savage Sons; first Daryl’s break-up and then Simon, who unexpectedly had called with new demands from Negan.

_As he had promised Scout, Merle had swung by Barksdale to make sure Daryl was alright. Which he was. When he arrived at Daryl's apartment, he found his brother a little drunk and saw that he had smashed his fist into the bathroom mirror in a fit of rage, but that was no big deal, Merle thought. His plan had initially been to spend the rest of the day at Daryl’s coach, drinking whiskey while telling him what a bitch Scout was, and that he should be happy that she was gone._

_Just to make him feel better, of course._

_But when he took a closer look at Daryl’s hand, it seemed red and swollen, and despite the alcohol, his little brother was in pain, so Merle had no choice but to give Daryl some codeine and take him to the hospital to have someone look at it. It turned out that nothing was broken, but ill-fated as Daryl was, he had managed to cause a crack in one of the bones in the arm. The younger Dixon brother ended up getting his whole underarm in a bandage — which meant he wouldn’t be able to ride his bike for weeks._

_Back at Daryl’s apartment, Merle was just about to pour himself a bottle of Jack when Simon called. The Savior’s vice president had bad news; within twenty-four hours; someone had set two of the Savior’s warehouses on fire, attacked their properties in Alexandria, and yet another one of Negan’s “wifes” had disappeared. Presumably kidnapped. Negan thought it was just the calm before the storm and thus, he had ordered reinforcements from his supporter clubs._

“I’ll bet my ass that it’s Blake’s boys who’s behind the fire,” Merle said as he told Andrea about his eventful week.

“It could also be the Claimers, looking for a way to prove their allegiance to Blake before he is released,” Andrea speculated as she carefully dissolved the instant cappuccino powder into the hot water. The coffee maker at Jake’s bar could only brew regular coffee, but Merle had been nice enough to get instant cappuccino powder for the lawyer. 

_Gotta stroke em’ in the right direction._

Merle groaned at her words; he had almost forgotten about Joe and his brutes. If the Claimers truly had sided with the Woodbury Soldiers, that was bad news. Very bad news. Such an unholy alliance could spell big trouble — even for someone as powerful and influential as Negan. The Saviors had called out for reinforcements, and the Savage Sons had to answer the call. Merle had no choice but to call to _‘church’_ at the end of the week and discuss the matter with his brothers in the club. He would need to send someone down to Negan’s ranch before the end of the month to help the Saviors out, that Merle already knew. The question was just who would be suitable for that kind of task… 

“How is Daryl doing these days?” Andrea asked. “I heard he and Turner split up recently”.

“It’s a shame, that’s what it is,” Merle complained. “She’s a gal with ambitions. I bet it’s just a question of time before she replaces her good ol’ daddy at the Sheriff’s office in Pemberton. Could have been useful to have her around”.

Andrea raised an eyebrow at his confession. “So you’re more concerned about the loss of an eventual source than the wellbeing of your brother? I heard their relationship had been shaky for quite a while, it was probably for the best that they split up”.

Merle gave the lawyer a sour look. Andrea was very well-informed. She usually was, but it bothered him when she seemed to know more about what was going on in Daryl’s life than he did.

“Yeah? Well, why don’t you be a darling, and tell me about what I’ve been missing out,” he endeavored. 

Andrea smirked at him with an almost smug smile on her face.

“Amy ran into him at the Lemon Hill festival,” the lawyer explained as she shifted into a more comfortable position on the chair. “She said Daryl was acting weird, he argued with her friend and told Amy to watch over her better”. 

“Wait a minute, sweetheart,” Merle interrupted. “Daryl did _what_ with _who_?”

“Beth Greene. Grime’s daughter,” Andrea clarified, unaffected by Merle’s sweet talk. “He was upset because she had been drinking a little. It sounded like he was very protective of her”. 

At the mention of Beth’s name, the club president’s face turned red like a beetroot.

“Fuckin’ hell,” Merle muttered as he rested his face in his palms and Andrea gave him a puzzled gaze over the edge of her coffee cup. 

“I guess you’re familiar with her?” the blonde smiled.

“For fuck’s sake! Don’t tell me he’s still messin’ around with that little brat?” Merle demanded as he leaned over the desk to pin his gaze on Andrea.

“Daryl and Beth?” The lawyer sat straight up in the chair and gave him a skeptical gaze. “Is it something going on between them?”.

“Found her with Daryl in the alley behind the bar in May. I told him to stay away, far away from that little jailbait,” Merle explained as he leaned back onto his chair again. “Saw them together again, a few weeks ago. She’s messin’ with him, that’s what she does”. 

Andrea pursed her lips, but she didn’t say anything.

“It’s a fuckin’ nightmare,” Merle protested. “Been tryin’ to keep the King County police out of our business, and when things finally calm down, Daryl goes off and screws Officer Friendly’s kid. It’s just a question of time before they show here, ready to bust _my_ ass for some shit I didn’t do!”.

“Well, if it’s any consolation, Greene is older than she appears to be, so you don’t have to worry about him getting arrested for statutory rape at least,” Andrea concluded in a dry voice.

Merle gave the blonde a tired look. A part of him was relieved to hear that the girl wasn’t underage, but it didn’t do much to ease his worry about the eventual consequences of her interest in his baby brother. 

_What if Daryl got on the wrong foot with the girl?_

Scout had been the daughter of a cop, too, but the sons didn’t have much business up in Pemberton County, and besides that, the pragmatic John Ed Turner was a meek lamb compared to the abrasive Walsh, and Merle had a feeling that Grimes could be troublesome, too, if given a reason. Merle cursed silently for himself as he took another sip of his bitter coffee. It was true as they said; an accident seldom came alone, and now he had three problems to deal with.

_Daryl, Little Miss Jailbait, and Negan's request for help._

"It ain't any consolation at all," Merle snorted. "Him and her? That never end well".

Andrea nodded in agreement. As easily as she could see why Beth might have an interest in Merle's younger brother, she could also see why it would be a bad idea if the girl decided to pursue a relationship with him. Andrea had been in her early twenties when she met Dale Horvath, an RV-salesman, who was thirty years her senior. At first, it had been like a bed of roses; Dale was so much more mature than her previous boyfriends.

_A true gentleman who knew how to treat a woman._

After just three months of dating, Dale left his wife Irma for Andrea, and they got engaged in secret. Andrea had never been happier and she thought Dale was her soulmate. But eventually, Dale's less flattering sides started to show. He wanted to know where she went, who she was with and eventually, he got more and more controlling and jealous. Dale and Andrea's engagement lasted for nine and a half months, and when their relationship ended, Dale immediately went back to his wife again.

"Why don't you send Daryl down to help the Saviors out, then?" Andrea suggested. "Kill two birds with one stone".

"Well, well. Got both beauty and brains, don't ya?". Merle leaned back onto his chair with a smug look on his face. 

Andrea just smirked as she rose from the chair, straightening out her dress suit. "Be careful with your tongue, Dixon, or maybe I'll start to bill you for my advice".

"I'm good with tongue," Merle said as he returned her smirk. "Give me another ten minutes and I'll give ya a personal demonstration".

The lawyer just snorted as she put down her empty cup at Merle's desk. "I'll think I'll pass. Thank you for the coffee, though," the blonde smiled as she walked out of the office.

Merle sighed for himself as he watched Andrea and her nice legs disappear down the stairs. She was a fine woman, that was for sure. He couldn't resist trying his luck with the blonde whenever he got the chance, although she always turned him down. 

He turned his eyes to the big poster of Pamela Anderson in her red Baywatch-swimsuit with frayed edges that were plastered on the wall opposite his desk. The watch on the wall above the poster told him that it was 12:45. Time to pick up the phone and call the boys to 'church' in other words.

* * *

Four hours and eight phone calls later, the full crew of the Savage Sons was seated around an ellipse-shaped table in the small conference room in the basement of Jake's bar. Well, almost at least. Daryl was missing.

Normally, all the sons needed to attend church, but Daryl had gotten an appointment to check his wounded arm at the hospital, and Merle decided there was no point in having him present anyway, as they were going to discuss two issues; Negan’s demands and Daryl’s potential sex life.

Well, sort of, Merle thought with a grin. He sensed that his baby brother wouldn’t approve of that, so, the less Daryl knew, the better. 

When Merle presented the agenda for the meeting, several of the crew members started to turn and twist while whispering in their chairs. They didn’t have church regularly, once a month at best, and the bikers were all anxious to know why their president had gathered them in the conference room instead of the bar. 

“I get that we gotta discuss who's going to aid the Saviors, but how the fuck is that connected to whom your brother screws?” Beta protested. “Doesn’t matter if she ain’t one of Negan’s girls”.

“Yeah,” Axel chimed in, eager to please as usual. “Doesn’t make sense to me”.

“Am I the only one thinkin’ clear here?” Merle howled at his crew while gesturing with his hands. “Haven’t Y'all seen how that little, blonde jailbait is following him around, like some love-struck puppy?”

The chatter among the sons continued and Jesus looked at Merle with a blank face, trying to figure what the heck he was talking about. Big Tiny, who sat beside him, looked equally confused.

“What little jailbait is he talkin’ about?” Tiny whispered to Jesus.

Jesus shook his head. “Got no idea,” he admitted. He hadn’t seen Daryl running around with some blonde kid – it didn’t even seem like a thing Daryl would do either. Jesus shook his head in vain. When Merle got an idea, he was like a freight train without breaks. Impossible to stop. Regardless of how accurate, or inaccurate, the matter might be. 

“No?” Ash, the nervous Vice President of the Savage Sons, asked.

Merle exhaled deeply. “Well, in that case, I got news for ya! She’s Officer Friendly’s fucking kid! Don't ya idiots get what that means for us?”.

The whole crew closed their mouths simultaneously. Rick Grimes was rumored to have a good chance of becoming the new Sheriff in King County, and if he did, they didn’t want to get on his wrong side. That could make the whole club’s business a whole more troublesome.

“It’s just a question of time before her daddy, or his best buddy Walsh arrest him for unlawful sex with a minor, statutory rape, or some other shit like that in retro perspective!” Merle continued as he paced around the table, making sure everybody knew how serious the situation was. “And after that, I’ll promise you, it won’t take long until they’re here with a search warrant for all of the club’s property!”.

“Let me get this straight,” Jesus said, interrupting Merle as he suddenly understood what the _Prez_ had cooked up. “You want to send Daryl down to the Saviors to keep him away from Grime's daughter?”

Merle nodded. “I’ll bet my ass on that,” he exclaimed. “Since ya don’t have any interest in women, I’ll let ya know one thing. They’re like hot soup ― if ya let em’ wait, they grow cold like fuckin’ carbon-dioxide ice. See my point now?” Merle gesticulated wildly as he spoke, and Jesus had to lean back in his chair to not get hit by the president’s wavering arms. Within, Jesus groaned; Merle was clearly all caught up in his fantasies again and Jesus didn’t even bother to tell him how wrong he was; men could be just as impatient and irrational as women could be. 

_If he only knew..._

“Nobody knows how long that shit in the south will go on. But, by the time he’s back, her interest in him will be gone,” Merle went on.

“You sure about that?” Ask asked, seemingly nervous about an eventual visit from Grimes, or worse, Walsh.

“Yeah, for fuck’s sake! She is a damn teenage girl; a half-year is like a damn eternity for them,” Merle growled straight to Ash’s face, and nobody dared to tell the president anything else.

Jesus nodded in silence. Merle had a point, he had to give him that. The last thing the club needed was some extra attention from the police. Besides, Daryl had been acting a bit weird lately, so perhaps leaving town wasn’t such a bad idea after all?

“I’ll go with him,” Jesus offered, and Merle gave him a nod. "Knock yourself out down there, brother".

* * *

Daryl walked through one of the half-empty corridors of the Harrison Memorial Hospital. He hated hospitals, something about them just gave him the creeps. Maybe it was the sterile, institutional environment. Neutral colors, stainless steel, and linoleum floors. The smell of hand sanitizer, blood, and other body fluids. 

Jesus had dropped him off at the hospital early, and Daryl had roughly forty minutes to kill before his scheduled appointment. He drifted around on the entrance floor, looking for a vending machine with Gatorade when someone pulled his cut. Annoyed, Daryl turned around, ready to snap at whoever dared to touch him.

It was Beth Greene.

_Of course._

_How the fuck did she manage to show up everywhere he went?_

Ever since he had taken Beth back home to the Grime’s residence, she seemed to show up everywhere he went. At least, that was how it felt. In reality, he hadn’t seen her since the summer festival. She looks pale, dressed up in those light turquoise scrubs, but her smile is just as warm as ever. Like she had forgotten all about the festival, forgotten about their fight and how their last conversation ended. 

“Hey,” Beth said, looking at him with those bright blue, hauntingly alluring, Bambi eyes.

“So, this is where ya are, when you’re not stalkin’ me, huh?”

Beth’s smile died in an instant. It was an unnecessary comment and Daryl knew it, but he felt like getting back at her for throwing a scene as she did back at the festival.

“Stalking you?” She frowned at the accusation and Beth crossed her arms over her chest as she glared at him. “Don’t get any ideas; I’ve never stalked you!” 

Her outburst almost made him smile; she wasn’t intimidating at all. Even if she sure tried to. In all honesty, Beth didn’t truly look angry either. If anything, she looked frustrated and perhaps a little tense.

“No?” he said, leaning his back against the wall. “How come ya show up everywhere I go, then huh?”.

_It couldn’t be pure coincidence. No way in hell._

_It just couldn’t, not again._

“I don’t!” Beth protested as she gave him another glare and he could tell she started to get embarrassed. “Last time, it was you who showed up from nowhere and poured out my beer. Besides, why would I ever be stalking _you_?”.

“Ya tell me that, girl,” he retorted. It was a stupid thing to say, because, in all honesty, Daryl knew she wasn’t _really_ stalking him, even if she often had shown up where he was quite a few times. Beth didn’t reply, she just kept looking at him, chest slightly heaving with teeth clenched together. “I’m not stalking you, I just… saw you in the parking lot through the window and I noticed the casting… and I just wanted to see if everything was alright with you”.

“I’m fine,” Daryl assured her.

“So.. what happened to your arm?” she asked with a small grimace, eyeing the plaster casting on his arm. 

“Accident,” Daryl shrugged his shoulders. It was a lie, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell her the embarrassing truth. It wasn’t the first time he had punched his fist into something unyielding and hurt it because he was in a rage without a thought. 

_Hopefully, it had healed up just fine._

_It usually did._

She bit her lip unconsciously as she looked up at his face again. “Is it broken?”.

Daryl shook his head. “Just a crack”. He had been lucky this time. Beth took a step further and for a second, he thought she would reach out to hug him, but she didn’t. 

Instead, she wrapped her small hand around Daryl’s wrist in a loose grip. The sudden touch made Daryl stiffen, yet he didn’t pull away. Ss she ran her thumb over his carpal bones he felt a shiver through his entire body like an electric jolt. It wasn’t an unpleasant sensation. It felt... good, and it surprised him because Daryl wasn’t normally much for any physical contact. 

“Daryl…,” Beth began, looking at him with an almost pleading gaze. 

“Beth!” Noah’s head appeared at the door at the end of the corridor. “Uh, can you come and help me? The CRP training doll is acting up again“.

“I’ll be there in a minute,” Beth yelled back at him as she quickly stepped away from Daryl. “Good,” Noah gave her an affirming nod before he disappeared again and Beth turned back to Daryl, looking at him with a strange gaze, filled with something that seemed like a mixture of anticipation and doubt. 

The girl quickly looked around to make sure that they were alone again and then, she pushed him back at the wall. Before Daryl even could react further, Beth had wrapped one hand around his neck while her other hand gripped the hem of his vest. She quickly got on her toes and kissed him, all in one smooth movement.

It was a light kiss, gentle, in a way he’d never been kissed before.

The kiss felt like a reflection of Beth herself, and Daryl found himself leaning into the kiss. Letting himself forget the grey, gritty reality, even if only for a split second. Feeling like the clique; a moth drawn to the fire. Despite he’d told himself a hundred times that they couldn’t even be friends. Yet... there was just that something special about her he couldn’t put his finger on because it was something he never encountered before. A part of him thought that, maybe, the light he’d been searching for, the light at the end of the tunnel, was something he could find in her, learn from her. When he was close to Beth, her meré proximity was like a fiery beacon in the dark.

Still, he couldn’t deny the fact that it was a bad idea. Regardless of what he wanted because at the end of the day, he was just a nobody who hadn’t been able to stay away from the kind of life he once had promised himself to not live. Daryl was more than well-aware that she deserved something far, far better than the life he lived, and someone far better than him. 

_One of those, clean-cut Christians with a regular job, a Norman Rockwell family, and church on Sundays._

Not to mention she was way too young, and as if that wasn’t enough, the last thing he felt like at the moment was letting someone come so close to him again. 

_He just couldn’t._

It was all over within three seconds, and Beth left before he could tell her to go and find herself another man. Daryl just stood there, alone in the empty corridor staring down the way she disappeared down the corridor. 

* * *

After Beth’s practical exercise was over, she went with Amy to the staff-meeting at the unit where the older girl worked. Even though she hadn't finished her education yet, Beth had already been offered employment at Amy's unit, which she happily had accepted.

The staff room was white with light, transparent curtains that covered the windows and decorated with blue, standard-issue sofas, and a large coffee table. There was a huge coffee dispenser, a pyramid of white coffee cups, and a box with dry, cheap biscuits on the table, and Amy happily served her colleges of the bitter brew while the care unit manager wrote down the meeting agenda on a whiteboard easel.

After exchanging pleasantries with her soon-to-be colleagues, Beth slumped down onto the sofa beside Amy. Her head was still reeling from the encounter with Daryl and it felt like her limbs had turned to jelly.

 _“I shouldn’t probably have done that…”_ Beth thought for herself as she took a sip of her coffee.

She hadn’t planned to kiss him. Far from it, when she had approached him in the corridor, Beth had just intended to clear the air between them after their meeting at the festival. Make sure that he was alright after the break-up. But Daryl had been defensive again, Beth had almost thought she was about to get over her silly infatuation with the surly man.

But for one split second, she had felt a powerful urge that she simply _had_ to kiss him. As if the earth was about to swallow Daryl, and she would never, ever see him again.

Still, it wasn't like her, being so forward. Kissing strangers in broad daylights. Beth ran a hand through her thick, blonde waves. Ever since she had met Daryl, it was like she had been thrown into an emotional rollercoaster or a fast spinning carousel.

 _"I should have kissed him on the cheek instead,"_ she sighed for herself. _"That would have been more appropriate"._

The meeting started and the manager talked about how the security at the hospital would get improved the next year. They would get another guard to help out with the occasionally violent patients at the ER and they would also hire one more guard to patrol the hospital from late noon to morning.

"Are you listening, Greene?" Amy whispered as the boss turned away her gaze from the staff. "You look like you got your head in the clouds again".

"Barely," Beth offered her friend a thin smile. "It's been an... odd day".

* * *

Back home, Daryl threw himself on the couch. 

After his appointment at the hospital, he had met up with Jesus who had told him all about Merle's plan. About the Savior's call for assistance and their upcoming trip to "Neganland", Alexandria. Daryl was surprised to hear that Jesus had volunteered to join him. The other man was just as enigmatic as usual, and he didn't reveal the reason behind the decision. Maybe he was just needed a break from Merle's crazy ideas and paranoia?

They would leave within two weeks, as soon as Daryl's casting was removed.

It felt like he was already missing Beth and he hadn’t even left town yet. He gnawed on his nails while thinking just how _fast_ this thing had spun out of his control. It was like a violent tornado that tore Daryl’s whole life into pieces, turning everything, he knew into an unrecognizable mess. 

_Those fuckin’ feelings._

He didn’t mind being sent to Neganland, if only to get away from Beth and the raging war of emotions and contradicting thoughts she seemed to work up within him. Being so emotionally affected; it was nothing like him at all, and for a brief moment Daryl wondered if he was going insane. If he was losing it like that one time when he and Merle did PCP in the ’90s and Daryl saw the Chupacabra on the inside of his eyelids.

A part of him suddenly felt an urge to get fucked up again, forgetting everything about Beth Greene. Forget her warm smile, her voice, and the sensation of her fingers at the back of his neck.

“Fuck no,” Daryl told himself. “I ain’t goin’ down that road again”. 

It was enough to see what the drugs had done to Merle in the past and Daryl had promised himself to stay away from drugs. Although he had slipped a handful of times in the past when life felt like nothing but piss and shit. He was just human, after all.

His cell phone vibrated in the pocket and Daryl picked it up to find a short message from Carol, asking him to stop by her place next time he was in town. Daryl sighed as he replied to her message; leaving King County behind meant that he would need to say goodbye to Carol, too. 

_Again._

That wasn’t something he looked forward to, at all; Carol was the closest thing to a pillar he had, and Daryl had been relieved when she moved back to King County. It had been good to have her close again, knowing that both she and Sophia were alright. They had never really been his responsibility, yet, he cared deeply for both of them. Carol would understand why he had to leave, Daryl told himself. 

_She understood, she always had._

* * *

“Come on, just one more!” Carol chuckled as she wrote another get well-greeting on Daryl’s plastic casting with a red marker and it felt like he was back in elementary school with a broken arm and his friends fought about the crayons and about who was going to draw something first. 

Carol held the cigarette firm between her lips as she wrote down the last greeting; 

_‘Get well, Pookie’._

They stood in her kitchen, under the fan, smoking together. Like they were in their twenties again; in the past, Carol had used to hide her bad habit of smoking from Ed. The only thing they lacked was the air freshener spray that smelled like synthetic peaches and dissolving agents.

Nowadays, it mostly seemed like she wanted to keep her children from seeing it. “It’s important to be a good role model,” Carol said with another chuckle. “Wouldn’t want Sophia or Henry to start smoking”. Daryl just nodded as a silent agreement. It was what good parents did and Carol was a good mother. Daryl’s parents never cared about such things, he started smoking when he was twelve-thirteen, and nobody cared at all. 

“I heard about you and… Anna, was it right?” Carol said in a soft tone, referring to their recent split. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Daryl said with a nod, avoiding her gaze. He hadn’t thought about it. If he was alright or not. The initial, sharp pain, the feeling of betrayal had faded away, so in one way, Daryl supposed he was alright. Psychical pain was something he could handle with ease, but psychic pain was a whole different thing. He preferred the psychical, the real, pain any day of the week. He could see Carol look at him from the corner of his eye. Examining him with brows drawn together. Like she could sense the turmoil he felt. 

“What happened?” 

Daryl shrugged and took another drag of his cigarette. “The inevitable,” he simply replied. He liked Scout and he cared for her a lot, but in the back of his mind, he had always known that their definitive break-up was just a question of _when_. Not if. He didn’t feel heartbroken, just a tad wearier than he did before. 

They stood silent under the fan for a couple of minutes before Carol broke the silence again.

“When do you leave?” she asked. 

“Soon, just need to get rid of the plastering,” Daryl replied as he looked at the white and blue casting. His arm had started to itch terribly from being plastered up. 

“But you’ll come back, right?” Carol said, suddenly looking worried.

“Yeah” Daryl nodded. “Just gonna help em’ out with a couple of things down south”.

“You seem tense,” Carol remarked, eyeing him with that worried gaze again. “Is there anything else going on?”

“Everything has just been a fuckin’ mess lately,” he admitted. “Just need to get away for a while”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♚ My partner has been watching ‘Messiah’ on Netflix lately, and I was so surprised to see Kinney starring in it! She’s playing a desperate mother with a cancer-suffering child, and I thought her character felt like what Beth could have turned into if ZA never happened and if she got together with a ''regular'' guy.


	16. Neganland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✎This chapter was terribly hard to write and edit, it took much, much longer than I initially expected. It was supposed to be a short chapter and yet it ended up at 13 pages. I'm posting this 03:00 local time, so if there are any fatal errors considering spelling/grammar/the common thread, I blame the late hour and Microsoft Word/Grammarly.
> 
> ☞ Parts of this chapter might be a little... morally ambiguous for Daryl. I was momentarily considering to scratch them out because it felt almost inappropriate. But, at the end of the day, I decided to keep the original draft.

**Late October 2003, Neganland  
**

After a nine-hour long ride, Jesus and Daryl arrived in Neganland. ‘Neganland’ wasn’t an actual place, it was just a nickname for the territory that belonged to the Saviors, named after their charismatic president. 

The Saviors was, unlike the Savage Sons, a large club with over a hundred active members and it was respected far beyond the borders of Georgia. Their clubhouse was enormous compared to Jake’s Bar; it had once been a business park that the saviors had rebuilt into a full-blown albeit small community. Negan was a skillful president, and under his command, the club had been able to expand like never before, both when it came to the amount of full-patched members and territory. 

“It’s insane, this place,” Jesus commented as they walked over the courtyard to the old factory which the Saviors used as a clubhouse. Daryl nodded as his eyes swept over the surroundings; there were gardens with raised beds for vegetables, greenhouses, chicken pens, and remains of what once seemed to have been neatly arranged rows with cannabis plants. 

_The kitchen garden of an outlaw._

“It looks like a community built by preppers waitin’ for the Judgement Day,” he scoffed. “Guess Negan and his crew can survive here even if the whole world goes to hell”.

“Probably,” Jesus replied. “He has expanded this place sevenfold since I last visited”.

Negan himself stood at the factory’s entrance, waiting for the two sons. He was clad in his usual sleek, black leather jacket, red scarf. He wore a smile on his face and held his bat casually slung over his shoulder. “Was about fuckin’ time that you boys got your asses down here, we got plenty of shit to do!” he declared with a big grin.

“Wouldn’t have expected anythin’ else,” Daryl replied and Negan’s grin widened. “Keep up that attitude, Little D,” he said as he gave the shorter man an approving nod.

Despite that Daryl hadn't met the Saviors president in person before, he had a pretty clear idea of what kind of work Negan had in store for them, judging from the man's illustrious past. When Negan took over the President patch in the middle ’80s, the first thing he did was to rip up the former President’s truce with the Woodbury Soldiers MC. Sharing wasn’t Negan's melody and his final offer to the Governor had been simple:

_Submit, or prepare to be fucked._

Philip “The Governor” Blake had refused, of course. A man with a messiah-complex like him didn’t submit to anyone and it didn’t take long until a war emerged between the clubs. After that, a few years followed with burned-down joints, kidnappings, shootings, raped old ladies, raped and girlfriends, and a few members even had to pay with their own lives. It didn’t stop until the Governor and some of his closest men were prisoned for the murdering of Negan’s wife Lucille.

Filled with rage, Negan had tried to whack the Governor while he was imprisoned, but after a failed murder-attempt, the Woodbury president was moved to a high-security prison ward which made him almost impossible to reach.

The Governor had spent his time in prison plotting his revenge against the Saviors and all who stood by them. The Woodbury Soldiers MC Club had continued to exist after their leader had been imprisoned, although, under Negan’s (and his vice president Simon’s) all-seeing eyes they kept a very low profile. Caesar Martinez, the vice president, was put in charge while the Governor’s lawyers had worked day and night to appeal his case. 

After years of legal struggle between the lawyers and the state, rumors told that Blake might soon be a free man again.

The rumors had startled his old supporters, and many felt the need to prove their loyalty to the Governor before he got out, in hope of escaping retaliation against themselves, or even worse; their families… and what way could be better than to prove your loyalty to Woodbury and its imprisoned president than trying to inflict as much damage to the Saviors as possible?

Negan saw the potential danger in the situation and he had decided to keep Martinez and his men on a tight leash. Meanwhile, he also increased the surveillance on the Savior's properties and kept an extra eye on new members and prospects. As extra security, Negan also decided to request aid from his supporter clubs after the fire in the two warehouses.

* * *

**Christmas 2003, King County**

In December, the King County Police held a gathering for friends and family, and this year, Rick Grimes was the center of attention at the party. His hard work had paid off and the crowd of colleagues that surrounded him was more than generous with their praise.

_“You would be a hell of a sheriff, Grimes! If you’d run for it, you’d have my vote!”_

Lori stood at his side, smiling like a pageant while she exchanged pleasantries with Rick’s colleges and their spouses. The other wives told her what a fantastic husband she had, winked at her with the words ‘you know what they say, behind every great man stands a woman’, and Lori felt better than she had in months. The attention, the acknowledgment, just felt so good, so right.

_Lori Grimes. Sheriff Rick Grimes' wife._

The title certainly rolled easily off the tongue. But would it be worth it? If Rick really decided to run for Sheriff, he would continue to work at a relentless pace.

The possibility gnawed at the back of her mind as Lori made her to one of the tables. Her feet ached after spending almost an entire hour mingling around in a pair of plum-colored pumps and she desperately needed to sit down for a bit.

“They grow up so quickly, don’t they?” Lambert, one of Rick’s fellow officers said when Lori showed him the recently taken picture of Carl and Beth she carried in her wallet. “I met the other day when I patrolled in town and I was surprised to hear that she had graduated and started working at the Harrison Memorial Hospital”. 

“Indeed, I almost wish I could stop time,” Lori agreed as she swept down another glass of eggnog. All parents dreamt of seeing their children grow up and turn into stable, well-mannered adults, but it just went too fast. It felt almost mind-boggling that Carl, her baby boy, would turn fifteen next year and graduate from Junior’s High School.

Lori and Lambert talked for another couple of minutes until he excused himself to go and find this wife.

As soon as Lambert had left, Shane Walsh appeared out of the crowd, clad in black suit and tie. He looked beyond gorgeous; his suit fitted him like a glove, enchanted his broad shoulders and powerful figure and Lori almost had to fan herself with the napkin to keep herself from flushing.

“Hey, why are you hiding here in the corner?” Shane asked as he pulled out a chair for himself.

Lori gave him one of her sweetest smiles as he sat down beside her. “Oh, I’m just resting a little bit, my hands are sore from all handshakes,” she joked.

“Yeah?” Shane returned her smile. “Rick only seems to get more popular for each year that passes,” he chuckled. “Wish I could say the same about myself”.

Lori smiled politely at his joke. “Don’t you enjoy being an officer anymore?”. 

“Nah, it’s not that. I just wanted to take things a little slower. I really like working as a gun instructor. You know it’s important to teach kids gun safety at an early age”.

Lori exhaled slightly. “And you know how I feel about that,” she said. In her opinion; kids and guns didn’t belong together. It was just too dangerous. Shane gave her a slight grin, well-aware of her standpoint. They had always gotten along, him and Lori, but politics was a thing they never seemed to agree on.

“Things are better at home now?” Shane asked in an attempt to change the subject, and he didn’t need to say more for Lori to understand what he was talking about.

“Thankfully, yes,” she said. The last she had heard about the man was that Rick had told her he had spoken to Daryl at the Summer Festival in Lemon Hill, and her husband had assured her that she had no reason to worry. Beth hadn’t mentioned Daryl either, despite that Lori had carefully tried to inquire the girl on the subject. 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Shane replied with a smug smile playing on his lips. 

“Is he gone?” Lori asked in a low, whispering voice as if she feared that if she spoke Daryl’s name out loud, the dirty redneck would magically re-appear out of nowhere and snatch her precious daughter away.

“He won't be back for a while at least. Got a friend there who’s working for the DEA,” Shane said as he leaned back onto the chair and stretched out his long legs. Spoke to him last month, they have been keeping’ an eye on the Saviors gang. According to him, Dixon is running with them now”.

Lori raised an eyebrow. “The Saviors?”

“A big 1% MC club,” Shane explained. “They deal with drugs and shit like that. Rumors say they have been having some issues lately with another gang. The Savage Sons probably sent him down to help them out”.

“I hope he stays there then,” Lori muttered as she emptied her mug of eggnog.

“Can always hope, can’t we?” Shane chuckled.

Lori smiled back at him, thankful for his insight. “I hope you’re right,” she replied.

“You know, I’m… really thankful for your… support,” she admitted, trying to keep her voice even. “Rick hasn’t… been very understanding,” Lori carefully added. 

Shane nodded; he knew his friend inside out. Rick wasn’t naive, but he had a strong instinct to always try to see the good in people, rather than the bad. He was far more trusting than Shane ever had been. 

“I’m just glad I could help. You guys are like family to me,” Shane replied in a low, deep voice that made Lori’s heart ache within her chest. Despite that he was well-known for his reputation when it came to women, she couldn’t help but feel that perhaps he acted that way only because Shane hadn’t met the _right_ woman yet. He was so protective, so good with children... and Carl adored Shane, he always had.

_He would have been a good husband, I'm certain of that, and a good father, too..._

She almost made herself blush with such thoughts. Sitting and fantasizing about how Shane would be as a husband when her own husband was just a few meters away.

“What are you thinking of?” Shane smiled at her. “You look so… secretive”. He looked at her with a warm gaze in his brown eyes that bordered on being flirtatious. 

“Just some silly things,” Lori replied, avoiding his gaze. 

It was pointless to deny that there had always been some chemistry between her and Shane. At times, when she was lonely and bored, she had toyed with the idea of being with Shane. Just like she had toyed with the idea of getting a divorce from Rick from time to time when life felt too grey and dull. But fantasies were fantasies, and reality a completely different thing. As a married mother in her middle thirties, Lori knew better than to toss away everything she had for a silly fantasy. No, leaving her husband for his hunky best friend was something only a wild, immoral woman in a trashy romance novel would do.

“I should go find Rick,” Lori excused herself as she rose from the table. “It was nice to meet you again, Shane,” she said, bidding him farewell with a polite smile.

* * *

**January 2004, Neganland**

Work hard, party hard. That’s how life was at Neganland. Pump iron in between to stay in shape. Rinse and repeat. As he relapsed back into the lifestyle he once had promised to never return to, Daryl felt he became more and more like Merle for each day that went by.

Blake’s release date had finally been confirmed and as a result of that, Martinez felt the pressure on his shoulders increase hour by hour. And Negan? Well, he prepared for a full-scale war. 

Daryl and Jesus were tasked with guarding one of the Savior’s weapon compounds out in the middle of nowhere together with a newly patched-in savior. The remote location made the savior slightly nervous, while Daryl felt like a fish in the water. It was nice being surrounded by woods and wildlife again. They took turns keeping guard, and when Daryl was free, he roamed the deep deciduous woods, hunted with his crossbow, went fishing.

It was all whiskey and sunshine until two Woodbury Soldiers showed up in an armored vehicle after three weeks. They were armed for bear, like the Governor's men usually was, with shotguns, handguns, and machetes. They even had a fucking flamethrower, and it was obvious that they planned to set the compound on fire, just like they had done with the warehouses.

Fortunately, Jesus was alert as usual and he showed an example of excellent marksmanship as he managed to hit one of the front tires of the soldier's vehicle. After that, a gunfight erupted, and the young savior got shot in the leg during the fire exchange, but Jesus and Daryl still managed to subjugate the heavily armed intruders. Once the Woodbury-men were tied up, they took them back to Neganland where the Savior’s president awaited with the punishment and Negan turned out to be just as unhinged as he was rumored to be. 

_Like a violent madman on crack cocaine and Prozac._

He had his own code, his own set of rules, and as long as those were followed, everything was alright. But if you overstepped, and the Savior’s president was in the mood for blood, you might get struck with his precious, _Lucille_. 

Negan gave the two Woodbury soldiers a memorable, brutal beating in front of his whole crew. Afterward, they send the badly wounded soldiers back to Woodbury as a personal, bloody greeting to Martinez, to remind him of who he was up against. 

Once the message was sent, Negan announced that they would celebrate with an open bar as a reward for their successful "catch", which meant drinks for all the brothers. The savior's bar was incorporated at the old factory building which served as the clubhouse in the Sanctuary. It was far bigger and much more tastefully decorated compared to Jake's bar. The old brick walls and the high ceiling with the industrial lights gave an impressing look, and the bar was decorated with black, sleek furniture that reminded Daryl of a rock bar he had been to in Cleburne long ago. They sat down at one of the tables in the back and a tall waitress clad in black took their orders with a smile.

“That was… beyond fucked up,” Daryl confessed to Jesus. Sure, he knew how effective brute force could be when you wanted to send a message - but clubbing people half-way to death with a barbed bat to make a statement seemed like something that belonged in a _Mad Max_ -movie than in reality.

“Yeah,” Jesus agreed as he lit up a cigarette. “Negan isn’t known for being notorious without reason”.

"No shit," Daryl concluded.

Their drinks arrived and while Jesus took it easy with the alcohol, as he always did, Daryl decided he just wanted to get shitface drunk. The other man gave him a slightly worried look, but thankfully, he didn't say anything.

"You're hittin' it hard tonight, Little D," Simon commented as he walked up to the table where Jesus and Daryl were placed at. "Still feeling blue over the Sheriff's daughter?".

Daryl looked up at the Savior's VP and snorted. "Nah. I ain't that kind of pussy".

Merle always said; Let bygones be bygones. It was probably the most solid advice Daryl ever had gotten from his older brother. When it came to Scout, he had followed it exemplary and he hadn't even spared the redhead from Pemberton a single thought since he left King County behind.

Simon just laughed as he patted Daryl's shoulder. "That's the right spirit".

They kept on drinking, celebrating with the Saviors, their hangarounds, prospects, and groupies.

“My friends call me May,” the blonde smiled as she slumped down between Jesus and Daryl. I remember you,” she continued with a nod to Jesus. “You’re Alex’s friend! Paul "Jesus" Rovia, right?”

Jesus gave the woman a slight grin at the mentioning of his ex-boyfriend. "Yes, although that was long ago now".

"Yeah, I know," May acknowledged. "I ran into him at Hilltop not so long ago, at the rehab y'know," she said as she cracked open a new bottle of beer. "I was there, visiting a friend and he stood in the reception. I was so surprised to see that he had started working there... I always thought his goal was to become a paramedic".

Jesus nodded. "Well, Alex always had a soft spot for the unfortunate ones".

May giggled and raised her beer can. "Indeed. Let's cheer for Alex, a true savior".

They cheered, and the woman managed to wring out some anecdotes from the normally well-guarded Jesus until he excused himself to go and take a piss. As soon as he rose from the table, the blonde turned her attention to Daryl and shoot him a sultry look. “... and what about you, handsome?” she asked. "How come I haven't seen you around here before?".

Daryl chuckled lightly. He was tempted to tell her that the whole "hello, handsome" was a fucking tired, old pickup-line, and that he wasn't interested. But he didn't feel like the dick alcohol usually turned him into so Daryl settled with "Trust me, you don't wanna know me".

"Oh, yeah?" May replied as she eyed him from the waist and up with an amused gaze in her eyes. "And why is that?" she challenged him.

"I'm an asshole," he confessed without further ado. "You wouldn't like me".

She grinned back at him, eyes sparkling with curiosity. "I don't believe that, you're Daryl Dixon, Merle's brother," May said as she leaned over the table. "I bet you can be real sweet".

* * *

**February 2004, Neganland**

May was not too hard on the eyes. She was fun, liked to party and she was what Beth would look like in maybe ten, fifteen years. If Daryl didn’t know better, he could have sworn that the woman was Beth’s older sister. She had the same long, blonde hair, similar blue eyes. Almost the same kind of smile. 

_Almost._

The good thing about her was that Daryl didn’t have to feel guilty about screwing her because May was in her late twenties and despite her youthful appearance, she couldn’t be taken for a high school girl.

_Not even on a good day._

The bad thing was that he could sleep with May in the evening and still think of Beth in the morning despite the hefty amounts of alcohol he drank. Daryl hadn’t even _seen_ the girl for months and she was miles away, yet he seemed to be unable to forget about her. Despite that, he held onto the thought that the two of them together was impossible; Daryl was an adult, and Beth… well, she was _barely_ an adult. He knew that she was above the age of consent, but sadly, it didn’t do much to soothe his bad conscience. The feelings of guilt and shame wreaked havoc on Daryl to the point that he’d wished he never met Beth Greene at all.

With that in mind, Daryl knew he should probably stay in Neganland as long as he could, even if he felt increasingly sick of the place for each day that passed. Well, maybe he didn't need to stay as long as he could, because that might be the death of him, but at least stay until Beth had forgotten all about him.

_Still…_

Another part of him just wanted to capitulate and submit to the feelings. He wanted to pin Beth down into his mattress. Forget that she wasn’t even eighteen yet, forget the world, like there was nothing else left to see, bury himself inside her. 

_Fuck her._

When he closed his eyes, Daryl could see it all in front of him. He could imagine how it would feel; her petite form trembling against his own, her fingers wrapped around his neck and her red lips parted, breathing out his name. That, and how wet and ready for him she would be. 

_Yeah._ _Tight as fuck_. 

Just thinking about it made him equally hard and - filled with anxiety. The possibility that she still might be a virgin made him uneasy as hell. Not a single one of the women he had been with in the past had ever been a virgin. 

_What did you even do with virgins?_

Daryl was almost clueless. The missionary position in a room filled with living candles and gentle moonlight, like in those damn romance novels women always read? He grimaced at the thought; he wasn’t a ‘missionary man’ and moonlight and candles wasn’t really his cup of tea either. It was just all too much and way too sentimental for him.

He had been drunk when he lost his own virginity ages ago. 

“ _Must have been in… 1987,”_ Daryl mused for himself. His memory of the experience was somewhat blurry, and it wasn’t pretty either; one of Merle’s lady friends had ridden him on a beaten-up sofa at some after-party when he was sixteen or seventeen. Just thinking of it gave Daryl a slight headache. The girl had been slim with long, bleached hair. Painted nails and a miniskirt in synthetic leather. He couldn’t even remember her name, but it was probably something like Cherry, Candy, Gem, or Trixie. All of Merle’s female friends seemed to have that kind of nickname.

Jane Doe had been a couple of years older than him, around twenty, twenty-two perhaps. 

Afterward, they shared a joint and talked some. She’d told him she worked as a waitress at a dive bar outside town. But she had ambitions, she wanted to become an actress. Go to Hollywood and shit like that. 

_Someday, I’ll get out of here. I’ll be like Marilyn Monroe, Y’know._

It was their first and last time together. Almost ten years later, Daryl and Merle were out in Cleburne when Merle caught sight of her in a back alley. Despite that they had been friends, Merle didn’t remember her name either, which Daryl thought was just fuckin sad. Jane Doe herself was a sad sight. Bad teeth, grey skin complexion, skinny like a stick. She looked worn-out. It was like she had aged twenty years since he last saw her. 

“That’s what ya get for burnin’ the candle on both ends,” Merle commented with a snort, seemingly not bothered by his friend’s decay while Daryl couldn’t but feel sad.

_All those dreams she had. Straight down in the drain._

That was the last time Daryl ever saw her. 

_Saw her alive, that was._

Three months later, he saw her picture on one of those home-printed missing-people-posters relatives and friends put up all over town when someone disappeared. 

Jane Doe was lost, went out one night to have a drink in town, and never came back. Eight months later, the police found her in a shallow grave, deep in the forest. Since she had been a heroin addict and a prostitute, the police didn’t worry too much about finding the murder. 

The case grew cold, but rumors said she had fallen victim to one from the Claimers.

* * *

**May 2004, Senoia**

Beth laid in her bed, listening to Patti LaBelle singing ballads on her Discman while the spring rain poured down on the outside. She hadn’t seen Daryl since the autumn. Seven whole months. Beth had seen the Savage Sons crew out on the road a couple of times, but Daryl was never with them anymore. When she spotted their bikes in town, she always took a closer look at them in hope of spotting his Honda Nighthawk. But it was like the ground had swallowed both him and his bike,

Beth had visited the apartment complex where Daryl lived around Christmas in search of him, but nobody answered the door when she knocked. She had peeped through the letter slot and the apartment seemed to have been empty for a while. It was clean, no laundry bags at the door, no glasses on the table, no packages of cigarettes, or any bottles of _Mountain Dew,_ or _Gatorade_. Just a few letters, a bunch of flimsy advertisement leaflets, and a local newspaper laid on the floor in a small pile.

When Beth was about to leave, one of Daryl’s neighbors, a man named Aaron had shown up and asked if he could help her with anything. She had asked if he knew where Daryl was, but Aaron was just as clueless as Beth. However, he said that Daryl hadn’t moved away for good, and a prospect from the club showed up at least every month to collect his mail. 

With the new information in hand, Beth ventured to Jake’s bar in Barksdale. It was a place she had hoped that she wouldn’t be visiting again but there wasn’t much else to choose between if she wanted to find Daryl. 

Twenty minutes later, Beth arrived at Jake’s. The bar was almost empty; just some prospects and a scantily clad female bartender in her mid-forties hanging around. They had looked at each other with puzzled, uncertain gazes when Beth explained that she was looking for Daryl Dixon. Neither of them seemed to be willing to tell her anything useful, but Beth was certain that they knew, and she sat down at one of the empty chairs, waiting. 

The barmaid eventually took pity on Beth after a couple of minutes of awkward silence, and she silently slipped Beth a white napkin with the address to the older Dixon brother’s apartment. 

* * *

According to the barmaid’s note, Daryl’s brother lived in an apartment on the outskirts of town under an alias.

The run-down complex Merle Dixon lived in was a concrete building with flagged, orange paint on the walls on the inside. As she walked up the grey stairs to the second floor, Beth couldn't help but notice how dirty the windows were and that there were big scratches with small chunks of wood missing from what probably had been a crowbar on more than one of the doors she walked past. She felt a chill down her spine, being around this kind of environment wasn't something a farm girl like her was used to, but Beth steeled herself and continued walking until she reached the end of the corridor.

_Finally._

The sign on the worn, dark brown door in front of her read _‘Cleetus B. Beaver’._ Beth grinned slightly at the silly assumed name. Cleetus Beaver, it sounded like the name of a cartoon character. If Daryl's brother had a sense of humor, maybe he wasn't such a terrible person after all? Christianity was all about forgiveness, so maybe she could give Merle a second chance at proving himself, just maybe... 

Wiping the grin off her face, Beth collected what remained of her courage and knocked on the door.

After the third knock, Beth heard a rustle from inside the apartment, and in the next moment, the door opened up with a squeak and Merle Dixon appeared in the door opening, looking like a wreck. Black marks under his eyes, washed-out sweat pants. As if that wasn't enough, the strong smell of cigarettes and alcohol on his breath was impossible to miss and Beth couldn't help but wrinkle her nose at the stench.

“I don’t wanna buy any cookies today, still got a pile of em’ left since Thanksgivin’. Why don’t ya come around in three months, or so?” Merle yawned as he wiped the sleep out of his eyes.

“I’m not a girl scout,” Beth said dryly, fighting an urge to roll her eyes at him. It was past three in the afternoon and yet it seemed like Daryl's brother just had stood up and he hadn’t even been bothered to get properly dressed.

“No?” Merle asked as he looked at her with a puzzled gaze. ”What’cha want then?”

“Don’t you remember me at all?” she pushed. Her words seemed to do the trick and when Merle looked up at her again, he was fully awake. 

“What the hell do ya want?” he snapped at Beth as soon as he realized who she was. 

“Where is Daryl?” Beth demanded, feeling equally as annoyed with Merle as he apparently was with her.

“What do ya want with him?” Merle spat back at her. “Tryin’ to frame him for somethin’?”.

Beth shook her head. Frame him? Talk about paranoia...

“I just want to see him again, _”_ Beth replied, ignoring Merle’s ridiculous accusations. “I just miss him, that’s all,” she clarified, and the man looked at her with a baffled gaze for what felt like an eternity before letting out a deep sigh. 

“Girl, ya gotta listen to me. He ain’t your boyfriend, ya gotta let go of him. You’re just a _kid_ and Daryl is old enough to be your goddamn _daddy,”_ Merle finally said, looking at her with the eyes of a devastated parent.

“I don’t care, I _need_ to know!” Beth yelled at him, sounding far more desperate than she had intended. Merle just kept on looking at her with something confused but yet sad, in his gaze. Beth glared at him like she could force him into telling her the truth, but Merle just shook his head at her angry gaze.

“Ya gotta let it go, girl, ya hear me?” he repeated in a softer voice, looking her straight into the eyes. “Let it go. It will never end well, believe me, I know him”. He was trying to tell her to stay away, in a nice way, Beth realized. 

For someone as blunt as Merle was told to be, this was probably the closest he ever could come to sugar-coating things. His words still stung, and Beth wasn’t sure why because she had never been truly close to Daryl. 

_He ain’t your boyfriend._

They were just acquaintances who barely knew each, right? Despite that, it didn’t change the fact that he was gone, and Beth wanted him to come back. 

_Regardless of how their relationship was labeled._

But Daryl’s brother had a different opinion and she could sense that he wasn’t about to yield. On the other hand, Beth was positive that her confidence was yielding as she felt bitter tears emerge from the corners of her eyes.

* * *

_What the fuck did just happen?_

Merle felt like someone had punched him right in the stomach when he saw the girl disappeared in the corridor, slamming the door behind her as she ran down the stairs. She seemed like a good kid, he had to admit that. Honest and kind. Definitely not the kind of girl he had expected to be crying over his brother. Merle sighed; he almost felt like giving Daryl a call and remind him what a fucking, useless asshole he was.

_Fuck you, Darylina, I told ya to stay the fuck away from little girls like that!_

Merle snorted for himself. How many times hadn’t Daryl (and Carol) blamed Merle for trying to fuck up his little brother’s life? 

_Yeah, I got some news for ya, Carol; Daryl does that perfectly on his own!_

_Goddamnit._

The big question remained, however; how on earth had his socially-awkward brother, who had absolutely _zero skills_ when it came to playing women, managed to get the kid so badly infatuated with him?

“Was that Daryl’s new girlfriend? She sounded pretty upset,” Venice said, frowning as she looked out of the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of the fleeing girl.

“Not even close,” Merle corrected her. “She’s just trouble, that girl. The kind of trouble Daryl should stay far, far away from”. 

“You’re gonna let him know?” she asked with curious eyes. “She sounded like a nice girl”.

Normally, Merle would have scolded her for prying, but he was still a bit stirred up after the strange and unexpected encounter. Beth’s reaction was something that he never would have been able to foresee. Not even in his wildest dreams could he have guessed that she cared enough about Daryl to actually seek out his infamous brother and demand to know his baby brother’s location. Still, sweet as it was, it didn’t matter that she wasn’t trying to pull some wicked honey trap on Daryl. Some things aren’t just meant to be, and the girl needed to wake up from whatever rose-colored dream she was living in. 

_It’s just a fantasy, sweetheart; that’s all there ever was._

“Hell no,” Merle replied without a second thought. “The less he knows, the better. And ya won’t tell him a goddamn thing either!” Merle said as he gave Venice a stern gaze to let her know that he was serious. He needed to nip this one in the bud before it grew out of proportion ― if it hadn’t already. If Daryl found how upset the heart-broken jailbait was, he might be inclined to come back. 

Venice looked at him with a pleading face. “Why?” 

Merle gave her a tired, unbelieving look. Jesus Christ, the day when even women like _her_ believed in true love and big romances... 

Venice was a forty-six-year-old, well-seasoned woman. A former Rodeo Queen from Fort Worth, Texas. She lived in Atlanta with her husband, an agricultural equipment salesman who constantly was away on long business trips and they had two adult children in their early twenties. Venice and Merle had met at an MC Show outside Atlanta in 1999 and they had been seeing each other whenever her husband was out on the road since then.

“That ain’t none of your business,” Merle said. “Go back to bed where you belong”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✿ I got the idea of letting Daryl hook up with a Beth-look-alike as a way to get over Beth from M_K_Dockery's fanfic 'The sound of silence" here on AO3, and I decided to include it in this story because it's a theme that I think has been way too little explored in bethyl fics (although when authors dare to explore it, they tend to get a lot of hate, so I can see why many stay clear of it). 
> 
> ☞For those of you who absolutely hated it; there is no need to comment. I'm already aware of how you feel and I can assure you we won't delve much deeper into the theme than this, anyway. We don't have *time* for that in this story as we're on the train heading for the bethyl reunion.
> 
> ✎The next chapter, 'Bright Blue Ripples' will be up within less than four weeks. But! I'm eager to finish this story and I can promise you that I'm going to work hard to finish the next chapter quick, so hopefully, I can post it before the next weekend ♥


	17. Bright blue ripples

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ★ Happy Friday! My apologies for the delay! 
> 
> ✎I was considering skipping this whole chapter and move directly to the next one, but I saw that some sections in the upcoming chapters wouldn't make sense if I did. So, I decided to keep it, even though it isn't the most exciting chapter in this story... I'm not quite satisfied with how it turned out either, to be honest, despite that I worked on it for hours. But I think this chapter is readable, at least, and I hope you guys still enjoy it.

The months went by without any trace of Daryl Dixon and Beth didn’t have the energy, or the guts, to press Merle Dixon further about his brother’s whereabouts. She didn’t know anyone else she could ask for help, so Beth bottled up her feelings and tried to see things from the bright side instead. Like the fact that Lori didn’t seem to be worried about her anymore and that the tension in the Grimes family had gone back to normal again. Lori and Rick didn’t argue as much with each other as they used to. 

_At least not about her._

When the summer came, Rick decided to take the whole family on a vacation trip to Florida along with Carol King and her family. Beth was a little surprised about his decision; they usually went for a staycation, visited relatives, or went camping with Shane during the summer vacation.

_But not this year._

Beth suspected that her foster parents' unusual choice of vacation destination was because Rick had started to feel that Lori and Shane were starting to get a little too friendly with each other. Rick had been absent much and Shane had helped out Lori with repairing the porch, pruning the trees in the garden, and tiling the bathroom on the upper floor. They often went shopping together, just the two of them, and somewhere between all the reparations and shopping trips, Rick had probably felt the need to show that he was the man in the house, so to speak.

Despite their arguments had ceased a little, Beth still overheard Lori and Rick's hushed quarrels from time to time through the walls when they thought their kids were asleep. They mostly argued over things Rick did or didn’t do, about how much cash was reasonable to spend on repairs, and Lori was still repeatedly upset because she thought Rick spent too much time at work, or that he spent too little time with Carl. The last time they argued had been a little different, and Beth learned that Rick had caught Lori sending Shane messages on her brand-new cellphone that could be interpreted as flirty.

She hadn’t meant to eavesdrop on her foster-parents, but the walls were very thin. Neither did it help that Lori often raised her voice when she got upset like she thought Rick would understand better, the louder she spoke. With that experience fresh in mind, Beth had her hopes up that a vacation far away from Senoia and King County would be just what Rick and Lori needed to get things back on track again.

**July 2004, Florida**

In July, the Grimes and the King family stayed at a family resort in the sunny state of Florida that was owned by one of Carol’s old friends. It was a typical resort with all commodities included. The rooms were large and decorated in an old-fashioned way. Teakwood and dusty pink curtains. The resort buildings almost reminded Beth of the resort in _Dirty Dancing_ , except that it was nowhere as fancy nor as big as the one in the movie, and there were certainly no hot dancing-teachers with lean, muscular bodies around there either. 

_A vintage vacation paradise with a stuffed coyote in the lobby._

Beth spent most of her vacation laying by the swimming pool, watching the clouds pass by through her new heart-shaped, red sunglasses. The sunglasses were an early birthday gift from Maggie and Glenn, who thought they would suit her for some odd reason. "P _robably Glenn’s idea"_ , Beth thought for herself. She couldn’t imagine Maggie would pick out something so silly looking. Beth herself wasn’t crazy for the model, but she had lost her old ones, and these were better than nothing. 

While Beth rested in her sun chair under a big umbrella with yellow and white stripes, Carl and Henry were playing in the pool. They laughed and romped while tossing a huge inflatable ball between them, making ripples in the bright-blue, chlorinated water. Despite that the boys made a lot of noise; their laughter was somehow comforting, and it made her mood a little brighter. She exhaled deeply, closed her eyes behind the sunglasses, and let her thoughts drift off to the sound of the boys and the splashing water.

It’s been almost nine months since she saw Daryl and despite that she had told herself it was pointless to spend more time pining after him, Beth couldn’t stop thinking of him. Perhaps it was the unknown reason behind Daryl’s disappearance that still annoyed her, making it so hard to let it go.

_Maybe she had scared him away when she kissed him?_

After all, Daryl _had_ told her to stay away from him several times. Beth sighed for herself. Maybe it was just her who had been seeing things that weren’t there? She felt an unwelcome knot appear in her stomach at the thought. 

She had bought a collection of worn-out pocketbooks to read. Some books were her own; old books Beth had bought with her when she moved from the Greene Farm, others were leftovers from Lori’s book-circle, which included almost all of Jane Austen’s books.

After a week, Beth had already finished Austen’s _Persuasion_ and the undying classics _Pride and Prejudice,_ and _Sense and Sensibility._ They were good books, although when Beth had read through them all, she felt she couldn't handle reading another page about love, romance and heartbreak without going insane. 

There wasn’t really much else to do at the resort for a girl in her age; the resort was aimed at spry retired couples, and families with elementary - to middle-school kids. Despite that, Carl was overjoyed that Rick and Lori had decided to go on vacation together with the King family because it meant he could hang out with Sophia and Henry every day. Beth, on the other hand, started to feel like she was vacationing on Rikers Island.

While the kids relaxed at the pool, Lori and Rick tried out one of the tennis courts. Neither of them had played for years, but they eventually got the hang of it.

“Beth seems sad,” Rick mentioned as he turned his gaze to the pool area. The teenager had been down for a while and he had thought their out-of-state-vacation would make her happier. She had visited an animal sanctuary with Ezekiel, Carl, Sophia, and Henry, but other than that, she had spent most of her time lying by the pool in her silver swimsuit, reading novels while drinking diet cola and fresh-pressed orange juice.

Rick had asked her several times if everything was alright and Beth had replied with her regular friendly smile. She told him, over and over again, that everything was just fine. But as soon as he turned his back on her, Rick got a bad feeling that the smile might just be a facade. Beth was the kind of person who didn’t want anyone to worry about her, and he had a lingering feeling that Beth would rather suffer in silence than bother her parents.

Lori shrugged as she arranged the dinnerware on the table. "She's still a teenager. It's normal for them to have up and downs".

Rick nodded in silence as he carefully sliced up a pineapple. It was almost a little unfair to blame Beth's problem on her age. She was turning nineteen in just a few weeks “Or... Maybe she misses Daryl,” he carefully suggested, turning his gaze to his wife, who looked back at him with an angry glare.

Lori sighed loudly. “Rick,” she said in a stern tone. “If anything, we should be thankful that he is gone. I don’t know if anything happened between the two of them, or not. But; it’s over now and it’s for the best,” Lori continued without taking her eyes off her husband’s face. Rick nodded again, he knew his wife was probably right. Still, he couldn’t help but feel sad for the girl. She had gone through so many hardships in her short life, and if it made her happy, who were they to tell her that she couldn’t? 

_Who are we to decide how she should live her life?_

Besides, men and women could actually be friends with each other without involving sex in the equation. Maybe Beth had just seen Daryl as an older brother, or something like that, Rick thought.

“But what if they were just friends, Lori?” he retaliated with newfound arguments. “It seems kinda cruel to me, keeping Beth from being friends with whomever she wants, just because _you’re afraid_ that it _might_ develop into something else?”. Lori looked back at him with another angry glare, but Rick could tell that she was surprised to hear him talk back to her. Usually, he was the one to yield before they even had gotten into an argument.

_Diplomacy had always been one of his strongest abilities._

“I’m not keeping her from making friends; I just don’t want her to be friends with _him_! Even _if_ we ruled out the age difference, they’re like night and day and I can easily tell they don’t have a thing in common!” she said in a high-pitched voice while raising a warning finger. “He would probably just take advantage of how naïve she is and try to coax her into sleeping with him”.

“You can’t possibly know that…,” Rick objected but his wife interrupted before he could finish his sentence.

“Don’t play stupid, Rick!” Lori snapped at him. “I’ve seen how they looked at each other and that’s not the way friends look at each other!”. 

* * *

“Mom,” Sophia whispered in protest to Carol as her mother dragged her into a large, leafy arbor that was located in the garden next to the tennis court.

“Shh,” Carol silenced her daughter with a hand over her mouth. "Quiet".

She peered out from vines to watch how Lori and Rick kept arguing with upset voices over Beth, and the nature of her relationship with Daryl. Romantic, or platonic, and where to put the boundaries now when the girl was a legal adult.

"Are we spying on Mr. and Mrs. Grimes?" Sophia asked her mother.

“No, sweetie, we aren’t. I just didn’t want to interrupt them,” she explained as they rose from their hiding place.

Sophia and Carol had taken a stroll to the store to buy popsicles. On their way back, she had picked up the high-pitched voice of Lori and realized that the Grimes couple must have been arguing again. As it would have been embarrassing to step right into their heated argument, and since Carol overheard Lori saying Daryl’s name, she quickly made the decision to hide behind the arbor and eavesdrop on the arguing couple. Carol knew Rick and Lori had some troubles in their marriage for quite a while, it wasn’t a secret, but she was almost shocked to hear that her long-time friend was the cause of one of their rifts.

_Daryl… and Beth?_

Carol frowned at the thought and she recalled the discussion back at her garden party last summer. Daryl denied having any interest in Beth at all, and Rick had implied that it was just Lori’s imagination. Carol knew Daryl wasn’t a liar, but still, she couldn't help but wonder if there was any truth in Lori's observations. 

_In her experience, a mother's instinct was seldom wrong._

“Let’s go back to our place,” Carol said as she took Sophia’s hand. 

* * *

“All they do there is to play tennis, golf, or play cards,” Beth complained to her sister over the phone. “It’s only been a week and I have already read through all the novels I had with me and there is nothing else to do around here, except watching TV and swimming”.

“Play some songs on your guitar then? It always used to cheer you up in the past,” Maggie suggested.

Beth sighed. The thought of bringing her guitar hadn’t even occurred to Beth; she hadn’t played any instrument since her parents died, neither had she written any songs in ages. “I just don’t feel like it anymore,” she admitted, sounding far too somber than she had intended.

“Aren’t there any cute boys over there you can hang out with?” Maggie asked in a half-serious attempt to try to cheer her younger sister up. 

“No, it’s just elderly couples here. That, and a few families with young children,” Beth explained. The resort was undeniably calm, on the verge of being sleepy.

“Well, I have some good news at least,” Maggie comforted her. “Glenn and I have finally decided we’re moving back to the U.S next year, we’ll be home in time for your birthday in August. We’re gonna stay with Glenn's parents in Michigan in May, but... in June we’ll be moving back to the farm! You can come with us as well; wouldn’t that be great?” the older sister beamed.

Despite that Maggie’s plans weren't really a surprise to Beth, it felt odd to finally have an actual date when her sister would be back. But moving back to the farm? Beth had never really thought of the opportunity until Maggie mentioned it. The house had been emptied since Maggie moved to South Korea with Glenn, the livestock and animals were sold and the land had been leased out. Neither of the sisters had visited their family home for years but their old neighbors, Otis and Patricia, had been looking after it ever since the death of Hershel and Anette.

“I spoke to Patricia last week," Maggie continued. “She said the house is just as when we left it”.

“That’s great to hear,” Beth replied. She was happy to hear that their parental home still was in good condition, but the thought of moving home again stirred up mixed feelings. In one way, she feared that returning to the farm would stir up all the sorrow she still felt when thinking about her parents. On the other hand, she had many, many happy memories from the Greene Farm and it would be nice to be out in the countryside again. Not that Beth had anything against the city or suburban, but she was a country girl at heart.

“You don’t have to give me an answer right now,” Maggie said as if she had sensed Beth’s hesitation. “Just think about it, alright?”

"Mm, I will".

“You’ve been awfully moody the last couple of months, and yet you keep sayin’ everything is fine, Bethy,” the older sister pointed out. “I feel like you’re not telling me the truth, so I’m askin’ again, is there something I should know about?”

Beth swallowed. In a way, she wanted to confess more than anything. On the other hand, Maggie was Maggie. If Beth told her the full story, her overprotecting-sister wouldn’t understand. She took a deep breath before speaking out.

“I kinda met someone,” Beth admitted. She wasn’t sure what to say or how to explain her relationship with Daryl. It wasn’t like he was her boyfriend, it wasn’t like there was this big, blossoming romance between them, but they weren’t just really friends either, right? They were something else. Something that she wouldn’t get the opportunity to explore further, not now when Daryl was gone.

“What? When?!” Maggie sounded like accidentally had accidentally swallowed her toothpaste. “Why haven’t you told me anything?” she whined, and Beth sighed, suddenly feeling regretful that she mentioned it at all.

“It was nothing and now he’s gone, so it doesn’t matter anyway,” she replied, hating how she sounded like a sulking child.

“What happened?”.

“I went to see his brother and he refused to tell me anything, he just said I should forget him”.

“That doesn’t sound good to me, at all, Beth. You should probably stay away from him ― it sounds like he’s trouble, you hear me?” Her sister started to sound concerned for real and Beth regretted telling Maggie anything at all. It was so hard to explain.

“Look, I already told you, it was nothing. I'm already over it,” Beth persuaded her sister.

“You sound far too upset for something that was nothing,” Maggie pointed out and Beth felt how her heart sank.

_“Too upset for something that was nothing?”._

“No, she wasn't,” Beth told herself. 

Well, maybe she wasn't over him _quite_ yet, but she was certainly making progress. They don't say 'time heal all wounds' for nothing, right?

"I'm not upset," Beth stated with a determined, steady voice. "You're overreacting, and I don't want to talk about this anymore".

Maggie let out a frustrated groan at the other end of the line, but Beth kept her ground and her older sister eventually dropped the subject. They spoke for another ten minutes perhaps before saying goodbye to each other.

* * *

In the evening, Sophia joined Carl and Henry in front of the TV in the living room, Carol and Ezekiel opened up a bottle of wine to drink while they enjoyed the sunset on the balcony. The sunset in Florida was spectacular with vivid shades of blue, pink, and orange.

“I caught Lori and Rick arguing,” Carol confessed to her husband and Ezekiel looked at her with an ambivalent expression on his face. “They seem to fight… quite a lot, I’ve noticed,” he said in a low voice.

Carol nodded in agreement. “They seem to think there is… or, there was something between Beth and… my friend Daryl,” she said, and Ezekiel gave her a puzzled gaze.

“Daryl?" he frowned. "I was of the impression that he already had a lady friend...?”.

“They broke up last fall,” Carol explained, and Ezekiel just nodded, acknowledging the info in silence.

She had been a little sad to hear the relationship between Anna and Daryl didn't last. Anna seemed to be a nice person, a woman with thick skin. Although Carol had just met her once, she thought the redhead seemed a good match for her friend.

_Well, good enough, at least._

Carol took another sip of her wine.

Still, she hadn't been surprised that it didn't last between Daryl and the sheriff's daughter.

_Happiness didn't come easy for people like herself and Daryl._

When they met at the AA-meeting, all those years ago, Carol had felt like Daryl Dixon was her kindred spirit, in a strange, unfortunate way. She had her abusive, alcohol-addicted boyfriend and he had his brother with ADD and a past with an abusive father.

Their relationship existed somewhere in the borderlands between friendship and romantic love, although Carol had sensed already from the start that their relationship never would blossom into a true romance, at least not then. She thought maybe Daryl had grown from an angry teenager into a more stable adult during the time she had been gone and maybe, they could make their relationship progress into an actual romantic relationship someday.

_But God had other plans in store for Carol Peletier._

She hadn’t been looking for a new relationship when she met Ezekiel. They started out as friends but as time went by, Carol realized what a wonderful man he was. Strong, stable, caring, and honest. He hadn’t been the kind of man she was initially looking for, but he was the kind of man she needed. It was a relief, Carol had to admit to herself, not to worry about angry outbursts, abuse, alcohol, and harsh words anymore.

As her relationship with Ezekiel progressed, Carol saw her love for Daryl morph back into some sort of platonic love again. Although she still thought about him and missed him, Daryl Dixon became a memory from the past. Carol didn't deny that she felt a spark of attraction jolt through her body when he appeared on her doorstep in June last year. He looked so good with his messy hair, piercing blue eyes, and his usual leather attire, but it quickly faded to be replaced with the joy of seeing an old friend again.

"Has he talked about Beth with you?" Ezekiel asked after a couple of minutes in silence.

“No. Daryl hasn’t told me anything,” Carol explained. “But he isn’t much for talking either,” she said as she took a sip from her glass. 

“I don’t like to pry in other people’s business,” Ezekiel admitted as he stirred the wine in the glass. “But your friends seem to need some help to clear things out… maybe you should talk to him?” he carefully suggested.

Carol sighed for herself. She wanted Daryl to be happy and find someone who could make him feel like her husband made her feel. Like when Ezekiel looked at her with his kind, beautiful brown eyes, telling her how much he loved her and what a strong, amazing woman she was. 

She gave Ezekiel a slight grimace. “I don’t know,” Carol said as she let her gaze trail over the horizon. The mere idea of talking to Daryl about this kind of thing was unquestionably out of her comfort zone. At least when she had nothing to come with but pure rumors, and the thought of Daryl and Beth together… felt slightly disturbing. After all, the girl was just six years older than her own daughter.

"I think I'll let it pass, for now," Carol finally concluded. "Daryl has been away for over a year, and as you said, it's not really my business".

* * *

**_November 2004, King County_ **

It had been more than a year since Beth last had seen Daryl Dixon and as Christmas started to draw closer, she had lost all hope of seeing him again. Despite what Carol and Aaron had said. Beth thought that perhaps the club just had kept his apartment as a safe house and lied about it to the neighbors. Or maybe, he would come back to King County, but to her, Daryl Dixon was gone with the wind.

Beth had started to work at the ER, as planned. It a lot to do and the constant stream of arriving patients made the time fly by at a fast pace. The busy work environment kept her from getting too caught up in her own thoughts which she was thankful for. Her new colleagues assumed that her somewhat dull mood pivoted on the fact that Beth didn’t have a suitor and it didn’t take long until they decided Beth needed help in finding a boyfriend.

Beth was introduced to Max Kazansky by one of the nurses at the ER, Mia, who was a friend to his older sister. Max was a blonde boy with blue eyes and in a way, he reminded Beth about Jimmy. Max was nineteen, just a few months older than Beth, well-behaved, and polite. He came from a Christian family. His father was in the military and his mother was a cantor. He went to a local college, had good grades, played for the football team, and dreamed of a career in the army, just like his dad. 

_If Lori knew that Beth was dating him, she would have thought he was a perfect match for Beth._

_On the paper at least._

Max spoke a lot about his dad. He told Beth that his father had been an army pilot in his younger years, stationed in San Diego, California. The whole family had lived in a two-room condo near the base during the early '90s. It had been the best time of his life, Max said, and it was obvious that he longed for a similar future himself.

Beth listened to his stories with lukewarm interest. In her ears, Max sounded like a romanticized army enlisting commercial and she had no intentions to end up as an army wife, but despite that, she tried to not put him in the friend-zone right away. You had to give people a chance, that was what Hershel used to say. But after weeks of dating, it seemed like the blonde from the sunny state had figured her out. 

“You’re into someone else, aren’t you?” Max abruptly said, causing Beth to almost spill out her lemon-flavored-slush.

“Excuse me?” Beth raised her eyebrows.

“You heard me,” Max said, looking her straight into the eyes. Beth pursed her mouth. This wasn’t anything she had been expecting. Besides, she thought it was a bit rude of Max to throw such accusations at her. They were just dating.

“Don’t play stupid, Beth,” he breathed out. “We’ve been going out for almost two months and you’re just… acting so cold towards me. I thought maybe you were just shy in the start, but…”.

_Cold? How could he say something like that, what was he expecting?_

“But what…?” Beth heard herself ask, despite that she already knew what was coming. She leaned over the table, looking back at him. He just sighed, suddenly looking very frustrated. “You’re not interested in me… for real, are you?” Max said as he looked straight into her eyes.

Beth swallowed hard and forced herself to look back at him with an equally steady gaze. 

“No,” she curtly said as she rose from the table. "I'm sorry I wasted your time," Beth said before she walked out of the diner.

When she came home, Beth found herself standing in front of the hall-way mirror, staring at her own reflection. It looked like she had aged a decade just over the past months. Her appearance wasn't the only thing that had changed. It felt almost like her whole persona had changed, too. What she had told Max was unkind, almost rude.

“This isn’t like me at all,” Beth mumbled as she tore herself away from the mirror. To her surprise, a firm hand on her shoulder stopped her from walking up the stairs.

“Hey, is everything alright?”

Beth turned around to meet Rick’s blue eyes looking at her with concern. "How did the date go?"

“We’re not going out anymore," Beth admitted with a slight shrug. "We just didn’t hit off I guess”.

Rick nodded as he removed his hand from Beth’s shoulder. “Okay. I’m here if you want to talk, alright?”.

God works in mysterious ways, some people said. Hershel would probably have agreed to that and he would have told Beth that ‘the lord has a plan for each one of us’, and all she had to do was to remain strong in her faith. What surprised Beth most was the feelings remained and at times, it felt like she was going insane.

_It wasn’t fair._

Feeling like this, whatever it was, it was something beyond a ‘school girl crush’ and it kept on tormenting Beth. She just wanted to find Daryl and _… figure things out_ with him, once for all so that she could go on with her life.

_With, or without him._

She recalled the feeling of déjà vu when they meet in the woods outside Zach’s apartment complex. It had been such a strong feeling, like if they really had been there before, together and it felt so real that Beth refused to believe it was just something that her mind had conjured up. 

Her diary wasn’t a diary anymore. Over the last year, it had turned into a vast collection of small confessions. When she flipped through it, all she saw were thoughts about… 

_Guilt. Remorse. Shame._

Beth put back her diary into the drawer without writing anything in it.

* * *

**_December 2004, Neganland_ **

In the end, the tension between Negan and the Governor never got the time to turn into a full-scale war.

The Governor owned a remotely located safe house down by the river in the woods, just a few miles outside Woodbury. One sunny day in October, Blake had bought his girlfriend and her six-year-old daughter with him to stay over the weekend at the safe house. During their stay, Blake's girlfriend went on a shopping trip to the nearby town and while she was away, Blake and the little girl went down to the river.

What happened after that depends on who you ask, but according to Negan's sources, Blake had gotten a phone call and during that call, he lost focus on the kid. While Blake was occupied, the girl had climbed out on an old, broken bridge and slipped into the water. The river was very rapid, and she was quickly dragged down under the surface and within seconds, she had disappeared in the currents.

The governor quickly called in his soldiers to help search for the girl. But they couldn't find her, and eventually, they were forced to call the police.

They eventually found the body of the girl downstream and the girl's mother was grief-struck. She decided to press charges against her boyfriend and Blake was accused of negligent homicide. Being suspected of such a serious crime while being out on parole was a ticket straight back to jail again, and the Governor wasn't having any of that. Within twenty-four hours, Blake had disappeared. Rumors said he'd fled to Argentina, or perhaps Mexico, and Martinez was once again put in charge of the Woodbury Club.

In other words, everything was just peachy again in Neganland, which meant that Jesus and Daryl were once again free to return to back to the Savage Son's territory. At church, Negan announced that they were welcome to stay as well if they wanted to.

"I'm thinkin' about stayin' here," Daryl said, knocking off the ash of his cigarette. They sat outside the Savior's clubhouse at one of the wooden benches, smoking in the weak December sun.

"Here?" Jesus frowned. "At the sanctuary?"

Daryl nodded. "Yeah".

Jesus thought for a while before he commented. If Daryl stayed, Jesus was almost sure his friend would delve deeper into the destructive spiral he seemed to have fallen down into. It wasn't just May that was a warning sign in his eyes, it was the alcohol, too and the brooding.

At first, Jesus had thought Daryl was acting as he did because of his failed relationship with Scout. Jesus himself had never had much luck when it came to love. He had dated a dozen men over the last decade, but it hadn't worked out with any of them. He had asked his friend if he still had feelings for Scout, but Daryl had just snarled at him that he didn't want to hear her name ever again.

"Don't tell me you're going to stay here for May's sake".

"We ain't even together," Daryl snorted. "Haven't seen her for weeks and I doubt she would miss me for long".

"Fair enough", Jesus mused. May was not just easy on the eyes, she was an easy girl, too and he had been slightly perplexed when his friend hooked up with her. She seemed more like the kind of woman Merle was usually drawn to. Still, Jesus wasn't a judgmental person and he put no value in other people's choice of, or the amount of, bedmates. 

"What is it, then? Is it because you're still avoiding the other girl, the little blonde who came to Jake's bar last year?" Jesus probed.

Jesus spoke to Aaron from time to time, and the other man had told him about the girl that had visited Daryl's empty apartment, and how sad she had seemed. It didn't take Jesus long to put two and two together and he realized she was the girl Merle had warned the club for. According to Aaron, she seemed to be far from the scheming little drama queen their president had described her as, and when Jesus thought back to the day when he found the young woman standing outside Jake's bar. She had been a little shy, but nice and polite.

"You mean Beth," Daryl said as he ran his hands through his hair.

"Let me tell you one thing," Jesus said as he cleared his throat. "You need to talk to that girl, break it off if you want to, but ― she deserves to hear the truth at least. From you. Anything else is just plain cowardness".

"I'm no fuckin' coward," Daryl barked at his friend.

Jesus gave him a piercing gaze in return, letting his friend know that he wasn't imitated by his outburst and if Daryl was stupid enough to throw a punch at him, it was nothing he couldn't handle. "Then stop acting like one," he said in a calm voice. "Go back".

"That girl is better off without me," Daryl finally said. "But you're right, should talk to her at least. She doesn't deserve to be left in the dark".

"Good," Jesus agreed as he rose to his feet. "Let's get ourselves ready and bid Negan our farewells".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♥ In the next chapter, Daryl will finally (although not completely) get his shit together and return to King County and try to sort out things with Beth.  
> ★ **Also, the archive warnings for violence & non-con/rape will apply for the next chapter, so consider yourself as warned! **I can assure you that this story **will** have a happy ending for Beth & Daryl, but we're not _quite there yet_. 
> 
> ✎ I don't want to spoil the plot, but if you feel that the recent chapters have been too depressing this far, I can say as much as that our unfortunate couple will be out of the dark by chapter 20. So if you want to play it safe, you might want to wait to read chapter 18-19 until 20 is up.
> 
> ✎The next chapter, 'Apocalypse Without Zombies' will most likely be up before the end of January 2021.


	18. Apocalypse without zombies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❀ Happy Friday, dear readers! Big thanks to you all who have taken the time to leave kudos! 
> 
> ⚠ **A friendly reminder: as I said before, the archive warnings for rape apply to this chapter, so this is your last warning to leave if you are triggered by such content!!**
> 
> ✎This chapter was hard to write, and I hope I've been able to handle the subject in an acceptable way. As usual, I apologize for any odd wording, errors, and grammar mistakes that might have sneaked into the text despite Word's spellcheck and Grammarly.

**January 2005, Barksdale, King County**

After spending fifteen months in Neganland, Daryl Dixon returned to Barksdale, King County again. It felt odd to be back again, everything looked just the same as it had before he left. Like time hadn't passed by at all. The only thing that revealed his absence was the spider nets in the corners, the pile of mail on the floor, and a thin layer of dust on the coffee table. The glass on one of the windows was broken, and the damage was temporarily mended with cardboard and duct tape.

Daryl turned on the TV, and he was just about to sit down on the couch when Merle called him and suggested that they should meet up at Jake's bar to celebrate his return. But he didn’t feel like hanging out with his brother at all at the moment and he turned down Merle's request without a second thought. 

There was nothing worth watching on the TV and Daryl started unpacking the modest set of belongings he had bought with him to Neganland. His club cut, the old vest with the wings... it had become worn-out over the years and the once-white wings had turned grey by weather exposure and dirt.

When he had finished unpacking, the doorbell suddenly rang. It was his neighbor, Aaron, and his red-haired boyfriend, Eric Raleigh.

"What'cha want?" Daryl grunted. Whatever they had in mind, he wasn't up for it. The long ride from Neganland to Barksdale had been anything but pleasant since the weather had been bad and the traffic was still hectic after the holidays.

"A little gratitude perhaps?" Aaron asked. "I stopped a burglar who tried to break into your apartment last week. Called the landlord, too. Sadly, he hasn't been keen on repairing the window properly yet".

Daryl nodded. It explained the cardboard covering the window. "I saw that. Hope your handyman services ain't expensive," he joked, and Aaron's lip curved into a smile.

"Buy us some beer," Eric suggested with a slight grin. "It's Friday".

They went to a hipster bar just around the corner that served organic beer from local microbreweries and played _Massive Attack'_ on an outdated sound system in the background. It was definitely not the type of place Daryl would go to if he decided to go out for a drink, and he wasn't keen on going out either, not after the constant drinking he had resorted to during his time with the Saviors.

But, the two other men always managed to persuade him, mainly because Daryl always found it so hard to say no to his kind neighbor. Aaron was a saint, a modern-day good Samaritan, always kind and like Jesus, the man was one of the least judgmental persons he ever had met. Unlike Merle, it wasn't an effort to hang out with Aaron and Eric. They never picked fights like Merle and many of the other sons did, so when Daryl was out with them, he could actually have a drink without an impending risk of getting a shiner and ending up at the emergency room, or a backstreet veterinarian with an expelled license, in the worst case.

"You were gone for quite a while. One of the prospects that came around for the mail said you went down to Neganland," Aaron pointed out as soon as they were seated in one of the booths. "What on earth did you do down there?"

"Drink, drive around, fuck people up, the usual stuff," Daryl shrugged.

Eric shot him a puzzled look over the table. "Sounds like an interesting place. Is that why you're suddenly have resorted to non-alcoholic beer?" the redhead pointed out with a nod to the beer bottle.

"Yeah," Daryl couldn't help but grin at Eric's comment. "It feels like I'm one drink away from developing fatal liver cirrhosis". Neganland had saturated his thirst for alcohol for the foreseeable future. The mind-numbing effect it gave was pleasant, but in the end, it just wasn't worth it; getting drunk to the boot, only to wake up in the morning with partial blackout, regretting the shit you'd remember, and feeling like a dick.

Aaron just shook his head at Daryl's morbid joke. "Well, in that case, I'm glad Jesus convinced you to come back".

"Yeah, likewise," he admitted. "So how have things been here, is your bike still holdin' up?" Daryl asked, eager to talk about something else than himself.

"It runs like a dream," Aaron said with a smile. "It's just too bad I rarely got time for it. Being a politician takes a lot of time and effort, and that in addition with our work for the Peace Corps, we barely have any spare time".

Daryl nodded. He wasn't much into politics, never been that either. His old man and Merle always used to complain about what twats the democrats were and how they were ruining the country, even though neither of them had been bothered to even register to vote. Aaron kept talked about the work he and Eric did for the Peace Corps and some other NGO Eric had recently gotten involved in that fought for the rights of the LGBT-community. Daryl tried to focus on the subject, but his thought kept drifting back to his time at Neganland.

“Are you alright, Daryl?" carefully Aaron suddenly asked, abruptly changing the subject. "You, you kinda seem... off?”

Truth to tell, he felt nothing but emptiness within at the moment. During the past months, he had been drinking more than he should. A _lot_ more than he should. Slept with Beth’s doppelganger. After Neganland, Daryl self-hatred reached a whole new level, and now when he was back home again, it felt like his conscience experienced the mother of all hangovers. Even though he had been sober for at least three weeks.

“Yeah, 's all good,” Daryl replied. It wasn't, but he refused to sit and whine about his issues like some sensitive little pussy. Besides that, Aaron and Eric had enough on their shoulders already as it was.

“I was almost worried that you wouldn’t come back,” Aaron admitted. “When you said you were going to be out of the county for _a while_ I thought we were talking about a few months, not a whole year”.

“Yeah, I know,” Daryl admitted. “Didn’t expect to be gone so long either, but it was for the best”.

“Best for who?" Eric raised an eyebrow. "Come on’, we missed you, and we weren't the only ones who did”. The redhead gave his boyfriend an exhorting gaze.

“There was a girl here, last year, looking for you. You know that, right?” Aaron explained. “She seemed pretty sad”.

Daryl swallowed the last of his beer with a grimace. Fuck, he had almost forgotten about that. Everything would have been so much easier if his plan worked; if Beth had forgotten about him. Which she hadn’t, apparently ― despite he’d been gone for almost a whole fucking year. It was so messed up. All of it. They barely knew each other. Aaron and Eric looked at him with anticipation, clearly expecting him to say something clarifying and Daryl exhaled deeply. “She’s… just a girl I know”.

“You spoke to her?”

“Not yet. But I'm gonna talk to her,” Daryl vowed. He had already promised himself to find Beth and talk to her.

Even if he didn't have a fucking clue _what_ he was he going to tell her. _An apology would a good choice_ , that was what Carol would say ― if he had asked her for advice. Yeah, maybe he could start there, Daryl mused for himself. The girl deserved an apology that he disappeared for so long without an explanation, or at least a chance to say good-bye.

Beth's day started out as any normal day; she crawled out of bed, slipped into her blue shrubs, and took the bus to the Harrison Memorial Hospital to work the morning shift at the Emergency Room. At the ER, there was always a consistent flood of patients with ailments that ranged from everything to broken bones to intoxications and diffuse chest pains. Similar to the cardiac care ward, Beth's tasks at the ER was to take care of the patients and aid the nurses, while the physician determined what treatment the patients would receive. 

In the afternoon, Beth was disinfecting an examination table she when caught sight of a familiar face in the flow of patients on the other side of the plastic privacy curtain. Brown hair, blue eyes, and a pleasant smile. It Daryl's neighbor, Aaron, if she remembered the name correctly.

_What is he doing here?_

She quickly wiped clean the last part of the table and tossed the used paper towel in the trash can before she headed out of the examination room to see where Daryl's neighbor went. She spotted him in another one of the examination rooms, accompanying another red-haired man who held a bloody cloth to his temple.

"What happened to him?" Beth asked one of the nurses who was in charge of the triage.

"Mr. Raleigh was attacked in the early afternoon in Barksdale," the nurse replied with a worn look on her face. "Dr. Subramanian is going to examine him in a minute".

"Good," Beth nodded, relieved that the couple already had gotten help. The clock was fifteen minutes past three which meant her shift was ending within fifteen minutes. Noah would soon show up for the afternoon briefing and Beth needed to fetch her note pad, clean up her desk, and put on the coffee in the staff room.

She spun around and started to make her way back to the nurse's office, as she did, Beth cast a glance through the glass of one of the doors that separated the ER from the waiting room. As she did, Beth caught the sight of another familiar figure she thought she had seen for the last time.

_Those steel blue, piercing eyes, messy, dirty blonde hair. The rugged leather cut._

_It's him._

_Like a ghost from the past._

Beth froze on the spot and it felt like a million thoughts rushed through her mind at the same time. One part of her wanted nothing more than to throw her arms around his neck while the other part wanted to yell at him and tell him what a jerk he was. Throw something at him. Make a scene.

_Something._

_Anything._

As their eyes met, Beth felt a surge of panic rush through her body and she clenched her fingers hard around the bottle of disinfectant she was carrying.

_God, it is really... him._

A soft hand suddenly gripped her shoulder and broke the trance Daryl Dixon's sudden appearance had trapped her in.

“Greene, there you are! Can you get some new vacutainers from the storage before you go?” Mia Parker, one of the nurses, asked her in a tired voice. “Please? We’re all out of the green ones”.

Beth nodded and forced herself to look away from Daryl. “Sure".

She looked at the clock on the wall; 10 minutes left of her shift. Changed plants: She would run down to the vacutainers for Mia, quickly report to Noah who was going to take over the shift after her, and then she would hurry back to the waiting to see if Daryl was still there, waiting for his friends.

With determined steps, Beth quickly walked out of the ER and took the corridor which led down to the stairs from which you could access the basement storage. When she passed the Security Guards office on her way down the corridor, she saw that door to the office was open and someone was sitting on an office chair in the door opening with a cup of coffee resting on the knee.

Beth sighed within when she saw that the guard on duty was Gorman. Most of the guards were all right, helpful and polite, but Gorman... Well, there was something creepy about him that Beth couldn't put her finger on. It was just that he... tried too hard, he was too nice, too caring and he easily got offended and lost his calm. In other words, she didn’t have any time or, patience with the security guard and his odd behavior today. She increased her speed, hoping that he wouldn’t notice her if she was in a rush.

“Not so fast ― aren’t you even going to stop to say ‘hello’ to me today?” Gorman asked, looking at her with a disappointed look in his eyes as she passed him by.

“I need to bring some vacutainers to the ER before my shift ends,” Beth said as she walked past the security guard without even looking in his direction. She managed to keep her exterior calm but, on the inside, her heart was racing while her brain tried to process all possible scenarios Daryl’s return could bring.

_Had he sought her out to apologize?_

She needed to get back fast and find out. Talk to him and… figure out what was between them. If there was something. If there wasn’t, she would finally have the reason she needed to forget him and go on with her life.

“I can help you,” Gorman quickly offered as he rose from the chair and followed Beth down the hallway. 

“Thank you, but I’m fine,” Beth said without turning around. His behavior made her slightly annoyed, a package of vacutainers didn’t weigh much and there was a ladder in the storage she could use to reach the highest shelves. 

_Everybody knew that._

“There is no need for you to be in such a hurry,” the security guard complained as he hurried after Beth.

“My boyfriend is back in town, he’s waiting for me,” Beth lied, hoping to get rid of him. God, why did he have to be so persistent? She didn’t even have the energy, or the patience to stay nice to the persistent security guard today. Gorman was a man in his late thirties, clean-cut, water combed hair styled in an old-fashioned way, and a total creep. Beth had decided that early on.

“You don’t have a boyfriend,” he protested, giving Beth an angry glare which she completely ignored. “For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve never mentioned a boyfriend”.

“First things first,” Beth said as she stopped outside the door to the storage, facing the man. She had lost her patience and Beth decided it was time to tell him off. “You don’t _know_ me ― we’re colleagues, nothing more! We’re not even friends, Gorman!” she almost yelled at him, looking straight into his small, angry, eyes. 

“I helped you out several times,” he warned Beth. "I've always been good to you".

Beth just shook her head in disbelief. "Here we go again," she muttered. _What on earth was he talking about?_ Helping out with enraged kinds or patients or helping out transporting patients… it was all a part of the security guard’s duties. "It’s your job to help us out, not some kind of _personal favor_ ,” she replied in a stern tone before turning her attention back to the storage door.

"You got a lot of nerve, I'd give you that," the security guard said as he took a few steps backward.

“I will try to remember that. Now, if you excuse me, I actually got a job to do," she replied dryly as she picked up her keycard and unlocked the door to the storage.

* * *

It felt fucking weird to see Beth again. _Un-fucking-believable_ , as Negan would have said.

When she caught sight of him, her eyes dilated, and her face turned pale. For a moment, he thought Beth would drop the plastic container she was carrying and rush over to him, yell at him, or maybe kiss him. But she didn’t, she just stared at him. Like a deer caught in the headlights of a truck. And then Mia Park _,_ out of all fucking nurses in Georgia, came and asked Beth to go and get something.

The two women apparently knew each other, and that meant the self-righteous Mia had probably already told Beth all about what an asshole he was. Daryl groaned within at the thought of all inappropriate things the former flight-nurse possibly could have told the girl.

“Hey, Daryl!” a voice called out behind his back and he turned around to see that Eric and Aaron were back again. Eric had gotten a bandage over his head and he seemed to be alright again. Barksdale wasn't a place that was known to be very tolerant, and it wasn't the first time they had been jumped by a couple of narrow-minded assholes, just for being gay.

“We’re ready to head back, are you coming with us?” Aaron asked. "We're going to take it easy the rest of the evening, maybe watch _Gone in Sixty-Seconds_ ".

“Uh, yeah..,” Daryl’s gaze flickered over to the ER _,_ searching for Mia. _Where the fuck did she go?_ “ Just goin' to do a thing quick, I’ll meet ya outside, all right?”. 

The two younger men nodded in unison. "Alright".

While Eric and Aaron went to the cafeteria to get some refreshment, Daryl went looking for the brown-haired nurse. He found her at the reception desk, struggling with the Xerox machine. "God damn paper jam..." the woman muttered as she forcefully reloaded the paper tray.

"Mia," he greeted her with a nod. "Got a minute?"

The nurse rose from the Xerox machine with a gloomy look on her face. As Daryl already had suspected, she wasn't happy to see him again.

“Daryl Dixon,” Mia said, giving him a quick, half-hearted attempt at a smile while she eyed him from top to toe. “I see you haven't changed one bit since I last saw you, and you look well, too, so why are you still here? I thought your friends got help?”.

“Yeah, they did. Uh, where did Beth go? Thought I saw her here 'couple of minutes ago”.

"Beth?" Mia looked back at him with a sour gaze. “You’re looking for Greene, now, huh?”

Daryl nodded, and Mia put her hands on her hips and shot him a suspicious gaze. “What do you want with her?” she demanded. Daryl clenched his jaw. He wasn’t telling Mia the truth, hell no. Daryl had a feeling she would rip out his throat if she knew the whole story. Mia Park had been Scout's best friend since college, and she had never been fond of him from the start, and if she thought he was involved with Beth, well, it wouldn't sure as hell make her more willing to cooperate.

“Look," he said, shooting Mia an unyielding look. "She ain’t in trouble, I just need to talk to the kid, alright?” Daryl continued, trying to sound as calm and collected as he could.

Mia still looked skeptical.

“She was just going to the basement storage to get some vacutainers,” the nurse said with a slight shrug. “I don’t know what’s taking so long, actually. She should have been back by now”.

“Alright, thanks”.

Mia just gave him a nod before she returned to her struggle with the paper jam.

He didn’t want to keep Aaron and Eric waiting longer than necessary, so Daryl decided to go down to the basement and search for Beth himself. He had been at the hospital's basement level there before. It was a maze consisting of tunnels that lead to different storage units, the waste management section, the laundry section, the communal kitchen, and the morgue. You didn’t need a key card for access to access the basement itself, although you needed one to get into the different sections.

* * *

As soon as the storage door clicked open, Gorman surged and before Beth even could flinch, the security guard had dragged her into the storage and pushed her down on a pile of sealed green sacks. Beth could only gulp as Gorman shoved a knee between her legs and used his body weight to keep her down. All her instincts told her to scream, but it was like she had lost voice and the scream got stuck in her throat. Her body tensed and turned rigid, like a hedgehog, curled up its body, bracing for the predator's attack.

Gorman bent down and whispered something into her ear, he was so close that Beth could feel his breath. “I think I have to teach you some manners,” Gorman whispered in her ear as his large hands pulled at the elastic waistband of her pants. “You bought this all on yourself".

From there, it was like her brain slowed down and her thoughts drifted away, back to the emergency room where she had seen Daryl, just moments ago.

He had been dressed in his usual combination of denim and leather, the only difference being that he wore a jacket with long arms instead of a sleeveless vest. Beth's heart had skipped a beat when their gazes met, it had been so long that she almost had forgotten just what an intense gaze those steel-blue eyes held. Daryl had looked at her with a gaze she couldn’t quite make out, but he looked almost regretful, and his lips had unconsciously moved he wanted to say something.

_Why was he even back, when Beth finally had settled with the thought that she never ever would see that surly redneck again?_

It had been so long, over a year, but when she saw him again, it was like all the feelings from the past had washed over her like diluvial waves. 

Beth had missed him, and she still did, even though the anger remained. Didn’t Daryl understand that he couldn’t just go away for a year, without at least telling her something? A thousand questions she had asked herself over the past year seemed to re-appear, all at once in the back of her mind. 

_Why didn’t you tell me?_

She didn’t understand why, and no matter how hard she had been thinking about which reasons he possibly could have for acting as he did, Beth always ended up to the conclusion that he was a stupid jerk. 

Then she thought of Maggie. Her sister had called her earlier in the week, telling Beth that she and Glenn were expecting a child at the end of summer. Beth had been overjoyed. She knew Maggie and Glenn would be good parents, and Beth looked forward to becoming an aunt.

She had always loved kids and helping Maggie and Glenn take care of theirs would be just as good as having a baby of her own. 

And now it was too late, Beth thought.

Gorman's face was close again, he panted, his lips moved when he said something to her, but Beth couldn't make out the words anymore. She had lost control over her body; it was like it had frozen to ice. She was unable to move, and Beth wasn't sure if she would get away from Gorman alive. He was just so heavy, so much stronger than she was.

 _I should have known better than to turn my back on him_ , Beth told herself. _I should have known when I was the way his gaze tended to linger on me, every time I passed him by._

_Gorman and his evil, small eyes._

Couldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer, couldn’t live with the rejection. In his mind, it was all her fault, for being the way she was. 

The sound of Gorman unzipping his pants sent a jolt of terror through her entire being and Beth fought to regain control of her body, trying to wrap her hand around the scissor. She needed a steady, firm grip. If Beth was fast enough, she could hit him in the neck, or the shoulder before he could react. It would stall him for a moment and if she could get control back of her body, Beth might survive. Might escape.

_She just needed to calm down, and snap back to reality._

A claustrophobic feeling crept over her, and she understood that Gorman still had her pinned over the sack, stuck under his heavy body. Suddenly, pain seared through her body as the security guard's probing fingers entered her and Beth felt the panic rise in her chest. As his movements grew more violent, the pain increased, but she was still caught in a frozen, unable to do anything but feel as sheer terror crept over her.

Gorman was so caught up in violating her body that he didn’t even notice as Beth moved her free arm. Her hand slowly making its way to search the pocket of her half-discarded pants. Despite the overwhelming feeling of obliteration, Beth still felt a wave of relief when she realized that she was able to move again. Luckily, Gorman hadn’t cared to pull her pants down further than her knees and she could still reach the pocket of her trousers. A feeling of relief washed over Beth when she felt the cold metal off a scissor with her fingertips. 

Whatever he did to her, she didn't want to look, didn't want to think about it. But the intrusion stung mercilessly, and for a moment Beth thought the nausea was going to make her puke, but by some miracle, she didn't. She closed her eyes, gritting her teeth, relieved that her body responded to her commands, Beth wrapped her fingers on the scissor.

Before Gorman could draw his next breath, Beth screamed as she shoved the sharp edge of the scissor into the base of his neck. With a gasp, he jolted, and Beth seized the moment to push his body off her. The security guard stumbled backward into the shelves. Beth was on her feet in an instant, quickly pulling up her pants before she darted out from the storage, out in the corridor. She sprinted up the stairs, through the emergency exit, and out on the parking lot. If her body had felt like a living corpse before, it now felt light as a feather and she almost flew through the cold winter air as she ran on the cold asphalt.

* * *

Daryl was making his way through the basement level of the hospital when he heard a scream echo through the concrete walls. It sounded like a wounded animal, and the blood in his veins froze. For some reason he couldn't explain, he instinctively knew that something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

_Beth!_

He rushed through the empty corridors, up the stairs to the location where the scream came from. As he ran, another voice yelled furiously, and he also noticed a steady beeping noise in the background. When he entered the corridor where the storage was located, Daryl saw a man in uniform slumped against the wall, holding his hand against his neck, panting. The base of the man's neck was covered in fresh blood and when the wounded man noticed Daryl, he looked up at him with anger in his eyes.

"That... that little cunt," the uniformed man spat, still struggling to breathe. "Look, look at what she did to me!".

"What'cha do to her? Huh?!" Daryl growled as he seized the man by the collar and pulled him up into a standing position. The man wrestled himself loose from his hold and lunged forward in response, but Daryl was faster. He kicked the guard in the stomach, and before he could stumble, Daryl pushed his elbow against the man's throat and forced him up against the wall.

"Answer me!!".

Gorman answered with a gargle, it looked like he was about to faint, and the blood still seeped from the wounded. Frustrated, Daryl kept the other man pinned against the wall for a few seconds, before he removed his elbow. Gorman faltered, and Daryl sealed his enemy's fall to the ground by driving his fist into the security guard's face.

The guard sank down onto the floor and Daryl wiped off the blood on his fist against his jeans. "What a fucking mess...". The beeping noise in the background hadn't ceased and at the end of the corridor, he saw that the emergency exit door wasn't properly closed, hence the alarm, and he realized that Beth must have escaped through it.

"Fuckin' dickhead," Daryl muttered under his breath as he leaped towards the emergency exit. As much as he wanted to, there was no point in staying and beating the living daylights out of the asshole, even if he could. If he had been younger and dumber, Daryl would probably have. But whatever that guard had done to Beth, it had already been done and there was nothing more he could do now than to find the girl and make sure that she was alright.

Once he had exited the hospital, Daryl stopped and gazed over the surroundings. Where did she go? There was not a single human being in the nearby parking lot as far as he could see, but to the right, there was a small patch that leads to a small park with white benches where patients and visitors could sit down and enjoy a break from the hospital's depressing architecture.

Beth didn't have a car as far as Daryl knew, and something told him that she hadn't just circulated around the building and returned to the ER through the main entrance. It was chilly outside, and Beth had only been dressed in her thin cotton scrubs, and it wasn't likely that she would try to run all the way home to the suburbs.

He found her behind the empty fountain in the park. Beth sat slumped down on the ground, quiet, staring at her crossed legs. Daryl sank down on his knees and gazed over the girl in front of him, finding no signs of physical harm.

"Hey, Beth...," Daryl tried, carefully nudging her shoulder when she didn't answer. "Are ya doin' all right?". It was such a stupid thing to ask, the girl was pale and wore a facial expression that reminded him of a dead fish, so he figured that something must be fundamentally wrong with her.

"Hey, Greene," he almost pleaded, clutching her shoulders. "Y'gotta talk to me!". But the girl remained silent and unresponsive, and Daryl once again felt the panic rise within his chest. She seemed to have turned catatonic, and he was surprised she had made it out as far as she did. He called out her name again and shook her shoulders a little harder, but Beth didn't even blink.

His phone vibrated in the pocket and Daryl cursed again. He didn't need to pick it up to know that it was Aaron and Eric. He had been gone for more than twenty minutes, and the two men must have started to wonder where the hell he went.

"Fuck, we gotta go... come here," Daryl muttered as he pulled Beth into his arms and swept her up from the ground. Beth was heavier than her looks gave her credit for, but she wasn't that heavy, he could easily carry her over to the other side of the parking lot where his friends undoubtedly waited for him

Aaron stood leaned against his silver-grey Toyota Prius, checking through the overfull inbox of his cell phone when he spotted Daryl approaching with the blonde girl in his arms. Eric, who was seated in the car, almost dropped his frozen yogurt on the seat at sight. "Daryl!" the younger man called out. "What is going on?"

"We need to get out of here," Daryl yelled back as he tried to make his way through the narrow spaces between the cars while carrying the seemingly unconscious girl.

Eric put down his frozen yogurt in the cup holder as he rose from the passenger seat and hurried over to Daryl and the girl. "Is she hurt?" he breathed out.

Daryl shook his head. "Not what I can see, and she's breathin' just fine. Probably just shocked, but I..." he trailed off, visibly shaken.

"She needs help," Aaron said to his friend in a calm tone. Normally, he would reason that they’d take the catatonic girl to a hospital. But since she was dressed in scrubs, Aaron figured that whatever had happened to the girl, it had probably occurred inside the hospital. That left their alternatives to take her to another hospital, find her parents, or the police. 

“Her dad is a cop, should probably take her to him,” Daryl replied, looking back at his friend.

"The Sheriff's office isn't long from here," Eric said as he helped Daryl and Beth into the car. “You’re okay, Daryl?”

Daryl nodded. “I’m good, let’s get out of here”.

He wasn’t fine though; he felt scared. Not for himself, but for Beth. Whatever that man had done to her... it must have been horrible.

* * *

Rick had been working late at the Sheriff's office. Again. It had turned into a bad habit he seemed to be unable to shake off.

"What wouldn't I do to have less paperwork and more, actual police work?" Rick muttered for himself as he flipped through yet another pile of copies.

"Hey, Grimes!" his colleague, Diaz called out. "There's a phone call for you on the second line!".

"What?" Rick looked up from his wooden desk with a surprised gaze. "What does Lori want now? I already told her I’d be late!"

Diaz just sighed as he forwarded the call. "It isn't your wife, just pick it up, please. I'm already late, need to pick up my daughter at five".

"I know, I know! Just go, I'll see you tomorrow," Rick replied, taking a sip of his coffee before picking up the phone. "Yes?"

"Grimes! Ya need to----," a rough voice growled at the other end of the line.

He had been almost shocked when he realized the person at the other end of the line was Daryl Dixon. There was a loud noise in the background and Rick was barely able to make out what the other man said, other than he said Rick needed to ‘come out now’. Why Daryl called him and suddenly wanted was a mystery, but Rick didn’t have time. Not now at least.

“Daryl, I can’t hear what you’re saying, but I’m pretty busy now, we’d have to talk later okay?” Rick said with a sigh, trying to figure out what the hell the other man possibly could want this late. Maybe he had struck a deer with his truck and wanted to report it to Rick personally for some reason. But unless it was an emergency and he gotten injured himself or some stuff like that, Dixon could call the DNR, just like everybody else.

“I don’t give a fuck what’cha doing, ya need to come now!” Daryl growled at him before his voice disappeared into the noise and the line went silent, but Rick was certain that he could make out ‘Beth’ and ‘come out'.

A shiver traveled down through his spine as Rick heard his daughter’s name. His first thought then was that they had an accident; perhaps they had been out on a ride and crashed.

“Is she alright?” he quickly asked, voice filled with anxiety. He was about to tell Daryl to take Beth to the hospital if she was hurt, but then he suddenly recalled that Beth was supposed to work the evening shift at the hospital. Something wasn’t right.

Rick rose from his desk and walked through the police station, out to the parking lot, where a bizarre scene met him. Daryl held her like a ragdoll in his arms and Beth was still dressed in her scrubs. Rick gaped at the disturbing sight, fearing that something was really out of order.

_What the hell is going on?_

“Beth!” Rick called out as he ran over to the two men. Daryl put down Beth on the ground, but he kept his arms around her like Beth would fall if he let go and her legs seemed unsteady. She looked up at Rick and it was like her gaze went straight through him. Rick reached out for her and Beth stumbled into his arms, like her legs couldn’t carry her any further. 

“The security guard at the hospital... he tried to, tried to rape me,” Beth mumbled into his collar and Rick felt like the ground beneath them disappeared and for a second, it was like everything turned black in his mind.

_Things like this weren't supposed to happen._

_Not to his family._

_Not Beth who already had been through hell more than once._

“Thank you... I’ll handle this,” Rick said, trying to keep his voice steady.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✎ I predict (as usual) that the next chapter 'Doing time' will most likely be up before the end of January 2021. But! Hopefully, I can post it sooner because I feel we really need to move on to the happier chapters in this story ASAP x)


	19. Doin' time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❀ Happy weekend dear readers, I hope you all had a pleasant time during the holidays!
> 
> ✎We have reached chapter 19. It's a kinda long chapter, 12 pages filled with angst and feels, and bethyl's reunion (at least the start of it). I'm just half-way happy with how it turned out. Like chapter 14, there is a lot of things going on in this chapter, and I hope it's not too messy to read. Personally, I feel the last part might need some more work BUT I decided to post it anyway since it's been a while since the last update and I'm eager to move on to chapter 20 (which is waaay less angsty). 
> 
> ⚠ I understand that some of you, despite the archive warnings, got slightly shocked when Beth was raped in chapter 18, and I just wanted to say that the reason for including such a horrible thing in this story is because of the canon and because sexual abuse and rape is, sadly, very common in real life. According to the NSVRC, almost 1 out of 5 women in the U.S (2010) had experienced rape at some point in their lives.
> 
> ⚠ For clarification: what rape is defined as in the eyes of the law depends on where you live. In the U.S, rape is currently defined as “The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim”.

_“I talk to God but the sky is empty.”_  
―  Sylvia Plath ****

**_January 2005, Senoia, King County_ **

She was home again, Beth realized when she opened up her eyes. Tucked in under a heavy blanket on the sofa in the dim-lit living room. Beth propped herself up on her elbows so that she could gaze out of the window. It was almost dark outside, but she could see that the sun was about to go up. Rick sat next to her in one of the armchairs, sleeping, still dressed in his uniform.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" he whispered softly when he saw that Beth had awakened.

"Dizzy," Beth replied as she reached out her hand to brush away a strand of hair from her face. Her head felt heavy like a stone, and Beth was tired, despite that she had slept for several hours.

"Lori gave you one of her sleeping pills when we came home," Rick explained.

Beth pulled herself up into a seated position on the sofa and her head felt heavier than before. An unclean sensation of being unclean crept over her, despite that she had showered for almost a half-hour when they returned from the hospital and the rape kit exam was done. Rick had taken her all the way to Atlanta to get the examination at another hospital, and it had taken a long time before they got help and the examination itself had been so unpleasant that Beth had barely been able to cooperate, and afterward, she had been completely exhausted. 

"I shouldn't have turned my back on him," Beth mumbled as she scratched her arms in a hopeless attempt to get rid of the invisible layer of dirt on her skin. Just thinking of Gorman made her nauseous. "I should have known better, I know he...".

“Don't blame yourself! None of this is your fault, Beth," Rick interrupted her. Beth just shook her head in vain, and Rick leaned forward, hanging over the armrest, while he looked deep into her eyes. "Don't blame yourself for this, you hear me?" he repeated. "You did nothing wrong".

"I know," Beth replied in a weak voice. "I know," she assured him a second time when Rick looked at her with a worried gaze on his face. He didn't look convinced and Beth heard how her tone lacked conviction. Her voice sounded unfamiliar, so thin, and powerless.

From that day on, it was like her whole world had been shattered to pieces, and Beth had woken up to face the apocalypse. She couldn’t sleep without sleeping pills anymore, could barely stand to watch her own reflection in the mirror, lost her appetite, and the fear and anxiety started to follow her like a shadow. For days, Beth didn’t do anything but laid in her bed, staring up at the ceiling.

_She didn't even cry anymore._

She tried to gather energy, because when the trial came, Beth knew she had to be strong. She was scared, and just the mere thought of the trial and seeing Gorman's face again was enough to fill her entire being to the brim with anxiety. But at the same time, she knew that she couldn’t let him get away. No matter how awful the trial might turn out. Beth tried to be strong ― but nothing was like it used to be anymore. Things like getting up in the morning, getting dressed, or eating breakfast became tough challenges and it didn’t take long until Lori appointed Beth to see a psychiatrist, deciding that the girl once again needed professional help. 

The psychiatrist, Dr. Cloyd, was a nice, soft-spoken woman. She put Beth on medication. Antidepressants and Hydroxyzine to help fight off panic attacks. Being put on medication again made Beth feel like a living dead as the Hydroxyzine made her terribly tired, but at least she was _functioning_ again. 

Most of the time, at least; she had good days… and bad days. On the good days, she got up early with the rest of the family, helped Lori with the household chores, perhaps even ventured to the grocery store, walked with Carl to school, or picked up the phone. 

During the bad days, Beth could lay in bed all day. Thinking about how nice it would be if everything just ended. Fantasize about how nice it would be to slip into the darkness and leave all pain behind. On those days, she did nothing but drinking fluid replacement and reading Sylvia Plath. There was something oddly comforting in reading the sad poems of the long-gone American icon, and it was soothing to know she wasn't the only one who had secretly longed for oblivion. 

* * *

The days turned into weeks, and the weeks passed by, turning into months and in the spring, Beth received a letter with a date for the trial. Rick did his best to support Beth through the process, and when the trial finally came, he didn’t leave her side. Lori was shattered, but she fought hard to keep herself together for her daughter's sake. But despite her calm appearance, Beth could tell by the way her hands shook how upset she was on the inside. Lori, Rick, and Beth had decided to not let Carl attend the trial, and they had dropped him off at Shane’s place on the way to the court. 

Amy and Noah came to the trial as well to support her. Noah sat in the court-room, all pale with a close-bitten in his Sunday best. Just like Lori, he fought to keep the emotions at bay.

“You’re going make it through this, Beth, you’re stronger than you think,” he whispered as she passed him by on the way to her seat. Beth took his hand and pressed it into her own. "I'm glad you're here. Thank you, Noah" she managed to whisper back, and the young man nodded. "I'm always here for you, you know that".

Amy sat in the seat beside Noah, silently sobbing into a tissue. She looked at Beth with a gaze that told her that she knew what her friend was going through, and Beth couldn't help but wonder if the other woman had experienced something similar in the past.

The trial started, and it was revealed to Beth that Gorman had been a police officer once. He had been working for the Atlanta City Police but was discharged in 1998 after a female colleague accused him of having attempted to rape her. The case never got to trial, but Gorman got conditionally discharged nonetheless. After being kicked out of the police force, Gorman started working as a security guard at Grady’s Memorial Hospital in Atlanta. He worked there for barely two years before he was fired for sexually harassing two female patients. The first woman had disappeared shortly after reporting that she had been abused, and the second didn’t dare to testify in court. The cases were eventually dropped after that. Somewhere after that, he moved from Atlanta to King County and was once again hired as a security guard, this time by the Harrison Memorial Hospital. 

How the Harrison Memorial Hospital had managed to hire Gorman without checking his background will multiple accusations of sexual harassment became a question on everyone’s lips. It was considered something short of a scandal, and the local paper wrote a couple of articles about it.

Once the trial was over, so was Gorman's luck, and he got convicted for rape. The conviction was a miracle, Beth was told. Out of a thousand sexual assaults, only nine cases were taken to a prosecutor, and out of those, only nine rapists would get a sentence.

Rick told Beth she would never need to worry about Gorman again, and while she was relieved that he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone else, her misery didn’t end after the trial, and to make things even worse, it seemed Daryl Dixon had disappeared. 

_Again._

In Beth’s mind, it was understandable that he didn’t show up at the trial, but she had thought that he would get in touch with her somehow, to say _something_. Or at least check on how she was doing. But he didn’t, and three weeks after the trial Beth started to get a nagging feeling that something wasn’t right.

 _God works in mysterious ways_ , or so people said, and Beth’s prayers about getting an answer to her questions on Daryl’s whereabouts were mercilessly granted one gray evening when Carol made an unannounced visit to the Grime’s residence. Beth had overheard her hushed conversation with Rick in the kitchen. 

It turned out that Daryl had been charged with the battery since he apparently had broken Gorman’s nose, and after a swift trial, he was sent to do some time in the King County Jail. It came as a shock to Beth, hearing that Daryl was in jail, and it made her feel sick to her stomach. Like it somehow was _her_ fault. Normally, Beth knew better than to let destructive thoughts affect her, but in her current stare, she didn’t have the power to fight back anymore - the trial had taken every spark she had left in her, at least that was how it felt like.

_Living without truly being alive._

Slowly but surely, Beth drifted back to the catatonic state, that the death of her parents and her brother had left her in.

**_May 2005, King County Jail_ **

“Knew I’d probably end up here, sooner or later, anyway,” Daryl said, and Carol just gave him a sad smile as she shook her head.

They sat on a pair of scrawny chairs at opposite ends of a sturdy metal table in the King County Jail's visitation area, drinking iced tea from the vending machine. The visitation area was anything but fancy; concrete floor, white tile walls, an ATM, a vending machine with soda, candy bars, and crackers intended for the visitors.

“I thought this was always what you feared”, she mused, and Daryl just snorted. “It ain’t so bad here,” he said with a shrug.

Sure, being locked up and dressed in a prisoner's fuckin' ugly jumpsuit wasn't fun, but he had been through worse things in his days. One of the upsides was that he constantly bumped into old friends, and people he had known in the past. For example; Daryl met Dwight, the ex-Savior, who had fled from the Sanctuary with one of Negan's "wives". Dwight told him that the savior's president had framed him for a crime he didn't commit and that he was waiting to get sent to prison to serve a nine-year-long sentence.

Daryl also met two old classmates, Elrod and Barney, from junior high school, and Shumpert "Shump" Bowman, a Woodbury Soldier, in the jail cafeteria. It turned out that Shumpert had enough of the outlaw life, and he assured Daryl that he was going to leave Woodbury behind, move to Danvers and pick up his old job as a clerk at his cousin's gas station. 

“How’s Beth doin'?” he asked in a softer tone.

Carol sighed. “Rick told me she spends most of her time lying in bed… She had some issues with anxiety, and depression in the past, which makes it, well… harder for her. She has been through so much already, you knew that right? Her parents and older brother died in a car accident in 1998,” she continued. “After that, she got into foster care and ended up with the Grimes-family. Rick told me Beth was inconsolable after her parent’s death, suffering from a deep depression and it took years for her to move on,” the woman exhaled deeply, obviously feeling bad for the girl. 

"Fuck," Daryl breathed out, shaking his head slowly. "She doesn't deserve any of this".

“No. It's truly unfortunate and it’s hard to come back after a thing like rape,” Carol mused, taking a sip of iced tea. "Those things scar you for life," she added, and Daryl just nodded. He could barely imagine what it must be like for the girl. 

Carol looked at him with an examining gaze and Daryl suspected that she wanted to ask him about Beth, how well they really knew each other, because he was certain that Carol already had figured out that it was more to them than what he admitted to. 

“She missed you while you were gone,” Carol said, in a soft tone, like she wanted to lure out a confession from him. Even if Daryl considered Carol as a close friend, perhaps his only, truly close friend, he still didn’t feel like talking about Beth with her. In his eyes, there wasn’t really anything to discuss on the matter either. He just nodded to confirm that he had heard what Carol said, ignoring her persuasive eyes. At times, Daryl found her almost parent-like behavior annoying, even if he knew it was just her way of showing concern.

The grey-haired woman leaned back on her chair with a small sigh, like she sensed that they weren’t getting anywhere on the subject. She fiddled with the can, balancing it back and forth between her fingers. "You should talk to her about it at least,” she finally said, breaking the silence.

“I know, I was goin' to," Daryl replied, and he had to bite his tongue to keep himself from snapping at Carol for pushing the subject further.

_I was goin' to. But... I came too late._

The guilt had wreaked havoc on him ever since that god-forgotten day in January. During the past months, Daryl had been constantly thinking about what if he had gone looking for Beth a little earlier, perhaps just ten minutes earlier. Maybe that would have been enough to save Beth from that sick son of a bitch... 

Carol looked back at him with a firm gaze in her blue eyes. “All I’m saying is that… I don’t know what _kind of friendship_ the two of you might have...,” she continued, trying to place her words in as balanced sentences as possible.” … but she does obviously seem to care for you quite a bit, so I think it would mean a lot to her if you did”.

Daryl nodded in silence. He already knew he _had to_ talk to Beth again. _The sooner, the better._ But, what the hell did you tell a girl who just had gotten her whole fuckin' life ruined? It wasn’t like he could send one of those stupid ‘get well’-cards and write something silly like ‘I hope you get well soon’ and he didn't want to call her from jail either. Not when he was certain that she had enough to worry about as it was already.

Daryl exhaled deeply and gave his friend a concerned gaze. “Y’think she’s gonna be... alright?”.

Carol looked sad again. "I hope so, but who knows?", she sighed, curling her fingers around the crucifix on her necklace.

* * *

Beth's venture into a catatonic state didn't last long, thanks to Lori, Rick, Dr. Cloyd, and the medicine. But going back to normal life turned out to be easier said than done and Beth soon discovered that keeping herself occupied while keeping the dark thoughts at bay seemed to be the key to recovery. 

“ _Healing a process,”_ Dr. Cloyd said. _“You have to let it take time”._

After spending months at home, Beth decided that she was feeling well enough to start working again. She had concluded early on that she couldn’t keep working at the hospital, it was just too much. So instead, Beth started to work part-time at a nursing home during the night shifts. It was very hard at first, but she was determined to not give up. 

_It’s the only way forward._

When the summer approached, Beth felt more alone than ever. It was a small town, and the rumor about what happened to her and the news about the trial had spread fast. Nobody said anything to her face, of course, but she could feel how people eyed her from afar and how they whispered about it behind her back. The few friends she had supported her as well as they could, but it was hard.

 _"The pain doesn't go away, you just make room for it,"_ Andrea said when she and Amy visited Beth one rainy afternoon.

At the end of June, Maggie and Glenn would finally arrive in Georgia and Beth braced herself mentally for the reunion with her sister. Rick and Lori had promised Beth not to tell Maggie about what had happened to her. It wasn’t that Beth was ashamed of what had happened to her, but she didn’t want Maggie to worry. Not now when her sister just had come home to the U.S after years in South-Korea and she had her pregnancy to think of as well, and probably a million different things to get in order before the birth as well. 

Thankfully, Mrs. and Mr. Rhee would stay at the farm which laid in Coweta Country and she crossed her fingers that Maggie wouldn't find out about the rape. Not yet at least. Later on, when the right time came, _if the right time came_ , Beth promised herself that she would tell her sister what happened.

When the day finally came, Rick and Beth went to the Hartsfield–Jackson Atlanta International Airport to pick up the home-coming couple and it was almost unreal to see them again. They came walking, hand in hand, down the terminal gateway with huge smiles plastered all over their faces. Glenn had grown a mustache and looked much more mature than Beth recalled him. Maggie looked more mature as well; she had cut her hair short and had new, stylish-looking clothes. She looked like a confident woman from the city, not like the southern farm girl Beth used to know her sister as. But the biggest difference about Maggie was how she _sparkled,_ radiating happiness like the sun. She truly had had it all now, Beth thought.

_A college education, a loving husband, and a baby on the way._

All those things Beth used to want when she still was a naive farm girl and dreamt about a bright future.

_Before the world ended._

Nowadays, it seemed like those silly daydreams belonged to a completely different person. The _new_ Beth didn’t worry about dreams about those things anymore. Not when every day was a struggle to remain sane and keep a healthy, acceptable day-to-day routine that would take her back to regular life again. 

_No, the new Beth was all focused on her fight for recovery._

Rick drove them out to the farm, where their old neighbors Patricia and Otis awaited, along with a couple of Maggie and Glenn’s old friends. Sasha, a beautiful firefighter, Tara, a young deputy Rick knew from work, Glenn’s friend and former neighbor, Theodore ‘T-Dog’ Douglas, and a few more friends Beth wasn't familiar with. Patricia had prepared dinner while the others had worked on getting the house ready for Maggie’s and Glenn and their baby the whole weekend.

The sun was glittering in the sky, and the smell of lavender filled the air. Patricia had filled the flower beds in front of the porch with the purple, fragrant flower. It was said to have a soothing effect, she told Beth. The flower beds with lavender weren't the only new thing, Beth quickly discovered. Some of the old furniture had been replaced with Maggie and Glenn's furniture Beth recognized from their apartment in Atlanta. The kitchen had a new tapestry, and so had the main bedroom which Hershel and Anette previously had used. There were new curtains, new rugs, and posters on the wall instead of the old paintings with biblical motives that Hershel had preferred. Maggie's old bedroom was the room that had changed most; gone were the posters on the wall, and the old tapestry had been replaced with a bright, baby blue one, all the furniture was new, and Maggie's old bed had been replaced with a white, classical crib and a baby mobile.

It was a combined baby shower and house-warming party, and Beth almost felt like she had been thrown straight into some sort of romantic comedy movie. Blue ribbons and home-made garlands with the text 'it's a boy' hung from the ceilings, the living room was filled with balloons, and there was a whole table with cake, cupcakes, soda pop, and snacks for the guests. The pregnant Maggie was the center of the attention, and the other women flocked around her, showering the soon-to-be mother with congratulations and baby-themed gifts.

Beth participated in the celebration as well as she could while she tried to be her normal self, old self. But it was hard to be the smiling, bubbly old Beth when just being out at the farm again bought up so many memories of better times. Birthdays with the whole family, horse rides on the sun-drenched fields during summer break, baking angel food cake and red velvet cake with Anette in the kitchen, holding a small, chirping baby chicken in her cupped hands, a stroll through the woods with Jimmy and Shawn... Those memories used to make her so happy. But nowadays, it felt like all those bright memories belonged to another girl and Beth felt nothing but exhaustion and a sharp sense of loss.

Fortunately, Maggie was so distracted by her guests that she didn't even seem to notice that her little sister was less enthusiastic than normal. Glenn noticed, and at the end of the evening, he sat down beside Beth and asked how she was doing. Beth excused herself that she was just tired, and Glenn accepted her explanation without further questions, although she could see that he gazed at her with a concerned look in his eyes a few times the next morning. But if Glenn thought something was wrong with Beth, he didn't voice his suspicions to Maggie, despite his outspoken inability to keep secrets from his wife.

On Sunday, Beth called Rick and asked him to come and pick her up. Both Maggie and Gleen were a little perplexed that Beth didn't want to stay longer but once again, they didn't press her further when she said everything was fine. When Rick arrived, they sat down on the porch with some left-over cake from yesterday and coffee and chit-chatted for almost an hour before Beth and Rick bid farewell to the Rhee spouses. 

Beth was happy but felt emotionally exhausted after her short stay at the farm. Drained out like an empty well. It was like Maggie and Glenn’s happiness was just too much to take in. To Beth, their happiness was like the bright sun on an early spring day, burning so bright that it threatened to blind her. 

“I wish I just could… feel happier,” Beth admitted with a slight shrug as soon as she was alone with Rick in the car.

“Happier...?” Rick raised his eyebrows. “You need to give it time, stuff like that takes time,” he said looking at her with a concerned gaze. “Don’t push yourself too hard”.

Beth nodded in silence. She thought about Daryl Dixon again and how he had disappeared away from her life again. It was like God refused to let her get over Daryl, but at the same time, he also kept her from having an actual chance to explore the undeniable chemistry between them.

It was just like Bruce Springsteen sang on the radio. _No fire without a spark._

She imagined the sparks between them would be enough cause wildfires if just given the chance. If it was God’s plan, to keep that chance from her, it was just overwhelmingly cruel how he crushed her to the bones and snatched away happiness over and over again. Hershel would tell her to have faith and that her perseverance would be rewarded someday.

_But when?_

Her twentieth-birthday was just a month away, and Beth wasn’t even excited about it. When she cried, it wasn’t as much out of sadness as it was out of exhaustion. Exhausted from having to fight all the time. Fight for recovery, fight to keep her head above the surface, although it was tempting to just give up and sink into the blissful oblivion. It still came to her sometimes in weak moments. Despite the medication. That sinful longing for oblivion.

_Death._

It would make the pain go away, along with all the various degrees of hopelessness she felt. Make her reunite with Hershel, Anette, and Shawn. When those thoughts came, Beth did her most to fight them. She might have lost her parents and her brother, but she still had the Grimes family who loved her just as much. She still had Maggie and Glenn, still had her friends and she was going to be an aunt, Beth reminded herself. Despite that she felt like Gorman had ripped her entire being apart, there was still so much left to live for.

* * *

**Early September _2005, Barksdale_ **

Daryl was released on parole at the beginning of September, thanks to Andrea, and her juridical magic. He knew Merle wouldn't be able to resist throwing a drinking party to celebrate his release, so he kept quiet about the date. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, in all honesty, but he just didn’t have the energy to be around his brother yet. What he really wanted to do was to take a ride to the mountains.

_Alone._

Unfortunately, it had been raining for weeks, and the bad weather had culminated in a thunderstorm that was raging over Georgia like God’s wrath. Going on a ride, going hiking or hunting wasn’t an option in that kind of weather, so Daryl decided he might as well stay at home and wait out the storm. He quickly found himself restless. After spending a couple of months in jail, Daryl felt like he had been inside for an eternity and now he was trapped inside again. After doing some sporadic cleaning, Daryl ended up lying on the sofa, watching _Evil Dead II_ on TV with half an eye. Half-way into the movie, Daryl drifted into sleep. 

He woke up, startled, by the sound of someone knocking on the door. Daryl realized he must have drifted off into sleep; the zombie movie on the TV had been replaced with the Heavy Metal Hour and Don Felder sang about clean corvettes and heavy metal believers. It couldn’t be Carol; Daryl had already told her he would stop by her place next week. It wasn't Aaron and Eric, they were at a conference in Atlanta, and Jesus was out of town to visit an old friend in Virginia.

“Daryl?” A soft voice on the other side of the door called. 

Daryl swore as he rose off the sofa and ran his hands through his hair. Fucking hell. It was Beth, of course, it was her. He knew that he had to talk to her, sooner or later. It wasn’t something he had been looking forward to. Not at all, it was almost tempting to be a coward and pretend he wasn’t home. But that would be cruel, and Daryl couldn’t bring himself to do that against the girl, no matter how frustrated she made him. He had been selfish enough lately, Daryl decided with a sigh.

Usually, Daryl seldom found himself at the loss for words, even if he never had been the kind of person who was good with words. But when he saw Beth again, it felt like his head was all empty and he had no idea what to say, despite that he had been thinking about her for months.

Still, he hadn’t expected her to come looking for him again, not after everything that had passed down the last months and especially not after what Carol had told him. He figured Beth would be too busy fighting for her survival, and her recovery to even think about him. 

He could barely imagine what it must be like, recovering from something so gruesome. The thought of what that bastard had done to her, still filled him with rage, but mostly a sense of being utterly helpless. Daryl wanted to help her somehow, soothe the pain, but he didn’t know how to do it. He wasn’t just… cut out for those things. He leaned his head against the door with a hand on the handle without opening it, sighing deeply. He couldn’t be all the things she needed, all the things she deserved. It was obvious to everybody but her.

_Fuck. Why did everything have to be so hard?_

“Daryl, won’t you open, please? I need to talk to you”.

As he opened the door, he found Beth Greene standing in the corridor, clad in a yellow raincoat. The girl looked paler than he could remember her, had black marks under her eyes and there was a sadness in her eyes he hadn’t seen before. She looked much older than he recalled her. It was painfully obvious that life had been cruel to the girl, despite her heart of gold, and the sight made him feel even more uneasy and guilty, somehow.

“Christ, Beth, what are ya doing here?” Daryl asked when he finally managed to open his mouth. It was a stupid question, as she already had told him what she wanted, but Daryl couldn’t think of anything else to say. She shouldn’t be out alone like that, she should be home with her family.

“I heard Carol speak to Rick,” Beth admitted, seemingly a little embarrassed to admit that she had been eavesdropping. “She said you would be back by now… and I thought I’d come by,” she said, pulling her knitted sweater tighter around herself. “I was looking for you when you were gone,” she continued, looking up at him like she waited for him to say something. Daryl, on the other hand, suddenly felt like he had a severe case of tongue-tiredness.

"So, can I come in, or...?" she asked, sounding a little unsure, and Daryl scolded himself mentally for being so slow.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Of course. Is everything all right'?"

“You just left without saying anything,” Beth continued while she kept her baby blue eyes peeled at him. Her gaze was steady, piercing almost. She didn’t look angry though.

In his mind, Daryl divided between the different opportunities he had. The appropriate thing to do, no, the right thing to do, was to remind her that he couldn’t be her boyfriend and that she should find someone else. Someone younger, less messed-up, someone better than him. That clean-cut, church-going guy Daryl imagined her to truly want without realizing it herself

_Or maybe it was just bad excuses and stupid lies he told him because he was a fuckin' coward._

He cast an eye out of the window and the rain seemed to come down even harder than it had before. Daryl sighed within. He couldn’t send her home in weather like this, and he didn’t feel like calling her parents either. Besides, what was he supposed to say to them anyway now when she was an adult?

“You... wanna stay? Over the night, I mean. S' still pourin' down like hell”.

He immediately regretted his offer as soon as the words got out of his mouth. He shouldn’t encourage her cracked visions and it sounded corny as hell, making Daryl feel terrible despite that he had no devious intentions with the girl whatsoever.

Beth's eyes widened in surprise, and he could tell that it wasn't what she had expected to hear. “Yeah, sure,” she quickly nodded, and it seemed like a hint of color returned to her face. She quickly stepped over the threshold and shrugged off her raincoat.

"It's wet," Beth pointed out when he reached out for the raincoat.

"Can let it dry out on the balcony," Daryl replied.

They went out on the balcony and Daryl hung the raincoat over the back of one of the white, scrawny plastic chairs Merle had given him as a housing gift, just so that he could sit and sleep in the sun when he was crapulent and crashed his little brother's place. Beth sat down on the other chair in silence while Daryl lit up a cigarette and hung over the railing while peering down on the ground. The rain kept pouring down like the biblical deluge.

“Why did you come back?” Beth asked. "I almost thought you'd gone away for good”.

“Was just club business,” Daryl said with a shrug, still leaning over the railing. “Got back when it was finished”.

Beth grimaced slightly. “Club business? For a whole year?” She sounded skeptical like she could tell there was more behind his decision.

“Yeah. Was much goin’ on,” he explained, avoiding her gaze. " _Much going on"_ was an understatement, but Daryl had a feeling that Beth would understand without him needing to explain everything. 

“Do you need to go back again?”

Daryl shook his head as he turned around to face Beth again. “Nah. Not likely”. Negan was unpredictable, and one never knew what plans he might have for the Saviors and it’s supporter clubs, but since Daryl was out on probation, Merle would simply have to send someone if the Saviors were in need of aid again.

* * *

They stayed on the balcony until it was almost pitch-black outside. Daryl made Beth a cup of tea and they returned to the living room. She sank down on the sofa with a small sigh, her hands wrapped around the cup, and it struck Daryl that the girl was probably tired. The clock was way past midnight and despite that he had asked her to stay for the night, he hadn't thought about the sleeping arrangements.

"You can take the bed, I'll sleep on the sofa," he said with a nod to the bedroom.

"You don't need to do that, we can share," Beth said in a flat tone and Daryl felt a wave of heat wash over his face. Had the girl gone crazy, or did he just heard wrong? Nonetheless, Daryl shook his head. “It’s not a good idea,” he warned her.

“Why?” Beth asked, giving him an odd look. “We’re just gonna sleep,” she stated in a calm voice and for a second Daryl thought

“I’m not stupid, I can see where this is goin’ and it just ain’t right,” Daryl protested. looked at her with his piercing blue eyes. He still seemed defiant, but Beth could hear a weariness in his voice that she hadn’t heard before. Had he finally started to get tired of fighting the feelings she suspected he had?

“Why is it so wrong, then?” Beth asked with a small, frustrated sigh.

“For starters, I’m a hella lot older than ya,” he burst out, looking frustrated as if he couldn’t understand her at all. Or maybe he just didn't want to.

“Is that all?” Beth shot Daryl a defiant gaze. It was such a bad, lame excuse. “You’re not _that_ much older than me,” she protested. Sixteen-years was much, but it wasn’t _awful much_ either. Her father had been more than a few years older than her mother and Andrea had dated men old enough to her grandfather, so Beth didn't honestly see the age difference as such an enormous issue as he chalked it up to be.

“Yeah? Most people wouldn’t agree on that y’know,” Daryl snorted, and a harsh look appeared on his face.

“I don’t care what other people say,” Beth stated firmly. She had accepted her own feelings long ago, inappropriate and inconvenient maybe, but at the end of the day, Beth decided it didn't matter what other thoughts. It was her life and her choices.

"Look, it's late, you're tired and I've been up since dawn," Daryl suggested, the look in his eyes softening, and Beth sensed that he was hoping for a compromise. "Let's just sleep on it, alright? We can talk tomorrow?".

"Okay," she yielded. The sun would go up in a few hours, and Beth had stayed up way later than she usually did. In all honesty, she hadn't planned to stay the night at Daryl's place, although a part of her had kinda hoped that he wouldn't insist to drive home. Daryl lent her an old t-shirt with a faded Texaco-print to sleep in and by some miracle, he founded an unusual travel toothbrush for her to use.

The sheets in Daryl's bed were cold, and Beth felt a relief ripple all over her body as she sank down onto the hard mattress. Her eyelids felt heavy and Beth suddenly realized how tired she was. Even without a sleeping pill, she fell to sleep almost immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✎ ~~I will try to finish the next chapter 'Out of the Bell Jar" before the end of February, but as usual, I hope I can finish it faster since we only have 6 chapters left to go :)'~~
> 
> ✎ **UPDATE 26/2:** Hello! I'm currently struggling with some health issues that make it hard for me to concentrate on writing, therefore will chapter 20 be delayed. It is written to 90%, but in need of editing, and as it looks now, I hope I can finish it within 2-8 weeks, but it can be longer in the worst case. 
> 
> Thank you for understanding!


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